What they don't tell you...

I watched a video that a blogger friend of mine posted on facebook recently.  And it really struck a nerve with me.
It does have some harsh language in it... the "F" bomb is dropped multiple times.  Try not to get caught up in that and instead try to take in the message.
Don't read more into it than is necessary.... just listen... with your heart.  And a tear... and a little bit of compassion for the young girls and boys growing up in this world.


This world is a crazy cruel place.

Especially for teenage girls and boys....  but even as we grow into adults... the pressure is sometimes just as overwhelming.

I remember as a young girl wanting so bad to "fit in".  I wanted to wear the right clothes, carry the right purse, wear just the right amount of make-up... ya know - just enough makeup to be cool but not too much as to be considered "easy". Because that's how you were judged.... on your LOOKS.  On what you brought to the table.  I cared.  I tried. I had some really great friends.

And then one day ... I didn't care anymore.

Sure I still wanted to dress in name brand (cause I'm high maintenance.... and some things never change! ha ha) But I didn't care if people liked me.  I didn't care if I found a note where someone that I thought was a friend called me a "snob".  I didn't care if someone that I thought the world of said I wasn't their BFF anymore.  I didn't care if no one liked me... because I had come to the realization that the only person I could rely on and trust was ME.
It wasn't because I didn't want to have friends........ it wasn't because I didn't want to trust anyone.  In my head, I think I just decided that no one was ever real.  Everyone had only been playing a part... the quarterback, the prom queen, the class "slut" (sadly this was also a part that was played), the cheerleader, the nerd... The stereotypes... all of the classifications.   And now there are even more!

Why couldn't we all just be friends fighting for the same purpose... all trying to better ourselves to make a future that we could look forward to.

I don't know.  I still don't know.  I never understood. I still don't understand!
 Jr High and High School just get to be so mean.  So heartless.
To the point that some fought back by rebelling, some fought by actually fighting and acting out, some fought by taking reputations to extremes... and sadly... some just gave up. 
For some, answers to the pressure came in the form of anorexia, bulimia, promiscuity, fighting, bullying.... Some hid behind dark walls and developed anxiety that may have never subsided.
The pain is endless
And sadly.... totally preventable
If only our world wasn't so cruel.

We want children to know the reality of life and the hardships of everything not being spoon fed to them, but then they are bombarded by the unfair judgement of peers.

And instead of PREPARING them for adulthood and showing them how to be a TEENAGER and come out as a strong independent young man or woman ... we are too busy condoning children having children and glorifying it on reality tv! Instead of protecting our children from UNNECESSARY harm... we are laying more harm on them!!! I see way too many 15 year old girls come in pregnant!!!  Babies having babies......
When did we STOP telling our babies that having SEX at 15 is ok??  When did it become ok for a high school student to bring her best friends in for her ultrasound because its fun and cool and they get out of school?!  WHY are kids thinking that SEX in high school is ok....
I'll tell you why...  PEER PRESSURE and the twisting of our world on what is ok and what is not....

((Sorry - got off on a little rant there!)

I don't know what the answer is.  I don't know how to prevent it or make it better....

But I can tell you this young boys and girls......

The pressure that you feel growing up to dress right and act according to a role, and be skinny and be pretty and be smart and have sex and have babies....  those pressures....... THEY DON'T MATTER!!!!!!!  They are twisted realities!

What we need to teach our young ones is to just be YOU.  Love YOU for YOU.  Don't let someone tell you who to be or how to look or what to say or what to stand for.
Love others with all your heart.
Never be cruel.
When someone is cruel to someone who can't or won't defend themselves, stand up FOR them.
Be strong.
Be healthy.
Exercise.
Eat right.
Make good friends that you can trust.  Make them friends because you trust them not because of a social status.




What the adults forget to tell you is that one day you will be an adult out in the real world and the people that judged you and the people that you fought so hard to impress, won't matter anymore.
I can promise you that.

don't let ANYONE make you feel like less of a person than you are.

And respectively .... on that same note.... as adults - let's learn to live by these same values.
Every day be nice.  Be healthy.  Judge less.  Praise more.
Take care of yourself and respect others... you never know what they have been through or what they are currently going through.

Stop being SO judgmental and just love one another.

And teach your children to act likewise!

That is all.

