Motivational Monday ~Never settle~

We are all guilty of getting frustrated or feeling defeated. Whether it be in life, in our job, in our past times and hobbies, in our families, in our faith ... whatever it might be, it happens  

Sometimes things don't go as expected or we don't get exactly what we expected and we suddenly become defeated. Saddened. Disappointed. Frozen (No, NOT the movie!!) .... Now what??

What you do next is what defines you as a person. Do you walk away, make excuses and give up??  Or do you fight HARDER from deep within for what you want?!

Where's your GRIT??!!

Look at it like this

My passion is lifting weights.  It takes work and dedication and a belief in myself regarding things that I thought were impossible!!!  But every day I get a little bit stronger and a little more confident!!!

I have good days and bad days as do we all.  But on my bad days, I remind myself I AM human, we all have off days and it's ok. I pick myself up and vow to be better next time!!  Those are the days that PUSH me to be better!!

Recently one of the guys I lift with saw an old squat video of me.  I didn't even remember what the weight was (145 - I looked it up! ha) ... But in comparison to what I do now... It was by all accounts "Baby weight".  He made reference to my chicken legs and we both laughed at what I had on the bar!  NOT to belittle anyone else... but because I have come so far since then!! BUT at the same time... you have to understand that on THAT day... I was strong!!  I was so proud of what I came to do and of the steps I took that day!  Flag nor fail told me to "kill it" that day.  (On Instagram!  I still have that screenshot!  And Rob Bailey may never know how MUCH that meant to me THAT DAY!!!). It meant so much to me.  It pushed me!!  And even though what I squatted is less than some people warm up with, for me it was one more step in the right direction :))

The thing is.... it didn't matter what I squatted that day... not in comparison to what everyone else did anyway.  Not that day!!!  Not for this girl who gets nervous even standing in front of five people, much less an entire room full of people who were markedly stronger than me!!!  What mattered is that I took a chance... I took a step.  I took a leap of faith into something I believe in for so many reasons... and I've never looked back!!!

Sometimes I catch myself getting caught up in what's going on around me and how much she squats or how much she benches.   And I can easily feel defeated.  But then I remind myself of where I've been... how far I've come... and the support and drive I've had behind me the entire journey!  (I have a SUPER supportive boyfriend and a GREAT team to lift with!!)

It's not about where you end up... we all want to hit big numbers and have records... but the important part is the journey.  The steps you took to get to where you are today. The people you've met all the way through.  And today... Are you better than you were yesterday!???  Cause if you are, you are a winner already!!!!  World record or not, no one can take away the character you build by pushing through adversity and always always believing in yourself!

As I said before... this doesn't just pertain to lifting weights, but in life as a whole!   Are you better today than you were yesterday??  When you fall down do you get back up and fight harder?!  Do you set goals for yourself and push through them?

Don't ever give up. Never settle. You can ALWAYS do more than you ever thought was possible

Just keep pushing and believing!!!!

I'm gonna keep on being me.  I'm gonna keep on pushing.  I'll keep motivating and driving anyone who chooses to be a part of my life.  I promise you that :))

Here's just a snippet of how far I've come and how much I've changed.  First video is my squat in Feb of 2013. Second is my squat last night.. May of 2014.  Just over one year of hard work and dedication. I may not squat as much as so-n-so does... BUT you can't deny I'm better today than I was "yesterday"

BElieve in YOUrself!!!

Look at my little tiny legs... and those little tiny weights... 145  ;-)

Now here is my squat from last night...... 240!!!  Best  Squat  Ever!!!  (still getting used to wraps so there is a little riding the squat down... but otherwise, I'm pretty happy with it!! And I can't WAIT to get more!!)

REAL is the new BLACK!

The interwebz might just BE the devil!

It's kinda like Hollywood; it's not always real life!!
It's really easy to photoshop that 6-pack and paint on that sunshiny smiley face and fake out some motivational "quotes"!

Maybe I AM too hard on myself...
*OK OK _ I AM too hard on myself*   
BUT I guess that is what has always kept me striving to be better!  STRONGER!  

