Are you CrAzY?!!! Nope. PASSIONATE!

What are you afraid of?

ME?

Nothing!

I've always been the girl that will try anything once. 
I firmly believe that life is to be LIVED.... not just coasted through!
What fun is it to get up and do the same thing day after day with nothing to make your heart race?!!
How do you even know you are ALIVE if you don't push yourself to the edge every now and then???

I've never understood people who don't CRAVE adventure.... people who don't CRAVE to feel that feel of your heart beating out of your chest.... people who never feel a TRUE PURE adrenaline rush....
I don't understand people who just crave the mundane... the ordinary... the lack luster of doing the same thing day in and day out and never wishing for more!!!

It bores me.

Maybe I'm not normal.... or maybe I'm not your normal.  Maybe something is broke inside me.... but I like to KNOW that I've done something awesome.  I like to wake up the next day and think "MAN - I can't believe I did that... it was AWESOME!"

When I die I want to know that I left a mark on this ol' crazy world.

And until then.... when my son thinks about or tells people about his mom.... I want him to have a fire in his soul when he speaks my name.  When my parents tell people about me, I want them to radiate a sense of pride that can hardly be duplicated.  I want them to talk about my FIRE and my PASSION and my FEARLESS spirit.  When Brad introduces me to people, I want to see a LOVE and RESPECT and PASSION in his eyes that can only come from a man willing to LIVE this life as an adventure right beside me.... every.  single.  day!!  I want to be the one my friends call when they come up with a spur of the moment hair brained idea to drive to FL for the weekend!!  Or better yet.... I'll come up with the hair brained idea.... I just want to be surrounded my friends that say "what time are we leaving?".

I want to be GREAT.  I want to INSPIRE.  I want to ENCOURAGE.  I want people to believe in their potential and their greatness!!  I want people to LIVE and enjoy every single day!

Does this make me CRAZY?!!
Maybe!
But I promise you that a day in my life is way more fun than living every day in fear of trying something new.

I might push myself too hard and too close to the edge sometimes... but I never curl up in my bed because I'm scared of failing.

I will not fear FAILURE!!!
I will fight till the end... and IF I fall..... I will simply get back up and try again.  And if I discover that the path I'm on only ends with a dead end... I'll find another path to get to where I'm going.  I do not believe in IMPOSSIBLE.  I only believe that there is more than one way to anything that you think might be POSSIBLE.... the hard part is finding the right path and never giving up.

Sheeeeeeeewwwwww.....
and on that note..... I've got myself all fired up and I'm rambling.

What I want to say is I am 38 years old.  I never really played sports or worked out or cared anything about eating right or lifting weights.  Sure I've done some time in the gym playing like I was doing something... what?.... I'm not sure.   But these past couple of years - I have once again proved to myself that as humans - we are capable of anything we put our minds to!!!

This past weekend I competed in another powerlifting meet.
I trained HARD up to this meet - but even with the training and the planning and everything that went into going into this meet..... I still somehow managed to AMAZE myself!!!
And I LOVE that feeling!!!

I squatted 275 pounds.  Yeh.  I did.   I had a bar with 275 pounds on it ON my back and I did a squat.  And I didn't die!  ha ha
You must understand that when I started lifting weights I couldn't even DO a body weight squat without stumbling.  And then I tried with a broom handle and actually did FALL on my butt!!!
BUT 2 years later - I put 275 pounds on my back and took it for a ride!!!

Don't tell me you can't work out.  Don't tell me you're not strong.  Don't tell me you're weak!
You aren't
Your body IS strong..... you just need to convince your mind of that.
THAT is the hardest battle.

Don't be SCARED... just JUMP!!!
BElieve in YOUrself!

Pick up a barbell.  Sign up at the gym.  Go skydiving.  Go whitewater rafting.  Drive across country.  Dye your hair.  Cut your hair.  Go to work without makeup.  Go a week without shaving your legs.  But a $200 pair of shoes.  Sleep in sexy lingerie.  Make the phone call.  Send the email.  Apply for the job.  Quit your job.  EAT A DONUT!!!!!!

Whatever it is holding you back from the passion that is missing from your life......... KNOCK it in the face, and just DO IT.  Don't let your mind convince you that you are weak or crazy.

LIFE IS FOR LIVING!!!!!!
We are all headed to a tombstone some day..... there will be two dates on it.  But the most IMPORTANT part that you leave behind is what you put in that "dash".  Live your dash with PASSION!!!  That's what people will remember!

Here's a video of my meet this past weekend.
What I did this day... even if it is the last thing I ever do - proved to me that with enough hard work and passion - you CAN do so many things that you never dreamed were possible!

LIVE YOUR DASH!!!!!!!!!