Here is the video
(and before you watch it - let me preface it by saying, yes she is openly a lesbian.  But before you judge - that is not what this blog is about and I'm not trying to open that war here... just LISTEN to her words.  Period)

Look at that dirty THUG!

I've addressed this subject before....
but in light of recent events - I felt like it should be addressed again.  I'm curious as to other's thoughts....
Feel free to chime in.....
Everyone is entitled to an opinion - but don't "JUDGE" me for mine.

I have an appointment to get my next tattoo  (keep in mind that I have two small ones already.   Wrist and lower back)
This one is going to be a half-sleeve... TOP of arm.
It is a collage of many different things that I want incorporated into the tattoo.  It is bits and pieces of who I am shoved into one work of arm that will be displayed on my upper arm.


I have attached a pic of the "ideas" going into this work.  Mine will have pieces of these, it will be nothing LIKE any of these alone  ;-)

Now - there are a few members of my friends and family that are, for various reasons, very distraught about this choice I have made.

First of all - I am a MOM!!!!!!!!!  Apparently "moms" aren't supposed to do stuff like this.  Let's keep in mind I AM in fact a mother, but I'm NOT 72!  I also sky dive and power lift and go on spontaneous vacations.... When you turn into a mom, is there like a rule that all fun and self expression must stop??  I'm confused by this??!!   I plan to STILL be a PERSON at 72!!!

I AM a mom..... but I'm not JUST a mom!


Secondly - people will look at me bad.... like a delinquent or a thug I guess??  Some kind of hellion??  Maybe?  I don't know.  Maybe they will..... or maybe they already do?  But getting a tattoo on my arm doesn't prove or disapprove that judgement.
I guess my problem with this "reasoning" is that I just have a problem with judgement in general.  Period.  I know people do it.  But I try not to.  So in response to that - I don't care if people DO judge me.  Because I don't live my life that way.  You are either my friend and know me well enough NOT to judge... or you don't know me well enough and in that case, your "judgement" doesn't affect me?
I know everyone says that they don't care what people think... but we all do - at least to some level. But as far as judgement regarding who I am based on a piece of art I have put on my arm - yeh - I don't care!!!

What about this one...... I am defacing my temple.  Defacing?  NO.  I'm decorating.   I'm not cutting my arm off or injuring myself or doing things that cause me to love my faith or my God any less.  I'm not causing my temple to be used for the devil!  I'm NOT getting satanic LINGO tattooed on my forehead!!!  So how is it defacing my temple??
My ears are pieced.... oh dear - I put HOLES in my body!!!
I wear makeup.... oh dear I look pale and sick without it - how DARE I put things on to look better!
I drink caffeine.  It's a DRUG!  I have defiled my temple.
I.  Cut.  My.  HAIR!!!
NO
No to all of that!!!!
I don't by any means think that WEARING my art and what I consider to be symbolism of my life in pictures to be defiling my temple.
I don't love Jesus any less after getting a tattoo.
Does it affect my WITNESS of being a Christian???  NO.  It shouldn't.  Unless you are one of those "judgmental" Christians that are too busy looking down your nose and judging others, to worry about your own actions.
How I "look" shouldn't affect if people see Christ in me or not.  That is shown in my witness.. in my character... in my HEART.... not on my ARM!

I understand that there are generational gaps.
I understand that there are people who grew up in a time where tattoos were only for army guys and trashy men and women... I understand that you may still look at them that way.
And that's ok if you choose to stick to those beliefs as you were raised.
But do you also not have a TV in your house?  Because I think at one time they were referred to as a thing of the devil infiltrating your house???

Are you so stuck on the "rules" that you miss the blessings that come from change??

I am not saying that tattoos are for everyone.  If you don't like them and you don't want one, that is your decision.  What I am saying is....  how fair is it of you to go around judging people who like and choose to WEAR tattoos!!!?
Are you so closed minded that you must assume that someone who has a tattoo is most definitely, without a doubt, a bad parent, a Satan worshiper, a thug, or a delinquent?

Just call me an inconsiderate thug I guess....... because I have wanted and planned this sleeve for years, and I"m pretty stoked about it!
And for all of you that want to judge or are afraid that I'm ruining my life.... well... I guess if you think getting some ink put on my arm is suddenly going to destroy everything in my life... then wow - you put aLOT of power in an ink gun!

