What they don't tell you...

I watched a video that a blogger friend of mine posted on facebook recently.  And it really struck a nerve with me.
It does have some harsh language in it... the "F" bomb is dropped multiple times.  Try not to get caught up in that and instead try to take in the message.
Don't read more into it than is necessary.... just listen... with your heart.  And a tear... and a little bit of compassion for the young girls and boys growing up in this world.


This world is a crazy cruel place.

Especially for teenage girls and boys....  but even as we grow into adults... the pressure is sometimes just as overwhelming.

I remember as a young girl wanting so bad to "fit in".  I wanted to wear the right clothes, carry the right purse, wear just the right amount of make-up... ya know - just enough makeup to be cool but not too much as to be considered "easy". Because that's how you were judged.... on your LOOKS.  On what you brought to the table.  I cared.  I tried. I had some really great friends.

And then one day ... I didn't care anymore.

Sure I still wanted to dress in name brand (cause I'm high maintenance.... and some things never change! ha ha) But I didn't care if people liked me.  I didn't care if I found a note where someone that I thought was a friend called me a "snob".  I didn't care if someone that I thought the world of said I wasn't their BFF anymore.  I didn't care if no one liked me... because I had come to the realization that the only person I could rely on and trust was ME.
It wasn't because I didn't want to have friends........ it wasn't because I didn't want to trust anyone.  In my head, I think I just decided that no one was ever real.  Everyone had only been playing a part... the quarterback, the prom queen, the class "slut" (sadly this was also a part that was played), the cheerleader, the nerd... The stereotypes... all of the classifications.   And now there are even more!

Why couldn't we all just be friends fighting for the same purpose... all trying to better ourselves to make a future that we could look forward to.

I don't know.  I still don't know.  I never understood. I still don't understand!
 Jr High and High School just get to be so mean.  So heartless.
To the point that some fought back by rebelling, some fought by actually fighting and acting out, some fought by taking reputations to extremes... and sadly... some just gave up. 
For some, answers to the pressure came in the form of anorexia, bulimia, promiscuity, fighting, bullying.... Some hid behind dark walls and developed anxiety that may have never subsided.
The pain is endless
And sadly.... totally preventable
If only our world wasn't so cruel.

We want children to know the reality of life and the hardships of everything not being spoon fed to them, but then they are bombarded by the unfair judgement of peers.

And instead of PREPARING them for adulthood and showing them how to be a TEENAGER and come out as a strong independent young man or woman ... we are too busy condoning children having children and glorifying it on reality tv! Instead of protecting our children from UNNECESSARY harm... we are laying more harm on them!!! I see way too many 15 year old girls come in pregnant!!!  Babies having babies......
When did we STOP telling our babies that having SEX at 15 is ok??  When did it become ok for a high school student to bring her best friends in for her ultrasound because its fun and cool and they get out of school?!  WHY are kids thinking that SEX in high school is ok....
I'll tell you why...  PEER PRESSURE and the twisting of our world on what is ok and what is not....

((Sorry - got off on a little rant there!)

I don't know what the answer is.  I don't know how to prevent it or make it better....

But I can tell you this young boys and girls......

The pressure that you feel growing up to dress right and act according to a role, and be skinny and be pretty and be smart and have sex and have babies....  those pressures....... THEY DON'T MATTER!!!!!!!  They are twisted realities!

What we need to teach our young ones is to just be YOU.  Love YOU for YOU.  Don't let someone tell you who to be or how to look or what to say or what to stand for.
Love others with all your heart.
Never be cruel.
When someone is cruel to someone who can't or won't defend themselves, stand up FOR them.
Be strong.
Be healthy.
Exercise.
Eat right.
Make good friends that you can trust.  Make them friends because you trust them not because of a social status.




What the adults forget to tell you is that one day you will be an adult out in the real world and the people that judged you and the people that you fought so hard to impress, won't matter anymore.
I can promise you that.

don't let ANYONE make you feel like less of a person than you are.

And respectively .... on that same note.... as adults - let's learn to live by these same values.
Every day be nice.  Be healthy.  Judge less.  Praise more.
Take care of yourself and respect others... you never know what they have been through or what they are currently going through.

Stop being SO judgmental and just love one another.

And teach your children to act likewise!

That is all.

Here is the video
(and before you watch it - let me preface it by saying, yes she is openly a lesbian.  But before you judge - that is not what this blog is about and I'm not trying to open that war here... just LISTEN to her words.  Period)

Good girl... gone Bad... gone MOM?!

