Monday, October 5, 2009

love v. in love?!

I came across a question posed earlier today regarding the line that divides love from "in" love.  Where is the difference?
Here is my opinion  :)
what do you think?

I think love is an emotion that we are born with; it is something that humans are born to do.  You love your mom, your dad, your family, your job, chocolate, baseball.... love can be a very intense emotion and it can be defined in so many different ways for so many different things.  You love your husband & your children in a way that you would likely give up your life for them.  But you love baseball & chocolate in a different way.  Both however different, are described as love.  Love is easy in some respects because it is such an intense emotion that comes natural in regards to most things in life.  It is something that cannot be mistaken.   True LOVE is something that can't be faked and it can't be ignored.  "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."  1 Corinthians 13:4

"In Love" is much more complicated I think - and quite difficult to find or experience.  I think "in love" can ONLY be used to describe a relationship emotion.  You are not "in love" with chocolate, but you definitely should be "in love" with your husband/wife/significant other.  I think many times people think they are in love - but are not truly.  I think it's possible in dating to love someone but not be IN LOVE with them.  I also think it's much easier to love someone as a person than to actually fully find someone that you not only love as a person, but are also in love with and can compatibly spend the rest of your life togther!  I can say from experience, I have dated someone that I truly truly love and value as a person, but unfortunately things didn't last because I was not "in love" with him. 
The other hard part about the "in love" is I think people are confused easily by attraction and lust.  (*Guilty as charged!!!)  I think if you feel some kind of initial attraction for someone, we are prone to think we are falling "in love" with someone....when it's really just an attraction.  Thus you have skipped the most critical step - loving them first!  (which means KNOWING them and respecting them as a person that you are able to love and fall in love with)

I think - to have a true genuine rest of your life relationship and eventually marriage, you must love the person AND be "in love" with the person.  And in that order.  I don't think a marriage can survive without both of them.  This is why I believe that friendship in the beginning is so important.  I think you have to LOVE the person as a person before you can actually fully fall in love with anyone!  That love is what holds you together through the rough times and that love is always what makes you able to forgive and forget when someone screws up.  We are human and we all screw up - you must love someone to truly be able to forgive.  At the same time, that passion that you find by being "in love" with someone is something that I don't feel like a relationship can survive without.  The passion and the "in love" is what keeps that big smile on your face and keeps things fun and flirty and spontaneous and keeps things from getting old and boring!  It keeps us happy and faithful!  It's also the part that requires work........when the new wears off and real life sets in, it's the "in love" that you have to make a conscious effort to keep on fire.  The love (if it's real) will always be there - but no part of forever "in love" will last unless you love enough to put in the time and work  =)

Today - I'm sharing one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies!!!
Enjoy!   and......
I wish you all love & to fall "in love" - in that order =)


Matty said...

Tami, you have hit the nail right on the head. I agree wholeheartedly with you. My wife and I have had this very same conversation, and we aren't quite on the same page about it. But, you have perfectly expressed how I feel about "love" and "in love". I couldn't have said it better myself.

Tami G said...

Thx for the feedback
One of my girlfriends and I almost went to blows over this one! ha ha
She does NOT agree with me. (she is also divorced from a cheating husband and is very bitter!) =)

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Yep, spot on. Nice blogging