Are you CrAzY?!!! Nope. PASSIONATE!

What are you afraid of?

ME?

Nothing!

I've always been the girl that will try anything once. 
I firmly believe that life is to be LIVED.... not just coasted through!
What fun is it to get up and do the same thing day after day with nothing to make your heart race?!!
How do you even know you are ALIVE if you don't push yourself to the edge every now and then???

I've never understood people who don't CRAVE adventure.... people who don't CRAVE to feel that feel of your heart beating out of your chest.... people who never feel a TRUE PURE adrenaline rush....
I don't understand people who just crave the mundane... the ordinary... the lack luster of doing the same thing day in and day out and never wishing for more!!!

It bores me.

Maybe I'm not normal.... or maybe I'm not your normal.  Maybe something is broke inside me.... but I like to KNOW that I've done something awesome.  I like to wake up the next day and think "MAN - I can't believe I did that... it was AWESOME!"

When I die I want to know that I left a mark on this ol' crazy world.

And until then.... when my son thinks about or tells people about his mom.... I want him to have a fire in his soul when he speaks my name.  When my parents tell people about me, I want them to radiate a sense of pride that can hardly be duplicated.  I want them to talk about my FIRE and my PASSION and my FEARLESS spirit.  When Brad introduces me to people, I want to see a LOVE and RESPECT and PASSION in his eyes that can only come from a man willing to LIVE this life as an adventure right beside me.... every.  single.  day!!  I want to be the one my friends call when they come up with a spur of the moment hair brained idea to drive to FL for the weekend!!  Or better yet.... I'll come up with the hair brained idea.... I just want to be surrounded my friends that say "what time are we leaving?".

I want to be GREAT.  I want to INSPIRE.  I want to ENCOURAGE.  I want people to believe in their potential and their greatness!!  I want people to LIVE and enjoy every single day!

Does this make me CRAZY?!!
Maybe!
But I promise you that a day in my life is way more fun than living every day in fear of trying something new.

I might push myself too hard and too close to the edge sometimes... but I never curl up in my bed because I'm scared of failing.

I will not fear FAILURE!!!
I will fight till the end... and IF I fall..... I will simply get back up and try again.  And if I discover that the path I'm on only ends with a dead end... I'll find another path to get to where I'm going.  I do not believe in IMPOSSIBLE.  I only believe that there is more than one way to anything that you think might be POSSIBLE.... the hard part is finding the right path and never giving up.

Sheeeeeeeewwwwww.....
and on that note..... I've got myself all fired up and I'm rambling.

What I want to say is I am 38 years old.  I never really played sports or worked out or cared anything about eating right or lifting weights.  Sure I've done some time in the gym playing like I was doing something... what?.... I'm not sure.   But these past couple of years - I have once again proved to myself that as humans - we are capable of anything we put our minds to!!!

This past weekend I competed in another powerlifting meet.
I trained HARD up to this meet - but even with the training and the planning and everything that went into going into this meet..... I still somehow managed to AMAZE myself!!!
And I LOVE that feeling!!!

I squatted 275 pounds.  Yeh.  I did.   I had a bar with 275 pounds on it ON my back and I did a squat.  And I didn't die!  ha ha
You must understand that when I started lifting weights I couldn't even DO a body weight squat without stumbling.  And then I tried with a broom handle and actually did FALL on my butt!!!
BUT 2 years later - I put 275 pounds on my back and took it for a ride!!!

Don't tell me you can't work out.  Don't tell me you're not strong.  Don't tell me you're weak!
You aren't
Your body IS strong..... you just need to convince your mind of that.
THAT is the hardest battle.

Don't be SCARED... just JUMP!!!
BElieve in YOUrself!

Pick up a barbell.  Sign up at the gym.  Go skydiving.  Go whitewater rafting.  Drive across country.  Dye your hair.  Cut your hair.  Go to work without makeup.  Go a week without shaving your legs.  But a $200 pair of shoes.  Sleep in sexy lingerie.  Make the phone call.  Send the email.  Apply for the job.  Quit your job.  EAT A DONUT!!!!!!

Whatever it is holding you back from the passion that is missing from your life......... KNOCK it in the face, and just DO IT.  Don't let your mind convince you that you are weak or crazy.

LIFE IS FOR LIVING!!!!!!
We are all headed to a tombstone some day..... there will be two dates on it.  But the most IMPORTANT part that you leave behind is what you put in that "dash".  Live your dash with PASSION!!!  That's what people will remember!

Here's a video of my meet this past weekend.
What I did this day... even if it is the last thing I ever do - proved to me that with enough hard work and passion - you CAN do so many things that you never dreamed were possible!

LIVE YOUR DASH!!!!!!!!!

