Motivational Monday ~Never settle~

We are all guilty of getting frustrated or feeling defeated. Whether it be in life, in our job, in our past times and hobbies, in our families, in our faith ... whatever it might be, it happens  

Sometimes things don't go as expected or we don't get exactly what we expected and we suddenly become defeated. Saddened. Disappointed. Frozen (No, NOT the movie!!) .... Now what??

What you do next is what defines you as a person. Do you walk away, make excuses and give up??  Or do you fight HARDER from deep within for what you want?!

Where's your GRIT??!!

Look at it like this

My passion is lifting weights.  It takes work and dedication and a belief in myself regarding things that I thought were impossible!!!  But every day I get a little bit stronger and a little more confident!!!

I have good days and bad days as do we all.  But on my bad days, I remind myself I AM human, we all have off days and it's ok. I pick myself up and vow to be better next time!!  Those are the days that PUSH me to be better!!

Recently one of the guys I lift with saw an old squat video of me.  I didn't even remember what the weight was (145 - I looked it up! ha) ... But in comparison to what I do now... It was by all accounts "Baby weight".  He made reference to my chicken legs and we both laughed at what I had on the bar!  NOT to belittle anyone else... but because I have come so far since then!! BUT at the same time... you have to understand that on THAT day... I was strong!!  I was so proud of what I came to do and of the steps I took that day!  Flag nor fail told me to "kill it" that day.  (On Instagram!  I still have that screenshot!  And Rob Bailey may never know how MUCH that meant to me THAT DAY!!!). It meant so much to me.  It pushed me!!  And even though what I squatted is less than some people warm up with, for me it was one more step in the right direction :))

The thing is.... it didn't matter what I squatted that day... not in comparison to what everyone else did anyway.  Not that day!!!  Not for this girl who gets nervous even standing in front of five people, much less an entire room full of people who were markedly stronger than me!!!  What mattered is that I took a chance... I took a step.  I took a leap of faith into something I believe in for so many reasons... and I've never looked back!!!

Sometimes I catch myself getting caught up in what's going on around me and how much she squats or how much she benches.   And I can easily feel defeated.  But then I remind myself of where I've been... how far I've come... and the support and drive I've had behind me the entire journey!  (I have a SUPER supportive boyfriend and a GREAT team to lift with!!)

It's not about where you end up... we all want to hit big numbers and have records... but the important part is the journey.  The steps you took to get to where you are today. The people you've met all the way through.  And today... Are you better than you were yesterday!???  Cause if you are, you are a winner already!!!!  World record or not, no one can take away the character you build by pushing through adversity and always always believing in yourself!

As I said before... this doesn't just pertain to lifting weights, but in life as a whole!   Are you better today than you were yesterday??  When you fall down do you get back up and fight harder?!  Do you set goals for yourself and push through them?

Don't ever give up. Never settle. You can ALWAYS do more than you ever thought was possible

Just keep pushing and believing!!!!

I'm gonna keep on being me.  I'm gonna keep on pushing.  I'll keep motivating and driving anyone who chooses to be a part of my life.  I promise you that :))

Here's just a snippet of how far I've come and how much I've changed.  First video is my squat in Feb of 2013. Second is my squat last night.. May of 2014.  Just over one year of hard work and dedication. I may not squat as much as so-n-so does... BUT you can't deny I'm better today than I was "yesterday"

BElieve in YOUrself!!!

Look at my little tiny legs... and those little tiny weights... 145  ;-)

Now here is my squat from last night...... 240!!!  Best  Squat  Ever!!!  (still getting used to wraps so there is a little riding the squat down... but otherwise, I'm pretty happy with it!! And I can't WAIT to get more!!)

Never surrender

My life has been a series of "Never Give Up"'s

I suppose almost everyone can say that in some respect

Some speed bumps are given by life on a silver platter, and some are mere repercussions to decisions made

I look back through the years and it seems like since moving out at 18 - it's been one test of survival after another...

Raising a child... Going back to school... Divorce... Changing careers... Being betrayed... Being lied to... buying my first vehicle... becoming a home owner...
and now.... being a Powerlifter!!
None of these things were/are easy!

Don't get me wrong, there is LOTS of good in life.  I'm not THAT negative to believe that!  And I'm very thankful for that.  But even with the good, it seems there is almost always an underlying challenge screaming... DON'T GIVE UP!

Life's Challenges!

I had another mock meet this weekend. This is basically a powerlifting test to see where your current maxes sit... how much weight can you move when tested?!

Mine did not go so well.
Take a gander.....

And when I say that... Please allow me to put it n perspective without bogging you down in numbers and lingo.  My bench press is always my MOST disappointing lift.  Period.  I toy around with squats, some days better than others.. and I ALWAYS love deadlifts!!  But bench... Oh that dang bench. It sucks the life from me.  To the point of bringing me to tears.  Not "poor me" sad tears... But tears of anger and frustration.  Tears!!  

This usually leaves me with an "I'm too old for this.. new for this... terrible at this" mentality.  

Which is even MORE frustrating

My very first meet was in December of 2012.  I benched 85 (and probably had 90 in me, but jumped to 95 and missed it).  NOW... in September of 2013.... Almost 9 months later... I can get 95. MAYBE 100 on a good day.  That's 10 possibly 15 pounds on a GOOD DAY, added to my bench in 9 months.  TERRIBLE!!!!  Just terrible
It's a terrible return for my investment!

So when I finished Sunday night, I WAS in tears.
YES.  HELL YES I WAS!!!!!

I don't handle failure well.  I just don't.
I believe I can do ANYTHING. And I don't take no for an answer!

So why the CRAP am I crying??!!!

Yeh Tammy.  Why?!

So I wiped my face and though the encouragement and support of friends and getting online to seek advice, I have picked myself up off the ground and set myself upon a new plan. 

What you learn through time... and trial and error - in powerlifting, and LIFE - is what works for you and what doesn't!!!!

I know I'm still learning - I'm still a baby in the powerlifting world

I know I have to get my bench form perfected or its not going to go anywhere.   I have done accessory after accessory exercise, gaining strength with every lift... but without the right form for me, it's just gonna sit there

I have found a new DETERMINATION and MOTIVATION in the gym!  There is a fire in my soul that WILL figure this out and light that bench on fire!!  I will!!

Back to the drawing board with new goals, a new plan, a bigger fire... And my NEVER SETTLE attitude!!!

We have to face life in every aspect in this way.... otherwise life and every challenge you face will simply run you right over!!

So join me in starting this week with a positive NEVER SURRENDER I can accomplish anything mentality.
I will not let an exercise or a person or ANYTHING else get the best of me!

~Motivational Monday~ Found me some...

So I've tried to always do a post on Monday with some motivation attached.  Lately I've slacked on that.  I would like to say I'm just too busy... but as we all know - you are only too busy for things you don't MAKE time for... so today I'm making time!

