The journey.... Live Laugh Love

The Superbowl is on.... yeh... blahhhh
It's TERRIBLE

It's gym night..... yeh.... blahhh
The weather is terrible and frankly I don't wanna get out and travel in this mess

So it's just me... chillin at home, in front of the fireplace all warm and toasty and sippin on my lemon water  (cause I am still CARB FREE after all!)
*side note - ask me about THAT diet!!!*
And to be quite honest, I'm rather enjoying the quiet... AND my water  :)

And then I thought - I have not posted in my blog for MONTHS!!!  That's terrible.  I miss my journaling outlet and brain vomits, so here I am ..... with just some random thoughts that I have pondered recently...
because....
This is my 20th year out of high school - TWENTY YEARS!!!!
AND I have a son in COLLEGE!!!  my baby boy.... is in COLLEGE!!!

Time is a funny thing
As you are growing up, you can't wait to be 16, then 18, then 21.... then what?!!  You wish your life away birthday after birthday ... and then we all want time to stop.  But it flies.  It goes soooo fast.  And yet - in my mind it seems like high school really wasn't that long ago.   My parents are still in their 40's in my mind - even though I MYSELF am knocking on the door to 40!  Not logical I know.... but sometimes it just doesn't seem real. 
I have elderly patients tell me almost daily.... "don't get old - it's not all it's cracked up to be.  Everyone calls them the golden years, but I don't know what's so golden about them".

So tonight I sit and ponder over my life's journey.  Cause that is after all what it is all about... the journey.  Sure - as is the case with most of us, sometimes I wish I could go back and do a million things different based on what I know NOW.... but at the same time... I LOVE who I am today.  I love what I have been through.  I love the experiences I have under my belt and the stories I have to tell and the struggles I have fought to overcome.  It makes me strong.
Don't get me wrong... I'm a big ol' softie underneath.  I can cry at a commercial in a second (did y'all see that Budweiser puppy/horse commercial?!  That's what I live for!!) ... but when push comes to shove in this life - I do what I have to do to get through it!!!

My son will be 19 this year.  Like I said, he is a freshman in college... with his first semester under his belt! Yay! (which he didn't flunk which is a BONUS!  ha)   So we've had several conversations lately about life... and it made me think back to things I am thankful for and lessons learned on my journey.  Some the hard way... OK - actually MOST of them the hard way! 

Anyway.... just a few things I think you need to know as you are growing up......   OR if your grown up - maybe just a few things you can look back on and be grateful.

*  The teachers that drove you crazy are the BEST!  When I look back over my school days, there are a handful that stand out more so than others.  These are the ones NO ONE wanted.  The ones that MADE you do homework and graded everything with a fine toothed comb.  They MADE you crazy - but they made you push yourselves.  Be grateful for that.  THEY taught you the most not just about the class, but about YOU and what you are actually capable of!

*  It's ok to not know what you want to be "when you grow up".  You will eventually find yourself and you will just know.  Don't pressure yourself so much that you lose the journey to FINDING yourself!  Enjoy the steps along the way and one day you will stumble into something and within it you will find passion.  Let that lead you.

*  Your friends will be your lifeline.  Sometimes they come from high school and sometimes they don't come till later... in the most unusual way.  Treasure those relationships.  You NEED friends!  Of both sexes!

*  Everyone should work in customer service or food service at some point in life!  I truly believe it's one of the BEST ways to learn how to interact with people, to learn patience, and to learn that as a general rule - PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!!!  lol    Laugh and keep moving.

*  Don't care so much what other people think.  Do YOU!!!  Be YOU!!  And love every bit of you!  You really DON'T need the approval of anyone else.

*  When it comes to love - Don't EVER settle!  Be yourself and not what you think someone will love.  And if anyone EVER asks you WHY they should stay..... Walk away...... NO.... RUN AWAY!!! You NEVER need to convince anyone as to why they should love you.  If they question it, they aren't the right one.  Period.

*  Everyone should live alone.  How else do you learn that your mom will not always be there to take out your trash before you have attracted every rat in the neighborhood!  How else do you learn that there is a point in time when your sheets just aren't safe to sleep on anymore...... they actually HAVE to be washed!  How else do you learn that working is a VERY important aspect in keeping the lights on in your place!

*  Take care of your body!  Exercise.  Lift weights.  If you never have before, start now!  It is so good for you and no one really ever stresses that to you!  It is not only good for you health wise, but it's also a great stress reliever and does wonders for your endorphins.   They say there is no better anti-depressant than exercise.  Just do it.  (speaking of - in case you don't follow me on facebook, I have some GREAT powerlifting updates soon!)

**Most importantly....... enjoy EVERY step of your journey.   It is yours and yours alone.  No ones will be like yours and yours will be like no one elses!!!  Don't rush through the journey... take notes, keep a journal, do some things on a whim and be ready for the repercussions.  There will be bumps and set backs.  There will be days when no one can stop you.  Learn from it all and savor every moment.   Sooner than you think you will be planning YOUR 20 year reunion from high school!!

LIVE.   LAUGH.   LOVE!!!

Every NEW day... is NEW learnin!