There are many things in my life that I have screwed up.
I have made my FAIR share of mistakes for sure!

I look back now and think "What in the world was I thinking?"
I have told my mother "I'm sorry" on numerous occasions!!

Out of all the "mistakes" I made - one affected me more than anything else ever would!
This is something I really haven't ever shared on here - I don't think... not like this anyway.  Not just raw and unleashed.... facts.
Emotionally raw facts.

Let me preface it by saying this before people start GASPING for air!!!
My CHILD is not a mistake.  And I will NEVER refer to him as such.  He was, and is, and will forever be the BEST gift I could ever have.
Let's just get that CLEAR now before I go on......

The mistake however comes from my blatant disregard of being told ALL MY LIFE that other things are WAY more important than boys and dating and SEX.
So I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and lived my life - with no regard to anything anyone else said.

Also with no regard to what my future might hold if I put my focus in the right places and on the right things.
But alas - I didn't.

And I got pregnant.

With my job now, I see girl after girl come in for ultrasounds of babies.
Some planned pregnancies and some not....
Some married and older
and some not married and just babies themselves....

Some days it doesn't bother me... because it's my job  - and I'm genuinely happy for people.
Having a baby TRULY is a miracle.
But some days -  it scratches a nerve.
And it takes me back....

and... well... some days it brings me to my knees.

So - what do I do when I'm filled with emotions that I don't know what to do with?!
I share them....
in hopes that it will touch someone out there and make some sort of an impact or difference in someone else's life.

So here we go.

I was 18 when I got pregnant.  Yes.
18. 
A statistic.  
A "teen pregnancy"
I was just out of high school and guess what - I wasn't married.
I wore a big large SCARLET LETTER above my head.
I know it was an embarrassment to my parents.
And I don't mean that in an UGLY way either... it's just that I was raised in church every time the doors were open.
Being pregnant and not married is kind of a dead give away that you have "had sex out of wedlock"

So I was 18.   I had already moved out on my own.  I had worked from the time I was 16.
I was and still AM a very head strong INDEPENDENT girl (thank you ~again~ to my mother for putting that in my genes)
So when I found out I was pregnant - the baby's dad asked if I wanted to get married   My reply was simple "If I wasn't pregnant right now, would you be asking?  NO?  Then no is the answer"
And I left it at that.
We did continue to live together.
I worked up until the day before my baby boy was born.
The father jumped from job to job and I'm sure never attended one doctor appointment with me.
At the time, I couldn't have cared less.
Because you see in my mind... I was doing what was to be done.
Abortion was NEVER an option.
So the day I found out I was pregnant, I basically went from 18 to 28 overnight.  I had to.
There was a job to do and someone to take care of and so that is what I did.

Looking back now - I realize I took all of the emotion out and just did what needed to be done.
What HAD to be done.
Very technical.... Point A to Point B.  Go through the motions.
Don't get me wrong.  I love that little (now grown) boy... but at that time, I do believe I took emotion out in order to keep from breaking down.  I think it was a defense mechanism.
I don't even remember an ultrasound with him.
I didn't know if he was a boy or girl.   Not because I wanted to be surprised... but because honestly, I didn't know to ask?  (mind you - I knew deep down, "mother's intuition" that he was a boy... I only had a boys name picked out when I went to the hospital... I just knew.  Good thing I was right!)
I scan people EVERY day now and I don't even remember having my OWN ultrasound.
I find myself just telling people that I didn't find out what I was having.
Cause I didn't....
Never mind that I COULD have if I had known to ask!!

I went to all my doctor visits
and I took my vitamins
and I watched what I ate
and I didn't drink
and I did all the "do's" and "don'ts"
.......but I don't remember my belly moving, or seeing him for the first time on an ultrasound machine.  I don't remember wanting to know or even asking if I could find out the gender.  I just know I went to the doctor and they would tell me everything looked fine and I would just keep fighting... for HIM.
That's all I knew to do.

I didn't KNOW to be scared that something could be wrong.
I didn't KNOW to be scared of premature labor.
I didn't KNOW the MILLIONS of things that COULD go wrong.
I didn't KNOW to be scared.
I didn't know there was anything to be scared of.

I also didn't know.....

.... that on May 14, 1995 my life would be forever changed.
I didn't know that on that Mother's Day I would be given a gift that would not only change my life forever, but my heart too.
I didn't know..... until I held him in my arms.