And at the same time - it can also put me on my knees in a heartbeat!!

I don't NEED anyone else to judge me or criticize me, I do it enough myself!
*which is also probably why I get SOOOO defensive when someone DOES criticize me!*
hmmmmmm - WOW - I just had a revelation there!!!

Anyway......

As many of you know (if you follow me or know me AT ALL)
I am divorced.
The big "D" word!!! 
NOT knocking ANYONE out there who IS divorced... because shit happens.  We all know that.  Sometimes divorce is out of your hands.  It was OUT of mine.  I didn't make the decisions that took me down that road.  Nevertheless, that "D word"... that "check the box"... that "defining" of me STILL bothers me today.   NOT because I was wrong,
And definitely NOT because I'm not happier now that I've ever been!
~I have a guy that is like none other!  He loves me, respects me, is there for me...... he's my best friend!  He makes ME a better person.~
But MORE because I think it makes me feel like I failed at something.  I don't like that.  Period.  It makes me feel damaged.  Broken.  Not worthy.
And I hate that feeling.
I hate that I LET someone make me feel that way.
I know it's up to ME to change that feeling..... but sometimes it gets the best of me.  EVEN when I know I'm better off and that was a road I should have never gone down.  EVEN then... I tend to self inflict that pain and the act of "failing"

(yes yes - I'm twisted  - I KNOW!!!)

Anyway - I have digressed.... here is what I'm getting at.

I get on Instagram and the Interwebz and I see all these girls...... some SMALLER than me... lifting these ridiculously INSANE pounds of weights!! **And it inspires me** 
I go to the gym and I KNOW that it's possible because I've seen it done!  Then I get under a light weight and learn that my form is crap.  I'm not low enough... I'm not sitting back enough... I'm not square enough... my elbows are not where they should be....  I'm not progressing. 
My numbers don't go up.
Am I not working as hard as those girls?
Do I not have what it takes?
Am I NEVER going to get a correct form down?
Will I EVER be someone that people look at and are inspired?

FRUSTRATING!!!

I'm NOT just going through the motions.  I do work hard. 

I work out 4 days a week.... for 3+ hours at a time!!! 
Maybe I should go to seven?

I lift hard when I'm there. 
Maybe it's not hard enough?

So I go... I do what I planned to do as far as my work out goes..... sometimes I even do extra.
But then some nights... it's as though I can't do ANYTHING right. 
I'm NEVER going to feel comfortable. 
I'm never going to feel confident.
Weights are a funny thing like that....
I go in one night not even wanting to be there.... I wanted to stay home.  And I PR on deadlift.
Then I go in another night feeling confident in my squat... only to have the Nazi police yell "LOWER"... and all is crushed.  The confidence I felt is gone.
I immediately feel like I can't get it right.....

{INSERT LIFE}

and the carry over.....
some days....
I feel like I've screwed up there too!

Please don't read this and think I'm just having a PITY PARTY for myself today.
That is not it at all.

I just think we are ALL guilty of getting on the dang INTERWEBZ and seeing people who INSPIRE us......but unfortunately - like the airbrushed people in the magazines - the SUNSHINE and RAINBOWS isn't always REAL!!!!  We have to remember that!
ESPECIALLY us as women!!!
Not just in lifting weights - but in LIFE!

Yes - that girl is "happily" married to HUNKY McDREAMY..... but no-one knows that he beats the crap out of her at night?!!  She puts on a pretty face and we think her world is perfect!  And we wonder why WE can't have HUNKY McDREAMY?

Yes - that tiny little girl lifts more than you and has ABS of STEEL.... but her mom died last year and she still struggles NOT to go home and drink a bottle of vodka every night before bed!  And we wonder how or WHY she spends SO much time in the gym?

We all have battles and daily struggles.  Right?!!

