At the edge.... never a DULL moment

Maybe I talk too much
Maybe I say things before first passing them through a filter
Maybe I don't have a filter
Maybe I give my opinion when I should just be quiet
Maybe everyone doesn't WANT to hear MY story
Maybe I talk too much
tell too much
care too much
think other people care too much

But I don't care.
really...
I am who I am
I do what I do

There is no maliciousness is what I do or why I do it.
just me
Never a dull moment!

Foot in mouth or up my butt.
Whatever.

Some time ago I took up a sport that I would have never have imagined for me.
Powerlifting.  YES.
I'm 37 years old.... I'm a MOM....
I drank magnesium citrate this weekend in order to "make weight"...
YES... I'm a POWERLIFTER!
It's not something I would have ever imagined for me.
But it's perfect for me.... it's the epitome of pushing myself to the limit!

I have a mock meet tonight..... and I'm trying REALLY hard not to think about it!

I love the sport.  I do
I love pushing myself to the edge of what my limits appear to hold.

But the TESTING of my limits..... makes me sick.
Makes me nervous
People watching me... judging me... testing me.... makes my stomach flip upside down!!

But I will do it.  Cause I'm supposed to.  It's part of my program.
I'll do it.  I'll push myself and test myself and then I'll either be the happiest girl alive... or I'll punish myself for not being good enough.
It's what I do.
It's how I cope
I am my OWN WORST critic BY FAR!!!  There was a time when I couldn't squat plates (135)   But now I can do that easy... in warm ups.  But surprisingly.... THAT doesn't matter anymore.  What matters is I can't get 185 again... easy!!!  I know I CAN do it.  I should be squatting 200 easy by now.  I should be.
((Here I go again..... rather comparing myself NOW to myself BEFORE.... I tend to compare myself NOW to OTHER people NOW!  And it infuriates me... and DRIVES me to be better right?!!))

Never a dull moment!!!!

I do things that most won't......

Speaking of that....
we visited Waverly Hills this weekend.
Do you know what Waverly Hills is?

it's THIS!!!
an old TB Hospital where they treated people with TB.  People died like in flocks there..... there's even a death tunnel where they rolled them underground and out so that others didn't see the massive number of people DYING!!!!!
Patients were crazy.. and were experimented on....
The place is dubbed (almost) #1 MOST HAUNTED place in America.

We went on a 4 hour tour of the place.

The place IS MASSIVE!!!  You need WAY more time than 4 hours to go through it.
We had a guide that told us stories about some of the deaths there  (suicide, abortion etc.) .... he brought up some shadow apparitions to show us... he had them light up boxes and set off alarms on the boxes and some talked to us through a radio.

We walked that DARK DARK underground death tunnel.  (we turned out all of our lights and stood in the middle... you have never SEEN dark like that!)  We saw bats by the flocks... We saw the morgue.  I laid in a death tray.  (where they laid the dead bodies in the morgue before they rolled them out).  We visited the electro shock room.  It was crazy!!!

I don't know that I'm any MORE or LESS of a believer after the tour....... but it was something I had wanted to do!!!  CHECK

And I also know what a bat looks like up close and personal!!!  And how it feels to have one buzz your head!!  LOL

NEVER a dull moment!!!

Now I must set down the laptop and go prepare myself for this night.... of lifting and breaking PR's!!

I"ll let you guys know later how things go!

Passion?!! I lift cuz I'm CrAzY!!

 It's something that's missing in almost everyone.
Passion!
No one is passionate about anything anymore... we just float through life letting whatever will be... BE!

Someone recently asked me how I got into power lifting and why?

What changed in me.... what clicked?!

And what my ultimate goal might be?


 
 It reminded me of an episode of Big Bang Theory (THE BEST show on TV!) where Penny gets a little distraught about not being passionate about anything.

I remember thinking that before... answering a question on one of those stupid surveys about your passion? What is your passion or your hobby?
I always thought... Well, I'm a single mother to a boy... My passion is pretty much what his interests include... basketball, baseball, North Carolina Tarheels, etc.
I didn't have TIME for MY passion ( or the money to SHOP... Which lets admit IS my passion! Ha)

Actually, as it turns out, I have learned you have TIME for what you MAKE time for. And I didn't make time for anything else.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still passionate about my child and his passions, but I have time to be passionate about ME too!!!

