Well... it's Monday again.
I know everyone dreads Mondays... but sometimes I look at them like a clean slate. When you have had a crappy week or a crappy weekend... you get to start over on Monday. It's like a do-over day! :)
My fresh start begins with Preacher T being home safe and sound :) Thank God for save travels for him AND all the work crew. He brought me a cool shot glass to add to my collection and a kick-a$$ new sweatshirt! I had lunch waiting for him when he got back to town... so I got to spend my Sunday night with my baby.... eating and hanging out watching Family Guy!! ha ha What a GREAT note to start the week on.
ALSO - today... I'm committing to the "diet" and gym. (no more DQ Blizzards!?? grrrrrrrrr!) PROMISE! I am DE-TER-MINED to drop some body fat!!! Anyone have any losing body (belly) fat tips?? I guess I'm going to officially hand myself over to Preacher T... put my self in his hands. Here's hoping that we can MOTIVATE each other in the gym and not KILL EACH other! ha ha (you guys MIGHT wanna stay tuned for how THAT goes *wink wink*)
What's on your plate for the week???
AND...While I'm on such a chipper note.....I want to take a minute to give a shout out to all my readers!!
I was talking to a dear friend this weekend (shout out Detroit!!) about my blog.... I was telling him how I can't believe I am still here. I'm notorious for starting things and getting bored with it and quitting. But I haven't... I'm still here and still loving every minute of it. And I have to say......your comments and bloggy love and the free therapy keep me coming back day after day. There is nothing better than getting online and reading a post from someone that is exactly what I need to hear that day. And vice versa... I can't tell you how it warms my heart to spill my guts over the internet and get all the love and comments back from you guys! It just makes me smile to know that simple feelings or words from me can put a smile on someone else's face! =)
So I just wanted to take a minute to say THANK YOU to you all for reading :)
So I've kinda been quiet on the blog front this week.....
I wasn't really sure that I could open myself up anymore...
but then I remembered - THIS is why I blog!!! ha ha
it's therapy people!
So I'm sharing...
This past Wednesday we began a women's bible study at church. I am leading the class and chose a Beth Moore study (A woman's heart: God's dwelling place) This was Beth's very first bible study so I thought it would be a good place to start. And I'm REALLY excited about the study.
BUT - Wednesday - we had yet to get the books passed out, so this week was simply a time of introduction and getting to know each other. I used this first meeting with the women to share a little bit of me... and my soul... and what God has done in my life. I shared a somewhat condensed version of my testimony of my life with Christ.
Let me first say - I am NO public speaker by any means. (I'm talking a NERVOUS WRECK people!!) I could ONLY be doing this through lots of prayer and the good Lord holding my hand. I will also tell you - I have been through ALOT! And I'm a pretty emotional girl.... so I provided Kleenex. My story definitely has hills and valleys, but the good part is, I know now that I am where God can use me. And THAT makes me smile.
So I shared this with all the women on Wednesday night. (maybe I will share it with you all sometime...) And we agreed to go on this bible study journey together. And I'm SO excited to take this walk WITH THEM and to learn and study God's Word.
BUT - Wednesday night, I came home after class. Alone. Z wasn't home.... Preacher T was still at church playing music.... and I guess THIS is where the devil works. I was absolutely drained. Broken. Emotional. did I mention broken??? and alone.... And maybe God intended it to be this way... so that I lean on him instead of anyone else.....
then Thursday.... man.... WHAT a day... I essentially spent the entire day second guessing myself and questioning things I said or didn't say.... and just basically beating myself up??? WHYYYY this self inflicted torture? I don't know!!!
But I do know, the rest of my week has been tough...
I have probably spent WAY too much worrying about this...
And there's more...
At work, I was telling someone about the bible study and how it went, and while talking about this - someone else in the office overheard... and proceeded to walk out into the hallway and say "YOU are teaching the class??? I didn't even know you went to church!"
ummm......OUCH!
I of course laughed it off and made a joke out of it. But really??!! Have I been THAT bad of a witness?? This only added to the self inflicted torture.