So - sure it's nice to get online and SHINE your beautiful light to inspire girls all around you.
But - let's be real too.
I WANT to inspire people
but I want to be REAL too.
When I'm feeling DOWN and FRUSTRATED - I say I'm down and FRUSTRATED.   I'm not gonna FAKE sunshine to cover up my tears!
I LOVE to lift...
I WANT to be a GREAT powerlifter!! 
I want people to be INSPIRED
But I don't want people to think I just woke up one day and deadlifted 300 pounds!  and it was EASY!
It's NOT!
There are DEFINITELY nights that I feel like I'm wasting my time and I spend more of the night in TEARS than in confident SMILES!!

I want to be OK with being divorced and the decisions I've made!
I want to be OK with slow progress in the gym.
But some days - they get the best of me and I want to punch a car!!
Some days facing those decisions and seeing those failures HURTS..... and I won't pretend that it doesn't..

I want you to believe ANYTHING is possible
But I don't want you to think it's ALWAYS going to be easy.
I will strive to INSPIRE - but I will also always strive to be REAL

Some may see that as WEAK and vulnerable.
I just think it's REAL
and isn't it about time that we ALL got REAL with each other!

At the edge.... never a DULL moment

Maybe I talk too much
Maybe I say things before first passing them through a filter
Maybe I don't have a filter
Maybe I give my opinion when I should just be quiet
Maybe everyone doesn't WANT to hear MY story
Maybe I talk too much
tell too much
care too much
think other people care too much

But I don't care.
really...
I am who I am
I do what I do

There is no maliciousness is what I do or why I do it.
just me
Never a dull moment!

Foot in mouth or up my butt.
Whatever.

Some time ago I took up a sport that I would have never have imagined for me.
Powerlifting.  YES.
I'm 37 years old.... I'm a MOM....
I drank magnesium citrate this weekend in order to "make weight"...
YES... I'm a POWERLIFTER!
It's not something I would have ever imagined for me.
But it's perfect for me.... it's the epitome of pushing myself to the limit!

I have a mock meet tonight..... and I'm trying REALLY hard not to think about it!

I love the sport.  I do
I love pushing myself to the edge of what my limits appear to hold.

But the TESTING of my limits..... makes me sick.
Makes me nervous
People watching me... judging me... testing me.... makes my stomach flip upside down!!

But I will do it.  Cause I'm supposed to.  It's part of my program.
I'll do it.  I'll push myself and test myself and then I'll either be the happiest girl alive... or I'll punish myself for not being good enough.
It's what I do.
It's how I cope
I am my OWN WORST critic BY FAR!!!  There was a time when I couldn't squat plates (135)   But now I can do that easy... in warm ups.  But surprisingly.... THAT doesn't matter anymore.  What matters is I can't get 185 again... easy!!!  I know I CAN do it.  I should be squatting 200 easy by now.  I should be.
((Here I go again..... rather comparing myself NOW to myself BEFORE.... I tend to compare myself NOW to OTHER people NOW!  And it infuriates me... and DRIVES me to be better right?!!))

Never a dull moment!!!!

I do things that most won't......

Speaking of that....
we visited Waverly Hills this weekend.
Do you know what Waverly Hills is?

it's THIS!!!
an old TB Hospital where they treated people with TB.  People died like in flocks there..... there's even a death tunnel where they rolled them underground and out so that others didn't see the massive number of people DYING!!!!!
Patients were crazy.. and were experimented on....
The place is dubbed (almost) #1 MOST HAUNTED place in America.

We went on a 4 hour tour of the place.

The place IS MASSIVE!!!  You need WAY more time than 4 hours to go through it.
We had a guide that told us stories about some of the deaths there  (suicide, abortion etc.) .... he brought up some shadow apparitions to show us... he had them light up boxes and set off alarms on the boxes and some talked to us through a radio.

We walked that DARK DARK underground death tunnel.  (we turned out all of our lights and stood in the middle... you have never SEEN dark like that!)  We saw bats by the flocks... We saw the morgue.  I laid in a death tray.  (where they laid the dead bodies in the morgue before they rolled them out).  We visited the electro shock room.  It was crazy!!!

I don't know that I'm any MORE or LESS of a believer after the tour....... but it was something I had wanted to do!!!  CHECK

And I also know what a bat looks like up close and personal!!!  And how it feels to have one buzz your head!!  LOL

NEVER a dull moment!!!