Just for a little motivation for myself - I scanned back through some of my motivational posts... and I found some for me too!  So I'm REsharing it with you today.
*some editing has been done*

~Warning ~  You might be offended. ~

I struggled with getting started today..... because I swear your mood can be soooo affected by your perspective on the day.  I struggled today.  Monday.  Rainy.  MONDAY.  There is alot going on right now.  at work... in life... at home... everywhere!  So yes - I struggled to get motivated today and I definitely struggled with finding some motivation to share today.
Then I came across this...
And it's not only motivation to be thankful... but also motivation to evaluate my life and where it's going.  To evaluate what is important and what is not.
It motivated me to get back where I need to be and stand up for what's right.

I am a FIRM believer that sometimes - you just have to stop trying so hard and just listen and wait.  So that I did today.  I relaxed and waited ......and suddenly it came to me why I was soooo off kilter lately.  Do you ever feel like you are going nowhere..just peddling your wheels in place???  Do you ever feel like you are so consumed with everyone else's faults that you fail to take care of your own?  And I don't mean just faults, but maybe - for me anyway - by nature, I'm a helper... I love to listen and talk and help... and I get so caught up in others' issues and what I can do help them, that I forget to give myself a direction....Do you ever feel like you are just riding the fence through life?

I came across this quote {{again}} today - totally randomly {{yeah right - Thank you Lord!}}

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything."

As I read it....I realized......I don't ever STAND when it comes to me.  I can give everyone else advice and voice my opinion, but when it comes to ME - I sit on the fence and wait to see what everyone else is going to do..I wonder how my decisions will affect everyone else...and I worry and sit.  Unchanged.  Unmoving.  I just sit.
This is not true in EVERY aspect of my life, but it is true in some pretty big places.  There are certain things I believe in and I will tell you and don't care WHO I offend.  BUT when it comes to ME and the things I need to fix about ME - I will simply tell you I'm not sure how I feel about that issue, I will make excuses, I will justify......and then I just sit on it.
There are soooo many GOOD things happening in my life right now...and yes I'm thankful.  Make no mistake about that.  I will tell you a million times how thankful I am and how blessed I am.  But sitting around being thankful and doing NOTHING with it - has made me....well... sad.  Stagnant.  Guilty.  and just plain disappointed in me.  And I don't like where I am.
Why?
Well - I'll tell you  {{if you are offended by religious beliefs - HERE is where you might want to exit because I won't apologize for my beliefs}}
I believe that God blesses us with gifts.  Some that are tangible gifts & rewards and some that are meant to be USED to give back to him.  In other words, I believe that along with gifts, God also ASKS things of us.  And I believe that he will only ask so many times before he will stop asking.  I KNOW.  I have BEEN at that point in my life.
I have walked SOOOOO far away from God that I didn't hear his voice anymore.  And trust me, that's a lonely place to be.  I'm NOT saying that God EVER turned his back on me.... he was ALWAYS there, all I had to do was take his hand...and just listen.   I chose not to.  I walked away.  He NEVER turned his back on me... and I could tell you for DAYS how he took care of me and my son...even when I turned my back on him...
But the gifts he gave me were fruitless at that point in my life.

I know what these gifts are.  I know how they can be used.  I know how they glorify Him  &  I know what is asked of me every day.
My problem is picking a side of the fence, standing for something no matter WHO it offends or hurts along the way.... I KNOW right from wrong.  I also KNOW the GOOD that comes from taking his hand and trusting that doing HIS will may just offend a few people - but in the long run - the example that YOU are for all the other people far outweighs the ones you offend.  (and I'll share a little secret with ya... the ones that you offend, are often under conviction about that very thing you have offended them with... just sayin...)

A few months ago - I listened to a sermon that referenced a prayer that was prayed in Kansas in the opening session of the House.  I'm sharing it with you today.  And I'm sharing it EXACTLY as it was written.  Joe Wright, the pastor of Central Christian Church in Wichita was the guest chaplain that day. He prayed a prayer of repentance that was written by Bob Russell, pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky.  The prayer stirred up PLENTY of controversy, but I can't help but wonder, how many people it touched.  No one ever bothers to point out those results from something controversial.

{It brings me to tears still today when I read it.... it is SO many things wrong with our country and our lifestyles today.  WHY no one can SEE that and do something about ANY of the issues addressed in this prayer I will NEVER understand!!}

Heavenly Father,

We come before You today to ask Your Forgiveness and seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ''Woe to those who call evil good,'' but that's exactly what we have done. We have lost our Spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. We confess that; we have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism; We have worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism; We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle; We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery; We have neglected the needy and called it self preservation; We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare; We have killed our unborn and called it choice; We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable; We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem; We have abused power and called it political savvy; We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition; We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression; We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of this state and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state of Kansas. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of Your Will.

I ask in in the name of your Son, The Living Savior, Jesus Christ

I'm not asking you to AGREE with everything that was prayed that day.  {Although I DO!} I am simply pointing out that sometimes, we have to stand for what we believe in.  Pick a side of the fence and tell people what God lays on your heart... and then - you know what?!  CONTINUE to stand for what you believe.

My motivational message to you today is simply this:

If there are things in your life that you don't agree with or you don't like - get rid of them.  If you are living in a way that doesn't glorify YOUR God and your beliefs, leave those habits by the wayside.  If there are things you aren't doing because your scared of who you might offend or your scared of falling on your face... trust in God and just do it.  God will never let anything done in His Name go in vain.  You never know who is watching and what a difference one decision in your life could make to someone else.
Stand for something.
I'm making changes today.

Even Zombies find Motivation

Drive
Motivation
Ambition
Perseverance
Desire
Hunger
Passion
ZEAL

What do you love?  What do you WANT from life?
Have you forgotten?

Do you remember why you do what you do?
Why did you start in the first place?

Where is yours?
Do you remember?

Do you get up every day and just float through the day like a zombie... going through the motions with no desire... no passion... no JOY???

OR do you do anything for fun... that isn't fun anymore?

I found myself living like a zombie once.  Going to a job that didn't motivate me.  A job that I could only survive by going through the motions because there was no where to go from there!  A job that consisted of running in a hamster wheel as fast as I could but only to go nowhere.... and even when I tried to do more, I tried to excel.. to learn more, to BE more. ... it was for naught.
So I left.
To push myself...
to find something MORE!
And so I found something that drove me.  I found something that I could do with passion.  I found something that uses the fire I carry inside.
I found something that utilizes my best qualities... it allows me to meet so many people and it allows me to make a difference.  It allows me to be an instrument in helping someone..
I'm a people server... it's who I am.
I like to do for others.
When I found myself zombified and doing nothing that INSPIRED me....
I made the effort to change that.
I find it sad that others don't.

I see this outside of work too....I see it in life!
I see it in lifting, exercising, working out, dieting, playing sports... etc.   Whatever your past time might be.
I see people that just show up.  And pat themselves on the back for just that.
"well at least I'm here"
ohhhhhhhh yay.... What's THAT gonna get you?
Or worse, people that want MORE but aren't willing to GIVE more.
They show up, go through the motions, complain about not getting better, but aren't willing to make sacrifices to make gains.

You can make excuses, or you can make things happen - but you CAN'T make BOTH!

