The time has come.. to bury the dead

What do I fear?

I fear stagnation and lack of progress.

I fear never reaching my potential and being average.

I fear being forgotten... The past... Yesterday's news.

I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into the night.

I fear letting those I love down, or letting myself down.

I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset.

I fear dying without leaving my mark.

I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.

These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.

I love my fear.

It makes me FEARLESS!

The time has come...... to bury the dead  (Thanks ROB BAILEY)
It's MEET TIME!!!!

Last night was our last night of heavy lifting (we still have a body building night Friday) before our day of reckoning...  Our TEST of strength... our " mock" meet. With Lilly. On his turf. Under his jurisdiction.
The greatest test of strength I can imagine.
 Physically.
Emotionally.
Mentally.

(and I'm a freaking NERVOUS wreck... Can you tell yet?!)

But how am I feeling about my lifts!?

Squats
Well... I feel GREAT about my squat! I have PR'ed in the gym since my last meet and I know I'm gonna blow the squat UP come meet time :))
I feel confident. And STRONG!!!
( and I'm glad it's our opening lift!! )
*my previous meet squat max was 145*

Bench
As you know, if you care or follow me AT ALL... It's my scariest lift to come. When I started lifting with the boys, bench was my favorite. It felt good. And natural. But for some reason, as all my other lifts have gotten stronger, my bench seems to have remained stagnant. And uncomfortable.
But thanks to Lilly and many people who are currently running The Cube, I have gotten some great advice. My bench HAS come up... as of today, only 5 pounds. Which IS STILL progress... so I shouldn't complain. Regardless, it IS my weakest link and meet or no meet, PR or no PR, if nothing else, I can at least say - I've learned lots on what to do to build my bench. I'm looking forward to building up my lats and upper back to finally smash a good PR on bench!!
 Kroc rows, lat training, bent over rows and band pull aparts... on the regular. BAM!!!
*my previous meet bench max was 90*

DeadLift
Where do I go with this one?! I don't even know?! I've progressed nicely from the beginning on dead lifts. I like this pull. It's strong. BUT I did experience somewhat of a back injury during this program, which took me completely OUT of heavy deads and then into lighter weight coming back. I did train legs hard while my back was an issue, so I'm just crossing my fingers on this lift that I have at least maintained my level of strength. I feel good about it..
*my previous meet deadlift max was 225*

On top of all the training and back injury, I have started going to the chiropractor!!! (Yay for Magna!!! Thx Dr Hawley and Nikki!!).
My back has never felt so good

So adding together all of the above, the GREAT training program (The Cube), expert advice from Brandon Lilly, great feedback and tips from a great group of people on The Cube Facebook page, a GREAT group of workout partners, support from the BF, my awesome chiropractic family, and all the drive and motivation one female can fit into a body, quite frankly, I don't know how I can fail!!!!!

We will do some body building exercises Friday night. One day next week I will get in my singlet (I retired the unitard! Though this "singlet" is not any less TIGHT!) and hit the gym one night to test my openers. Just to stay loose and help with my jitters!
I'm not an exhibitionist and being in front of people sets my nerves into a spinning whirlwind of tornadoes!!!!
I will meet up with Dr Hawley for one final adjustment and then it's just Hurry Up and wait!!!
Just talking about it already has my stomach in knots!!

I'm excited to lift.

I'm excited to meet Lilly (and crew?)

But mostly I'm excited to know what progress I have made so that I can set my next goals!!!!

.... they try 'n hold me back.... they try 'n hold me back.... they try 'n hold me BACK!!!  *Rob Bailey*

Being a grown up SUX!

I don't WANT to grow up!!

I hate making responsible decisions.
I hate it
Can I go back to being... Oh I don't know, 16??!  So I can drive but still let someone else be responsible?  And someone else can pay the bills and make decisions... that way when they are bad decisions - I can blame someone else!!!  Yes - perfect!

Why were we all in such a dang hurry to grow up anyway??

