TMI Thursday.. all the "WTF mom!" embarassment you ever dreamed of...

So today...

since I deserted you guys last week...
I feel the need to punish myself a little.
How? you ask....
by playing along with LIVITLUVIT and participating in a little TMI THURSDAY!!!!!



Before I tell you this story....

Let me remind you - I am a single mommy to my baby teenage boy!
It has, for as long as he's been born, been just me and him  (a few roommates along the way... but for the most part - we are a team... we've battled many of life's curve balls - just the two of us) 
And since I was 18 when he was born, we have in some sense kinda grown up together!

BUT...I've come to the realization that one day...my poor child will probably look back over his life and be like WTF mom??!!! 
(today I'm just crossing my fingers that he doesn't read this blog!!!!)  :-/

We live in a 2 bdrm ONE BATHROOM house....so you can imagine how much privacy THAT is.  The shower has clear glass doors.  SO - there are days when I have to hang a TOWEL over the glass so that I can dry my hair while he is in the shower.......we improvise people - it's what we do!

The child is DEFINITELY NOT sheltered!

HOWEVER........
on this one particular day - I would have paid a MILLION $$$$'s for those doors to be
SOLID BLACK STEEL!

SET THE SCENE:

I'm in the shower.......
it's winter and snowing outside...
it's bedtime......
the bathroom door is closed and he is getting ready for bed.

I'm showering away when suddenly the bathroom door creeps open.
I hear this tiny little voice say, "hey mom...what's this?"
I crack open the shower door to peak out and get a better look...  I see two little arms poking through the cracked door.  A piece in one hand and a piece in the other!!!
I'm SURE my face caught on FIRE at that point.
I QUICKLY shut the shower door - as if he could see me and demanded that he "PUT THAT DOWN!"
but being the diligent little child that he is - he just kept repeating and DEMANDING an answer
"But MOM - what IS this??????"

Anyone wanna guess??????

ANYONE?!!

ever heard of a little thing called a "Silver Bullet"
look it up.   I absolutely REFUSE to put a picture here....

(YES people... that would be a VIBRATOR!  and for those of you who DON'T know about the bullet - it has a remote that is connected to the "piece" by a cord/wire.  Therefore the one piece in one hand and YES the other piece in the other hand!!!!!)
uh huh......
MY son - standing in the bathroom door holding both pieces spouting "What is this?"

Wanna know what my answer was..........
huh......
do ya??????//

A SLEEP MACHINE. 
Yes... that's it.  It's a sleep machine!
now PUT IT DOWN!!!!!

"But why was it in your bed mom?"

"WHY were you in my room child????"

his response was that he went into my room to check my tv to see if school had been cancelled for the next day.  While he was in there he saw something shiny in my bed and just wondered what it was.

By now....I'm laying in the bottom of my shower in fetal position like a scene from the Crying Game!
sheeeeeeeeeeesh

The child is STILL standing there holding it.  I can NOT get him to just put it down.

So - as any good mother would do at this point - trying to protect her young... I lie!

I proceed to concoct this elaborate story of the "machine"
I work in a healthcare facility... so I proceed to tell him that it IS in fact a sleep machine.  And it was messed up so I brought it home to work on it.  It was in my bed because when I go to bed at night - it monitors my sleep waves to tell me if I'm getting a good nights sleep!  YES!  that's it.  That is what it is and what it does and why it's in my bed!

NOW - PUT IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he finally did.
And I'm pretty sure it took me THIRTY MORE MINUTES to drag myself from the bottom of the shower and take myself to bed.

So after all of this...
the horror...
the trauma....
My son then proceeds to tell me why he was SO persistent in his questioning.

(AS IF I didn't feel bad enough ALREADY!)

He then tells me that he was so worried because he thought I was sick.
He thought something was wrong with me (like breast cancer - because we knew someone who had been diagnosed at that time) HE THOUGHT it was something medically necessary and I was sick.

BLESS HIS HEART!!!!