WHY do I lift?
"because you can't"
Well....... No - not because you CAN'T - but because you WON'T!
Today - you may question WHY I lift - but tomorrow you will wonder HOW!!
And you might begin to understand that when you really WANT something, you just have to fight for it.... that AND work your BUTT off!!!
You will have to find a DRIVE to keep you going and push you when you need pushing.  You will have to make sacrifices.  You will have to decide just how bad you WANT it!

When you start something - have a goal in mind.  Do this with EVERYTHING in your life!  THAT is your focus.  Focus on the end game... focus on where you want to be and fight tooth and nail to get there.  In your job, in your marriage, in your home...... whatever it may be.  FIGHT for what you want and love!
and do it with PASSION!!!!!

I just don't understand people that go through motions with no end result in sight?
What are you fighting for?  Where are you going?!

I could spend day after day going online and looking at pictures and reading numbers of other lifters and beat myself into the ground with my "lack of big numbers"
OR
I could choose to look back at myself one year ago and see what I was doing then?  This time one year, I couldn't do a squat, much less put a bar on my back and squat WITH it!!  NOW - I can put almost 200 pounds on my shoulders and squat that!  There are girls smaller than me that can do more, but there is me a year ago that never would have believed I could do that!!!  And THAT just drives me to know that in time, I will do even more!
Any progress is progress.   And you can use that to cripple you or MOTIVATE YOU!  
The choice is all in your head.

Step back today and look at your life.... your job, your marriage, your friendships, your hobbies.... look at everything... and ask yourself.....
ARE YOU GIVING IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT????
If you're not shooting to be the best - you are shooting to walk through life like a zombie... going through the motions and every now and then chewing up a few souls, taking what you can get and moving on.

Is THAT what you strive to be in life?

Do everything with love, passion, faith, hope, ambition, FIRE, perseverance....
And when you fail, and you will - remember why you started and let that DRIVE you to push harder and love deeper!
Failure is only failure if you stop - otherwise it is just a stumbling block to teach you to try even harder.

Start your Monday and your week with a desire to give your all to everything you hold dear!

~Motivational Monday ... or Tuesday... or whatever~

I haven't been able to keep my days straight this week anyway.....  so WHATERRR

Good Monday Morning peeps!!
(It's past Monday now but I never got to post this Monday and I wanted to share!)

Sorry it's been a bit since I've been by - but the month of May always proves to be a whirlwind!!
Birthdays galore
(my son's 18th this year!)
Graduation
Prom
Upcoming vacations...
the list goes on and on...

And now, unlike previous years - I have gym time TRAINING thrown in there!

Today (Monday) - Just like every other day - I had to fight to get my butt out of bed this morning.
*Reminder - I'm SO not a morning person*
But today it was a little more than that.
Sunday night is gym night.
It's squat night.  Always.

Remember a few short weeks ago, we went to Berea to do our "mock meet" to see where we stood on our lifts after a full run through The Cube Method.
I squatted 185 there.  A BIG PR for me!
(I did 145 at our last meet.)
I've squatted more than that in the gym since that meet - but it doesn't count until it hits the platform.
185 wasn't technically on a platform.. (although I would hardly call being IN FRONT OF BRANDON LILLY not a platform!!)  Regardless it put it in my head that I KNOW I can squat 185.
Period.
I did it.
And now I know it.

Well - Sunday night was our rep squat night where, as we are getting closer to an upcoming meet, I like to test myself.  So I hit 155 for 2!  Should have videoed that as it is a gym PR for sure!  Oh wait - I DID!!!
I digress...
That double felt so good I decided to go up.
Knowing that I have hit 185 - I went straight for 190.
 Should be in the bag.
Loaded the bar and walked it out.
Walking it out, I didn't feel good.  Felt shaky and just not confident under the bar.
(the 185 I had squatted was from a mono lift which means I didn't have to walk it out)
So I went down in the squat and got stuck there in the hole.
Booooooooo - reverting back to OLD CRAP!!!
BUT - being that I didn't feel good and solid before the lift - I blamed it on that.
I sat down, regrouped, let some others lift and decided I should hit it again.
Again - KNOWING in my head I should be able to do this and blaming the 1st attempt miss on instability under the bar.
2nd attempt:  I stuck in the bottom again.

Now I know not ALL (no one?  crickets....) of you all out there that read my blog CARE a thing in the world about me lifting weights  (I have been called "excessive" - and that's ok - I prefer to refer to it as passionate! ) so I get that you may not care that I missed 190.

BUT - let me put it to you like this....

Have you ever tried to do ANYTHING that you knew you should be able to do?  You go out there... prepared, trained and ready to conquer the world.  And you fail.
But then - just out of spite and the pure burning desire to do what you know you can do - you try it AGAIN!??  And you fail?!!
Do you feel me now?
Do you feel that frustration deep inside your soul spinning and churning and raising your blood pressure to the point of the top of your head blowing off like in the cartoons?

DO YOU KNOW THAT FEELING??????

Well whether it is weights or a ballgame or a picture your painting or whatEVER it might be... you can NOT fight the disappointment in yourself.

BUT...........

Here's where your truth STRENGTH occurs.

One of my lifting boys told me something his coach told him years ago... and it is TRUE in everything in life.
We are all going to have good days and bad days.
Period.  It happens.
True inner STRENGTH is BUILT by taking advantage of those GOOD days and using them to the BEST of your ABILITY.
But ALSO fighting harder to get THROUGH those bad days and leaving it at the table at the end of the day. Don't let it crush you.  Don't sit down and die.
Push harder and USE it to your advantage later!

Failure is not always a BAD thing.
Nobody WANTS to fail.  Clearly.
BUT it's that FAILURE that happened to me Sunday night while squatting that will DRIVE me and MOTIVATE me the next time I get under a squat bar.
Period.

Take the bad with the good and learn how to use them BOTH to your advantage.
No one wants to MISS a lift - I can promise you that.
No one want to lose a ballgame.
No one WANTS to fail

Your true character is built by what you do with the disappointment
Your true character is shown by how you build yourself up from that  fall.

Don't let life get you down.
No one is perfect.
Just strive to be better tomorrow than you are today.

If everyone did that - I bet there would be a lot less depression, obesity, "HATIN", laziness and people expecting something for nothing in this world.

EVERYONE needs some passion in their life!

~My weekend was PRICELESS~

Gas for miles traveled... $100

Alternator and various tools... $218
Snacks and Steak and Shake $35

Me and ALL the guys hitting PR's with Brandon Lilly.....

PRICELESS!!

Monday morning has rolled again once again... I know how everyone dreads them so please allow me to share my weekend with you...
please allow me to share my HIGH!!!!!

It's a BIT long winded - but stick with me..... a lot happened and the humor is well worth it!  HA!!
I thought I was going to DIE!!!
MULTIPLE times!!!

It was yet ANOTHER great adventure.... it's what I live for man!!

(and quite frankly the adrenaline from it is the only thing keeping me alive and awake today!!)

Background:   Remember my story a few weeks ago regarding my battery going dead... at a MAJOR intersection in town??  Well - it did.  Truck just died. Right there at the red light.  I was the first person at the light in the turning lane, imagine how happy everyone behind me was!!!  But alas... long story short - the problem was fixed, entailing a new battery and having my alternator checked FOUR times... at THREE different locations!!!!  I was told the alternator was good and I just needed a new battery.  DONE.  