She Designed a Life that she Loved

and she didn't even realize it.
*That's gonna be my new book title*!  LOL

You know - we have choices every day.
Some we take so seriously and some are just made on a whim....

But I realized today... I HAVE designed a life that I love!

I had a conversation with my son recently.  *he started college this year*
He is - as were almost all of us at that age - wondering about his path.
College... career.... school... CHOICES.
Those life altering decisions we make.
He's trying to find direction.  (and I applaud him for that!)

my advice....
"Sit back little one and enjoy the ride"

Don't get me wrong... we should have plans.
Goals.
a Focus.
Somewhere you desire to be in life.

But don't get so overwhelmed in WHERE you are going that you close your eyes and miss the journey.

I am 37 years old.

When I look back over my life .... just starting with high school graduation... it's as though I have lived a million little lives all rolled into my ONE big life!
And even though there were times that I didn't know HOW I would make it through... I did.
And I look at them now and smile.

When I graduated high school - I had NO idea who I was OR who or where I wanted to be.
I WAS caught up in the moment.
maybe a little TOO much  ;-)
And I definitely have scars from it.

But I smile now.

People often ask if you could go back and change things in your life, would you?
And everyone says NO.  "Everything happens for a reason"
and that is true.
But lets just be honest.
If you COULD, you WOULD.
You would take what you know NOW and USE IT for back when you didn't have a clue!
Don't lie!
It seems that you could be so much further in life with the knowledge that you have now.
On paper, that would just seem to make sense.

Maybe the heartaches wouldn't have hurt so bad....... you would have known better

Maybe the money would have gone to smarter places.... you would have been more financially wise
Maybe the time would have been better spent... you would be more together and organized
Maybe the lack of direction would have been shorter lived... you would have known where you wanted to be.

~ BUT ~

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

......maybe the heartaches TAUGHT you things and shaped your heart into what it is today... maybe they taught you to LOVE... to really LOVE.   Above and beyond no matter what.

Maybe that tender place you have in your heart for young single mothers would be dark and cold... maybe you learned COMPASSION.... on a whole other level.

Maybe the lack of direction and confusion that left you scared and bewildered TAUGHT you PATIENCE... maybe you learned to APPRECIATE a job and even more so a job with PASSION.

Maybe the waste of time that you spent bouncing around from jobs and people and places and circumstances TAUGHT you how to know a REAL friend when you see one.
Maybe that time "wasted" wasn't wasted at all.
Maybe you have memories that you can look back on and smile and know they never be replaced.

Maybe you wouldn't have had all those "nights at BW's with the best girls ever"
or those early morning shifts at Raffertys with people and managers that you STILL refer to today!

Maybe you wouldn't have all those memories with a son who KNOWS you better than almost anyone on this planet.  Maybe you wouldn't have the inside jokes about "Friends" or "Spongebob" or "late night drive bys" or "Nancy" or "Moach"

Maybe you couldn't look into your child's eyes and know there are lessons and morals and values and respect  and LOVE that YOU taught him... you showed him... you instilled into him.

Maybe the LOVE and PASSION and APPRECIATION and PRIDE and HONOR and COMPASSION and PATIENCE would not even be there today......

if you didn't Design a Life that you LOVE!

Dream big.

Make plans

Have goals

and know that EVERY decision you make is designing a life for you to love.

Know that when you are 18 or 22 or even 29 - you may not see it or understand it.
But you will....
That's what your 30's are for.

You will know who you are, where you are and what really is important.
And you will appreciate all of life's journey!

And on that note - I will soon be redesigning my blog in order to more accurately represent WHO I AM, what I stand for - and the life that I HAVE DESIGNED!!!

Never surrender

My life has been a series of "Never Give Up"'s

I suppose almost everyone can say that in some respect

Some speed bumps are given by life on a silver platter, and some are mere repercussions to decisions made

I look back through the years and it seems like since moving out at 18 - it's been one test of survival after another...

Raising a child... Going back to school... Divorce... Changing careers... Being betrayed... Being lied to... buying my first vehicle... becoming a home owner...
and now.... being a Powerlifter!!
None of these things were/are easy!

Don't get me wrong, there is LOTS of good in life.  I'm not THAT negative to believe that!  And I'm very thankful for that.  But even with the good, it seems there is almost always an underlying challenge screaming... DON'T GIVE UP!

Life's Challenges!

I had another mock meet this weekend. This is basically a powerlifting test to see where your current maxes sit... how much weight can you move when tested?!

Mine did not go so well.
Take a gander.....