My plans were to drive to OH this weekend to the Arnold. I wanna meet Dana Linn Bailey. Did I mention that?!!
So I entered that contest and if you won, the training with her would be Monday the 4th. Right after "Arnold".
the perfect... irresponsible weekend

But alas.... I did not win

I knew the odds were slim
612 people entered

But it still hurts. 

It's still disappointing

To lose

To know someone was more "motivational" to work out with than you...

Blahhhhhh

What?!!  I'm not bitter!

sigh.........

So, in my disappointment, I thought, I don't have the extra money to run off to OH for the weekend anyway
I don't have my money tree up and growing so I really should stay home anyway
And go do my own inspirational work out

I really SHOULD be responsible

Right?!!

But I still wanna meet her!!!
And I still wanna see Caitlyn Trout lift. And Brandon Lilly. And the Lilliebridge's.  and on... and on.... and on.....

So... My compromise? (as Brad put it...)

Get up at the crack of dawn Saturday morning ( I'm sooooo not a morning person ) and drive to Columbus. Spend the day getting my fill of body building and power lifting, AND MEET DANA LINN BAILEY... then drive back home. It eliminates hotel expense. Which was adding up quickly!!!!

So I guess I could use this disappointment to sit at home and pout all weekend OR use it and turn it into DRIVE to push harder and do MORE.... right??

I want to SEE gains!
I want to be inspirational... (stomping foot!)
I want other people to look at me and be inspired to push harder

Hey....I know!!!!!
How about I punish myself enroll in a boot camp on top of my already scheduled gym sessions!

WHY NOT!????!

So for 6 weeks (at least)  - I'll work out SEVEN DAYS A WEEK
Look out summer - here come my ABS!!!!!

Work
Hustle
KILL yo!!!!!

3...2...1.... Here we go!!!!!

I'm on a mission

NO - it's not to BE the biggest dork every....
but I AM the biggest dork EVER!!!

I recently saw that MHP is sponsoring a contest where you can win a work out session in OH (at the Arnold which we will be attending) with Dana Linn Bailey.... my girl crush and the most BAD-A$$ chick I know... well I don't really KNOW her....  but I mean IF I did - I have no doubt we would be the BEST of friends!!!
And Brad would be diggin on some Rob Bailey too.... just sayin....

ANYWAY
to enter the contest, you simply fill out the registration form... attach pictures... and an "optional" video.  Ummmmm - OPTIONAL??  NO!
I have been working relentlessly on putting together a "Tammy is a bada$$ and you need to pick me to work out with" video!

It's so fun
And kinda neat to really SEE on camera how far I have come in such a short period of time with lifting!

Yeah - Ok - I'm proud
NOT bragging...  but PROUD!!
And there is not a dang thing wrong with that!!

So anyway - I'm on my mission right now..... but soon - very soon - there will be a youtube video to share!!

And then hopefully MHP will think it's just as bada$$ as I do and hopefully they will see Dana Linn and me are long lost BFF's!
(fingers crossed!)

Don't we look like BFF's and GREAT work out buddies?!!!   :-)

Dana Linn Bailey

Tammy R Green

Some Friday confessions for ya!

What better way to celebrate a Friday than with some dirty little secrets!!

YAY - I found a new game to play!!!  AND it's Friday!!!
I spotted this over at BAT CRAP CRAZY!!!
Man I love her!!!
She sent me right over to High-Heeled Love and I'm going to participate today.


 


So without further adieu
Here are my Friday Confessionals!!!
((Don't judge ME!))

I confess...

I don't just love my job for what I do... but mostly because I love crazy people!!!  And trust me when I say... working with the public gives you AMPLE opportunity to see the magnitude of crazy people!!  I have some GREAT stories!









I confess...

I'm jealous of the people who went to school to be teachers...... but ONLY on snow days!!!  No way I would have the patience to teach, but I sure would like to get snow days!!

I confess....