Good to go.

Now - fast forward to yesterday.  

My battery light has been randomly shining that pretty little red color at me since then.  BUT - in my defense, I do think there is some sort of electrical short in my vehicle because it randomly blinks various lights anyway.  So I didn't put much stock into it.  Well - we had this trip to Berea planned already and Brad suggested we drive something else...... ya know, just in case.  

To be safe.

Me - however - I'm all.... oh I like to drive my own vehicle (I don't ride well with others... car sick!) And I'm all like.... it's fine I'm sure.  It's probably just randomly blinking!

I'm SURE we will be fine!!!!!

{{famous last words}}

So off we went yesterday - to have a day we had ALL been looking forward to soooooo much!!  We were off to Berea to train with Brandon Lilly.  You see.... we have been running "The Cube" training program for the past 10 weeks.  After 10 weeks, you do a "mock meet" and test your maxes for squat, bench AND deadlift.  Being that Brandon wrote this program, we were HONORED to be able to drive to Berea and spend the evening with him letting BRANDON HIMSELF judge our progress!!!

I mean - it doesn't GET much better than that..... although ... me... Ms."hates to be in front of crowds" was a freaking NERVOUS WRECK just pulling out of the driveway!!!  That's with 200 miles and approx 3 hours separating me and Lilly!!!

Nevertheless..... nerves aside.... we headed out.

About 50 miles into our trip........

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!

yes yes yes.... I'm certain that you guessed.....

That pretty little RED battery light popped up on my dash.

No worries - I'm SURE it's just the electrical short... (at least that's how I tried to explain myself out of it!)

But... NO - the volts dropped on the battery gauge and I knew I was in trouble.

We journeyed on and just prayed... I could hit the gas and rev up the RPM's and the light would go off - but as soon as I let out of the gas... on came the light again.

Brad immediately knew my alternator had gone out.

Basically the only thing powering us was my poor little brand new battery.

But we pushed on - and thankfully - the ol' Trailblazer hung in there.

Once we got close to the training location - we pulled into an Advanced Auto and made the purchase.  A new alternator and tools to change it.  (thank goodness I was with FOUR GUYS!!)

And back on the road.  After all - we had weights to lift.

Once we arrived - the alternator was put on the back burner while everyone prepared to set PR's  in front of one of the biggest icons in powerlifting!!!  NO PRESSURE

I was a BALL OF NERVES!!!  ~that's putting it lightly~

Once we got going, and the adrenaline got rushing, and I stopped being STAR STRUCK... I could NOT have asked for a BETTER night OR a better training session!!

Here are my numbers

Squat - 185 (that's a 45 pound PR!)

Bench - 105 (that's a 10 pound PR and  HUGE mental block overcome!!)

Deadlift - 230 (that's a 5 pound PR - I attempted 245 and ALMOST had it... I gave up too soon!!)

So I totaled a 60 pound PR total!!!

I could NOT have been any happier!!
{{I have a blog to come with more details about the actual TRAINING and lifting!!  I have BIG NEWS!!}}

After all was said and done, we ALL hit PR's and all that HARD WORK on The Cube was evident and has clearly paid off!!

Then we packed up to head home... and we remembered... my poor truck sitting by the wayside.

~Let the adventure continue~

We were starving and decided to try to get to a restaurant and hopefully use the light in the parking lot to do our mechanic work.  So we set out..... in the night.... no idea where we are.   Brad searches for a nearby food joint as I navigate noticing the further we drive the lower my volts are getting and the less headlight I have to see!!  We are on a road in the middle of nowhere.  All I could picture was breaking down on the side of the road with NO lights and zombies stumbling up from behind the trees!  (I watch WAY too much TV!)   Or... for all you old folks out there...... it was like a scene from "Unsolved Mysteries".  Seriously... like we could have just disappeared!
Thankfully - we made up to the main road where our directions were telling us to get back on I-75.  Seriously.... with no battery?  On the INTERSTATE!??  As I'm freaking and Brad and I are trying to decide what to do......
ALL the gauges drop and power steering is GONE.  Headlights are out and we are DONE.  Somehow the engine is still going but just enough to get me to the side of the road close to the interstate ramp and just under a street lamp!

Here is where I am thankful for my boys!  They all hopped out and ripped that alternator right out and replaced it with the new one!  And remember we were all writhing in pain here having JUST lifted our guts out.  Plus we were lucky enough for it to be raining!!  (though it was just a drizzle and could have been WAY worse!)  But they were all so willing to jump in there and get me going again.  One more sign of what a great group of guys I work out with.  And please don't let me fail to mention that JOE DIRT stopped to check on us... from the junk yard!  He rolled up in his little 1987 truck with the whirly orange lights on top.  Don't worry - he's getting a light bar to replace those whirlies soon... probably from the junkyard.  He was full of helpful advice and tips - after all, "he doesn't work at the junk yard for nuthin!"  Bless his little heart for stopping though... he was a sweet little man and he didn't have to stop.  He was the epitome of country backwoods, but very sweet and thoughtful of him AND his belt buckle to make sure we were all ok.
And also - if anyone out there is looking for a job - they are looking for some diesel repairman at the junk yard he works at.  "Pays EIGHT BUCKS an hour!!"   Might wanna look into that!!
FUN TIMES!!
Wouldn't trade it for the world!!

Once we were back in business, we headed on to Steak and Shake to get our GRUB on and compare photos and videos from the awesome night we had just experienced.  Then we began heading back home around the midnight hour!!
I love that Monday is my early morning and at midnight I was approximately 3 hours away from home living on PURE ADRENALINE!!

Last night will BY FAR go down as one of my favorite nights ever!!
The Monday after... no so much!!  ha
Actually - it's really not THAT bad....

I think I'm still living off the high...

Until I get off work this afternoon and lay my head down on a pillow.
It's OVER.

Motivational Monday ~ I need some ~

So I had a BIG weekend!!!
LOTS of goals accomplished and I feel pretty good about it

But for some reason - It's ALL Monday around these parts.  My chipper usual sunshiny self is still sleeping at home in bed....... (with all the spring breakers!)

So I'm looking for a little motivation around here.....
In hopes of inspiring myself...
I thought I would start by sharing some good news...
LOTS actually!

First of all - I ran another 5K this weekend.  It's my second one EVER and the first one that I ran was 4 years ago!!  I didn't even train for this one.  My time 4 years ago was 36 minutes.   The one I ran this weekend was 32 minutes!!!  YAY!!!! I'm soooo proud.  And yes - I realize 32 minutes is not breaking any records.... but for me, an inexperienced runner and power lifter, I'm GREAT with a 32 minute 5K.   Plus it was a COLOR (fun) RUN.  I don't know if any of you run or care to, but it was a pretty cool experience and I will probably do it again.  Other than it being cold (I'm a weenie), and we had somewhat of a delayed start time (I'm impatient) - it was really fun - and proceeds went to a good cause!!
Thanks Teri for planning it and signing us up as a team.  And thanks Farrah for running it with me!!
Here are a couple of pics of me and one of my best friends before and after the race!!

BEFORE the race.....

And AFTER!!!