Now I must set down the laptop and go prepare myself for this night.... of lifting and breaking PR's!!

I"ll let you guys know later how things go!

Stagnant and GRAY.... with a side of PINK!

I lift weights.

I train. 

I sweat. 

I bleed.

I have calluses on my hands.

I prefer sports bras over real bras.

I push myself harder than others.

I hold myself to a higher standard.

I AM my own worst critic. 

I am my own worst enemy. 

I expect to be THE best at every thing I do!!

I. 

AM. 

HARD!!!!

(and impatient!)

And inside... I AM still a girl.  

I get frustrated. 

I get disappointed. 

And yes, it makes me SO mad that sometimes... yes... I might shed a few water droplets!!

I make the mistake (OFTEN) of comparing myself and my progress to others... because why not?!  Why not me?!  If they are capable, why not me??  Don't we breathe the same air and talk the same talk and walk the same walk?!  Don't we??!!

So I look at these girls who bench this and squat that...
some have been lifting quite a bit longer than me and some just a little longer than me. ... But always.... MORE than me!!

And I'm over here like "I'm putting in the work... I'm working HARD.  I'm benching and squatting and deadlifting like a DUDE.  But I still paint my nails, and color my hair and wear pink... I'm still a GIRL!!"

 

I know.

I know... 

NOT to compare to others.... But HELLO, I'm a competitive girl - lifting in a competitive world!!  (I just sang "living in a material world" to that sentence.. And now so are you!  "Cause we are living in a COMPETITIVE world... and I am a COMPETITIVE girl!"  Did you sing it??  You're welcome!) ...anywho... I know you're not supposed to do that.  So sometimes I redirect those thoughts to "am I better today than I was yesterday?"

And as of late... I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I am!

Yeh I'm more tone. 

Yup I'm better in my form than when I started (still FAR from perfect).

I know more inspirational people. 

I can talk about the sport with more knowledge. 

My brain is bigger

My quads are bigger

My BUTT is bigger

Even my tiny little biceps are bigger

But the problem....

My lifts are NOT!!!

They are going nowhere

And fast!!!

As you recall, I did a mock meet back in April where I tested my maxes.  

Here is what I walked away with

Bench - 105 (10 pound pr) 

Squat - 185 (45 pound pr)

Deadlift - 230 (5 pound pr)

Since then... I have run through The Cube cycle an entire time again...  tested again with results that are nothing to brag about (although my body weight was about 11 pounds lighter!)

Bench went back down 10 pounds. Squat down 25 pounds. And dead only went up 10

We are now half way through another cycle of The Cube, and once again I tried to test my max on bench... and I FAILED at MISERABLY.

So I'm in the midst of having a FULL BLOWN "GIRL" breakdown!!!
I work out with guys.  All guys. 
NO girls there...... ZERO.
So when I break down and get frustrated I really have no one to "understand" and ya know....
"feel ya dawg!"

What is a girl to do??

Something has got to give somewhere...... I guess you can always go harder... but I'm at a loss.
This program I'm running works for so many people

WHAT is my problem???

I'm not slacking.   I'm not cutting corners.  I'm doing the work!!
And my bench is MOST disappointing for me.

So anyway - I said all that to say this.

I'm very frustrated in my gym efforts.  I'm very disappointed in my lifts.
And I don't know what to do to fix them right now.

Other than..... keep going hard.  Keep pushing.
And somehow figure out what the @(#*$&#$(*&#$ is WRONG with what I'm doing!!!

So in the meantime, I'll just be over here being a GIRL!!!!
All PINK and GRAY......

Throw (the weight) back Thursday!!

So clearly, most of you that follow me, know I started lifting weights.... for FUN right.  :)

Well I'm having a bit of a moment... so I wanted to try to convince myself I HAVE made progress in this sport.  Not just in numbers, but in dedication and form and LOVE and all those other things that are important...  Some days I just feel like I could be and SHOULD BE doing more....