So, here's where it starts...

I was determined to get back in shape... With my ultimate goal being "to have a 6-pack".
Yep.
Every girl dreams of that flat stomach you had when you were 12! Right?!!
So I joined a gym. With no direction. Cardio was all I knew? I lifted a little before, but I really had no idea what direction to go with that. So I guess my intent was cardio. And maybe a few machines that I could wander over to without feeling stupid????

Insert B-rad!!! ( my little power liftin honey! )

I talked to him about my plan and he suggested some weights. Blahhhhh. I feel stupid. I was afraid. But I followed his direction nonetheless.

I remember walking into his gym that first time with him and all his boys. I remember watching them pick up weights that I just couldn't BELIEVE was possible!!!
I mean, it truly IS crazy to watch!!
BUT.... As cool as it is for them... Still.... Not for me. I just want a flat stomach. No need to be breaking my back and crap!!!

I started with some beginning strength stuff. In other words - I worked on my BOOTY!  I did a LOT of SQUATTING!!! And if you missed my squat blog, check it HERE - for my Mission Impossible.
Quite amusing!!!!

So - come December. My sweet little B-rad convinced me to do a meet. For "fun" he said. Now, MY idea of fun is NOT standing up in front of a room full of people with all eyes on me. In fact the thought of that makes my "private, not for display self" wanna THROW UP!!! But I love him and he wanted so bad for me to share this passion with him. So I agreed to lift.
I was a nervous wreck.
And felt nowhere NEAR strong enough to be competing!!!
It was just a push pull meet. Which means bench first, then deadlift. I benched. And it was ok, but mostly because there were no girls that were "great" on the bench. (NO competition!)  We were all about the same. Then came deadlift. Now going in, I felt pretty OK about my deadlift. I mean I felt stronger than when I started... so ehhhh ... It was ok. And I lifted. My max that day was 205. Which in my mind that day felt pretty good.

THEN.
I want you to know ....
This LITTLE HOOCHIE girl came right up behind me and picked up 300 pounds!!!

It was over.

My mind was blown

And she awakened something in me that I forgot I had!!!  
The desire to win!!!

Sure, now I enjoy lifting and I enjoy knowing I'm getting stronger
It IS my passion!!!
I know it takes time.
And I have to make the time.

But WHY do I do it????

TO CRUSH FACES!!!!

To be different.

To awaken that inner child that wanted to win when I played hide n seek.

To feed that little girl that always wanted to be on the winning team.

To defy the odds.

To prove to myself that I am capable of way more than I believed!!!

To amaze myself

TO COMPETE AND TO WIN!!!

I DON'T WORK OUT - I TRAIN!  

TRAIN TO WIN!!!

I tried to show my son videos and it does nothing for him.
It's not HIS passion.
It is mine!

People may not understand it. And people may get tired of hearing me talk about it.
But everyone has their own niche.
Powerlifting and getting stronger is mine.
I FOUND my passion!!!

As far as a goal goes... I make small goals almost every day... as I progress
I want each lift to be better than the lift before
But ULTIMATELY...
I want to compete.
And I want to win!!!
I want to, first of all, be better than myself!!
I want to prove that I am stronger today than I was yesterday!!!

I know that there is always someone stronger than me somewhere... But I'm gonna do my best and work hard as heck to be stronger every day!!  I strive at every work out to be stronger than I was at the last!

SO - If you have considered getting in shape or working out for whatever reason, don't do it just to check a box. Find a niche. Find your passion!!
It makes it so much better for you, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally when you are actually doing something you ENJOY with a GOAL in mind!
Something should DRIVE you!
Compete.
Compete with yourself and compete with others.  
Crush faces!!!
Find your inner "need to win!"   I bet you forgot it was there!

Someone named Edward made a video featuring one of the (in my opinion) MOST motivational inspiring power lifters that I know out there.
Mr. Brandon Lilly.
Watch this video
If it doesn't touch you or inspire something out of you - you just might be DEAD INSIDE!!!!