Second - even after running on Saturday, Sunday night was gym night.... heavy squats.   My hips were sore as CRAP from running the day before.  But I sucked up some pre-work out and headed out....
on a MISSION.
and I hit yet ANOTHER PR on squat!!  (Thank you CUBE!)
And I feel like I left a little in the tank so I can shoot for a BIG PR when I go to our "mock meet" with Brandon Lilly and crew!!!
I remember when I was struggling SO hard to squat plates.... now I sit at 160!!  (for NOW....)
Here's another video!!!

In other news.... if I haven't already told you all - one of my best friends is having her baby BOY OR GIRL in like 7 weeks!  *if she makes it that far*   I'm soooo excited!!!  And so happy for you Kevin and Mel!!  Can't wait to meet baby W!!

And another one of my besties is getting married...... in like 3 weeks!!!  Congrats to Farrah and Jeremy... this has been a long time coming!!  (it's about time GERMY!)

HOLY COW!!!
I mean - it's good news all around.

These are my "sex in the city" girls...... These are my "10/4", "Druggie David", "cougar", "spit dip out the window", "aquasocks", "I'm getting a divorce" MARTINI MADNESS girls!!!!
I don't know if you followed my blog WAY BACK...... but we've been through alot together...
It's funny how we used to be the BW's crew hanging out late nights watching basketball, catching up on local gossip, making fun of people....and boy watching...
NOW - we occasionally have a girls breakfast get together and/or shopping excursion and then we're ready for a nap!!  ha ha
Discussions now consist of savings and retirement and wedding and baby shower planning.
MY how things have changed.

I have another birthday just around the corner....

And I am BLESSED!
I am WAY too close to 40, but I have memories to share and blessings beyond measure for every one of those years!!

I know I get to celebrate it with the best friends, the best boyfriend, the best family and the BEST son a girl could ever ask for.

Mopey Monday is over....

Have a great week everyone.
When you're feeling down - remember to count your blessings!

Motivational Monday ~push through~

I've been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks

I've inquired

I've pushed

I've questioned

I've wondered

I've been mad

I've been sad

I've been on the brink of rage

I've been to the point of tears
(OK - there have been TEARS!)

I'm mad

I'm sad

I'm defeated

I'm angered

I'm challenged

I'm determined

I've been working out for 9 months now
And I guess I've really CARED about my lifting for about 3 months
and I've come a LONG way....

I have DEFINITELY grown to love this sport!
I love the challenge
I love the growth
I love the failures and fighting back
I love the wins...
I love the fight
I love everything about it

I'm competitive and although I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, I sometimes do.  And it drives me (and angers me).  But even more than that - I see what I did months ago, weeks ago, and even DAYS ago... and it inspires me to be better than ME!  As long as I am better tomorrow than I am today - I am growing... and THAT makes me happy!

But alas... about 2 weeks ago, I noted a pain my back.

Well - I didn't NOTICE a pain in my back, more like the pain in my back took me to my knees and took my breath away!

OUCH!
(and I'm a TOUGH girl!)

Now remember - I'm a GIRL - in a gym full of BOYS...

I went to pick up a deadlift and about half way up to lock out - my body's immediate reaction to the PAIN that RIPPED through my back was TEARS.  They STREAMED down my face.  I promptly dropped the bar and took my broken self to regroup in the bathroom.  Once I regained my composure - I took my hard-headed self back to the bar... to push through the pain.  There I promptly picked up the bar with the SAME reaction.  Back to the bathroom I went... where if there had been anything other than a sink and toilet in there, I probably would have kicked that something to the south side of Florida!

So disappointed in myself!

I finished out the night with some leg work and maybe a few more loosely held crocodile tears.

Since that night - I have been trying to find out what is going on and why it hurts so bad.

Because #1 - thinking that I can't lift anymore, breaks my spirit (AND that's not an option quite frankly!  So shut up - let's not even SAY that out loud!)
And #2 - thinking that I'm slowly losing deadlift pounds makes those crocodile tears even bigger!

So - my first step was visiting a Sports Medicine doctor.  He told me it's probably just a strained muscle and told me to take 2 Alleve twice a day.  So I did, and the pain slowly lessened... but never completely went away.  And the next week, on deadlift night, I again attempted my lifts... with the same result.  Pain and loss of breath... and maybe some more of those big crocodile "it hurts" tears.  So at this point, I again worked the crap outta my legs and lower back and then talked to a guy who has been lifting for a LONG time and been through alot of stuff himself, and the author of "The Cube", Mr. Brandon Lilly.  He instructed me to get to a chiropractor ASAP.  I promptly got in touch with someone to schedule an appointment (thanks again Kelli if you are reading this!)

The next day I had lots of back xrays done and headed off to the Chiropractor.

He was super nice and went over all my films with me.

He then informed me that first of all - I have scoliosis.  YAY... Cheer {insert SARCASM!}
BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And he also informed me that my spine is a bit twisted.  Again - cheers are heard all around!  NOT!!  We went over several plans where I gladly informed him that I do NOT want to quit lifting... and I have a mock meet with BRANDON LILLY and crew in like.... 6 weeks.  And I need to impress.

Losing my lifts between now and then is not an option.

OH..... so sad!!!

Needless to say - I have been bummed ever since.

I'm still waiting to see what my chiropractic plan will be and I do intend to follow through to hopefully get this pain issue worked out!

But in the meantime, I have spent an excessive amount a small amount of time pouting... I even missed going to the gym Friday night.  Mostly because I worked my BUTT off at my job on Friday and my back was killing me... but I will admit - MOST OF IT part of it was a tiny wee bit of being POUTY about not being able to do my work like normal....

During all this pain and questioning, I have definitely fallen victim to a bit of frustration... and self loathing... and being disappointed in myself.  I've spent WAY too much time reading what OTHER girls are doing and seeing what they look like and comparing myself to all of them.  WAY too much time!!!  Girls that have been lifting longer than me... girls with more experience than me....

And I have reacted by eating horribly... and pouting... burning up some Ben & Jerry's and Mt Dews!!  {typical girl reaction!}

Then I look at how I've reacted and it makes me even MORE depressed about where I am right now.
So disappointed in me!!

So - as of today - NO MORE!

I intend to go to the chiropractor and work on what's wrong.
I'm still going to go to the gym like always and do everything I can still do without hurting myself!
I will hold out faith that my hard work will keep my strength so that while my back is healing, I don't lose all the strength I have worked so hard to gain...

AND.....
for those of you who know me.....
and know how I like to eat - and how I hate CARDIO...
I'm biting the bullet.

As of today - I will begin a cardio routine along with my lifting.
And I will be more conscious of my eating habits.

NO

MORE

POUTING

When there is a roadblock on one road... you must regroup, refocus and work on what you CAN work on rather than sitting at the road block pouting about not being able to go through.

There is ALWAYS work to be done...
And there is ALWAYS positive to focus on to feed you to push through the negative.  You just have to choose where your focus lies!

Every day comes with the opportunity to start again with a fresh look.
Today - I begin again.

New focus and even BIGGER goals.
Push through the negative and you will ALWAYS come out stronger in the end.