Yes - I was a teen pregnancy.  We see them all the time.  And it is sad how people these days have no regard to teaching their children what is priority and what is not.   Or maybe we do try to teach them in a world full of self-indulgent people that feel like the world owes them something.
How did we raise a society that believes getting pregnant and living on welfare and letting someone else pay our bills is ok?

I am living proof that YOU can work and take care of your baby.
Yes - I did have a medical card while I was pregnant.  But I was also working 40+ hours a week paying taxes to cover that benefit that I was very lucky and thankful to have.
I digress....... THAT topic is for another blog!

Let's teach our kids that the world does NOT owe them something.  Let's teach them to WORK for what they have.  Let's teach them that it's better to focus on making a life for yourself before you attempt to bring someone else into this world to take care of.

I learned all of that the hard way.

And every time I scan a young single girl on her own.... it takes me back all those years ago... and it breaks my heart a little more for them every time.

I am thankful for the gift of being a MOTHER
I am PROUD of that young man I have raised..... he will be 18 in just a few short months.

I just hope I raised him to know right from wrong.
I hope somewhere in him is the drive to be better and do better and grow up to be someone who makes a difference in this world around him.
I just hope he is as proud of me one day as I am of him.

(PS - this will likely be a series of blogs.... I'm on a roll and it's too much for one ranting!)

Never enough

as women, we are our worst critics
for SOOOOOOo many reasons....
We will literally run ourselves to the GROUND to keep from letting someone say that we didn't do "enough" or we didn't "pull our weight" or we don't "look" a certain way...

TRUE?

Well today I got up well before I had to be at work.  I showered and when I got out, instead of looking at myself in the mirror and judging myself and then hurrying to put on a robe and cover myself - I spent some time just being thankful for WHO I am and what I am.  Instead of looking at myself and making a mental list of things I need to do to better myself... instead of being my worst critic.... today I decided to start my day differently.

I am officially closer to 40 than 30 this year (thanks to another birthday)  and honestly - I am VERY proud of who I am - INSIDE and OUTSIDE!!!!

I walked around my house... that I bought... ME - MYSELF.... and I looked around at all the things its filled with.  I did that.  I looked upon a wall where my degrees (that's plural!) hang... an education that I pushed myself to pursue and paid for myself (well... I'm still paying for it! ha)...  I walked upstairs and looked around at my teenage son's room (which is not surprisingly... a mess) and I took a minute to thank God for the strong smart independent young man that I have raised....
I walked around my house this morning... not hiding a thing... not pretending a thing.... not running.  Just looking at myself for who I truly am and everything and everyone I have surrounded myself with and I smiled.

Society and people around me may look at me and think ugly judgmental things.... ya know.... I need to lose weight, I need to work out, I need to wear different makeup, I need to wear different clothes, my house is too small, I haven't done enough, I've failed my child, WHATEVER they want to say........

But today = YOU can't phase me!!!

I love me.
I love my life.
It may not be what YOU think it should be..... but every day I stand on my own two feet and I fight through yet another day and I do and give as much as any one person can do or give!

And for that........ I'm proud of me!  :)

You'd be surprised at how much better your day and attitude can be if you just start your day being happy with who you really are and all that you are blessed with - rather than letting any fool make you feel like any less!

Have a GREAT Tuesday - look at yourself for everything that you ARE today, as opposed to everything you are not.

MUCH love!!!!
You don't have to WATCH this video - but push play and put it on repeat and minimize it.... chill out and enjoy your day!

Oh to know it all...

Remember back when you were a teenager and you realized that you knew everything?! You had all the answers and no one could do or know better than you!!
You were invincible!!
And everyone, ESPECIALLY your parents were the stupidest, most uncool people you knew!!

Remember that far back?

Well I vacationed with one of those lovely teenagers this past weekend!  My dear sweet son.  Don't get me wrong - I love him and thank God for him EVERY day.  But when all was said and done - I felt the undying urge AGAIN to call my mother and apologize for being such an annoying, know-it-all, "you know what" when I was 16!  Sheeeeeeeew!

Aside from learning how stupid I am in my old age and how embarrassing I am - we REALLY had a great time this weekend!
I took Z man to North Carolina.  (for those of you who don't know - UNC is Z's favorite team EVER!)  So we went to visit the campus in Chapel Hill and went to the game Sunday night (which they WON - yay!)
We spent time Sunday afternoon just walking around the campus on our own.  Z was overwhelmed I do believe.  He plays baseball and I think seeing the actual field and the players scrimmaging was probably the highlight of his trip.  It was awesome!  :)

Here are a couple of the highlights of the conversations that were to be had while we were gone.