I am still in shock that I now love to lift weights and crave seeing new muscle development in my body.  I dare to tell people that Dana Linn Bailey is my "fit" role model and surprisingly what I aim to look like!  Yes she is built and all muscle and some people think it's gross.... but I think it is a true testament to what HARD work and dedication looks like!

I confess....

I find it very easy to dismiss someone for hurting me and go on with my life as though that person never existed. Some say that makes me cold and heartless...  It doesn't mean I don't forgive them.... it just means I have no room for extra baggage in my life.  I have very little tolerance for whiners, hypocrites and liars!


I confess....

People often think I'm snobby, cold, and/or unsociable.  I'm quite the opposite.  I'm sensitive and an open book once I start chatting.  It's just that usually I'm more worried about speaking to someone who doesn't remember me and embarrassing them...  cause I hate when that happens to me.  And I can be a bit overwhelming to private people... I'm never sure how people will take me.




 I confess....

I am very independent and quite hard headed.   But every now and then.... I do like to be treated like a little princess!   It's hard to know where that line lies!
(poor B-rad!  He does pretty good with figuring it out!)






Hope everyone has a GREAT Friday and a fantastic weeekend!!!
I sure wish I was home today enjoying a SNOW DAY!!!!

Ooops... I did it again

 Well.... Here. We. Go.
It's official.
I'm signed up. Dues are paid.
It's for real.

My arm has been twisted (well.... not too hard) and I'm doing another powerlifting meet.
Less than a month from now
This is a real legit meet. With lots and lots of strong people (girls and boys!)
I may not come away with trophies this time, but its guaranteed that I will be focused more on being better then, than I am now!!!
And that's all that matters
It's not about being the best, it's about being better tomorrow than I am today.

When I started on this journey I had NO idea where the path would lead
I just wanted to get in better shape. And I wanted abs!!!
Brad says now that he wishes he had a video of me saying
" I don't wanna LIFT like you. I'm not trying to be a power lifter".
Yeh. I said that. And I meant every word of it..... I didn't!!

And those first few weeks that I lifted with him, I tried to stay secluded ... on my own. Away from everyone. I didn't wanna be included. I just wanted to do MY thing.
(I think I was trying to avoid "catching" what they had... I didn't know THEN - but I know NOW - it's a BUG.... the IRON BUG!!!!)
The first night we tried to squat, I couldn't even hold onto a bar to squat. I could barely squat my own weight!!! Deadlifts were a joke. I had no idea what I was doing. And my bench.... Well, it was just kinda sad :-((   That's the only way I can describe it.
Do you all even KNOW what a dead lift is?  Cause I didn't?  or what a REAL competition squat looks like with real weight??  Cause also... I did NOT.
(if you're interested... you can go to YouTube and search for Tammy Green.  I have a channel.  Where Brad has so kindly uploaded some of my videos.  A bench in competition.   My dead lift Personal Record last saturday.  AND my squatting plates video - THAT excites me!!!   Anyway - if you want to know what the crap I'm talking about... feel free to run over and find my channel on YouTube and watch some videos!  Try this link - I don't know if it will work or not? Tammy Green You Tube Channel )

Lets look at it like this....
Once I started lifting (HIS way.... NOT what I wanted to do... and I'm very hard headed.... I'm VERY hard to reason with....) my numbers were something like this....
Bench max... 70. 1 rep
Squat max... 35? That's just a small bar with no weights on it!!!
Deadlift... I don't even know? 135?
Totaling roughly 240??  ish??!!
((for the record - there are men that total like 2,000 for their numbers!!!  CRAZY!!!)

6 months later...
Here's how I look...

Bench max... 90. ( I can do 70 for about 13 reps now!)
Squat max... 135! (That's a big accomplishment for me seeing as I couldn't even squat ME the first night!)
Deadlift max... 220!!!
Rough total.... 440 POUNDS!!!!
I have added 200 pounds to my total in 6 months!!!!

Now granted, I'm just starting.... and only recently have I gotten bitten by the iron bug (thanks to Brad and his boys at the gym)
So my gains will probably slow down some over the next 6 months
but my DRIVE will NOT!!!