The journey.... Live Laugh Love

The Superbowl is on.... yeh... blahhhh
It's TERRIBLE

It's gym night..... yeh.... blahhh
The weather is terrible and frankly I don't wanna get out and travel in this mess

So it's just me... chillin at home, in front of the fireplace all warm and toasty and sippin on my lemon water  (cause I am still CARB FREE after all!)
*side note - ask me about THAT diet!!!*
And to be quite honest, I'm rather enjoying the quiet... AND my water  :)

And then I thought - I have not posted in my blog for MONTHS!!!  That's terrible.  I miss my journaling outlet and brain vomits, so here I am ..... with just some random thoughts that I have pondered recently...
because....
This is my 20th year out of high school - TWENTY YEARS!!!!
AND I have a son in COLLEGE!!!  my baby boy.... is in COLLEGE!!!

Time is a funny thing
As you are growing up, you can't wait to be 16, then 18, then 21.... then what?!!  You wish your life away birthday after birthday ... and then we all want time to stop.  But it flies.  It goes soooo fast.  And yet - in my mind it seems like high school really wasn't that long ago.   My parents are still in their 40's in my mind - even though I MYSELF am knocking on the door to 40!  Not logical I know.... but sometimes it just doesn't seem real. 
I have elderly patients tell me almost daily.... "don't get old - it's not all it's cracked up to be.  Everyone calls them the golden years, but I don't know what's so golden about them".

So tonight I sit and ponder over my life's journey.  Cause that is after all what it is all about... the journey.  Sure - as is the case with most of us, sometimes I wish I could go back and do a million things different based on what I know NOW.... but at the same time... I LOVE who I am today.  I love what I have been through.  I love the experiences I have under my belt and the stories I have to tell and the struggles I have fought to overcome.  It makes me strong.
Don't get me wrong... I'm a big ol' softie underneath.  I can cry at a commercial in a second (did y'all see that Budweiser puppy/horse commercial?!  That's what I live for!!) ... but when push comes to shove in this life - I do what I have to do to get through it!!!

My son will be 19 this year.  Like I said, he is a freshman in college... with his first semester under his belt! Yay! (which he didn't flunk which is a BONUS!  ha)   So we've had several conversations lately about life... and it made me think back to things I am thankful for and lessons learned on my journey.  Some the hard way... OK - actually MOST of them the hard way! 

Anyway.... just a few things I think you need to know as you are growing up......   OR if your grown up - maybe just a few things you can look back on and be grateful.

*  The teachers that drove you crazy are the BEST!  When I look back over my school days, there are a handful that stand out more so than others.  These are the ones NO ONE wanted.  The ones that MADE you do homework and graded everything with a fine toothed comb.  They MADE you crazy - but they made you push yourselves.  Be grateful for that.  THEY taught you the most not just about the class, but about YOU and what you are actually capable of!

*  It's ok to not know what you want to be "when you grow up".  You will eventually find yourself and you will just know.  Don't pressure yourself so much that you lose the journey to FINDING yourself!  Enjoy the steps along the way and one day you will stumble into something and within it you will find passion.  Let that lead you.

*  Your friends will be your lifeline.  Sometimes they come from high school and sometimes they don't come till later... in the most unusual way.  Treasure those relationships.  You NEED friends!  Of both sexes!

*  Everyone should work in customer service or food service at some point in life!  I truly believe it's one of the BEST ways to learn how to interact with people, to learn patience, and to learn that as a general rule - PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!!!  lol    Laugh and keep moving.

*  Don't care so much what other people think.  Do YOU!!!  Be YOU!!  And love every bit of you!  You really DON'T need the approval of anyone else.

*  When it comes to love - Don't EVER settle!  Be yourself and not what you think someone will love.  And if anyone EVER asks you WHY they should stay..... Walk away...... NO.... RUN AWAY!!! You NEVER need to convince anyone as to why they should love you.  If they question it, they aren't the right one.  Period.

*  Everyone should live alone.  How else do you learn that your mom will not always be there to take out your trash before you have attracted every rat in the neighborhood!  How else do you learn that there is a point in time when your sheets just aren't safe to sleep on anymore...... they actually HAVE to be washed!  How else do you learn that working is a VERY important aspect in keeping the lights on in your place!

*  Take care of your body!  Exercise.  Lift weights.  If you never have before, start now!  It is so good for you and no one really ever stresses that to you!  It is not only good for you health wise, but it's also a great stress reliever and does wonders for your endorphins.   They say there is no better anti-depressant than exercise.  Just do it.  (speaking of - in case you don't follow me on facebook, I have some GREAT powerlifting updates soon!)

**Most importantly....... enjoy EVERY step of your journey.   It is yours and yours alone.  No ones will be like yours and yours will be like no one elses!!!  Don't rush through the journey... take notes, keep a journal, do some things on a whim and be ready for the repercussions.  There will be bumps and set backs.  There will be days when no one can stop you.  Learn from it all and savor every moment.   Sooner than you think you will be planning YOUR 20 year reunion from high school!!