As I have grown up... I've gone through many MANY phases!!
Haven't we ALL!!!!
Many things that I hated as a child - I learned to LOVE as an adult.  And vice versa!
Funny how that works.
Many things you took for granted as a kid - you sure do miss as an adult!  (lack of responsibility, no real worries.... and NAPS!  Man I miss NAPS!)

Anyway - almost every child hated SCHOOL growing up... you hated getting up, you hated going, you hated homework, who needs to learn Algebra?!  or about History?!
... really it's that whole tip-toeing into adulthood there that we loathe!!

But never the less, we all grow up and we have to begin to take responsibility for ourselves.  You now have things that YOU have to do... no one can/will do them for you.  Buy a house, buy a car, pay your bills, the list goes on and on.....

One thing that I have learned to LOVE as I've grown up is LEARNING!
the SCHOOL of.... LIFE!
*Let's not even touch on how I must LOVE to learn things the HARD way though!*   sigh....

I always joke about how I know a little bit about a LOT of things..... and this is because I just love to learn about things. (and then I lose interest quickly... I contribute that to my ADD!  lol)
I also for some inherent reason think that I AM capable of doing anything.
I might learn the hard way
I might make mistakes
I might not understand right out of the gate....
BUT
given the time and the patience and a few million grains of salt.....
I eventually figure things out
and THAT is the GREATEST feeling in the world.

I am finding this to be ALL TOO TRUE in powerlifting.

Here is my journey so far in a nutshell.

Day 1 - Didn't want to do it.  Didn't have a CLUE about it and didn't CARE to!
(I just wanted to train for a 6 pack - as does EVERY girl!  well... every girl WANTS one, just maybe not to TRAIN for one!)
Meet 1 - Did a meet with my boyfriend (for his birthday present because that's what he wanted)
HOOKED
The end.
ha ha

Kidding.......
Though that really WAS all it took me to get hooked; my competitive "I can do anything" nature took hold.
And I began REALLY training.... to pick up HEAVY WEIGHTS!!

And in the beginning....... being NEW and all.... it was PR after PR after PR!!!  (aka Pat on the Back, after Pat on the Back, after Pat on the Back... you're AWESOME!)
Guys... that's easy when you've never done a DEADLIFT in your life!!!
But ALAS..... over time...... those easy PR's don't come so EASY.
And I have found myself frustrated and overwhelmed by disappointment in myself.

I struggled so much (and still do) with my bench... my number wasn't going up and I couldn't figure out why.  I trained to get stronger but I still couldn't get the bench number up.  So I focused on form.  And I FINALLY feel better in my form so now it's just GET STRONGER!  (and of course PERFECTING that form I worked so hard on!)
and ...... NOW - I'm struggling with my squat.  I'm at a standstill.  I hit a number in February.....SEVEN MONTHS ago - that I have only hit a couple of times since... and definitely nothing ABOVE that number.  It's very frustrating.  Add on top of that a constant criticism of my form.  I can't seem to sit BACK in my squat!  I'm ashamed to tell you how many times recently I've had to walk away from the bar (in tears) and go "walk it off"!!  (in Tammy terms.... that means CRY!  that's how I show anger and frustration... FRUSTRATION at its finest!)

And then today - I was reminded....... I am doing things I never dreamed I could do!!
I have picked up 300 pounds off the ground (off boxes)   but that's 300 POUNDS!  Are you kidding me?!

Today someone said to me "I've been following your training."  And in just THAT one simple comment - I was reminded ....
I'm STILL LEARNING TOO!!!!!!!!!
And so are others!!!

I also saw something posted by a powerlifting trainer that reminded me... the learning comes over years... not in just a few months.  So much to learn.  So much to improve.  Constant training and learning and bettering myself to come...

I have been powerlifting for LESS than ONE year.   ONE
And although in my MIND I think I am invincible and capable of the IMPOSSIBLE ..... I am not.
There are things that just take time!! patience!  Grrrrrr
I have a TERRIBLE tendency to look online at these girls that lift insanely huge amounts of weights with beautiful form... and then I carry that to the gym with me.
And it's like trying to be a supermodel walking the runway on stilettos without ever wearing a pair of heels before...  it doesn't just happen overnight!


You know how they say life knocks you down and makes you stronger... and if that's the case, I should be able to bench press a BUICK!
Well I think life teaches you lessons EVERY SINGLE DAY and makes you SMARTER!!!  You know how as a kid you thought adults were so stupid and didn't know anything!!!  Well...... I wish I could take the KID version of myself and knock myself over the head with every adult that ever tried to TEACH me anything. You just can't be THAT smart until life has TAUGHT you about LIFE!
Period.


So in conclusion - I have learned alot this week!  About life and the sport of Powerlifting.

I've learned that EVERYTHING takes time and patience...and that's a good thing.  When things are handed to you on a silver platter with no effort, they just don't seem quite as dear to you.

I've learned that when you have a bad day, you should always remember that someone somewhere is watching your every move and comparing themselves to you.  Remember to SHINE!

I've learned that no matter how much you are disappointed in yourself - there is always someone out there that is proud of you and envies something about you.  And that is motivation.

I've learned that getting down on yourself about anything only destroys you and your confidence.  And it's just not worth it.  We all have bad days.