So anyway.... today I thought I would journey back in time...
....browse through a few old blogs and see what I could come up with regarding where I was a little while back in time...

Here is a video of me today  (this is 205)...

Worked on my sumo deadlift last night.  This is not the MOST weight I have deadlifted, but it IS the most I have pulled using the sumo form rather than conventional.
So I will share that video first...

Then - I tell ya what - let's compare this video to the video of my first competition.  Last December.  Bless my heart I had NO idea at that point what I was getting myself into.

But I DO remember feeling decent about my deadlift until some other girl came up behind me and pulled 300 pounds.  It was that day that I found my edge... and something to work for.  It was that day that the fire was started in my soul to WANT to go back and be better than I was before!

Here is my first ever deadlift competition.... 195 pounds   My personal record coming out of the gate!





And then - lets compare apples to apples.
The first video I shared is the most current, and it's SUMO deadlift.   Here is my most current deadlift using the conventional form - which is what I used in that video from my first meet (the 195 pull).   Amazing how much different my form is in just 6 months.

THIS video is my all time personal RECORD for deadlift.  240 pounds

So anyway - the point being that I HAVE made progress.  I have made it in numbers and in other ways too.  But sometimes I spend all this time running around Instagram and the interwebz and I get frustrated thinking there is so much more I could and should do....
And I could and SHOULD be so much further along and better than I am.

Yes - I AM my own worst enemy.

Even Zombies find Motivation

Drive
Motivation
Ambition
Perseverance
Desire
Hunger
Passion
ZEAL

What do you love?  What do you WANT from life?
Have you forgotten?

Do you remember why you do what you do?
Why did you start in the first place?

Where is yours?
Do you remember?

Do you get up every day and just float through the day like a zombie... going through the motions with no desire... no passion... no JOY???

OR do you do anything for fun... that isn't fun anymore?

I found myself living like a zombie once.  Going to a job that didn't motivate me.  A job that I could only survive by going through the motions because there was no where to go from there!  A job that consisted of running in a hamster wheel as fast as I could but only to go nowhere.... and even when I tried to do more, I tried to excel.. to learn more, to BE more. ... it was for naught.
So I left.
To push myself...
to find something MORE!
And so I found something that drove me.  I found something that I could do with passion.  I found something that uses the fire I carry inside.
I found something that utilizes my best qualities... it allows me to meet so many people and it allows me to make a difference.  It allows me to be an instrument in helping someone..
I'm a people server... it's who I am.
I like to do for others.
When I found myself zombified and doing nothing that INSPIRED me....
I made the effort to change that.
I find it sad that others don't.

I see this outside of work too....I see it in life!
I see it in lifting, exercising, working out, dieting, playing sports... etc.   Whatever your past time might be.
I see people that just show up.  And pat themselves on the back for just that.
"well at least I'm here"
ohhhhhhhh yay.... What's THAT gonna get you?
Or worse, people that want MORE but aren't willing to GIVE more.
They show up, go through the motions, complain about not getting better, but aren't willing to make sacrifices to make gains.

You can make excuses, or you can make things happen - but you CAN'T make BOTH!

WHY do I lift?
"because you can't"
Well....... No - not because you CAN'T - but because you WON'T!
Today - you may question WHY I lift - but tomorrow you will wonder HOW!!
And you might begin to understand that when you really WANT something, you just have to fight for it.... that AND work your BUTT off!!!
You will have to find a DRIVE to keep you going and push you when you need pushing.  You will have to make sacrifices.  You will have to decide just how bad you WANT it!

When you start something - have a goal in mind.  Do this with EVERYTHING in your life!  THAT is your focus.  Focus on the end game... focus on where you want to be and fight tooth and nail to get there.  In your job, in your marriage, in your home...... whatever it may be.  FIGHT for what you want and love!
and do it with PASSION!!!!!

I just don't understand people that go through motions with no end result in sight?
What are you fighting for?  Where are you going?!