Whatever YOUR passion might be - do it with ALL your heart and always try to be better tomorrow than you are today.  Otherwise, what do you have to be passionate about?

NOW - have a GREAT weekend 

and go be passionate about something!!!!!

~My weekend was PRICELESS~

Gas for miles traveled... $100

Alternator and various tools... $218
Snacks and Steak and Shake $35

Me and ALL the guys hitting PR's with Brandon Lilly.....

PRICELESS!!

Monday morning has rolled again once again... I know how everyone dreads them so please allow me to share my weekend with you...
please allow me to share my HIGH!!!!!

It's a BIT long winded - but stick with me..... a lot happened and the humor is well worth it!  HA!!
I thought I was going to DIE!!!
MULTIPLE times!!!

It was yet ANOTHER great adventure.... it's what I live for man!!

(and quite frankly the adrenaline from it is the only thing keeping me alive and awake today!!)

Background:   Remember my story a few weeks ago regarding my battery going dead... at a MAJOR intersection in town??  Well - it did.  Truck just died. Right there at the red light.  I was the first person at the light in the turning lane, imagine how happy everyone behind me was!!!  But alas... long story short - the problem was fixed, entailing a new battery and having my alternator checked FOUR times... at THREE different locations!!!!  I was told the alternator was good and I just needed a new battery.  DONE.  

Good to go.

Now - fast forward to yesterday.  

My battery light has been randomly shining that pretty little red color at me since then.  BUT - in my defense, I do think there is some sort of electrical short in my vehicle because it randomly blinks various lights anyway.  So I didn't put much stock into it.  Well - we had this trip to Berea planned already and Brad suggested we drive something else...... ya know, just in case.  

To be safe.

Me - however - I'm all.... oh I like to drive my own vehicle (I don't ride well with others... car sick!) And I'm all like.... it's fine I'm sure.  It's probably just randomly blinking!

I'm SURE we will be fine!!!!!

{{famous last words}}

So off we went yesterday - to have a day we had ALL been looking forward to soooooo much!!  We were off to Berea to train with Brandon Lilly.  You see.... we have been running "The Cube" training program for the past 10 weeks.  After 10 weeks, you do a "mock meet" and test your maxes for squat, bench AND deadlift.  Being that Brandon wrote this program, we were HONORED to be able to drive to Berea and spend the evening with him letting BRANDON HIMSELF judge our progress!!!

I mean - it doesn't GET much better than that..... although ... me... Ms."hates to be in front of crowds" was a freaking NERVOUS WRECK just pulling out of the driveway!!!  That's with 200 miles and approx 3 hours separating me and Lilly!!!

Nevertheless..... nerves aside.... we headed out.

About 50 miles into our trip........

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!

yes yes yes.... I'm certain that you guessed.....

That pretty little RED battery light popped up on my dash.

No worries - I'm SURE it's just the electrical short... (at least that's how I tried to explain myself out of it!)

But... NO - the volts dropped on the battery gauge and I knew I was in trouble.

We journeyed on and just prayed... I could hit the gas and rev up the RPM's and the light would go off - but as soon as I let out of the gas... on came the light again.

Brad immediately knew my alternator had gone out.

Basically the only thing powering us was my poor little brand new battery.

But we pushed on - and thankfully - the ol' Trailblazer hung in there.

Once we got close to the training location - we pulled into an Advanced Auto and made the purchase.  A new alternator and tools to change it.  (thank goodness I was with FOUR GUYS!!)

And back on the road.  After all - we had weights to lift.

Once we arrived - the alternator was put on the back burner while everyone prepared to set PR's  in front of one of the biggest icons in powerlifting!!!  NO PRESSURE

I was a BALL OF NERVES!!!  ~that's putting it lightly~

Once we got going, and the adrenaline got rushing, and I stopped being STAR STRUCK... I could NOT have asked for a BETTER night OR a better training session!!

Here are my numbers

Squat - 185 (that's a 45 pound PR!)

Bench - 105 (that's a 10 pound PR and  HUGE mental block overcome!!)

