So today...
since I deserted you guys last week...I feel the need to punish myself a little.
How? you ask....
by playing along with LIVITLUVIT and participating in a little TMI THURSDAY!!!!!
Before I tell you this story....
Let me remind you - I am a single mommy to my
It has, for as long as he's been born, been just me and him (a few roommates along the way... but for the most part - we are a team... we've battled many of life's curve balls - just the two of us)
And since I was 18 when he was born, we have in some sense kinda grown up together!
BUT...I've come to the realization that one day...my poor child will probably look back over his life and be like WTF mom??!!!
(today I'm just crossing my fingers that he doesn't read this blog!!!!) :-/
We live in a 2 bdrm ONE BATHROOM house....so you can imagine how much privacy THAT is. The shower has clear glass doors. SO - there are days when I have to hang a TOWEL over the glass so that I can dry my hair while he is in the shower.......we improvise people - it's what we do!
The child is DEFINITELY NOT sheltered!
HOWEVER........
on this one particular day - I would have paid a MILLION $$$$'s for those doors to be
SOLID BLACK STEEL!
SET THE SCENE:
I'm in the shower.......
it's winter and snowing outside...
it's bedtime......
the bathroom door is closed and he is getting ready for bed.
I'm showering away when suddenly the bathroom door creeps open.
I hear this tiny little voice say, "hey mom...what's this?"
I crack open the shower door to peak out and get a better look... I see two little arms poking through the cracked door. A piece in one hand and a piece in the other!!!
I'm SURE my face caught on FIRE at that point.
I QUICKLY shut the shower door - as if he could see me and demanded that he "PUT THAT DOWN!"
but being the diligent little child that he is - he just kept repeating and DEMANDING an answer
"But MOM - what IS this??????"
Anyone wanna guess??????
ANYONE?!!
ever heard of a little thing called a "Silver Bullet"
look it up. I absolutely REFUSE to put a picture here....
(YES people... that would be a VIBRATOR! and for those of you who DON'T know about the bullet - it has a remote that is connected to the "piece" by a cord/wire. Therefore the one piece in one hand and YES the other piece in the other hand!!!!!)
uh huh......
MY son - standing in the bathroom door holding both pieces spouting "What is this?"
Wanna know what my answer was..........
huh......
do ya??????//
A SLEEP MACHINE.
Yes... that's it. It's a sleep machine!
now PUT IT DOWN!!!!!
"But why was it in your bed mom?"
"WHY were you in my room child????"
his response was that he went into my room to check my tv to see if school had been cancelled for the next day. While he was in there he saw something shiny in my bed and just wondered what it was.
By now....I'm laying in the bottom of my shower in fetal position like a scene from the Crying Game!
sheeeeeeeeeeesh
The child is STILL standing there holding it. I can NOT get him to just put it down.
So - as any good mother would do at this point - trying to protect her young... I lie!
I proceed to concoct this elaborate story of the "machine"
I work in a healthcare facility... so I proceed to tell him that it IS in fact a sleep machine. And it was messed up so I brought it home to work on it. It was in my bed because when I go to bed at night - it monitors my sleep waves to tell me if I'm getting a good nights sleep! YES! that's it. That is what it is and what it does and why it's in my bed!
NOW - PUT IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he finally did.
And I'm pretty sure it took me THIRTY MORE MINUTES to drag myself from the bottom of the shower and take myself to bed.
So after all of this...
the horror...
the trauma....
My son then proceeds to tell me why he was SO persistent in his questioning.
(AS IF I didn't feel bad enough ALREADY!)
He then tells me that he was so worried because he thought I was sick.
He thought something was wrong with me (like breast cancer - because we knew someone who had been diagnosed at that time) HE THOUGHT it was something medically necessary and I was sick.
BLESS HIS HEART!!!!
Imagine the day he comes across a picture of the "silver bullet"
and that moment that he puts two and two together!!!!
WTF mom!!!???
you think he will ever ask me about it again???
LOL
Moral of the story: PUT YOUR TOYS AWAY!!!!!
Posts