I could spend day after day going online and looking at pictures and reading numbers of other lifters and beat myself into the ground with my "lack of big numbers"
OR
I could choose to look back at myself one year ago and see what I was doing then?  This time one year, I couldn't do a squat, much less put a bar on my back and squat WITH it!!  NOW - I can put almost 200 pounds on my shoulders and squat that!  There are girls smaller than me that can do more, but there is me a year ago that never would have believed I could do that!!!  And THAT just drives me to know that in time, I will do even more!
Any progress is progress.   And you can use that to cripple you or MOTIVATE YOU!  
The choice is all in your head.

Step back today and look at your life.... your job, your marriage, your friendships, your hobbies.... look at everything... and ask yourself.....
ARE YOU GIVING IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT????
If you're not shooting to be the best - you are shooting to walk through life like a zombie... going through the motions and every now and then chewing up a few souls, taking what you can get and moving on.

Is THAT what you strive to be in life?

Do everything with love, passion, faith, hope, ambition, FIRE, perseverance....
And when you fail, and you will - remember why you started and let that DRIVE you to push harder and love deeper!
Failure is only failure if you stop - otherwise it is just a stumbling block to teach you to try even harder.

Start your Monday and your week with a desire to give your all to everything you hold dear!

Cube Method - Week two

Training Log - The Cube Method

Preparing for BATTLE...

my Journey in Powerlifting

WEEK TWO

(as previously stated)  My weights are based off my max lifts, whether they be in the gym or in training.
Squat - 185
Bench - 105
Deadlift - 240

Week 2 
If you missed Week 1 - you can find it here.... Cube method - Week one

Exposive squats
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
8 sets x 3 reps @ 60%  (105#)
Reverse Band squats  225 x 1.5, 205 x 2, 205 x 3
SSB Olympic squats  5x5 (80#)
Leg Extension  4 x10 (50#)
Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)

Rep bench
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Flat bench Press 70% x 50  *goal: to get to 50 in as few sets as possible* (15,10,13,12)
Incline DB  2 x 20 (15#)
Close grip bench 3 x 12   (45,50,60)
Military  3 x 12
Band Pressdown 100
Band fly  3 x 15

Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)
Face pulls 3 x 15

Deadlift
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
work up to a heavy weight 95x5(conv) x5 (sumo), 135x5(conv) x5(sumo),185x2 (conv) to 205 x 2
Dead conv 135 x 8 xx1
Dead sumo 135 x 8 x 2

*side note:  considering switching to Sumo as main lift form.  

Video at bottom, PLEASE share your thoughts*

Stiff Leg Dead  95 x 8 x 3
Rows 55 x 8 x 3
Lat band pulls 3 x 15
Leg curls  3 x 15
Plank 1 min + 25 plate

Bodybuilding Night
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Squat 5 x 5 @ 100 pounds
Calf Raises 75
Military press  45 x 10, 65 x 1, 70 x 1, 55 x 6, 55 x 5
Flat Bench 5x5 @ 60#

*Bench felt good, been working on set-up and moved my grip back out wider.  

so went ahead and pushed*

Flat Bench 85 x 1, 90 x 1, 100 x 1   (that DARNED ol' elusive 100!!  HIT EASY!)
Bicep   3 x8 (15#)
Tricep 100 band pressdown
Leg extension 2 x 15
Plank   1 min + 25 plate

Only got one day of our low intensity cardio in this week - but we had a really good FOURTH week and time off of work  (Even with all the rain!)   Hope you enjoyed your holiday too!

Just over here being a girl and stuff....

I am STRONG.
I am independent.
I am hard headed.
I am stubborn.
I am determined.
I am DRIVEN.
I am focused.
I believe that everything God has brought me through, is to make me all of those things!
I believe that every fall along the way has made me tougher. 
It's made me WISER.
And it's always serves to remind me that HE has a plan for me that is bigger than anything I could have ever planned on my own!