Deadlift - 230 (that's a 5 pound PR - I attempted 245 and ALMOST had it... I gave up too soon!!)

So I totaled a 60 pound PR total!!!

I could NOT have been any happier!!
{{I have a blog to come with more details about the actual TRAINING and lifting!!  I have BIG NEWS!!}}

After all was said and done, we ALL hit PR's and all that HARD WORK on The Cube was evident and has clearly paid off!!

Then we packed up to head home... and we remembered... my poor truck sitting by the wayside.

~Let the adventure continue~

We were starving and decided to try to get to a restaurant and hopefully use the light in the parking lot to do our mechanic work.  So we set out..... in the night.... no idea where we are.   Brad searches for a nearby food joint as I navigate noticing the further we drive the lower my volts are getting and the less headlight I have to see!!  We are on a road in the middle of nowhere.  All I could picture was breaking down on the side of the road with NO lights and zombies stumbling up from behind the trees!  (I watch WAY too much TV!)   Or... for all you old folks out there...... it was like a scene from "Unsolved Mysteries".  Seriously... like we could have just disappeared!
Thankfully - we made up to the main road where our directions were telling us to get back on I-75.  Seriously.... with no battery?  On the INTERSTATE!??  As I'm freaking and Brad and I are trying to decide what to do......
ALL the gauges drop and power steering is GONE.  Headlights are out and we are DONE.  Somehow the engine is still going but just enough to get me to the side of the road close to the interstate ramp and just under a street lamp!

Here is where I am thankful for my boys!  They all hopped out and ripped that alternator right out and replaced it with the new one!  And remember we were all writhing in pain here having JUST lifted our guts out.  Plus we were lucky enough for it to be raining!!  (though it was just a drizzle and could have been WAY worse!)  But they were all so willing to jump in there and get me going again.  One more sign of what a great group of guys I work out with.  And please don't let me fail to mention that JOE DIRT stopped to check on us... from the junk yard!  He rolled up in his little 1987 truck with the whirly orange lights on top.  Don't worry - he's getting a light bar to replace those whirlies soon... probably from the junkyard.  He was full of helpful advice and tips - after all, "he doesn't work at the junk yard for nuthin!"  Bless his little heart for stopping though... he was a sweet little man and he didn't have to stop.  He was the epitome of country backwoods, but very sweet and thoughtful of him AND his belt buckle to make sure we were all ok.
And also - if anyone out there is looking for a job - they are looking for some diesel repairman at the junk yard he works at.  "Pays EIGHT BUCKS an hour!!"   Might wanna look into that!!
FUN TIMES!!
Wouldn't trade it for the world!!

Once we were back in business, we headed on to Steak and Shake to get our GRUB on and compare photos and videos from the awesome night we had just experienced.  Then we began heading back home around the midnight hour!!
I love that Monday is my early morning and at midnight I was approximately 3 hours away from home living on PURE ADRENALINE!!

Last night will BY FAR go down as one of my favorite nights ever!!
The Monday after... no so much!!  ha
Actually - it's really not THAT bad....

I think I'm still living off the high...

Until I get off work this afternoon and lay my head down on a pillow.
It's OVER.

The POWERlifting SUPER BOWL!!!!

I went ahead and posted another blog that I had started writing earlier in the week and never posted. What?! It was a crazy busy week!!
But I just re-read it and the sense of aggravation and bi-polarness in the blog is pretty accurate. So I went ahead and posted it - mostly for a base... of what I'm working from today.  If you missed the other one, HERE is pretty much my sentiment for this past week. 

So anyway - coming from there...

TODAY IS THE BIG DAY!!!!!

In a few short hours, we will head up to Berea to work out with one of our favorite power lifters!!  I'm so excited to spend the day/evening with my guys and with Mr. Brandon Lilly
And contrary to the crappy aggravating emotional week I had - I really am excited!!

Today truly is a test.  This training program that we have been running, "The Cube", has been brutal but fun.  It was a good mix up from what we were doing before, and let's be honest... with the new added exercises, there is just no way that we CAN'T be stronger!!!
And we are!
All of us.
And we KNOW that we are before we go in today - but it doesn't make it ANY less nerve racking!!!

so I AM looking forward to today... I'm looking forward to pushing myself and testing myself to put actual numbers to what gains I have made.  But at the same time, I'm also a little bit nervous!!!  :)
Let me put it to you like this...