After a drive through Starbucks where I got us both a snack and coffee and hot chocolate respectively, I chipperly replied as a pulled away "Gosh I am just a ray of sunshine!"   (now mind you I just used a gift card to buy us treats at the MOST expensive place in the world to get coffee - that makes me in a good mood!)  My son then replied... "yeh - you HAVE been in a good mood.... which is rare.  Maybe you should go on vacation more often!"
WOW - I didn't realize I was such a drag!  :-/
UNCOOL PARENT!!!

What about when we got off the plane to head back to our vehicle to head home.  I had parked in long term parking.  But upon getting off the plane, I hurriedly jumped on a shuttle not realizing it was the shuttle to ECONOMY parking, NOT long term.  My son quickly pointed out my stupidity and that he knew all along we were on the wrong shuttle.  :)
STUPID MOM!!  

Even through all of that though - the trip meant the world to me!!  More than anything I wanted Zack to see a campus and a baseball field and what his future could hold - I wanted to light a fire under him... and start a desire for what the world has to offer if he will only chase it!  (and push him in the direction to not make the same mistakes I made!)

OH to be young again and know everything.
I remember back when I knew everything.....  what HAPPENED to all that knowledge cause I SURE have made some monumental mistakes since then! 

I love you mom and dad and thanks again for making me who I am today!!!  (And I'm soooooooo sorry)

Most of all - I love my bi-polar, moody, eat me out of house and home, temperamental teenager! (and I pray every day for the road he chooses to pursue!)

Here's a few shots from our trip!

this is only the second time Z has been on a plane - he did pretty good!

The dome

the baseball field

Check it out - even the firetrucks are UNC blue!!!

ROCK ON UNC TARHEELS!!!!!!!!!

Who is this kid? Who is this mom?

At 18, I found out I was pregnant.
Obviously, not being married and fresh out of high school, this was an unplanned big surprise to me...
Coming from a relationship with my mother that was not so perfect at the time, I planned to do everything "BETTER"!! 
I had NO idea what I was in for. 
After his birth, finding a joy and love in a child I never knew I could feel, I have also found a hurt that NO ONE else could ever put on me.

I have been a single mother for 15 years.  and YES - there have been hard times and OH YES, there have been many many mistakes.
I'm not perfect
nor did I ever claim to be
But I tried.... oh how I have tried.

My son is now about a week away from being 16.

And looking back over the years, I realize, being a mother is a constant looking back at what I did wrong.

I did my best to make sure my son always had not just his needs met, but also most of his "wants".  Turns out now all those things are taken for granted and being told NO makes me the meanest mom in the world.

I did my best to make sure the house was clean and clothes were washed and our place was nice, no matter where we lived.  Turns out now my son seems to be ignorant to what "cleaning your room" actually means, and even getting dirty clothes to the laundry room is a chore, much less turning on a washing machine or dryer.

I did my best to make sure decisions were made that would benefit him in the long run rather than making decisions based on a whim or a mood.  Turns out now all his decisions are based on what kind of mood he happens to be in that day.

I did my best to accentuate his talents in sports... basketball and baseball.  I did my best to make sure he always played and had what he needed and was praised for good efforts!  Turns out when everything was easy and handed to him, no effort was required on his part.  NOW anything that requires hard work or effort is not something he wants to be a part of.  He just wants to have fun.

I did my best to talk to him about peer pressure and alcohol and drugs and things he would soon be faced with.  Turns out I had NO idea how much more pressure there is on kids these days and things I thought he could stand up to, he didn't.

I did my best to raise him with values and work ethic and love and compassion and desire...
I did my best to show him how HARD we have to work everyday, but there is still time for fun...
I did my best to show him that no matter how hard life gets, his mom will always be here...
I did my best to show him that tough love means I love you, but I have to prepare you for hurt...


I did what I thought was right at the time, but I can say today that the more I thought I did right... the more that things just constantly remind me that it doesn't matter. 
Right or Wrong? 
There is no right or wrong!! 
All you can do is instill all the values in the world in your child and show them that you love them.
At some point, you have to release those mommy strings and LET THEM FALL.
and ohhhhhhhhhhh how that HURTS.
and ohhhhhhhh how it makes me feel like a failure and like I DID do everything wrong.