I'm very competitive....
and sweet little innocent "just trying to help you" boyfriend Brad KNOWS that about me....
and he had a PLAN all along.....
All he really had to do was get me to that first meet and show me on paper how far I've come and show me GIRLS that CAN lift big weight.
And it was over.
I was sold.
The competitive nature in me came out ROARING!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm an animal.... you're an animal.... rawwr rawwwr rawwwr rawwwwr rawwwwwr!!!"   DLB

So - on February 2nd, me and the BOYS will travel off to Manchester TN where I will compete with MYSELF more than anything to do better than I did at the last meet.
My goal for overall pounds is 450.   Which means I HAVE to hit ALL my maxes PLUS add 10 more pounds somewhere!!!
Trophy or no trophy..... I will come out on the other side just as competitive and a little bit better. 
Physically, mentally and emotionally!

I  can't   wait!!!
(shhhhhhh - don't let on that I'm so excited!)

I give.
I'm waving the white flag
Call me a power lifter. 

I {{HEART}} it!!!!!!!

REFLECTIONS...

As is most everyone today.... I've thought back over the past year and made a mental list of all my blessings.  There are so many.
I've taken note of the rough times too, but as is always the case - it's about perspective.... and the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad  :))

The main thing I try to look at is am I better today than I was one year ago. Not just financially... but spiritually... mentally... Physically?!

I look back at the beginning of 2012. And I see how far I've come, because i can now impartially see baggage that needed to be dropped off. I've known divorced people before, but until experiencing it myself, I was unaware of the bitterness and anger that you carry over in your heart. Well.... I guess I was more unaware of the MAGNITUDE of the bitterness and anger that's carried over. Beginning 2012, I knew all about it. And quite frankly, for a while, I do think it controlled me to an extent. Which was unfair.... Unfair of ME! To allow the malice of another to have that much control over me
So I laid it at the feet of the only One who can truly give me peace.
I let go, forgave myself, forgave him and allowed myself to be free from anger. The rest of the year only got easier by the day

So throughout 2012, I allowed myself to love and be loved again. I began to believe in the good again. I watched my baby boy start his final year in high school. (Sniff sniff). Witnessed my son's SENIOR prom!  Went skydiving for the SECOND TIME!!!  I passed another Board exam. (Yay!). I started working out (for real). I did my first (and i thought last) weight lifting competition. I began being more aware of the food I put into my body. Did I mention I fell in love again?!! :)).
Oh and we added another member to our family!!! Sweet baby (GIANT) Lido!!!

One of my best friends is preggo! (Yay!) and another built and moved in a new house with her BF!! ( who would have guessed years ago that we would be where we are!!!)
I have THE best family and friends I could ask for!
I. Have. Been. Blessed.
All the wrong roads just led me to the right road

So for 2013, I'm expecting a lot!! :))

Here are just a few of the things I'm looking forward to doing in 2013
Not "resolutions" mind you.... THINGS IM GONNA DO!! :))

Get zack enrolled and off to a good start in college!!
(Hopefully take him skydiving after graduation... if we make it there... if I don't kill him first!! Teenagers... Ha!)

Stay on 4 days a week lifting plan. (Possibly throw in a cardio day)
Bench goal 150 (at 100 now).
Dead lift goal 250 (at 205 now).
Squat goal 180 (at 135 now).
Another power lifting competition with higher numbers than the first.
MEET DANA LINN BAILEY - hopefully in March at Arnold Classic!!! (And manage to speak! Ha)
Power lifting seminar in February (a little nervous about this one!!)

Work harder on my diet.... More protein, less FAT!!!! Lower body fat percent!!

Get some landscaping and outside clean up spring projects done at my house!!
(They have been put off for FAR tooooo long!!)

Pass (not just "take") another Board exam.... Vascular.... It's gotta be done!!!!

I think that's enough to get me rollin' into 2013 on the right foot

I'm taking 2013 by storm!