Say you play an instrument... and you've practiced and practiced for an upcoming recital... or dance... say you dance... and today is the big day.  Your audition for Julliard!!!  You know you've practiced plenty and you know in your heart that you are better today than you were when you started.
Or you play sports?  And you've gone to practice and you've worked out and you feel good about what you have done... and today is the big day.  Your try out for the major league!!!

Well that is what we are doing today essentially... We are auditioning in front of Brandon Lilly!!!  Not FOR anything other than his critiques and betterment of our own lifting.   Nothing is on the line.  We must check the ego at the door before we enter... and truly put our full selves on the line.  We will lift to display our own progress while Brandon watches and judges that it is either a good or bad lift - and gives us feedback as to what we can do to be better.  And stronger!!

And while I'm sooooo excited to spend the day with him... and so thankful for the opportunity for someone of his magnitude to watch my lifts and give me helpful advice..... while I'm thankful and excited and can't wait - I have never been so nervous in my life!!!!!!!
ha ha
(well I'm sure I have, but today, where I sit - I can't remember feeling more nervous!!!)

Regardless....
the week I've had is put in a box. 
And over

Today is about one thing and one thing ONLY!

 My lifts.

Period

Here we come Brandon - READY OR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

Motivational Monday ~ I need some ~

So I had a BIG weekend!!!
LOTS of goals accomplished and I feel pretty good about it

But for some reason - It's ALL Monday around these parts.  My chipper usual sunshiny self is still sleeping at home in bed....... (with all the spring breakers!)

So I'm looking for a little motivation around here.....
In hopes of inspiring myself...
I thought I would start by sharing some good news...
LOTS actually!

First of all - I ran another 5K this weekend.  It's my second one EVER and the first one that I ran was 4 years ago!!  I didn't even train for this one.  My time 4 years ago was 36 minutes.   The one I ran this weekend was 32 minutes!!!  YAY!!!! I'm soooo proud.  And yes - I realize 32 minutes is not breaking any records.... but for me, an inexperienced runner and power lifter, I'm GREAT with a 32 minute 5K.   Plus it was a COLOR (fun) RUN.  I don't know if any of you run or care to, but it was a pretty cool experience and I will probably do it again.  Other than it being cold (I'm a weenie), and we had somewhat of a delayed start time (I'm impatient) - it was really fun - and proceeds went to a good cause!!
Thanks Teri for planning it and signing us up as a team.  And thanks Farrah for running it with me!!
Here are a couple of pics of me and one of my best friends before and after the race!!

BEFORE the race.....

And AFTER!!!

Second - even after running on Saturday, Sunday night was gym night.... heavy squats.   My hips were sore as CRAP from running the day before.  But I sucked up some pre-work out and headed out....
on a MISSION.
and I hit yet ANOTHER PR on squat!!  (Thank you CUBE!)
And I feel like I left a little in the tank so I can shoot for a BIG PR when I go to our "mock meet" with Brandon Lilly and crew!!!
I remember when I was struggling SO hard to squat plates.... now I sit at 160!!  (for NOW....)
Here's another video!!!

In other news.... if I haven't already told you all - one of my best friends is having her baby BOY OR GIRL in like 7 weeks!  *if she makes it that far*   I'm soooo excited!!!  And so happy for you Kevin and Mel!!  Can't wait to meet baby W!!

And another one of my besties is getting married...... in like 3 weeks!!!  Congrats to Farrah and Jeremy... this has been a long time coming!!  (it's about time GERMY!)

HOLY COW!!!
I mean - it's good news all around.

These are my "sex in the city" girls...... These are my "10/4", "Druggie David", "cougar", "spit dip out the window", "aquasocks", "I'm getting a divorce" MARTINI MADNESS girls!!!!
I don't know if you followed my blog WAY BACK...... but we've been through alot together...
It's funny how we used to be the BW's crew hanging out late nights watching basketball, catching up on local gossip, making fun of people....and boy watching...
NOW - we occasionally have a girls breakfast get together and/or shopping excursion and then we're ready for a nap!!  ha ha
Discussions now consist of savings and retirement and wedding and baby shower planning.
MY how things have changed.