And every time I get a letter from a teacher at school, or a phone call from another parent, or a comment from my husband, or hear a story about a party, I am just reminded that after all these years....  I don't know who I am anymore... I don't know what to do anymore... I don't know where the line is between loving and letting go.

I don't know this child that resides in my home anymore.  And I don't know me anymore.
All I know is most days, my heart just hurts.
My pushing only causes fights.  He pushes back.
He's trying to spread his wings too.

So I walk away.... and let him fly.... and watch him fall.  And try to be here when he needs me.

I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore?
Did I EVER know??




Link up here to pour your heart out with Shelly - or go and read some of the other posts.

~Follow Friday~ and a little bit about me!!

Welcome to a SPECIAL edition of Friday Follow celebration hosted by One 2 Try, Hearts Make Families and Midday Escapades! We invite you to join us every Friday to get more blog followers and to follow other interesting blogs. It is all about sharing and having fun.

They are having a GREAT giveaway right now - so run over and visit them and play along.

Also - link up and see if you can add some more followers!!

Welcome to my humble abode.  If you have been here once or been here 100 times OR never ever been here before... 

**WELCOME** 

It's been a crazy hectic up and down kind of week around here.....with work, with friends, with personal life - so I have never been so glad to say "Thank Goodness it's FRIDAY""

I hope you will hang out here for a bit, browse around and get to know me.  My biggest hope is that something you find around this place will touch you in some way....  make you smile, make you laugh, make you cry... whatever it may be - I just hope you enjoy  :)

For your reading entertainment - I have linked a few of my favorite posts below!!

Choose one or choose them all, but again - my biggest goal with my blog is simply to be real and hopefully bring a little sunshine, joy or insight from my life experiences into someone else's life!

**ENJOY**

and thanks for coming by and spending your Friday with me!

There is no fear in love, but ♥ PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR ♥ . For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18

My heart - my gift   (a little post about me....and my heart)

Love vs. IN Love  (my opinion of true love)

Stupid stupid BOYS  (a little ranting about MEN!  LOL)

Dance Dance EVOLUTION  (introducing my crazy, off the wall, SPECIAL family)

The joys of raising a boy 
WTF embarassing MOM!
(these TWO will have you rolling - a little about being a single mom to a teenage BOY!)

Men are from MARS!  (just a little insight on men vs. women)

I could do a bunch more - but I must stop myself!!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

The joys of raising a boy mixed in with a little payback!

So - I was visiting ol' MOOOOOOG yesterday and he had this post about how he hates his teenagers (who aren't even teenagers yet!) and I told him - I have a few funny stories to tell about my teenager.
some COOL things for ya to look forward to Mooooooog!!!  {{HUGS}}

The bonus is ....... 

single MOM

raising a teenage BOY!!!!!!!!!

(uhhhhh hummmm....)

some things...well.......some things are just more appropriate from guy to guy.  But what choice do I have?!  so you can only imagine....we have had some pretty (cough...cough...choke...) awkward moments.....

Also - one in particular RECENTLY where I got a big ol' TASTE of that sweet little thing that my mother cursed me with called "payback"... or some of you may lovingly refer to it as "karma"!!  (and for anyone of you that are breathing... you know JUST what karma is......a BEEEEYAAAAATCH!!!!)

So - here we go...

just the other day...I received this adorable little package of tampons in the mail.  Some sort of sample by mail addressed to "Jane Doe OR current resident".  Well - who doesn't love free stuff in the mail......especially when it's TAMPONS in CLEAR plastic for all the world to see!  So my lovely child was all torn up cause I got them out of the mailbox while he was in the vehicle with me.  (awkward)   So we go inside and I go straight to the bathroom.  You must first understand that my bathroom is quite small.  You have to shut the bathroom door in order to get to the closet behind it.   So I go into the bathroom and push the door to.  As I did, my child yells from the living room.......
"Gosh mom.....are you going to get your period????"
AS IF I can just choose to go to the bathroom and get my period cause I got some new "cool" tampons in the mail
{Insert awkward conversation regarding Aunt Flo and her schedule of when she visits}