Want another twist to the story - a different lady I work with, that I had actually invited to the study was talking about it and was overhead by someone else, which spawned yet ANOTHER conversation!!!!
You guys.... the REST of the week at work, this has been the TOPIC of conversation. That TAMI is teaching a bible study!
AGAIN- did I appear to be such a horrible person that THIS news is THAT worthy??!!!
Don't get me wrong. I know it's not that big of a deal.
And I told my friend who I invited to the study that I believe you just never know what might come from the talk.... this whole thing could make a difference in someone's life. I feel like no matter what is being said, if the Lord is brought up in conversation, no matter HOW, it could be something that someone needs to hear?
So I don't want you to think I'm sitting here beating myself over other's opinions of me.
I think it was more that I opened and poured myself out for God.... and WHAT BETTER TIME for doubt and fear and questions to creep into my head. Not so much questioning what I said, or my testimony or that I'm walking in God's will... but maybe just questioning whether or not I'm worthy.
Does that make sense???
I just feel not worthy.
this sentiment has proceeded to creep now into other areas of my life....
I won't go into too much detail about that because .... well.... you guys don't want to know THAT much about me! ha ha
(plus this could VERY easily turn into a 2 hour long post!)
So I will leave you with this.......
I do believe I am where I am supposed to be. I am VERY excited about our bible study and I DO intend to share what we are doing! (hopefully either on Wednesday after class or on Thursdays!) I would love for you all to join in and hopefully the lessons we learn on Wednesday can be spread all through out bloggy world :) *and facebook world too*
Thank you guys for listening reading.... and if you pray, please keep me in your prayers.
I also wanted to share one of my fav songs before I go.
I hope it touches someone out there.....
When I have had a bad day or those I love are having a bad day, I usually find myself lost in music. It just always provides the emotional release that I'm looking for. This weekend consisted of highs and lows all around me... at times I was laughing so hard I could have peed myself (yes - my friend looked at me at one point and actually spoke the words "my love fern is dead....just like my love" LOL I love her! She was seriously speaking of her flower...and for those that didn't get that - it's from "how to lose a guy in 10 days" best movie ever!!!) Anyway - I also had some GREAT quality girl time at the Waffle House (come on, who can't be happy at Waffle House)! Point in case - several pots of coffee later, the shopping cart picture!!!!!! she is sooooo gonna kick my butt for posting that! I do so love my girls!
So although there were definitely those highs to speak of, we as a whole - had a pretty emotional weekend too. There is so much going on with all of us right now that its almost exhausting sometimes. And not just us, more like everyone around me...
I in turn find myself most of these times, in my truck, alone, just me and my radio (CD's of my choice actually) driving aimlessly in my own little private therapy session!
Now that I've had my girl time and my therapy time, I'm going to bed with Rob .... Rob Thomas that is! he's in my CD player... LOL
I think he is so amazing.....and so under-recognized. His voice is just so raw and pure and FULL of emotion. (and I'm kinda partial because I read an article about him some time ago that went on and on regarding what a great husband and father he is.....and these days, any man that respects marriage rates pretty high in my book!) I wanted to share that with you and although I spent way too much time trying to settle on one song, I just could not get away from "My, my, my" I could not find an original video of Rob singing it - which drives me crazy - so I'm posting a cover of the song by some random person. You will get the jist of the song along with the lyrics below.
SUCH a pretty song and sentiment.
and sums up my weekend in three words........MY MY MY.... 8-)
Oh and PS - why did a cop just drive by my house at 1AM with the spotlight on??? geeeeez! That will help with the sleep tonight!!!!! My, my, my.......
"My, My, My"
The light from the window is fading
You turn on the light
The sound from the avenue's calling you
Open your eyes
And when you find
You're spending your time
Wanting for words
But never speak
You tell yourself
That the things you need come slow
But inside you just don't know
My, my, my
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life
Hold on to anything
Everything's over and done
Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life
Time after time
You're falling behind
Hold on to me
Never leave
Forever be what you mean to me right now
Don't you feel better now
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