Imagine the day he comes across a picture of the "silver bullet"
and that moment that he puts two and two together!!!!
WTF mom!!!???
you think he will ever ask me about it again???
LOL

Moral of the story:  PUT YOUR TOYS AWAY!!!!!

just ONE thing I want on this TMI Thursday; although informational...this post will be hereby rated "R"

Usually on Thursdays I play along with "Things I Want Thursday"
hosted by our most deliciously sassy friend, Sass! But -  today I was having a hard time coming up with anything [worth mentioning] that I want right now.  Life is good.  I am happy and there is no where else I wanna be right now..... {I said right now...don't get too excited...next Thursday I may have a list a mile long - LOL}
So.... THEEEEEEN....a friend at work comes in with this story... and I have already laughed so hard I cried...I can officially say I learned something I NEVER NEVER NEVER really wanted to know & might now possibly be scarred for life! 
SOOOOOOOOOOO - guess what - in light of "Things I want Thursday" AND "TMI Thursday" - I'm double dipping!  Yeah that's right - DOUBLE DIPPING!!!!   cause THAT's how I roll!  :-p

What I WANT is to share this freaking hilarious laugh I had this morning.. & while I do that, I'll be playing along with "TMI Thursday" and sharing this newly learned information!
as previously stated - this post is rated "R"
earmuffs should could be required!  ;-)
*earmuffs = Old School reference if you are slow this morning*

OK - here we go.Courtesy of livitluvit  {hands over your ears}   OK not really dummy - you can't really hear me!  *you would put them over your EYES anyway*  ok but don't REALLY do that either......geeez  
Moving on.....
I don't know if anyone has ever heard of this or not - but online, you can go to what's called the Urban Dictionary.    It's kinda like a Wikapedia type dictionary - you can type and find just about anything that you ever wanted (or DIDN'T want) to know in that little search box.  {there's your background info}

Apparently yesterday - another girl that we work with got some sort of email (maybe she signed up for Urban Dictionary word of the day... Like Joey's "word of the day" toilet paper... ya know - on Friends)  so she gets this email with the word "skeet" in it.  Along with the Urban Dictionary definition.
First of all - does everyone know the word skeet?  You've heard it right - skeet shooting??  The, what I thought to be, true definition online is "A form of trapshooting in which clay targets are thrown from traps to simulate birds in flight and are shot at from different stations."
Little did I know, this words doubles in the Urban Dictionary...  TOTALLY different!!!!
From time to time I have heard this term "skeet" in rap songs... never thought much of it, just thought they were using it as sort of a sound filler or whatever in the song! 
WRONG!!!

Here is the shortened Urban dictionary definition:
"Skeet" is actually a form of birth control practiced by the African-American tribes of North America near the beginning of the 21st Centruy. Visionaries of the time (such as Lil Jon and Nelly) recognized the inevitable and everpresent danger of overpopulation in their land and decided to take action. They discovered an ancient form of birth control used by their ancestors that involved "pulling out and shooting" (much like skeet shooting) during sexual intercourse, as to not impregnate the female, or "biatch". The visionaries spread the word the only way they knew how: rap music. People would listen to the songs of the visionaries during ritual smoking ceremonies and chant "skeet skeet skeet!". Every tribe of their kind in the land listened to rap music and the idea of skeeting quickly gained in popularity.

First of all - WHO wrote this definition - FRICKIN hilarious....I know I know - it's TMI - but that's the POINT today (so I'm exempt from ridicule!)
And second of all - Are you kidding me?!?!?  LMAO!  do you know how many times my son and I have belted out that part of the Lil Jon song in the truck?!?!  HOLY COW!!!!!!
AND - get this - one of the girls' boyfriend loves this song and as a supervisor at his work, sometimes is known to wander around the hallways saying "skeet skeet skeet" to employees!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!

I'm crying - seriously crying!!!
who knew??!?
*Today's blog was made possible courtesy of my rappin beotch coworker "Lil Sansbury"*   =)

We outta here......
word to ya mutha.....

TMI Thursday - my ass...I mean aBs hurt!

Oh who am I kidding - they BOTH hurt!!!  (along with every other muscle in my body!)
AND I LOOOOVE IT!!!!!!!!!  (who knew?!!!)