AND - I have learned that just when you think you have NOTHING to give or show for all your hard work, just when you least expect it........ life will SHOW you that everything you have fought for is worth every single minute!!!!!

**I did a mock meet last night..... and without going into much detail, I hit my biggest bench EVER, my biggest deadlift EVER, I matched my highest squat (with some still in the tank - and left it because I've been struggling with my squat), AND I hit my BIGGEST TOTAL EVER!!!**

Life will give you JUST enough to make you stronger...... not KILL YA!  Trust it!

In the words of DRE....... "it was a good day"

From tween... to teen.... to real life?

We have all heard that old saying a million times....
"don't judge another, for you don't know their journey"

Do you remember being in high school and that's literally ALL people did???  We judged.  Each other.  Who's cool?  Who's not cool?   Who can you talk to and who will you NEVER talk to at school?
"WHAT is she wearing?"  "What label is that?"
"He will never date me, I'm not a cheerleader".
"I can't date her, she doesn't run with the right crowd!"
OH the terrible terrible judgemental games we played as teens!!
Even those that THINK they didn't judge because they WEREN'T defined as cool, and they DIDN'T run with that crowd... they chose their own path and did their own thing - don't lie.  By boycotting the "cool crowd" you too are judging!
Oh what a vicious cycle!!!
The sad part is - in all that judging - you have NO IDEA what is going on inside those people you are judging.

So you grow up (RIGHT?).  You graduate high school and you enter the rat race.  Real life.  Whether it be college or a job or whatever path you might choose.
You move on.
You leave those high school friends, and enemies.
Some you may see again, but most you won't.
And all those judgements and sleepless nights and worries melt away.
And all you are left with are the hurtful things that you said to another AND/OR the hurtful things that were said to you.
That's it.
All the judgement.

I remember I had a really good friend whom I loved dearly.  We will call her BETH.   I was, just as many others, a freshman trying to fit in. Trying to find my place on this new journey.   And I don't know how I did it, but I did.  I hurt BETH.  I made her feel like she wasn't good enough.... which is ironic because I always thought she was cooler than me.   I found a note one day on the bus that she had written to a boy I liked.   And it said "I think Tammy Green is a snob.  Do you?"
Now I can laugh (kinda) at the immaturity of it all.
But the day I found it, it broke me.   Mostly because someone I liked and thought was cool obviously didn't like me anymore....and I had obviously done something to make her feel that way... and she used the word "snob" about me??  Which was the LAST thing I considered myself.
I never asked her about it but we weren't really friends after that
We grew apart.
For many other reasons I'm sure.... but mainly for that one simple word - "judgement"
I judged her.  She judged me.
And for what???

It's funny - I see her on occasion now.... and ALL I can remember is that note.   Not the fun things we did or how far we have come in life - but the first thing in my mind is always that NOTE.  And as stupid as it is... it STILL hurts my feelings today!

You would think all those lessons we learn in high school would make us better people.  Actually some lessons do.  But what I don't understand is after all the judging and hurtful things that we do and survive in high school - why does the judgement continue?

Is it just the way of the world???

When I got divorced, the hardest part for me, as I'm sure is with many - was that "stigma" that comes with being "divorced".  People will think I FAILED!  I felt like everyone would look at me like I had done something wrong.  Like I must be some evil spawn that someone couldn't stomach being with forever.  And let's not fail to mention the spiritual wounds that diminished my spiritual walk because I felt like I failed and disappointed God too!

Over the past few weeks, I have heard story after story after story of things about people.... some that are good and some I wish I never knew.
But mostly - it has reminded me that judging others is sooooo hurtful and damaging - and just plain wrong.  We are so guilty of looking at others and being jealous or wishing we had the life of someone else.  How many times have you looked at someone and said  "He/She is soooo lucky!!"
And ohhhh how many times we look at someone and say "OH MY.  I would NEVER do that!!"
You don't know.
You haven't walked their path.... you're not on their journey.

Don't assume.
As good as life is for us all - it is also bad.  And hard.  And everyone hurts.
Remember - not everything is as it appears on the outside.

Just as much as you hurt and worry what others think or worry what others will "find out" about you - so is the person next to you.

Love unconditionally.
Pray for everyone you know.
And for the love of everyone around you - stop JUDGING!!

Focus on the good in your life and how lucky and blessed you are.
If it wasn't for the rainy days and the storms, it would be hard to appreciate the SUNSHINE!!! 

And for any of you young high school kids that might somehow stumble upon this page.... when you are in school, don't fret over if you're cool or not cool.  Don't think you have to do things to impress someone else.  Follow your heart.  Love unconditionally.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Don't judge your classmates, you don't know what they go home to every day!!!

Just don't judge.

Pouring my heart up and Linking up with Shell over at

It's a PaRtY at my house!!!!!!

well....
I mean....
I AM the ONLY one here...
and I'm studying...
and I'm in my PJ's....

BUT - I'm having my own little party right here in my PJ's on my couch!

TODAY was my VERY last day of clinicals!!!
whooooooo hoooooooooo

I am DONE.... D.  O.  N.  E. ... DONE with school!!
No more tests (that I know of)
No more homework
No more 3 AM commutes to random clinical sites...
No more grades
No more check offs

I'm DONE!