From tween... to teen.... to real life?

We have all heard that old saying a million times....
"don't judge another, for you don't know their journey"

Do you remember being in high school and that's literally ALL people did???  We judged.  Each other.  Who's cool?  Who's not cool?   Who can you talk to and who will you NEVER talk to at school?
"WHAT is she wearing?"  "What label is that?"
"He will never date me, I'm not a cheerleader".
"I can't date her, she doesn't run with the right crowd!"
OH the terrible terrible judgemental games we played as teens!!
Even those that THINK they didn't judge because they WEREN'T defined as cool, and they DIDN'T run with that crowd... they chose their own path and did their own thing - don't lie.  By boycotting the "cool crowd" you too are judging!
Oh what a vicious cycle!!!
The sad part is - in all that judging - you have NO IDEA what is going on inside those people you are judging.

So you grow up (RIGHT?).  You graduate high school and you enter the rat race.  Real life.  Whether it be college or a job or whatever path you might choose.
You move on.
You leave those high school friends, and enemies.
Some you may see again, but most you won't.
And all those judgements and sleepless nights and worries melt away.
And all you are left with are the hurtful things that you said to another AND/OR the hurtful things that were said to you.
That's it.
All the judgement.

I remember I had a really good friend whom I loved dearly.  We will call her BETH.   I was, just as many others, a freshman trying to fit in. Trying to find my place on this new journey.   And I don't know how I did it, but I did.  I hurt BETH.  I made her feel like she wasn't good enough.... which is ironic because I always thought she was cooler than me.   I found a note one day on the bus that she had written to a boy I liked.   And it said "I think Tammy Green is a snob.  Do you?"
Now I can laugh (kinda) at the immaturity of it all.
But the day I found it, it broke me.   Mostly because someone I liked and thought was cool obviously didn't like me anymore....and I had obviously done something to make her feel that way... and she used the word "snob" about me??  Which was the LAST thing I considered myself.
I never asked her about it but we weren't really friends after that
We grew apart.
For many other reasons I'm sure.... but mainly for that one simple word - "judgement"
I judged her.  She judged me.
And for what???

It's funny - I see her on occasion now.... and ALL I can remember is that note.   Not the fun things we did or how far we have come in life - but the first thing in my mind is always that NOTE.  And as stupid as it is... it STILL hurts my feelings today!

You would think all those lessons we learn in high school would make us better people.  Actually some lessons do.  But what I don't understand is after all the judging and hurtful things that we do and survive in high school - why does the judgement continue?

Is it just the way of the world???

When I got divorced, the hardest part for me, as I'm sure is with many - was that "stigma" that comes with being "divorced".  People will think I FAILED!  I felt like everyone would look at me like I had done something wrong.  Like I must be some evil spawn that someone couldn't stomach being with forever.  And let's not fail to mention the spiritual wounds that diminished my spiritual walk because I felt like I failed and disappointed God too!

Over the past few weeks, I have heard story after story after story of things about people.... some that are good and some I wish I never knew.
But mostly - it has reminded me that judging others is sooooo hurtful and damaging - and just plain wrong.  We are so guilty of looking at others and being jealous or wishing we had the life of someone else.  How many times have you looked at someone and said  "He/She is soooo lucky!!"
And ohhhh how many times we look at someone and say "OH MY.  I would NEVER do that!!"
You don't know.
You haven't walked their path.... you're not on their journey.

Don't assume.
As good as life is for us all - it is also bad.  And hard.  And everyone hurts.
Remember - not everything is as it appears on the outside.

Just as much as you hurt and worry what others think or worry what others will "find out" about you - so is the person next to you.

Love unconditionally.
Pray for everyone you know.
And for the love of everyone around you - stop JUDGING!!

Focus on the good in your life and how lucky and blessed you are.
If it wasn't for the rainy days and the storms, it would be hard to appreciate the SUNSHINE!!! 

And for any of you young high school kids that might somehow stumble upon this page.... when you are in school, don't fret over if you're cool or not cool.  Don't think you have to do things to impress someone else.  Follow your heart.  Love unconditionally.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Don't judge your classmates, you don't know what they go home to every day!!!

Just don't judge.

Pouring my heart up and Linking up with Shell over at