I have another birthday just around the corner....

And I am BLESSED!
I am WAY too close to 40, but I have memories to share and blessings beyond measure for every one of those years!!

I know I get to celebrate it with the best friends, the best boyfriend, the best family and the BEST son a girl could ever ask for.

Mopey Monday is over....

Have a great week everyone.
When you're feeling down - remember to count your blessings!

Motivational Monday from my Motivational Weekend!!

As women we are so judgmental and caught up in a society based on looks. It is WE who drive that so hard... More so than men. We are so hard on ourselves!
Just think about when you get ready to go out somewhere. You get dressed up and do your best to look good... And slender... And young...
Not so much for men, but for the fear of someone saying "gosh can you believe how big Tammy looks!" Oh the horror!!!!

Honestly, that "horror" is what drove me to start working out
Lets be honest, that is what drives most of us to the gym
Now granted, other things are taken into consideration.... Health, not wanting to buy bigger clothes, post baby weight, and many others...
But ultimately, I think it's because we are so worried about what others (stupid girls) think!

In going back to the gym this time, I have been taken down a different path
I started power lifting
In the beginning it was humorous to me. The idea. Calling myself a power lifter.
Imagining what "power lifters" look like.
Well....
I competed in my second competition this weekend; this was my first real life "sanctioned" full power meet. Which ultimately means soon I will be able to go to the SPF (southern power lifting federation) website and my name will be listed there. Me. Tami G. I'll have a ranking as a US power lifter. How cool is that?!!
It's pretty awesome!!!

But the coolest part is this: with the men AND women at these meets, even being so new to this sport, even being so self conscious about looks, and not being strong enough, and whatever other dumb thing us women worry about- I can't say I have ever felt such a camaraderie anywhere else. Everyone there helps each other and cheers for each other and genuinely cares that you DO good!! It truly is a team sport even though you lift alone. It's just YOU on that platform. With 100 people screaming behind you. Wishing you a good lift
It's indescribable. And coming from someone with stage fright who doesn't like to be in front of people... that's saying a lot!!

Motivation at its finest

I've "gymmed" it before
I've wanted to lose weight, and build abs and look GOOD before
But on this path, I truly want to be strong. And everyone else wants that too. And we work together to push each other to meet goals
It's not cut-throat, it's motivation and esteem building at its best

This weekend I saw guys lift 800+ pounds! I saw a male and female lift enough to get their "Pro" cards. They will be "names" in this sport to follow.
And I saw them qualify.
This weekend I saw an 11 year old tiny little girl dead lift 200 pounds!!!
And in a room full of strong burly power lifters, I bet there wasn't one dry eye in the room when her eyes filled with tears.... So proud!!!

It truly is the most motivating, accepting, loving, non-judgemental atmosphere I have ever experienced!!!

If there is something you want out of life, or somewhere you wanna go in life, spend some time with a group of power lifters!!! There can't be a better group of motivators to push you to where you want to be in life!!! There just can't!

I am thankful to have a boyfriend with that exact same character not just about lifting, but about everything in life!!! He is never anything short of lifting me up!!
And I'm lucky enough to have just as good of a group of guys to work out with too... now if I could just wrangle me up some girls!!!

Happy Monday everyone!!!

This week, don't judge people. Instead take some time to push someone to be better. Take some time to build their self esteem. And make a choice to push yourself to be better and want more!
Never stop reaching and growing, because when you do, what's left to live for?!!

Have a GREAT WEEK!!!!

For those interested, I had a great meet this weekend!!!
I was pushing for a 450 lb total and walked away at 460!
90 bench. 145 squat. 225 deadlift
My unitard did me proud!!!
Couldn't be happier!

Next step for me....
Meeting Dana Linn Bailey and Rob next month at the Arnold Classic!!!
My #1 motivator/role model and GIRL CRUSH!!!! (Cheeeeese!!!!)

GO HARD OR GO HOME!!