(before you get TOO excited - I do still have to take my Boards... which determine my certification... and I'm studying my BUTT off for those...)
BUT
I am no longer a student!

Guess what I am.......

A FULL TIME Diagnostic Medical Sonographer.

I got my offer letter yesterday and as soon as I can get this first Board test out of the way, I will begin full time employment in a facility doing exactly what I went to school to do.
And you have to understand..... jobs are not plentiful in this field right now.  And the jobs that ARE there, are typically of the PRN nature and taking call.
I however, have the holy grail of ultrasound jobs.  A full time daytime position.  No nights, no holidays, no call... you get the idea  :)
YAY!
I'm soooooo excited!

And I would like to say a big huge THANK YOU to my almighty God who has set this path in motion LONG before I even knew that the path existed at all!  I look back and see the stepping stones that have been being laid for years!!!!!!

Also a big THANK you to all my family and friends who have supported me and prayed for me, along with my teachers and my fellow classmates!

This has been one AMAZING roller coaster of a year....
lots of changes; lots of new friends; lots of new places; and my brain might just explode.....
But this ride is about to pull into the station and begin a whole new journey.
And I thank God above for it ALL!

Keep praying... still have Boards to pass!  :)

Brown chicken Brown cow!!!

yeah yeah yeah.... I despise that song too - LOL
but - you can't take me down today!
(even after 78239872234 days of rain!!!)
I'm doing a happy dance, singing a song, and well.... it's been HOW MANY years since I've done a real live cartwheel??? but I'm doin it!!!
I'm listening to music and cleaning my house!  YEP - I'm in THAT good of a mood!
HA!

BRING ON MONDAY!!!!!!

I just took my final for my last semester of actual class time!  PHYSICS!  AND I got a 92!  yep - sure did.  92 in PHYSICS - YAY me!!!!
now granted - it's a TOUGH HARD CRAZY road ahead, I still have to finish up final clinical rotation (but I have checked off on all scans I need to check off on) AND I still have those Board tests to take (which I have heard HORROR stories about), but today, I feel like I have NOT actually wasted the last year of my life and I feel as though God has led me down a road and he's still holding my hand.  He isn't letting go yet.    We still have a few more hurdles to cross, but I guess this test today was just a MUCH NEEDED reminder that God brought me here for a reason and he's gonna continue carrying me through  :)

{{SHOUT OUT to Preacher T for the EXCELLENT service and MUCH NEEDED message at church Sunday!  I love you and am so proud to call such a GREAT man of God, my husband!}}


Hope everyone else is having a GREAT Monday also  :)

I'm OUTTA here!!! {Part 1}

Well guys.....
I'm back  :)
After a quick, spur of the moment vacation - I'm back home safe and sound and ready to SPILL!!!
This post will be a 2-parter....

beginning today {part 1} with my FUN spontaneous road trip to FL!!!

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  If you recall, Preacher T and I never took a honeymoon because right after our wedding, I started school.  PLUS I haven't seen a beach in ... oh, about 2 years.  and you MUST understand that my body begins to SHUT DOWN without some sunshine, and sand, and salt in the air.  So I have been DYING to get away.
But with school, and T's busy work schedule... and well - let's face it, FINANCES... it just hasn't been possible.

Enter my "spring break".  I realize in the real "grown-up" world, spring break is a fictional thing, but for one more time, while I'm a student, I get a spring break.  A break from real life (homework is not exempt though).  So I had decided in my head that the week of March 7-11 (spring break) I was going to a beach somewhere.  T had to work, ironically in Florida that week for bike week.  However, as we got closer to date, his schedule changed and turns out he would be leaving for FL Feb 27 - March 8.  The week BEFORE my spring break.... which would equal me leaving Friday the 4th to drive there, find a place to stay, he would be working Saturday and then if I was lucky I might get to have dinner with him Saturday night.    Not leaving much time for us.  But I was willing to do it.  Approximately 12 hours of driving to get to SEE the beach and possibly spend a little time with my hubby a couple of nights.

{are you still with me?}

So T left on the 27th.  (Sunday).  Me back at home with no real intention of doing anything at this point.  I still have one more week of school (clinicals) and I'm in such a dismay about the vacation that it's looking like I probably won't be going anywhere.  So off to school I went on the 28th.  Talked to T about how we wished my spring break was that week instead of the next week.  It was suggested that I ask my teacher to switch weeks, which I immediately shot down.  WHO DOES THAT?  It's not like schools make their schedules around ME?!!  lol
But..... lo and behold.... I finished up with school that Monday and headed home.  The more I thought about it, what could it hurt to ask.  Teacher would probably say no anyway.  But I called.  Explained my situation with my husband being out of town and asked if it would be ok for me to take the rest of that week for my spring break and then make up my clinical days the following week.  To my surprise, she had no problem with that.  I called my clinical site to verify they were ok with me changing weeks... which they were.
and BAM
it was DONE!
Just like that .....  with a few more phone calls to check on my house, take care of Z man, and take care of the animals.... it's done.
I couldn't wait to tell T....  I'm coming to Florida.
NOW!

quickest pack job EVER!!!
took Z man for a Blizzard, got some cash out for him while I was gone and OUT THE DOOR I went!!!!
9:30 PM I hit I-65 headed south.
on my 11-12 hour journey through the night!
I'm ALL ABOUT some road trip!  ;-)

8:30ish Tuesday morning, I'm rolling into Daytona Beach!  yippppeeeeeeee!