And when I say that... Please allow me to put it n perspective without bogging you down in numbers and lingo.  My bench press is always my MOST disappointing lift.  Period.  I toy around with squats, some days better than others.. and I ALWAYS love deadlifts!!  But bench... Oh that dang bench. It sucks the life from me.  To the point of bringing me to tears.  Not "poor me" sad tears... But tears of anger and frustration.  Tears!!  

This usually leaves me with an "I'm too old for this.. new for this... terrible at this" mentality.  

Which is even MORE frustrating

My very first meet was in December of 2012.  I benched 85 (and probably had 90 in me, but jumped to 95 and missed it).  NOW... in September of 2013.... Almost 9 months later... I can get 95. MAYBE 100 on a good day.  That's 10 possibly 15 pounds on a GOOD DAY, added to my bench in 9 months.  TERRIBLE!!!!  Just terrible
It's a terrible return for my investment!

So when I finished Sunday night, I WAS in tears.
YES.  HELL YES I WAS!!!!!

I don't handle failure well.  I just don't.
I believe I can do ANYTHING. And I don't take no for an answer!

So why the CRAP am I crying??!!!

Yeh Tammy.  Why?!

So I wiped my face and though the encouragement and support of friends and getting online to seek advice, I have picked myself up off the ground and set myself upon a new plan. 

What you learn through time... and trial and error - in powerlifting, and LIFE - is what works for you and what doesn't!!!!

I know I'm still learning - I'm still a baby in the powerlifting world

I know I have to get my bench form perfected or its not going to go anywhere.   I have done accessory after accessory exercise, gaining strength with every lift... but without the right form for me, it's just gonna sit there

I have found a new DETERMINATION and MOTIVATION in the gym!  There is a fire in my soul that WILL figure this out and light that bench on fire!!  I will!!

Back to the drawing board with new goals, a new plan, a bigger fire... And my NEVER SETTLE attitude!!!

We have to face life in every aspect in this way.... otherwise life and every challenge you face will simply run you right over!!

So join me in starting this week with a positive NEVER SURRENDER I can accomplish anything mentality.
I will not let an exercise or a person or ANYTHING else get the best of me!

SHEman?!! By the POWER of grayskull!

Thanks for the inspiration KK!  ;-)

What is your obsession?
your passion?
Where's your loyalty?
your commitment?

What's the freaking difference??

When is enough... enough?

I have had so many people tell me I'm crazy.  I've had people tell me I'm over the top.  I've had people tell me I'm extreme.  and... obsessed!  People laugh and make jokes about me flexin... (oh trust me.... when I CAN, and I WILL be able to.. impressively ... you can bet your BUTT that I will be!)
Anyway.... It's cool.
Maybe you DO think it's too much... maybe you DO think I'm gonna end up like the chick in that pic!!??
Maybe?
maybe you actually believe that!??

But you don't know.

You don't know that what I do is not an obsession... it IS however a PASSION.  It IS something you have to be committed to and LOYAL to!  It is something that requires giving up certain things.
And it is a game of being educated about what you do!!!

No one wakes up one morning and just walks into a gym and picks up 500 pound barbells off the ground. No one wakes up one morning and looks like the chick in that picture (or WANTS to!  :-p  ha ha)

what you DO wake up to is the DESIRE to be better.
The desire to win.
The desire to fight and not give up.
The desire to be stronger
The desire to be better today than you were yesterday.j
You wake up.... PASSIONATE!!!  (ok - maybe you don't actually WAKE UP that way...  well... I don't anyway - cause I don't wake up ANYTHING.... I barely wake up at all!)  ha ha
    but once I'm up for a bit.... LOOK OUT!
I'm all about some passion!  :))

When I started lifting, I had no idea what a "deadlift" even was....
And the only squatting I had ever done did not involve much weight - and if it did involve any weight, it sure wasn't sitting on my back trying to knock me over.  I threw my hands out in front of me to balance....
And you want me to hold WHAT... WHERE???
How am I supposed to hold a barbell on my back AND balance myself with my hands out in front??
And benching....... what a joke?  I had never been under a bench press EVER!!  I thought guys stood around in the gym comparing... ummmmm .... the size of their.... TRUCKS!!  or BENCH?!!  :)
So why would I.... a GIRL wanna bench press???

Oh how things change in a year....
And it's funny how passion grows where passion didn't exist before?
It's amazing the things that your body is capable of... and we sit around having NO IDEA!!!!

We were sitting at home (before gym time) last night watching Extreme Weight Loss.  I don't know how many of you have ever seen that or even care...... but it seriously blows my mind.
It blows my mind that we are literally capable of soooooo much more than we do!!
I watched a set of twins last night drop hundreds of pounds between the two of them.
I watched dedication and commitment and a DESIRE to better themselves!!
yes....... I used the word "better"
Maybe that is politically UNcorrect....
but facts are facts.  Let's face it.