I like fast cars. 
I want a jeep so I can take the top off and let my hair blow in the wind!
I like lifting heavy things. 
I can leave the house without makeup on and not care! 
I don't mind to get dirty. 
I like to sweat!
I am a FREE spirit.
I don't want to answer to anyone.
I believe there is NO limit to what you can do when you put your mind to it.
I like to dress up and hang out with my girls - but I also like to throw on a bandanna and jump on a four-wheeler and ride around all day long and get sweaty and muddy and not even care what I look like!

but SOMETIMES....  some days...
I fall to my knees (for good reason)
Sometimes I am weak.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed.
Sometimes when it seems that all is going well - it's only because I am forced to remember to focus UP!

Today has been one of those days.

Tonight was supposed to be a gym night for me.  And not even a HARD night.....
We are taking it easy this week since we just competed last weekend. 
We will start lifting heavy again next week as we start back with Week 1 of The Cube again. 

But this week... little by little... day by day ... for several reasons - I've been humbled.

Sometimes I can't even run and hide from it in the gym.

Sometimes I just need to sit alone.  Here with my laptop and FREAK OUT reflect.

Plan.  And go over and over and OVER things....
And... well - relive the day and what's going on and refocus on where I am going from here.

Without going into a lot of detail - just know that sometimes my hard outer tough shell serves to protect and hide the weak spirit that is thriving inside.

Don't freak out - NOTHING traumatic has occurred - life is good and I really have SO much to be thankful for and really NOTHING to complain about. 
and LOTS to be thankful for.... did I mention that?!  LOTS!
I just have alot on my plate today... alot of change, alot of worry, alot of directional planning... and although most days I can walk along and carry all of that - sometimes it just gets a little heavy.

(Reminder:  When the weight of the world is on your shoulders.... SQUAT IT!!!  ha)

Tomorrow I will arise and me and God will take on the day and all will be well

But tonight - I guess I just needed to be a girl.

~Motivational Monday ... or Tuesday... or whatever~

I haven't been able to keep my days straight this week anyway.....  so WHATERRR

Good Monday Morning peeps!!
(It's past Monday now but I never got to post this Monday and I wanted to share!)

Sorry it's been a bit since I've been by - but the month of May always proves to be a whirlwind!!
Birthdays galore
(my son's 18th this year!)
Graduation
Prom
Upcoming vacations...
the list goes on and on...

And now, unlike previous years - I have gym time TRAINING thrown in there!

Today (Monday) - Just like every other day - I had to fight to get my butt out of bed this morning.
*Reminder - I'm SO not a morning person*
But today it was a little more than that.
Sunday night is gym night.
It's squat night.  Always.

Remember a few short weeks ago, we went to Berea to do our "mock meet" to see where we stood on our lifts after a full run through The Cube Method.
I squatted 185 there.  A BIG PR for me!
(I did 145 at our last meet.)
I've squatted more than that in the gym since that meet - but it doesn't count until it hits the platform.
185 wasn't technically on a platform.. (although I would hardly call being IN FRONT OF BRANDON LILLY not a platform!!)  Regardless it put it in my head that I KNOW I can squat 185.
Period.
I did it.
And now I know it.

Well - Sunday night was our rep squat night where, as we are getting closer to an upcoming meet, I like to test myself.  So I hit 155 for 2!  Should have videoed that as it is a gym PR for sure!  Oh wait - I DID!!!
I digress...
That double felt so good I decided to go up.
Knowing that I have hit 185 - I went straight for 190.
 Should be in the bag.
Loaded the bar and walked it out.
Walking it out, I didn't feel good.  Felt shaky and just not confident under the bar.
(the 185 I had squatted was from a mono lift which means I didn't have to walk it out)
So I went down in the squat and got stuck there in the hole.
Booooooooo - reverting back to OLD CRAP!!!
BUT - being that I didn't feel good and solid before the lift - I blamed it on that.
I sat down, regrouped, let some others lift and decided I should hit it again.
Again - KNOWING in my head I should be able to do this and blaming the 1st attempt miss on instability under the bar.
2nd attempt:  I stuck in the bottom again.

Now I know not ALL (no one?  crickets....) of you all out there that read my blog CARE a thing in the world about me lifting weights  (I have been called "excessive" - and that's ok - I prefer to refer to it as passionate! ) so I get that you may not care that I missed 190.