Sure Preacher T had to work but HELLO I'm in the sunshine state with pools and a beach and sand and SUN!!!  I'm old enough to go to the beach alone!  which I did! 

check out my friends!!  LOL
This little guy sat beside me the entire time, never moved!  And of course being that I was just laying on a towel on the sand I never relaxed.  Scared to death as soon as I shut my eyes, he would crawl across my legs!!!  But at the same time, I felt guilty shooing the poor thing off.  So I sat with him.... for over two hours!  LOL

Then this loud mouth bird kept coming over to visit.  Oddly enough I wondered if the lizard hung out with me to keep the bird from eating him!  LOL   I don't know - do the birds eat lizards?  I made myself his guardian.  And when I finally had to leave the beach, I felt almost like I was leaving him to die.  YES - I know I'm insane, but that's alot of time to be alone with no one to really talk to!  ha ha    I created a story!  :)





Anyway - after all was said and done - I put in around 24 total hours of driving time and did about 1500 miles round trip all by myself.  Now ask me... how deep IS my love???  
{for the beach or for Preacher T?)  LOL
Was it worth it?????  HECK yeah it was  :)    I got to spend time with my husband, had dinner with our friends, I got sun, breathed in the salt and sat on the beach and watched the ocean.  It was JUST what this girl needed.... and just when I needed it most!

and now.... I'm back home in Kentucky!  {Freezing my BUTT off!!}
NOT Ready to go back to real life!

{{stay tuned for Part 2 of my trip tomorrow......if I can bring myself to publish it....}}

Movin on UP!

to the East side....
I finally got a piece of the piiiie!!!  LOL

so.....
GUESS WHAT!!!
I'm just here to brag...
just a little...
while still being HUMBLE because I still KNOW my place on the food chain

BUT

I'm all about recognizing baby steps
or ANY steps - when they are in the RIGHT direction!

GUESS WHAT I did today?!!

I did THREE ultrasound scans today ALL BY MYSELF!
that's right!
just me, the patient, and an ultrasound machine.

And it was three different studies.  One of which being an OB scan... 20 week baby which is the longest most intense study I can think of (as of now anyway.... still being a dummy newbie and all)
Now - GRANTED - a real TRAINED tech comes in behind me and takes better more pictures, and takes the pictures I might have forgotten been unable to get... and the measurements that I screwed up didn't get quite right....

BUT

regardless.... I felt somewhat accomplished today.
at least a little more confident.

and CONFIDENCE along with education, and training and LOTS of experience is a KEY component to a long healthy and HAPPY career choice!  whooooo hooooooo!!!
RIGHT!??

PAINT ME HAPPY!
and bring on the weekend!!!!!!!

BRING. IT. ON.

Today is my first day back in the saddle.
First day back in class.
It was pretty easy squeezy going back to the classroom.
Watched a movie.
went over the new syllabus...
then it HIT

the new grading scale....
the new online class added on top of real class and 4 days now in a clinical site doing scanning...
ALL the homework...
all the extra time needed this semester...
how CLOSE it is to graduation...
no WAIT - how CLOSE it ACTUALLY is to taking registry tests!!
MULTIPLE TESTS!!!!!!
(tests that I pay to take.. pass OR fail..... and if I don't PASS, the whole school thing was just a big PHAT waste of time!!)

BUT - I choose to accept this task!
I WILL fight this task

I have a LIST of things to work on .....  not JUST succeeding at school - but a LIST of SEVERAL things that I choose to look at different.  A list of things that I'm about to tackle and WIN with the grace of MY GOD on my side!!!!
(that list will come in a later blog)
But after a VERY inspiring message T brought Sunday  (yes T - you never cease to amaze me, AND you never know how just what you say is ALWAYS ALWAYS just what SOMEONE sitting in that church needs to hear!)

Anyway ......
as for now - MONDAY - I'm back in the saddle in sooooooo many ways!!
BRING on the week..... BRING on life!!!

HAPPY MONDAY everyone!

Bring on a BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!

Well....... I did it.
I have made it through the first half of ultrasound school
HOLY COW.
I was so excited to get in......then once in and classes started, I was pretty sure I would never make it out alive.  But now - here I am - HALF WAY through
I just can't believe it!!!
The things I have learned in the short 4 months that I've been there.... well... it really is just truly amazing!
I told someone the other day "I feel like I have gone off to medical school"
and he replied "I got news for ya - you ARE in medical school"
LOL
I never really thought of it that way.
I am DEFINITELY no M.D. here..... not even close....
and I DO realize I'm NOT going to school to be a doctor - LOL - but there are definitely days when I feel like I'm training to be one!  ha ha

Anyway - I just wanted to say how much I LOOOOOOOOOVE what I'm doing.  I love learning, I love the practice and I'm sooooo happy to be walking down this path I have chosen.  (and closer to being finished!)  LOL

BOOOOOOOOOOYAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

But NOW - I'm even MORE happy to say I'm outta classes until January 10th.  I have homework to do while I'm out - BUT no CLASS, no CLINICALS, nothing... for 4 whole weeks.