At over 300 pounds... imagine what you are doing to your body every day.  You work every muscle so much harder.  Your organs have to work harder.  And your body will wear out.  Sooner than later.
So it's not so much about the vanity of it all.... but the passion to be a better YOU!!!
Why is that so hard for people to understand?

After watching this show, we headed off to the gym... fired up for bench night.
For those of you who have read anything I have written about working out - bench has been my nemesis.  I had tried and tried to break the 100 barrier forever it felt like.  Weeks ago I went to Berea to train with the infamous Brandon Lilly.  And I DID break that barrier.
But it was weeks ago..... months ago....
And I was kinda freaking out because I hadn't done it again since then.
Well last night - on rep night.... after set after set of reps - I shot for that 100 again.
AND I GOT IT!!!!!!
And you may be rolling your eyes right now... thinking who cares?  or you may be thinking 100 pounds... big whoop... that's nothing!!!
But you see.... I care and it IS a big deal to me.

It is living proof that I am better today than I was when I started in this sport.
It IS living proof that hard work and dedication DO pay off.
It IS living proof that I can keep getting better.
It is living proof that lifting heavy weights WON'T kill me or "break my back" or "make me old"...

It is PROOF that I TRAIN...... not just work out.

It is PROOF that I can ALWAYS be better!
So can you!!!!!

If you had told me at that meet I competed at less than 6 months ago that I could bench 105, that I could deadlift 230, or that I would ever EVER be able to squat a bar... much less 185 pounds, I most definitely would have thought you crazy!!!

So am I crazy?  Maybe, but that was there before powerlifting!
Am I obsessed?  Maybe... and maybe you should be too!
Am I committed?  YES - is that a crime?
Am I loyal?  YES.  You have to be

Am I EVER going to look like that SHEman in that picture??????
Thankfully no!
I can lift like a beast and still look like a lady!

Now what's YOUR excuse?

Here's my 100 bench....  I will do that and then some June 15th!

And just for fun... this is 95 pounds for 3.... watch that last one - I downshifted one time!  ha ha

~Motivational Monday ... or Tuesday... or whatever~

I haven't been able to keep my days straight this week anyway.....  so WHATERRR

Good Monday Morning peeps!!
(It's past Monday now but I never got to post this Monday and I wanted to share!)

Sorry it's been a bit since I've been by - but the month of May always proves to be a whirlwind!!
Birthdays galore
(my son's 18th this year!)
Graduation
Prom
Upcoming vacations...
the list goes on and on...

And now, unlike previous years - I have gym time TRAINING thrown in there!

Today (Monday) - Just like every other day - I had to fight to get my butt out of bed this morning.
*Reminder - I'm SO not a morning person*
But today it was a little more than that.
Sunday night is gym night.
It's squat night.  Always.

Remember a few short weeks ago, we went to Berea to do our "mock meet" to see where we stood on our lifts after a full run through The Cube Method.
I squatted 185 there.  A BIG PR for me!
(I did 145 at our last meet.)
I've squatted more than that in the gym since that meet - but it doesn't count until it hits the platform.
185 wasn't technically on a platform.. (although I would hardly call being IN FRONT OF BRANDON LILLY not a platform!!)  Regardless it put it in my head that I KNOW I can squat 185.
Period.
I did it.
And now I know it.

Well - Sunday night was our rep squat night where, as we are getting closer to an upcoming meet, I like to test myself.  So I hit 155 for 2!  Should have videoed that as it is a gym PR for sure!  Oh wait - I DID!!!
I digress...
That double felt so good I decided to go up.
Knowing that I have hit 185 - I went straight for 190.
 Should be in the bag.
Loaded the bar and walked it out.
Walking it out, I didn't feel good.  Felt shaky and just not confident under the bar.
(the 185 I had squatted was from a mono lift which means I didn't have to walk it out)
So I went down in the squat and got stuck there in the hole.
Booooooooo - reverting back to OLD CRAP!!!
BUT - being that I didn't feel good and solid before the lift - I blamed it on that.
I sat down, regrouped, let some others lift and decided I should hit it again.
Again - KNOWING in my head I should be able to do this and blaming the 1st attempt miss on instability under the bar.
2nd attempt:  I stuck in the bottom again.

Now I know not ALL (no one?  crickets....) of you all out there that read my blog CARE a thing in the world about me lifting weights  (I have been called "excessive" - and that's ok - I prefer to refer to it as passionate! ) so I get that you may not care that I missed 190.

BUT - let me put it to you like this....

Have you ever tried to do ANYTHING that you knew you should be able to do?  You go out there... prepared, trained and ready to conquer the world.  And you fail.
But then - just out of spite and the pure burning desire to do what you know you can do - you try it AGAIN!??  And you fail?!!
Do you feel me now?
Do you feel that frustration deep inside your soul spinning and churning and raising your blood pressure to the point of the top of your head blowing off like in the cartoons?