Motivational Monday ~back to the GRAY~

So I've been struggling with what to do and what direction to go with my blog. I've spent some time going back through old blogs and there really are some good jewels in there!!
Now granted, there's also some stuff that.. well frankly I'd prefer to just delete (revert back to my confession about my gift to pretend certain things never happened).
But those trips and stumbles and bad decisions brought me here... So ehhhh... I guess they stay.
For now

Which leaves me still trying to determine where to go from here

I tend to lean back to my original sentiment in some form
The reason I started blogging in the first place. I needed a place to clear my head. Cleanse my soul. Admit defeat, ask for help and give back to anyone I can give back to. And mostly... To share a little bit of me that might motivate someone else. To share the falls... And the triumphs! To give people a reason to push through. To be a living example that pushing through thick and thin and holding onto your faith, you will get through!

So on that note, I will use this space to push being healthy first and foremost.
Physically, emotionally and spiritually

Every day in gray!!!
Physically.... The gray in the iron we move.... the obstacles we move... the steps we take every day.
The gray of walking into the gym with a goal in mind and the gray of not knowing what you might pull off today!
Emotionally... The gray of getting knocked down and not knowing if you can get back up. The gray, that consumes you when you're down, that we break through to come out on top!
Spiritually... putting what God wants first in your life.. not just what YOU want.
The gray
Back to the gray

Lets celebrate it together and push each other to levels we never knew were possible. In every aspect of our lives!!

I have so many goals for this year. In the gym and out of the gym!!
But my number one goal goes back to why I started blogging in the first place

To motivate YOU!!!!

Physically I'm going to share weight, measurements and (the dreaded) before pics...
I know I've already been working out, and getting stronger, but now it's time to get the diet on track too!
Today is ground zero
Time to get serious

I'm starting with my first meet under my belt. So I have beginning "official" weights in the books.
And my starting weight and measurements start today
I will push to get stronger and lose body fat

If anyone wants advice or motivation, feel free to ask :)). I'm here to help you as much as I can!

Wishing everyone a great Monday to get your week off to a fantastic start!

"Things do not just happen. Things are made to happen" John F Kennedy

Live life on purpose
Make your week great!!!

{{HUGS}}
I found my motivation - where will you find yours??

Motivational Monday.... Let your Light shine!!

Happy Monday peeps!!!


It's that day we all dread... the start of another work week...
Please allow me to shine a little light to get this started!!

What did you do this weekend??

Wanna know what I did???

I spent Friday night at the gym!!!
 Check my CHUCKS!!!    ------->>>>>>>

AND I got up Saturday morning when it was gray and rainy and yucky and would have been a perfect day to lay around on the couch and eat and watch movies all day.. and I took my butt to the gym!!  And commenced to working it off!!
Then Sunday - I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned...  (cleaned out the scary closet where Freddy Kruger lives at my house... THAT was a BIG chore!!)

My lower back HURTS.  My shoulders are sore.  My butt is sore.  My hamstrings are DYING.  And I have a bruise on the back of my neck where the bar sat while I did "good mornings"  (those consist of holding a bar behind your neck, standing straight up with it and bending forward till your back is straight - and then raising back up!!)
I'm walking funny, I hurt, I'm sore.....

And I've never felt BETTER!!!

People complain on a daily basis about how they look and how much weight they have/are gaining.... but then don't do anything about it!  Just complain that there is no time.... and I admit - I've been just as bad as the next...
but (with my GREAT motivation and pushing) I'm finally working out on a regular basis... every week, multiple times a week - and others may not be able to see it - but I CAN SEE IT!!!  I can feel it!!!  My muscles are stronger and tighter... and believe it or not - even when I hurt, it feels good!
Because I KNOW I'm making changes!
I know because I can FEEL my body changing.
The pain is proof that I am working!
And it's actually rewarding.

So on this Monday morning -  Keep trying.  Each day you get better.  Each day STRIVE to be better.  Set a goal and brag on yourself as you take steps in the direction that you WANT to go.  It isn't just self gratification - it serves as encouragement and motivation for all of those around you. 
Be proud
Stand tall
Encourage each other
Support each other
Grow TOGETHER

I heard the following on a movie (Coach Carter) and I thought what better way to start the week....

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.   

We were all meant to shine as children do.  

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Help me to pour out encouragement to everyone around me.... even myself!!

I hope everyone has a GREAT week!!!
Be GREAT today!  :)

Motivational Monday :)

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug....
Today -  CHOOSE not to be THAT bug!!!
Don't let life run you over!
Hold your head high and face Monday with PRIDE and a big ol' smile!!!

I have recently spent a little time in my pit. (in case you hadn't noticed from my last few posts!!)  ha!

I read a book some time ago that I have lent out several times called "Get out of that pit" by Beth Moore.  Oh how I love her story... and that book in particular.
Anyway - she speaks of things in her life that should and could very easily break ones spirit and leave you in a pit... where you wallow around in self loathing and pity.
I myself have found myself in that pit from time to time.  Whining about what life (God) has "let me" go through.  Complaining because I don't have this or can't have that... Taking things people say way too seriously and letting those things break my spirit.

As I read my daily devotional - it reminded me of who I really am... and the things and people I have in my life to be THANKFUL for!!!  It reminded me of how far God has brought me and what he has given me and blessed me with.  It reminded me of GRACE!
And I got out my ladder and stepped back out of that stupid pit I had fallen into.

I would like to share my inspiration with you today!

Grace be with you.  I Timothy 6:21
Without sharing the entire story with you - I just want to share the line that moved me.
"What has happened has happened.  You can face it all with bitterness, or you can face it all with grace"
And with that - I realized... I have made mistakes, and I'll continue to make mistakes... in parenting, in friendships, in my daily walk, and in life!  People have hurt me with words and actions and sadly - I have done the same.
All that is left to do is forgive those who hurt me and most importantly - forgive myself.

And each day vow to pass along....  just a little bit of grace... a little bit of caring.... a little bit of blessing.... a little bit of hope... a little bit of inspiration....
THAT is what this blog has always been about.

Some of life's best gifts come in small undramatic moments.

This is a new day;  Face it with Grace!

Motivational Monday ...this is how we (should) roll

"I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention.  To not be like your parents.  To not be like your friends.  To be yourself.   Completely."  Henry Rollins

I read something recently, at the recommendation of a friend. 

(NO - not 50 shades of gray... I already read that.... no one needed to recommend THAT!  ha)

Anyway - it's called The Iron  by Henry Rollins.  (feel free to click that link and read it yourself!)
When I read it - it sent my head into a tailspin!!!  I felt every single word written there!!!

Don't you remember being a teenager.... and gosh there were SOOOOO many expectations... you had to dress a certain way, and talk a certain way, and attend certain parties, and go to certain places, and have certain friends....  I mean the EPITOME of high school was being "just like everyone else!"   So you fit in!!!  My oh MY how high school warps us for real life!!