BRING on CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Next week I'm putting up the tree and starting to get a little Christmas spirit around this poor ol' messy house that has been TOTALLY neglected since... oh....... about JULY I guess!  ha ha

and bring on the BLOGS!!!
I have a lot of catching up to do!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO
bring on my winter vacation!!!!!!  :)

Irony: here's the definition - MY LIFE!

So....
about ONE YEAR ago.... I started this thing called "blogging".  I had NO idea what I was getting into - but I love to write and vent and someone shared this site with me.  I slowly started reading and following and then ultimately GAINING followers.  How COOL!
Before I knew it - I was addicted.

Here's the irony.
When I started blogging - I was in a weird place in life.  Kinda drifting around you could say. 
Dreams....
Ideas....
but nothing in stone.  Nothing concrete.
Nothing BLACK or WHITE.
Therefore my blog title - Every Day in GRAY!!!!   Not gray like sad... but gray like I was trying to figure out what was black and white in my life.
What I wanted.....with no gray area.
The gray was driving me crazy.

ONE YEAR later......
here I sit.....after blog after blog after blog about "love" and what I was looking for - I found it!!!  It was right under my nose and I didn't even see it.
Career.  YUP.  CHANGE!!!!!  Quit my job and went back to school
My career of choice......
ULTRASOUND!!!

READY for the irony.........
guess what ultrasound consists of!
Sitting in front of a screen, scanning the inside of patients and looking at  .......
nothing else but.....
..................
..........

A GRAY SCREEN!!!!!!!!!  ha ha ha
it's called "gray" scale!!!!!

And guess what.......
it's HARD as you know what - but I am SOOOOOo in love with what I'm doing!!!!!!

Check this out.......
Look at this.......

Do you know what THAT is???????
huh
huh
huh????
DO YA?????/
it's a liver!
and a gallbladder
and hepatics and a portal vein!
YUP - I CAN see that!!!




Everyone can see this........

It's a BABY!!!!!
look at that CUTE little face!!!!!
a little baby!
But I can measure it's head and abdomen and tell you if the kidneys have formed and see it's little heart beat...  all FOUR chambers!!!

Yes - there are days when I want to pull my hair out and it's sooooooo overwhelming
and YES - it's ALL GRAY!!!!!!!!!

BUT I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God - you are a funny little thing aren't you?!!!!!

smack me in my face!!!  ha ha

Ohhhh - How I have missed thee!

Hello blog world.
ohhhhh how I have missed you!!!
I have SOOOOO much to share!!!

Rehearsal pictures.... (story and pictures LATER)
wedding is done - I'm MARRIED - I will have pictures!!  (for another blog!)
(AND - I REEEEEEEALLY need to vent! ha)

SO today - I just had a thought....
I shared this quote {MY quote} on facebook and thought I would take a moment to share and vent a little.

I'm trying VERY hard to remain positive...
life is good
life is changing...
it's scary - but GOOD
but MOSTLY - it's HARD!!

"When nothing else is going right and it feels like ur world is crashing around you, always remember God will find a way to remind you he is still taking care of you! Don't blink, you just might miss it!!"

WHY is it that I try so hard to focus on each day and the POSITIVE in my life - but it seems circumstances and people around me keep draggin me down????
I just got married right?!
Wedding bliss.....newlyweds..  all the FUN of a new life came flooding in on me!
I couldn't wait to start that new life.


Just to be honest....
first week of marriage....
not all it's cracked up to be!!!!


DONT get me wrong.
I LOOOOOVE T and I'm soooooo glad the wedding has come and gone and we are now in the "happily ever after" - but WOW
it's just harder than I expected.


I'm not going to go into GREAT detail - just needed to vent a little.
I'm the glass half full girl.  I look at the positive - and maybe I do look at life through "rose colored glasses"

but....I am HAPPY!
I CHOOSE to be happy!
It IS a choice!!!!
and I guess for a while I just wanted to bask in the JOY of finally finding the love of my life.  Finally signing that piece of paper... finally being able to say I have a partner for life and he's my BEST friend.  
Yeah school is hard (another story for another blog)
yeah - money is gonna be tight.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not naive... I KNOW these things.

BUT don't you understand that a GREAT thing has just happened in my life.

NO - we don't have time or money for a honeymoon - but can't we just LIVE like a honeymoon for a while??


NOPE
real life is this:
gotta get everyone moved in and settled in and a schedule made and bills paid and a budget made.


SHUT  UP LIFE!

Let me live in my fantasy world for just a short while....


Anyway - just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive, I am finally married and put THAT stress behind me- yeah school started and life is stressful - but I'm hoping to NOW be back to some sort of normal blog schedule again.
I'm missing my bloggy buddies.......  (and ur comments and support!)


MUAHHHHHHH

gave up the ghost.... I'm gonna JUMP!

Sometimes...
you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down.




Kobi Yamada



You know how you go through life and you take little small "leaps of faith" here and there.