DO YOU KNOW THAT FEELING??????

Well whether it is weights or a ballgame or a picture your painting or whatEVER it might be... you can NOT fight the disappointment in yourself.

BUT...........

Here's where your truth STRENGTH occurs.

One of my lifting boys told me something his coach told him years ago... and it is TRUE in everything in life.
We are all going to have good days and bad days.
Period.  It happens.
True inner STRENGTH is BUILT by taking advantage of those GOOD days and using them to the BEST of your ABILITY.
But ALSO fighting harder to get THROUGH those bad days and leaving it at the table at the end of the day. Don't let it crush you.  Don't sit down and die.
Push harder and USE it to your advantage later!

Failure is not always a BAD thing.
Nobody WANTS to fail.  Clearly.
BUT it's that FAILURE that happened to me Sunday night while squatting that will DRIVE me and MOTIVATE me the next time I get under a squat bar.
Period.

Take the bad with the good and learn how to use them BOTH to your advantage.
No one wants to MISS a lift - I can promise you that.
No one want to lose a ballgame.
No one WANTS to fail

Your true character is built by what you do with the disappointment
Your true character is shown by how you build yourself up from that  fall.

Don't let life get you down.
No one is perfect.
Just strive to be better tomorrow than you are today.

If everyone did that - I bet there would be a lot less depression, obesity, "HATIN", laziness and people expecting something for nothing in this world.

EVERYONE needs some passion in their life!

Passion?!! I lift cuz I'm CrAzY!!

 It's something that's missing in almost everyone.
Passion!
No one is passionate about anything anymore... we just float through life letting whatever will be... BE!

Someone recently asked me how I got into power lifting and why?

What changed in me.... what clicked?!

And what my ultimate goal might be?


 
 It reminded me of an episode of Big Bang Theory (THE BEST show on TV!) where Penny gets a little distraught about not being passionate about anything.

I remember thinking that before... answering a question on one of those stupid surveys about your passion? What is your passion or your hobby?
I always thought... Well, I'm a single mother to a boy... My passion is pretty much what his interests include... basketball, baseball, North Carolina Tarheels, etc.
I didn't have TIME for MY passion ( or the money to SHOP... Which lets admit IS my passion! Ha)

Actually, as it turns out, I have learned you have TIME for what you MAKE time for. And I didn't make time for anything else.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still passionate about my child and his passions, but I have time to be passionate about ME too!!!

So, here's where it starts...

I was determined to get back in shape... With my ultimate goal being "to have a 6-pack".
Yep.
Every girl dreams of that flat stomach you had when you were 12! Right?!!
So I joined a gym. With no direction. Cardio was all I knew? I lifted a little before, but I really had no idea what direction to go with that. So I guess my intent was cardio. And maybe a few machines that I could wander over to without feeling stupid????

Insert B-rad!!! ( my little power liftin honey! )

I talked to him about my plan and he suggested some weights. Blahhhhh. I feel stupid. I was afraid. But I followed his direction nonetheless.

I remember walking into his gym that first time with him and all his boys. I remember watching them pick up weights that I just couldn't BELIEVE was possible!!!
I mean, it truly IS crazy to watch!!
BUT.... As cool as it is for them... Still.... Not for me. I just want a flat stomach. No need to be breaking my back and crap!!!

I started with some beginning strength stuff. In other words - I worked on my BOOTY!  I did a LOT of SQUATTING!!! And if you missed my squat blog, check it HERE - for my Mission Impossible.
Quite amusing!!!!

So - come December. My sweet little B-rad convinced me to do a meet. For "fun" he said. Now, MY idea of fun is NOT standing up in front of a room full of people with all eyes on me. In fact the thought of that makes my "private, not for display self" wanna THROW UP!!! But I love him and he wanted so bad for me to share this passion with him. So I agreed to lift.
I was a nervous wreck.
And felt nowhere NEAR strong enough to be competing!!!
It was just a push pull meet. Which means bench first, then deadlift. I benched. And it was ok, but mostly because there were no girls that were "great" on the bench. (NO competition!)  We were all about the same. Then came deadlift. Now going in, I felt pretty OK about my deadlift. I mean I felt stronger than when I started... so ehhhh ... It was ok. And I lifted. My max that day was 205. Which in my mind that day felt pretty good.

THEN.
I want you to know ....
This LITTLE HOOCHIE girl came right up behind me and picked up 300 pounds!!!

It was over.

My mind was blown

And she awakened something in me that I forgot I had!!!  
The desire to win!!!