In newly (kinda) following the "TMI Thursday" tradition - I'm going to share some information that I can NOT believe I'm going to display to anyone and everyone who might stumble upon my page!  (oh Lord)  My mom is breaking out in cold sweats right now.......she thinks the internet is total invasion of privacy and God forbid we expose too much information to the ENTIRE world for fear that someone will hunt me down and kill me!  (insert blog about me leaving all the blinds in my house open day and night!)  LMAO
Anyway - back to the quandary at hand. 
This year - back at the end of May, I finally faced the fact that I might possibly be a little out of shape.  Not excessively mind you - because I was still in denial here...but at 33 I said to myself "well, maybe I better start working on fitness now so I don't get OUT of shape".  That was really my reasoning in going to the gym....Right?!?!!!  to PREVENT being out of shape?!?!!  (insert MORE denial here). 
Ok - so I take my butt into GET TONED FITNESS (in Bowling Green KY)  Upon entering I am told it's "personal" training.  David is with you every step of the way... making the workout routines and holding you accountable through the entire process (because as I was told, its's not a GYM, it's a PROCESS)  OK - I know my track record with gyms (AND the process) and I do realize that someone holding me accountable is worth any amount of $$$ - so I'm in.  We shoot a before picture and off I go on my workout regimen.  (still thinking I'm really not in THAT bad of shape....denial denial denial!)  I saw my before picture and it was bad, but still I'm thinking - hey I'm 33 and I've had a baby - I look ok considering... (nevermind that I had that child FOURTEEN years ago!  excuses...denial...excuses....denial... excuses..)  So I'm not THAT distraught with the picture (that I have ONLY seen on the teeny tiny camera screen).  THEN it gets put on the wall.  WOW - do I REALLY look that bad?!?!  Cause I look at myself every day and I never noticed that.... those THINGS hanging over the sides of my shorts.... my frumpy slumped over body... ok - my BOOBS hanging to my knee caps!  WHOOOOO is that girl?!?!!!!!!!!!!!  (that sports bra has LONG since been thrown in the trash can!!!)  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
INSERT MOTIVATION HERE!!!!!!!!
yes - I'm posting the picture......here.........right here.  (and doing 75 hail marys for forgiveness for sharing this....right now....)  OH LORD!

OK - now that I have exposed my frumpy slumped over saggy TMI picure of myself......
let's fast forward 4 months.
I have worked really really hard in those 4 months.  I have lost about 10 pounds, but MOST of all - I have lost INCHES and have totally re-shaped my body!  THIS is the important stuff....not just the numbers.
I look at my after picture and although I'm STILL working towards where I want to be - I can not BELIEVE the transformation in just 4 months.
My next goal is ABS by Christmas!!!  I have told David this and trust me - he's pushing me to that  =)

I know not all of my followers are in Bowling Green - so here's my words of wisdom for those that are:

If you are in Bowling Green (and your interested in transforming your body) - Check out GET TONED FITNESS studio.  David Nuckols is the owner/trainer and he's fantastic.   I know I'm not where I want to be yet - but I can not believe the difference already.  And the other thing is - I was NOT the gym girl before I started here.  I hated the thought of working out...  too many things I would miss by being at a stupid gym instead.  BOY was I wrong and I'll just tell you - once you start - it's TOTALLY addictive.  My body craves it when I miss days in a row... & one of the biggest differences is this gym is small and it's personal one on one training... you don't get lost in machines and people... I couldn't have done what I have done ANYWHERE else!!!

For those of you not in Bowling Green, I just wanted to share my story...so far, and maybe just maybe motivate someone out there to think about where you wanna be and know it IS possible.  (you couldn't have told me that 4 months ago).  I'm a firm believer now in ALL the benefits of working out - not just what you can see, but all the differences inside that you can't see too.  I feel so much better today!  Not just physically, but also emotionally!

This concludes my TMI Thursday session - I hope I have not offended but have instead motivated with my TMI sharing of myself  ;-)
Have a GREAT Thursday and go for a run!