Well - effective today - (actually I've been leading up to this for a while...)
anyway - effective today - I'm taking like FOURTEEN leaps of faith all at one time!

Yes that's right.
Throwing caution to the wind...
completely 100% putting my life and world in God's hands.

NOT that I don't do that every day...
but do you ever come to a point where a decision needs to be made... and then another one... and then another one???

You see... I'm not a patient person.  I'm just not.
I have prayed for patience... begged for it actually.  I want to know the answer before you ask the question.  Waiting games just drive me INSANE.

{I think back to when I started this blog.....every day in GRAY... the unknown.  I hate it.  Black and White.  That's what I like.  Right or wrong.  Yes or No.  Go or stay.....  none of this wishy washy depending on others what if's crap.  Well - after over almost a YEAR of blogging....I have learned....  the gray is where we GROW!!!}

So - here I am - jumping WIDE OPEN into all kinds of Gray!!!  and while there are and still will be times when I'm scared and I freak out (thank goodness for T!)  most of the time, I TRUST that God has a plan for me and he puts me in situations where I learn, and grow, and witness and become a better person.

SO - I stop asking questions and I thank God for holding me in his hands.

As most of you know - I am getting married in ...... approximately 5 weeks now.....  LEAP of faith!  ;-)
I love T - I know that.  and I KNOW he loves me.  That isn't the leap.  THIS is a whole new life for me.  Sharing.  Loving.  Making decisions for a family, not JUST me & Z anymore.  Living with another person.  Learning another person......
LEAP.

I start school in approximately 4 weeks now.  This is not night classes part time when I can squeeze them in.  I have done that for years.  Heck - that's how I got my degree from Western.  No No... this is FULL TIME 8 AM - 3:30 PM  Monday - Friday real life "going back to school."  Add on top of that clinicals in several different locations at different times, different days.  THIS is a full time commitment.

Do you remember that I work FULL TIME people.
I have a mortgage, I have a vehicle, I have bills, I have to eat, we need gas.....
Going to school full time, does NOT pay the bills.
So remember not too long ago - I got a second job.

well........turns out - no matter HOW superhuman I think I am..... there aren't physically enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING.  {shrugs...}  Who knew?!!

So - once I got accepted into school (remember that?) - I tendered a resignation at my full time job.  Knowing I would be in school full time, I knew there was no way I could be in two places at one time.  HOWEVER, because I have been at my current job for YEARS and I have the best boss in the world - we have talked and talked and talked about how in the world I could possibly go to school and somehow maintain my position in my job.  No matter how much we have talked and thought and worked and brainstormed.... it just isn't possible.

So today.... I gave up the ghost.

Although I gave notice long ago.... today was sort of a ton of bricks for me.  I don't know why today - of all days it hit me. 
But it did.
I have resigned from a full time job.... to go to school FULL TIME instead.
and work part time at my second job as my full time means of income......

OH Lordy Lordy Lordy....... what have I done?!

I'll tell ya........

I JUMPED.
I took a leap of faith..... (wonder if T wanted to take that jump straight from the alter!  ha ha)
I'm kidding.
He has been nothing but supportive.

I know (as does my T!) - that God would not have opened the doors he has opened and put me in places he has put me, if he didn't KNOW that me and my new family will be just fine.   He will hold us in his hand where he always keeps me.

So......... here.........we ........... GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

and  once again - so sorry I have been SOOOO absent from the blog world.
Been planning a wedding, planning for school, planning for new members in the house, working two jobs, ohhhhh - and did I mention - PLANNING A WEDDING...ha ha
Things are going well.....
Life is good
and as I jump through life from cliff to cliff - Life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be any HAPPIER!!!!!!

PS - I don't know if you follow Scope or not - but I have been reading about he and Cora's wedding and I am soooooooooooo excited!
Stop by and tell them Congrats!!!!!
Both of them share pre-wedding and wedding stories that are sooo touching and sweet - AND freaking HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
Go now.....
go on...

I'll be back.....
hopefully more frequently.....

I have engagement pictures to share and a FUNNY FUNNNNNNY FUNNNNNY {a little private} story to share on myself........  I'm still debating on whether or not I WANT people to know this!!!!  But I can assure you - every time T and I look at our engagement pics - we will have a nice "PRIVATE" laugh!  LMAO!

Back to school..Back to school..to prove to dad I'm not a fool..

It's FRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAY!!!!!!!
It's June 4th, 2010
ORIENTATION DAY!!!!!!!!!

For all you newbies to my blog - I've applied and been waiting to get into sonography (ultrasound) school.  I found out 2 weeks ago that I'm IN!!!

Today is orientation......

I'm sooooooooo EXCITED!!!!

EXCITED I got in....

EXCITED to finally have an answer and a direction

& EXCITED to get a schedule today to know what the next year has in store for me!!!

WOOO HOOOOOOOO!!

Anyway - I hope everyone has an AWESOME Friday
oh AND - because I got accepted into school - I get to mark another thing off my 35 things to do before I'm 35....
Stay tuned tomorrow - I will update my list.....I've been hard at work!!!!!!!!  HA HA

Post it Note Tuesday ~ put on ya par-T hat! ~

New to Post It Note Tuesday ??

WE LOVE us some ROOKIES!