I tell people all the time, the older I have gotten, the less I care what people think.  And it's true.  I don't NEED to be like anyone else.... I don't need to do anything but be ME!  Now don't get me wrong.  I don't walk around intentionally stepping on people or intentionally hurting people's feelings for the sport of it.  But I HAVE learned as I've gotten older that accidentally hurting someones feelings is the least of my worries!  Now don't get me wrong - we all want to be liked and accepted.  And I'm not telling you to be a hateful old prude with no feelings.....  I'm just saying - be you and be comfortable enough to be that... be at ease with who you are!
Remember.... #1 - no one is gonna take care of me, but ME!  If the bills need to be paid, well I need to keep a job making enough money to PAY the bills.  DUH!!  It is no one else's responsibility but mine.  If someone likes me or doesn't, I still have to take care of me.  And the irony is - I don't have to work at a certain place, or dress a certain way, or go to certain places in order to get that done.  I don't "need" someone else's approval.  It's on me.  Period.
This isn't high school people.
This is real life.

Your best friend isn't gonna be waiting at your locker to remind you how AWESOME you are (chances are the ones in high school that did that were likely talking about you behind your back!)

The reality of life is this - "nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain" (Rollins).  Whether it be what you want out of life, what you want in your job, what you want in a relationship, what you want in your family, or what you want out of your mind body and soul.....  good doesn't just appear.  You must work for it.  Sometimes you learn from the BAD in order to work for the good.
It's the circle of life!
And those hard times, those trials, those learning experiences.... the times that push you to the edge and you have NO choice but to keep going...  it is out of THOSE times that you TRULY find WHO you are... WHAT you are made of.... the person that you are deep down inside.  THOSE are the times to be thankful for.....
"I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect."  (Rollins)
Out of those times, we look back and reflect.... look what you just survived... look what you just came through... and your still standing.  You may have war wounds... there may be scars that stick around forever - but they only serve to remind you just how strong and resilient the human body and HEART truly are!!!!

.... and others will see THAT.   Not who you dress like or who you act like or what you drive.... It doesn't work like that....  when people look at you - they should see the extra pep in your step... the way that you carry yourself... the pride in discovering who you truly are!!
"Strength reveals itself through character"  (Rollins)

As adults, love who you are.... and love what made you who you are.  Don't spend so much time trying to please everyone else...... who cares?!  Hurt someones feelings (not on purpose... that's not what I'm saying)  but stop running around trying to prove something to someone.... stop worrying that you aren't who someone thinks you are.
JUST.  DO.  YOU.
After all - God doesn't make mistakes...... he made you just as you are.
BE.  YOU!!!
and be PROUD of it!!!!

She's the girl that believes what comes around, goes around.  

The one that hopes for a better day.  The one who won't give up on you.  

She's the girl that's unlike the rest.  

The one that spent her days smiling and her nights crying.  

She's the girl that would love to be loved.  

The one that looks so dang strong, but feels so dang weak.  

She's the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.....

I'm bringing sexy back!!

GAME ON!!!!!!!!
Today is the big day....
(well... one of many big days to come)

Today is the day that I get my "sexy back"  ha ha

Today I begin my new lifestyle diet!!
Last week I started at least making an effort to walk/run a few days a week... got my feet wet.
and it got me wanting more.....

So starting today - I'm on a high protein, lower calorie diet (thanks to my "swole" coach B!)

I'm not going to get all crazy on ya - but I am starting a new diet, a new workout plan... and a new ME!
It's time to get this butt back in shape and bikini ready!  ha ha    Cause it is soooooooo not right now!

I DO plan to take before and after pics....
BUT
you can't see the before pics until the AFTER pics are better
I have to have something to be proud of before I go showing my J-E-L-L-O!!!  ha ha

So anyway - HAPPY MONDAY to you all!!!
Some words to make you smile......

We are what we repeatedly do.  EXCELLENCE, therefore is not an act, but a HABIT!  ~Aristotle~

(change your daily actions until they become habit!)

If you want to succeed in the world, you must make your own opportunities as you go on.  The man who waits for some seventh wave to toss him on dry land will find that the seventh wave is a long time a coming.  You can commit no greater folly than to sit by the roadside until some one comes along and invites you to ride with him to wealth or influence.  ~John B. Gough~

(go jump out of a plane if you want, if it pushes you and/or motivates you.
If it's not a plane, do something!  Motivate yourself!)

Nothing great was ever achieved with enthusiasm  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

(do it till you LOVE it!!)

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true ~Leion J. Suenes~

(Dream dreams... have goals.... and push yourself to the edge of a ledge
- it's the only way to grow!)

YES - I am still reeling off my SKY DIVE - and I will ride this wave as long as it keeps me positive, focused, and driven!!!

Have a GREAT Monday......  set some goals for yourself today - something you've always wanted to accomplish.  And when you set it - BELIEVE you can do ANYTHING!!!!

and remember........

Pain 

is weakness 

leaving the body!!!!!!

(no matter what kind of pain it is) 

~Motivational Monday~ my gift to you

Yes - I know it's Tuesday
But most of us have been off work and actually had a long weekend.  Tuesday is our Monday this week.  First day back to the grind and even though it's a short week, for some reason, they always seem harder to me!

So - here's a little inspiration for the week!
My Christmas gift to you  :)

I hope everyone had a wonderfully happy and joy filled holiday Christmas weekend.  I must say, Z and I must have been extra good this year because we were abundantly blessed!!!!  And I'm not talking just gifts here - I mean, the good stuff.   Love.  Joy.  Peace.  Family.  Friends.  Blessings all around.

I was approached over the holidays by someone asking how I'm doing.... and after all I've been through, how I'm able to stay so positive?
Truth of the matter is this..

I can choose to lay in bed every night and drown in self loathing about what I have done wrong or how I've been done wrong...
OR
I can choose to look back on the things that I did wrong, that brought me to the RIGHT place!
I can choose to look at all that I'm blessed with.
I can choose to look at all that my future has to hold!

I make that choice daily.

And so should you!

I hope that you looked at your life through the Christmas holiday and thanked God above for all you are blessed with.  I hope that you let yourself off the hook for just long enough to smile.  I hope that for Christmas you gave yourself a clean slate of forgiveness (for yourself AND others) so that you can start 2012 without any negativity held over from 2011!

That is what I wish for each and every one of you for Christmas!  :)

~Motivational Monday~ My New Perspective

In honor of the week of Thanksgiving - I'm thankfully switching gears.

Putting on my new perspective you might say!

It was pointed out to me today that we should not only spend time being thankful for the things that we have been given and that God has blessed us with; but we should also take time to be thankful for the things that have been taken away... the things that God has saved us from.

I know firsthand, that when going through trials and tribulations it is so easy to turn around and blame others, or get MAD at God for not giving us what we want or giving it to us the way WE want it. 
Wow, it is so easy.  
The hurt and pain that we feel inside tends to overtake us and we lose perspective.  (how many times have I written about perspective?!)  We get so focused on the things we want and things that are important in this world.

I'm going through a divorce - it's no secret.
And I've been hurt and angry and confused... and well, 100 other emotions I can think of.

But today - I was reminded, that no matter what people say, no matter HOW people judge, no matter how the story is told and where fault lands, the fact of the matter is... quite frankly - I love you all, but I don't answer to anyone but my God.  And as long as in my heart I know that I'm following His will and I did right by Him, I am at peace.
I fought.  ME.  MYSELF... I fought to hold a marriage together.... when in fact, it was never my fight to fight.
I should have given this ALL to God long ago....
God sees a bigger picture.
And sometimes... he takes away.  And many times, that is beyond our human comprehension.