BUT - let me put it to you like this....

Have you ever tried to do ANYTHING that you knew you should be able to do?  You go out there... prepared, trained and ready to conquer the world.  And you fail.
But then - just out of spite and the pure burning desire to do what you know you can do - you try it AGAIN!??  And you fail?!!
Do you feel me now?
Do you feel that frustration deep inside your soul spinning and churning and raising your blood pressure to the point of the top of your head blowing off like in the cartoons?

DO YOU KNOW THAT FEELING??????

Well whether it is weights or a ballgame or a picture your painting or whatEVER it might be... you can NOT fight the disappointment in yourself.

BUT...........

Here's where your truth STRENGTH occurs.

One of my lifting boys told me something his coach told him years ago... and it is TRUE in everything in life.
We are all going to have good days and bad days.
Period.  It happens.
True inner STRENGTH is BUILT by taking advantage of those GOOD days and using them to the BEST of your ABILITY.
But ALSO fighting harder to get THROUGH those bad days and leaving it at the table at the end of the day. Don't let it crush you.  Don't sit down and die.
Push harder and USE it to your advantage later!

Failure is not always a BAD thing.
Nobody WANTS to fail.  Clearly.
BUT it's that FAILURE that happened to me Sunday night while squatting that will DRIVE me and MOTIVATE me the next time I get under a squat bar.
Period.

Take the bad with the good and learn how to use them BOTH to your advantage.
No one wants to MISS a lift - I can promise you that.
No one want to lose a ballgame.
No one WANTS to fail

Your true character is built by what you do with the disappointment
Your true character is shown by how you build yourself up from that  fall.

Don't let life get you down.
No one is perfect.
Just strive to be better tomorrow than you are today.

If everyone did that - I bet there would be a lot less depression, obesity, "HATIN", laziness and people expecting something for nothing in this world.

EVERYONE needs some passion in their life!

The final countdown... to striking a pose!!

OOOOhhhhhh myyyyyyy - I'm debating....
.....on whether to share or NOT to share this picture with you all....my fun loving faithful sweet NON-JUDGEMENTAL bloggy followers!  :)
My next power lifting meet is this weekend.  (don't worry - it's not locally so I don't have to worry about anyone busting up in on me to ooogle over my uniform!)  ha ha

SO just because ..... well I don't do anything "half way" - this one is an official "sanctioned" meet.  Most of the people (GIRLS) that compete this Saturday will be geared...  This means they will likely wear "bench shirts" and "squat suits" blah blah blah.....

I'm still a newbie to this whole world and I have yet to walk down that road.  (though I did bust out some squats in knee wraps this week... ya know - for fun and stuff!)
So I will be what's called a RAW lifter.
Meaning I won't be sportin any GEAR.

BUT - in these sanctioned meets, you are REQUIRED to wear a singlet.
A singlet is defined as:  

a one-piece, tight-fitting, colored uniform, usually made of spandex/lycra, or nylon, used in amateur wrestling. The uniform is tight fitting so as not to get grasped accidentally by one's opponent

SPANDEX???    a woman's BEST friend!!!  
 ARE YOU PICTURING THAT RIGHT NOW IN YOUR HEAD??
 because trust me..... it is EVERYTHING that you imagine it to be!

It's freaking AWESOME!!!  LOL 

But - I want to share some videos from this weekend on my YOUTUBE channel after I crush faces... so I feel like I should prepare you for the PHENOMENON that you are about to witness..  ( I mean - ya know - if you care anything AT ALL about watching me crush faces with weights!!)

So I'm thinking a picture today is in order....
to prepare you for the plethora of face crushing videos that will follow this weekend.

Yeah - OK - so I modeled my singlet.
I struck "a pose"
And I crack up EVERY time I look at this picture!

It's me
in all my glory (using that term LOOSELY!)

IN MY SINGLET

for your viewing pleasure...  please ENJOY!  :)
(without judgement or LAUGHING!!   shut it.... no laughing!!!  The boys have to wear them too!)

Don't make me attach a picture of B-rad in HIS glory!!!