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR VERY OWN POSTIES!!!

COME BACK AND LINK UP AT SUPAH'S TO PLAY ALONG !

It's POST IT NOTE day!

on twitter use:

#PINT

NOW.... LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!

I START IN AUGUST!!!

~~35 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I AM 35~~

I visited a new blog today, http://momyawp.blogspot.com/ , and on her blog, she has a list of things she wants to do before she is 26.
I thought - what a GREAT idea.
I just turned 34....
35 will likely be a tough milestone for me.......I mean wow.... it's so weird to think back and remember as a child when you couldn't WAIT to be 16, and you couldn't WAIT to be 18, and then 21...  and then what?!!

STOP!!!!!!!!

no more!!!!!

I never imagined myself as a 30 year old!!!!
and now......well I'm knocking on 35!!
next comes 40!
WOW
it's just almost surreal when I think about it sometimes......

SOOOOOOOO - with my positive little sunshiney motivational happy go lucky attitude in hand, I'm going to attempt to make a list of things I want to do before 35!  :)

Here we go!
(in no particular order...)

1.  Get another tattoo.  One that is relevant...
2.  Skydive AGAIN - this time - WITH video (first skydive was 5/2009)
3.  Be completely (with the exception of home and car) debt-free!  ~NO more credit card charges!~
4.  I have my motorcycle license - but I want to be comfortable enough to get on and ride anywhere.  (need to log some miles!!)
5.  Re-paint and re-decorate my living room.... RED!
6.  Have my kitchen and laundry room tiled.
7.  Give my testimony at least once (I have a MAJOR fear of public speaking)
8.  Start a website (anonymous) for good Christian advice or just someone to talk to...  ~still brainstorming this one....~
9.  Meet someone from blog land that I follow and admire!
10.  I would like to find my waist and abs... this is an ongoing battle
11.  I want toned arms  - like I want people to say "wow, you have GREAT arms!"
12.  Go on at least one "girls only" trip - even if it's just for the weekend.
13.  Make at least ONE trip to the beach
14.  Get started on my secret scrap book project
15.  Go to a Beth Moore conference
16.  Have a will
17.  Know (be told) that something I have done or said inspired someone else....
18.  Actually have money in a savings account
19.  NOT be living paycheck to paycheck
20.  Get accepted into Sonography school
21.  Run another 5K (hopefully running the entire time!)
22.  Run a 5K with Preacher T & Z-man!  (wonder if that's on T's list!  HA)
23.  Commit to memory scripture that has impacted my life
24.  Read the bible all the way through....can't tell you how many times I have "started" this one
25.  Volunteer for a local charity or event
26.  Go through my closet and REALLY take out things I don't wear.  Donate to charity.
27.  Work on going to bed earlier  (this could be the hardest one!) and getting up with time to get ready and not RUSH through the morning.
28.  Be comfortable praying out loud... (ok - THIS may be the hardest one)
29.  Stop impulse buying, only have what I need and not what I want.
30.  Learn to play at least one song on a musical instrument that interests me.
31.  Get up one day and take off to an unknown destination just to see where the road takes me without a map.
32.  Take a dance class
33.  Tell at least one person what  a difference they have made in MY life!
34.  BE physically fit.  period.  not "working on it" or whatever, but actually BE healthy.
35.  Plant and grow something that I can eat or use to cook.... tomatoes, cucumbers, herbs...  (better get on this one!)

What do you think?!
do you have a list of things YOU want to do???
Mine is going on the fridge! 
and I'll keep ya posted on my progress  :)

Things I want Thursday.....luv & happyness =)

I'm copying Sass over at the Life of Sass - I am making a list of the things I want for "Things I want Thursday"!  :)

Today, I want:

1. One of my BFF's to walk away and close the door to a path that she does not need to be on or think about anymore.  She fell in love with someone that is not worthy of her nor is he hers to have.  I wish your broken heart to mend and I wish you love from someone that is worthy!

2.  One of my BFF's to break ties.  "If that boy don't love you by now...."   You too my friend deserve so much more than that.  =)  I wish you strength and faith in yourself, don't give someone control over your emotions.  I wish you strength to walk away and let HIM figure out what he wants in life and faith to know if he does truly love you, he will be back!

3.  One of my BFF's to fall in love with everything she has.  She has met a new boy that she is crazy about, and he might just be crazy about her too.  She is usually very reluctant to open up and let someone in.  I want for her to jump off the cliff and take a chance......you never know when that right man will show up to catch you!

4.  For me.....to LOVE and be LOVED - & to be perfectly and completely happy in that  =)    YES - I do still believe in the fairy tale love  :)  *this will be on every list I ever make of things I want*

5. to find a Halloween costume.... actually TWO - one for work and one for going out!  ha ha   *and this is a subliminal message to my friend Kat - I NEED you Saturday night......good & evil girl!  ;-)

6.  to get into the Sonography program next fall........gonna start wishing and praying for that one now, every day & every night!!

Hmmmmmm - that's all I can think of today!  I'm pretty much in love with my life right now... just mostly want everyone around me to be happy too   =)   
So today what I want the MOST is:   luv and happyness to everyone!!

Here's my song for the day - I LOVE it!  :)