Another time......we were out of town for a baseball tourney.  I told the boy he could have a few friends stay with him and we would get a hotel room and stay another night.  Ya know - cool mom - let the boys hang out run around at the hotel, knock on peoples doors, roll down the flights of steps... sing campfire songs etc... those sorts of things.  Well - I had taken this big huge bowl of candy to the room.  Boy goes to the bathroom, comes out.  I look up and see a buldge.....in his shorts  :(   I immediately think he has STACKED his pockets full of candy trying to sneak it out of the room.... so what does mom do?!!!  I say (very loudly mind you)  "WHAT is in your pants?"   Boy looks up, looks down, adjusts.... and says  "huh?... nothin mom!"  (also keep in mind his friends are in the hotel room too, in the other part of the hotel room, but within earshot easily)  So I say again..... Geeeeeeez... get a grip mom!  "WHAT is in your pants?"  Poor baby boy looks up and says......  "GOSH MOM........IT'S MY PRIVATES!!!!!!!!"
{Insert red face and me yelling GOOOOOOO - just GO....get out of the room!}
The entire rest of the night and next day, his buddies kept saying  "hey Zack, what's in your pants?"
REAL nice mom!!!!!!
{{I despise silk basketball shorts!!}}

yeah - ok - so that's enough EMBARASSING stories for the day.......
(Lord he will KILL me if he reads this blog!!!!!!!)

So here's a nice little kick in the butt KARMA story for ya......
for all those times when you were a kid and you did things that you thought would NEVER come back to haunt you.....HA!!!!!!  Have a child and THINK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

A while back, the child is IN TROUBLE.  I mean BIG TROUBLE!  He is grounded from LIFE!  He has called me at work, we are going round and round... grades, attitude, irresponsibility!!!  You NAME it!  I mean - I have grounded him for a MONTH!!!!!  longest time EVER!!!! 
I was VERY VERY unhappy!!
So I get off work on this day.... and walk into my front door.  The child is no where to be found.  I think he's in bed because usually when he's in trouble and can't do anything - he will just go to bed!
OH NO - he's NOT in bed........I looked upstairs, outside, all over the house......  NO WHERE!
So I call his cell phone.

Conversation goes like this:

Me:  WHERE are you?

Boy:  playing basketball

Me:  WHERE

Boy:  up at keriakes (it's a park up the street)

Me:  are you SERIOUS?????

Boy:  yup.

Me:  I cannot BELIEVE you went up there.  you KNOW you are grounded.  What the HELL were you THINKING?????????????

Boy:  I was thinking I wanted to play basketball and I was already in trouble anyway!

............................................................................................................
..................................................................................................
...................uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................................

me:  get your butt home RIGHT NOW!

{{{CLICK}}}

The irony is.......during my silence, I flashed back to a time when I was younger and sneaking out of my house.  As my friend and I were pulling out of the driveway, the porch light came on. 
I KNEW I was busted. 
I looked at my friend and said "well GO!  I'm gonna be in trouble anyway!"

OUCH!!!!

KARMA!!!

GOOD LUCK MOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you got LOTS coming back to ya  *wink wink*

Somedays...there's just a little more pep in my step :)

Sometimes......hell freezes over I walk out the front door of my precious little house and I'm overcome with joy.  Sometimes, I take a teeny tiny second to pat myself on the back and look to the sky and thank God for holding my hand all this way......

Many many many many years ago, this 17 year old idiot girl walked out the front door of my home.  I walked out of my parents house (still in high school!) with one big black garbage bag filled with clothes (only the ones that I had paid for myself) and got into the car with a friend (because I didn't have one of my own) and drove away.  That's it.  That's all I had to my name.  Me & my black bag.... This crazy teen girl, cursing every day of life, hell bent and determined to show the world that I COULD make it on my own!!!!!!!
Some friends and I somehow managed to rent an apartment, I got a job, BARELY finished high school (yeah - summer school was included in that), and proceeded to learn the hard way....that independance has a PRICE!  (namely rent, utilities, etc!  HA)

ohhhhhh - there were some ROUGH days....

there were some VERY bad decisions......

there were lots of crazy wild stupid i should have been in jail moments....

BUT TODAY
so many years later......
I sometimes just get overwhelmed with ALL I have done..
with how far I have come...
with some of the GOOD decisions I have made....

It really does amaze me that this young, dumb, DETERMINED to flex my independance, totally naive little girl has accomplished all I have accomplished!
Lord I sure hurt my momma and daddy when I walked out that door, but I guess sure hope there must be a little sense of pride when they look into the eyes of my teenage boy, or walk into my very own home, or when they watched me walk the graduation line from college....

For all that I have done wrong.......I MUST have done a few things right  :)

For all that I THOUGHT my parents did wrong...... they must have done ALOT right  :)

And some days....it just feels good to be me  :)