We are blessed with gifts from God.  And believe it or not, we are blessed when he takes away.
It may not feel like it sometimes, but I believe it to be true.  Because I do believe there is a bigger plan that God has in store.

So, in hindsight..... I looked back over the past year of my life today...
And I have so many things to be thankful for.

~I am thankful that I had to ability to go back to school this past year and GRADUATE~

~I am thankful that I made a career change at this point in my life and can now say I have a job I LOVE!~

~I am thankful for ALL of my family - I am TRULY blessed!~

~I am thankful for my friends - they have been my ROCK for years and abundantly so as of late~

~I am thankful that my daddy DID get to walk me down the aisle~

~I am thankful for my son and the wonderful young man he is growing up to be~

~I am thankful to say that I have loved and been loved~

~I am thankful for my parents and the way I was raised and the foundation they gave me to stand on~

and oddly enough....

~I am thankful for all the things I wanted in my life, that God saw fit to spare me from.  I am thankful for "unanswered prayers" that were truly answered in a way to protect me and keep me closer to him.~

~I am thankful that this past year has shown me things and taught me things that I might never have understood otherwise.~

~But most of all, I am SO thankful that this past year has brought my walk closer to Him.~

I am thankful that people judge me and talk about me and question why I'm different.  It means I stood for something... and that something is my GOD!

And I am MOST thankful that I ALWAYS know that His arms are around me and protect and comfort me when I need it the most!

Brown chicken Brown cow!!!

yeah yeah yeah.... I despise that song too - LOL
but - you can't take me down today!
(even after 78239872234 days of rain!!!)
I'm doing a happy dance, singing a song, and well.... it's been HOW MANY years since I've done a real live cartwheel??? but I'm doin it!!!
I'm listening to music and cleaning my house!  YEP - I'm in THAT good of a mood!
HA!

BRING ON MONDAY!!!!!!

I just took my final for my last semester of actual class time!  PHYSICS!  AND I got a 92!  yep - sure did.  92 in PHYSICS - YAY me!!!!
now granted - it's a TOUGH HARD CRAZY road ahead, I still have to finish up final clinical rotation (but I have checked off on all scans I need to check off on) AND I still have those Board tests to take (which I have heard HORROR stories about), but today, I feel like I have NOT actually wasted the last year of my life and I feel as though God has led me down a road and he's still holding my hand.  He isn't letting go yet.    We still have a few more hurdles to cross, but I guess this test today was just a MUCH NEEDED reminder that God brought me here for a reason and he's gonna continue carrying me through  :)

{{SHOUT OUT to Preacher T for the EXCELLENT service and MUCH NEEDED message at church Sunday!  I love you and am so proud to call such a GREAT man of God, my husband!}}


Hope everyone else is having a GREAT Monday also  :)

BRING. IT. ON.

Today is my first day back in the saddle.
First day back in class.
It was pretty easy squeezy going back to the classroom.
Watched a movie.
went over the new syllabus...
then it HIT

the new grading scale....
the new online class added on top of real class and 4 days now in a clinical site doing scanning...
ALL the homework...
all the extra time needed this semester...
how CLOSE it is to graduation...
no WAIT - how CLOSE it ACTUALLY is to taking registry tests!!
MULTIPLE TESTS!!!!!!
(tests that I pay to take.. pass OR fail..... and if I don't PASS, the whole school thing was just a big PHAT waste of time!!)

BUT - I choose to accept this task!
I WILL fight this task

I have a LIST of things to work on .....  not JUST succeeding at school - but a LIST of SEVERAL things that I choose to look at different.  A list of things that I'm about to tackle and WIN with the grace of MY GOD on my side!!!!
(that list will come in a later blog)
But after a VERY inspiring message T brought Sunday  (yes T - you never cease to amaze me, AND you never know how just what you say is ALWAYS ALWAYS just what SOMEONE sitting in that church needs to hear!)

Anyway ......
as for now - MONDAY - I'm back in the saddle in sooooooo many ways!!
BRING on the week..... BRING on life!!!

HAPPY MONDAY everyone!

Motivational Monday - on Tuesday!! :)

.... I've already been forewarned about posting this video....
YES, you might just think it's a bit cheesy
BUT - I will tell you....
NO - I will challenge you
Watch it.... watch the ENTIRE video and tell me it doesn't touch something inside you.
I can't watch it without crying
EVERY time.... I swear.
So moving.

The clip is from the movie "Facing the Giants"
it was a low budget movie and it wasn't advertised much... there is no one "famous" in it - so it's likely that you have never heard of it.
My son and I went to the theater to see it and I'm pretty sure if he could have gotten up and moved away from me during the movie, he would have.
and I'm SURE I looked like a HOT MESS coming out of that theater.....
But it's SUCH a moving, inspirational movie.

Anyway - the clip I have posted below is from the movie.  The coach is challenging one of the players to step up.  There are TWO important points to note in the clip.
#1 - the blindfold.  Coach makes him wear this during an exercise. 
#2 - the coach.  What a pivotal role he plays...




The reason this is so touching and inspirational for me is how practical it is to apply to our every day life.

The Blindfold.  How far do you think the boy would have gotten without that blindfold.  He would have set up his OWN limitations and never pushed himself to his FULL potential.  We do this EVERY day.  We all have hopes and dreams and things we want to accomplish.  But we're so busy looking around, setting up boundaries that we can't see ourselves to our FULL potential.

Put on a blindfold and stop worrying about what you can't do and just DO IT.  Don't let other people or things distract you.  If you want it bad enough and put your HEART into it - it can be done.

The Coach.  One word.   Inspirational.  The entire time he is pushing the boy, he is telling him "you can do it.  give me all you've got"  He's inspiring him and more importantly - he BELIEVES in him and tells him so the whole time he's pushing.   Some people have friends and family that play this role.  Some people are blessed with people in their lives that believe in them THAT much, no matter what the goal is.  If you do have these people, you are BLESSED and be very thankful for that.  Just remember, to someone, you are that pivotal person too. 
Push your friends and family.  Inspire them.  BELIEVE in them!!

Back when I was going to the gym (oh how I miss that), my trainer had us carrying a punching bag from one side of the room to the other.  I asked how many times and he said everyone so far had made it across the room 3 times.  So I PUSHED myself to do it 3 times.... it hurt like CRAZY and I was pretty sure I'd never make it.  BUT - everyone else had done it, so far be it from me to not try.
I did it.
And guess what - NO ONE had done it three times before me.  My trainer believed in me enough to PUSH me.  If he had told me one time, I would have done 1 time.
So anyway - Thanks David - I still remember that day.  Even though you may have told EVERYONE that - or you may not even remember - know that you inspired me that day.


And above and beyond everything else.... remember you have a God that created you and has BIG plans for you beyond what you can even imagine.  He is ALWAYS coaching you on and telling you and showing you how much he believes in you.  Don't overlook that.  Be thankful for that and use that constant believing in you to get you through every day and to reach goals that without him would be impossible!!