Happy
Carefree
In love
Proud
And a bada$$!!!!

Happy New Year to you all!!!

Stay positive and only focus on the good you look for in 2013
Set goals and work to them... One step at a time!!

Dare to be Different.... my head is BROKE!!

Some time ago.... oh.... say about 6 months or so ago.... I took a couple of steps down a road that I had no idea would really change my life.   Not just on the outside... but on the inside too.
Several months ago, It began with simply watching better what I eat.  And although that part still waivers today (and I'm GONNA get more focused on that after the holidays), I also began lifting weights.
My main goal at that time...
one word....
ABS!
I have NEVER seen abs on this body.
Now granted - I was skinny as a RAIL (thus the nickname "toothpick") growing up...  but skinny AND built...  No.  Never.

So - at 36 I decided, what better time to try to get back into shape.

And so began the work outs.

Here's where I took a turn.

I began working out with my boyfriend.  (and all his GUY friends!!)  THEY are power lifters.  I cared NOTHING about "power lifting" you see.  I'm not trying to GET STRONG.....  duhhhhhhh - I just want abs.   I want to see ABS.  Period.  (I don't know if you have ever heard me say this or not - but trust me... over the years.... I have LEARNED that abs are built in the KITCHEN)   Regardless....  I only worked out to LOOK BETTER.  Period.   That is all I want from this torture!!!

((Sidenote - looks alone is NOT enough to motivate you to the level you need to be!  I know this now!!)

So I went.  I checked in when I was supposed to.   I went through the motions.  I hurt.  I whined.  Whatever.   but I was seeing NO physical change.  And I was frustrated.

And then...... I did the unthinkable.... something I would have NEVER dreamed I would do!!!
I agreed to be in a power lifting competition.  Mostly I did this as a "present" for my boyfriend for his birthday because he wanted me to do it so bad.
((Sidenote:  I HATE getting up in front of people!!  but I LOVE him....))

So last Saturday...  I showed up.  All scared to death and having no desire to be there for ME.

The event began with benching.  I'm not real happy with my bench.  It's nothing to brag about.  BUT I can bench more now than when I started.... sooooooo here we go.   There was only one other girl lifting bench.  She started higher than me...  I benched 75 for my first lift.  She did 85.  So I was suddenly feeling defeated.  BUT I was quickly reminded I'm not competing against anyone but myself.  This FIRST competition was simply to get me in the game and to beat ME.  For my second lift, I did 85.  She did 105.  And missed it.  So for my third I went up to 95 (more than I have ever benched... 90 is my max)   But I missed.  And she again missed her 105.
SO I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I won FIRST PLACE IN BENCH!!!!!!!  :)

Moving on to dead lifts (which is one of my favorite things to do - and is ironically my boyfriends best event too!!)
I opened with 165.  went to 180.  Then my final lift was 195 - A PERSONAL RECORD for me!!  Yay.
BUT two other girls lifted..and one (who weighed more than me) Opened with 300 POUNDS!!!!!!!!
I was in awe!!!
And when the trophies were awarded and I got THIRD place in dead lifts (even though I PR'ed for myself) I politely said "This sucks!" as I got up to get my third place ribbon.

And I guess I realized then...... (as my boyfriend secretly already knew) I was hooked
and did NOT want to be defeated again.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

So I entered the gym the next week with a new attitude and a new game face.  I was informed that I am now broke just like the guys.  Because NORMAL people don't TRY to pick up twice their body weight "for fun".  But that's what we TRAIN to do!!!  And then some!!!

SOOOOOOOO.....in the words of Dana Linn Bailey (who is my new role model!)
 I'm not here to be sexy, I'm here to be a bad A$$!!!  

I'm GONNA dead lift 300 pounds!!!!

Goals for 2013:  (set early)   Dead lift 250, bench 125.   Feasible??

WE.  WILL.  SEE!!!!!!!!!!

For my next competition, I will compete for ME.... and to WIN!!