Sure, now I enjoy lifting and I enjoy knowing I'm getting stronger
It IS my passion!!!
I know it takes time.
And I have to make the time.

But WHY do I do it????

TO CRUSH FACES!!!!

To be different.

To awaken that inner child that wanted to win when I played hide n seek.

To feed that little girl that always wanted to be on the winning team.

To defy the odds.

To prove to myself that I am capable of way more than I believed!!!

To amaze myself

TO COMPETE AND TO WIN!!!

I DON'T WORK OUT - I TRAIN!  

TRAIN TO WIN!!!

I tried to show my son videos and it does nothing for him.
It's not HIS passion.
It is mine!

People may not understand it. And people may get tired of hearing me talk about it.
But everyone has their own niche.
Powerlifting and getting stronger is mine.
I FOUND my passion!!!

As far as a goal goes... I make small goals almost every day... as I progress
I want each lift to be better than the lift before
But ULTIMATELY...
I want to compete.
And I want to win!!!
I want to, first of all, be better than myself!!
I want to prove that I am stronger today than I was yesterday!!!

I know that there is always someone stronger than me somewhere... But I'm gonna do my best and work hard as heck to be stronger every day!!  I strive at every work out to be stronger than I was at the last!

SO - If you have considered getting in shape or working out for whatever reason, don't do it just to check a box. Find a niche. Find your passion!!
It makes it so much better for you, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally when you are actually doing something you ENJOY with a GOAL in mind!
Something should DRIVE you!
Compete.
Compete with yourself and compete with others.  
Crush faces!!!
Find your inner "need to win!"   I bet you forgot it was there!

Someone named Edward made a video featuring one of the (in my opinion) MOST motivational inspiring power lifters that I know out there.
Mr. Brandon Lilly.
Watch this video
If it doesn't touch you or inspire something out of you - you just might be DEAD INSIDE!!!!

Whatever YOUR passion might be - do it with ALL your heart and always try to be better tomorrow than you are today.  Otherwise, what do you have to be passionate about?

NOW - have a GREAT weekend 

and go be passionate about something!!!!!

Ohhhh... now I know!

Growing up - we ALL knew everything.
You NEVER believed that grown ups were smarter than you.  I mean - hello - didn't we know it ALL!!!??
I did!
...and I would be the first to tell you!
I knew how things worked.... I knew how to do everything.... I knew what the consequences were... and most of the time, I really couldn't have cared less!
Grown ups were stupid and they DEFINITELY didn't know how to have fun.
And gosh they were always planning and setting goals and being all responsible and crap.
Who needs that?!!

Man - OH MAN - I wish I could go back and know what I know now.

As a mother now - I find myself trying to steer my son one way over another... trying to teach him to be responsible for himself.  To think ahead.  To plan ahead.  To be independent.  To work towards something.  Have a goal.  Have a passion (and that's NOT sitting in a dark room all night playing video games!)  PRIORITIZE!!!!
The things that "seem" important in most teenage eyes are NOT.
They just aren't.
Although at the time, it might just feel like LIFE OR DEATH..... trust me when I say.... NO!  It's NOT!

What IS life and death??

Having priorities.  Having goals.  Pushing yourself.  Taking care of YOU and not worrying what others around you are doing or planning.

As a kid - even though I knew it all... there were still things I wondered about.   But I wouldn't DARE ask someone.  I would figure them out on my own.
*I did after all - have my "I know everything" reputation to uphold!*
Guess what?
I usually figured wrong.
I had no direction.
I was all go with the flow.... ehhhhhh whatever.

That attitude....didn't get me far.
In fact - it got me nowhere quite fast.
Spinning my wheels... wondering why life didn't get easier?

So, what did?

When I sucked it up and realized - I am responsible for ME!
ME!
It is MY job to pay the bills and buy the house and work the job and buy the clothes and buy the groceries and put gas in the truck and on and on and on......

So I set some goals.
I changed my life path....
(and I still change it almost daily.)

Oh sure - some things are constant... but they are constant because I finally REACHED them as a goal.
Everything that I have in my life started with one little glimmer one sun-shiny day when I realized... 

"this is what I want and THIS is how I will get it"

And most importantly it started with LOSING that "I know everything" mentality and realizing that I didn't just KNOW everything.  There are people out there that have actually been through this.  And they know the right v wrong path to take.  And if I will just sit down and prioritize on what is important, I too - will find that right path.
And so I did.

But I look for new paths all the time.

The key to growing up is never giving up the ability to grow.
You become a better person every day.
You learn EVERY day.
You make (hopefully) better choices every day.
You learn from experience.
You learn from mistakes
but most importantly - you LEARN that you DON'T know everything and that is OK.