LIVE.   LAUGH.   LOVE!!!

Just step back and REMEMBER

Ladies  - this is for you.....
Actually - you know what - it's not just women.... it's for anyone who's ever had their heart broken.

Not JUST because you had your heart broken - but more because you loved someone so much that you lost yourself somewhere along the way.  It's for anyone who has actually gotten to the point where you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

Someone once asked me if I knew the definition of insanity.  That person asked me that because he was implying that I was insane!  Or acting insane anyway.  To clarify, in this situation,  insanity was described to me as doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
At the time, I took GREAT offense to this statement.
I mean - he was essentially implying that I was insane.  Stupid.  Dumb.  Not smart enough to make good decisions.
Well - the fact of the matter is..... if we are honest with ourselves, we can ALL look back in our own lives and see moments of insanity.
I wasn't ready to SEE that... much less admit it.

But the fact is - call me crazy if you will - but I am now THANKFUL for those moments of insanity.  You see... it's those moments of insanity that not just LEAD us to the right path - but KEEP us on the right path.
You know what I mean....
You've finally turned a corner... things seem to be looking up.  And then the phone rings... or a text comes in... or a name is spoken.  And for just a second - you step back and wonder "WHAT IF....."
INSANITY ensues.....
Take a minute
.....and a big deep breath
and REMEMBER those moments of INSANITY!!!!!!!
LEARN from them - don't re-live them!!!
Remember how you saw yourself in the mirror during those times.   Or better yet - remember how you DIDN'T see yourself in the mirror.
Remember how all your priorities and goals changed... remember that you laid down and let someone else make all your choices for you.
Remember that you let someone CHANGE you.... and not for the better.
Remember that you became the person that you are NOT.
REMEMBER.

Remember those times and people who took your "you" - and don't let them or anyone else ever take "you" again.
It's not who you are that holds you back.. It's who you think you're not!
Don't allow someone else to make you second guess what you know to be "you"!

Life teaches us lessons every day.

I have learned many through the years....
I have had friends come and go....  Some I learned from - and some that hopefully learned from me.
At no point do I ever want to invite back any of those friends who made me lose sight of who I am and what I am worth.

Surround yourself every day with people who smile.... people who make you smile.... people who know your value and aren't afraid to tell you and appreciate you.... surround yourself with LOVE!  Give it - and accept it when it's given in return.

Above all else.......

Keep on dreaming..... even at the risk of it breaking your heart!

It's those moments that keep us on the right path.

It may seem intolerable now - but TIME changes perception!

.... the end of an era....

or something like that!
HA!!!!!!!
I marked a milestone last night.
Closed a door...... that was actually closed already.  But I nailed it shut I guess
SOLD MY WEDDING DRESS!
Yep
Sure did!
that ol' thing hanging in my closet collecting dust... with nothing but a SAD song to sing......  yep - NOW it will be HAPPY again!!
The little girl was so stinkin happy too- it was soooo sweet!!!
and she got a GREAT deal  ;-)
PAY it forward!

On top of that - I think I shared about the job already.  I can't put into words how excited I am about that.  It's a great opportunity for a multitude of reasons.  I am still a newbie in my profession and all.  I see this as a great learning opportunity... a chance to be exposed to things that I might not see otherwise.  Not to mention - I am ALMOST debt free and this is my step to put a nail in that door too!  Steps towards being completely debt free!
THAT is a huge milestone for me!!!!!!!!

Let's see........
ummmm - YEAH - I CAN keep going!!!

My boy tried out for a baseball team (not school - it's a traveling team) and we will find out Saturday if he's on the team or not!  HE is SOOOOOOO excited - so PLEASE say a prayer that whatever God has in store for him, we will be accepting and thankful for.  No matter what the outcome may be   (please make the team, please make the team, please make the team.......)

Did I mention the boy kissing?!  Yeah - he's fantastic.  Did I mention that I see GREAT things in his eyes??
So that is going great too!
I'm looking forward to a FANTASTIC weekend with him  :-)
YEP - Happy Friday!

OHHHHHHHHH - and for those of you who have been around for a while - remember the tattoo that I've been DYING to get for some time now.
WELL - I finally did it!  YAY me!  Got my back recolored and a new one on my wrist.   Here's the new one.   It's an L in the shape of a heart......for.....

LIVE
LAUGH
LOVE!
my motto always!!!!!!  :)

It's funny how things come together when you STOP trying to fix everything yourself.
Put yourself out there.
Take chances
Hope for the best - and ACCEPT and be THANKFUL for whatever God has in store for you

DID I mention God has great things in store for me?!?!!!
NO MATTER what it is....
God's plan - not my own.

RUN TELL THAT ON TOPIX!  ha!