I, on a regular basis have moments when I think....... "Ohhhhhhh..... Now I know!"
And those moments.... yeah - I live for them!

My most recent one.....
I never understood why people did things that induce vomiting.
I HATE to puke.
HATE.  
IT.  
PERIOD.
HATE!
(is that clear enough?)
Both of my brothers ran cross country.... and for anyone who has ever work the "PUKE CHUTE" - you understand the vomit inducing sport of cross country all too well.

WHYYYYY would someone WANT to run so hard and so far that you THROW UP????

Stupid.

Guess what I have learned......
(wait for it.....)
YES - I have always wondered what it would feel like to literally work out to the brink of puking.....
and.... NOW I KNOW!
and......I wondered WHY anyone would WANT to work so hard that you are at the brink of puking....

Ohhhh......now I know!

PASSION

PRIDE

ACCOMPLISHMENT

SUCCESS

There is no greater joy than to know that YOU worked for where you are.  No one put you there... no one snuck you through the system... no one did the work for you.... no one made excuses for you and told you "it's ok"....
Someone PUSHED you.
YOU pushed YOU.
and you reached your goal.
No one can teach you that.
and no one can take it away.

Someone go back and tell my stupid teenage "I know everything" self that!

Thanks.
ohhhhhh...... NOW I know!
And every day I understand life just a little bit better!

{{PS - I know, according to yesterday's blog, My Inspirational Weekend I was supposed to be sharing some news today - but I had to share this first.... before ... so that you can understand the magnitude of the impact of the information that I am about to unleash on you!!}}

Wait .... for ..... it.....

J -O -B !!!

My word for the day...
...along with a big big wake up call!

And not how you might think
So many people, what with the upcoming election and all, are talking talking talking about jobs, and the economy and the election on and on and on.....

Don't get me wrong, that is important - but I have something MORE important to talk about today.

J - O - B   JOB in a word.
PASSION in a feeling.
Mine - in particular.
(and in turn - yours too!)

I am an Ultrasound Technologist.

I have been a waitress, a bank teller, an admin assistant, a sales associate, a bartender....
In a nutshell  -I have always had a job!  A "show up, do your job, go through the motions, go home and pay your bills" kind of JOB.  No real passion
For anyone following my blog, you will remember that only a few short years ago - I left my full time job at the time, to go back to attend full time Ultrasound school!  This was a huge decision.  And a life altering one no matter what the turn out from school might be.
But nonetheless, I felt that I was in a position at my current job of going nowhere and my passion was lying somewhere else.  {it HAD to be!!}

As I went through school,   I - as does everyone else   - thought
"OOOOHHHHHHH babies!!!  I'm gonna ultrasound BABIES!!!  I'm gonna show people their babies and smile and oooohhh and ahhhhhhh!!!"

And I do!!!    But.....

Even after I learned QUICKLY that was not ALL I was gonna do....

Even after I learned there are OTHER things we look at....

Even after I learned (shortly after working) that there would be happy oooohhh ahhhhh days - and definitely NOT so happy, cry days....

Even after all of that
I vowed to NEVER be cold and heartless
to NEVER be that tech that doesn't shed a tear and turns a shoulder at sad news.
I vowed that EVEN when looking and scanning and "showing pictures" became so routine that I could do it in my sleep ( for anyone that does ultrasound - you KNOW that should never happen!)  even then - I vow to be PASSIONATE about what I do.

And for the most part - that is still true!

Now - don't get me wrong.... for those of you that work in health care - you know there are some crazies out there.  Heck - for those of you that leave your house EVER, you KNOW there are some crazies out there!!!!

But my favorite (shhhhhhh) moments are when I'm doing a boring arterial and I'm describing what I'm about to do to the patient and she smiles and looks up and says "You love your job don't you??  I can tell!!"   Yeah - I'm that bubbly on your nerves tech that you wanna smack when your having a bad day....
BUT I'm also that "love my job and will hold your hand and cry with you" tech when your having a sad day.

Sometimes I'm afraid I lose that.  Some days I feel cold and heartless
And then I read a story like the one I'm about to share with you.
And it REJUVENATES my passion for what I do working in healthcare.   It rejuvenates my faith in doctors and nurses and ultrasound techs and everyone involved in a person's healthcare needs.

It REJUVENATES my passion and keeps me strong
and it makes me keep my heart and it LET'S me cry with the mommy that gets bad news.... and also cry with the mommy who gets good news.

Some days are fun and some days are not.
What we have to remember is - the patient is just that - a patient.  A PERSON.  And they have a story too.  And the cold bitter shoulder - or the warm tender compassion you show them can make all the difference.

I am blessed to have a job that I truly LOVE.
I am blessed to have the interaction with people that I have EVERY day.  (crazy and all!!)

I believe I am where I am for a reason......
God placed that passion in my heart and God put me where he could use that passion to glorify him.  I believe that.

Please read the link I have posted below.
What a tragic sad story with such an uplifting, passionate and GOD GLORIFYING family.  Grab your Kleenex, you will need it.
And when you're done reading - say a prayer for that family - and then THANK GOD for all the blessings that he has given you.
and for those sad days.... Thank him for those too - because they can somehow be used for blessings.

It is Well with my Soul

My favorite quote from this particular blog -

"I am convinced His ways are not our ways. They are far better."

 

Linking up with SHELL!!!!!!!!

"Now you know why the birds sing..."

Just in case you don't follow my facebook page - I am back home, safe and sound, from my skydiving adventure yesterday!!

I'm STILL reeling from the adrenaline high and the absolute RUSH from the whole thing!  It's just something that you can't put into words.

And as a side note - if there are ANY of you out there considering a skydive - I HIGHLY recommend
Sky Dive Kentucky.  It's in Elizabethtown, KY.  If you are even remotely close to there - Go there for your jump and be sure to tell them I sent you!!!  ha ha    I have jumped with Mike Trick and Larry - my videographer was Kevin.  They and the entire staff there are FANTASTIC!!!  Even if you are nervous (or scared to death), they help put your mind at ease and talk you through every step along the way!  Seriously - they are sooooo much fun!!!  I honestly would go up there every weekend if I had an endless supply of $$$$!!!  ha ha
Of course I was informed yesterday that the CHEAPEST way to keep coming back is to get my skydiving license and start doing solo dives........ hmmmmmmmmmm....  Do I have that in me????!!

Oh.... and if you DO decide to go - LET ME KNOW - I'm SOOOOOO there with you!!!  duhhhhh....

Well anyway - on our dive yesterday, Larry says to me as we're cruising around under the chute - and while I'm just absolutely awestruck at the view and the feeling, he says "Now you know why the birds sing...."  What a fantastic thought....  He's right..... heck I wanted to sing - and I CAN'T sing!!!! (so I didn't... Your welcome Larry!  ha)
Up there, there are no words for the freedom and exhilleration and just.... I don't know... weightlessness; not a care in the world feeling that you have. 
And then once you hit the ground - it's like.... you can do ANYTHING!!!  Even though I jumped with someone strapped to my back (I'm sure solo sky divers think us tandem divers are weenies!  ha ha)  but regardless, even though I was strapped onto someone, when I hit the ground, it was like "I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!"   ANYTHING!!!

Like I'm pretty sure if I wanted to ask Adam Levine out on a date right now, if I had his phone number, I would TOTALLY just call him right up and ask!!!  (does anyone have his number by the way?!  or maybe an email address??!!  ha ha)

But seriously....... coming off that jump  - today I feel brand new.
I feel empowered - I feel invigorated - I feel like I can do anything!!!
I just floated with God.... on his wings... he was right there with me...  He's got this... heck he's got whatever I can dish out... right?!!!
He didn't make a mistake when he made me!!!  :)

So on that high..... I'm gonna break out the books and get back to studying - I just made myself get online and sign up for my next Board exam... the more you do the better, and the more you do keeps your mind in tip top shape!!!
Don't ever slow down, life will pass you by!!!

Push the envelope

Live life to the fullest

Always have goals

Always have PASSION

and MOST importantly...........

don't ever let ANYONE take ANY of that away from you just because they have none!!!!!!

Words from the heart of the broken...he wears my scars

I promised this on Tuesday in my post its.  Sorry I'm just now getting it out.
My good friend Hailey read the poem that I shared with everyone last week.  She told me of something that she had written long ago and asked if she could share it with me.
I absolutely fell in love with the words.
So I asked if I could share it with you all..
You will be amazed at the power in the words...

Depending on your perspective,
If you have ever been hurt, let down, or had your heart broken,
OR
if you have met that person who saved you because they just knew exactly what to do and who to be....
either way you look at it, the words are wrenched with pain, yet yield a little glimmer of love and hope.
We have all been hurt, broken and scarred, but only a few ever get to see the real person left behind.
Our scars make us beautiful.

I hope you enjoy!
Have a great FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!
Tami G

He wears her scars


She goes unnoticed
her footsteps leave no prints
she could fade into the shadows
and there would be no questions
But he would ask


She lives broken
her wounds go unhealed
and her pain is hidden
But he sees


She appears cheerful
her smile is constant
and the tears behind her eyes never fall
But he knows


She is lonely but never alone
her words leave no meaning
she is scared of being remembered
and terrified of being forgotten
But he remembers..
every look, laugh and tear
and he wears her scars because she can't