Tuesday, April 15, 2014

It's Just a Lousy Nickel!!

So the other day, I was sweeping my floor.  And I saw a nickel on the floor.  Which I proceeded to just sweep right into my dirt pile....  because it would be too much trouble for me to bend over and pick it up, right?!!  So I just continued to sweep it around the house with the dirt and eventually into the dust pan with the rest of the dirt.  It was afterall...... JUST a nickel.  5 centsFIVE.  That's it.  Not worth the time of me digging it out of the pile of dirt and dog hair that I just swept from my floor!!!

And then I thought .......... WAIT....... WHAT?!?!!!!!!!!!


What the crap is wrong with me??  
Have I really become that complacent in my life... where a nickel is not worth the effort it takes to pick it up?

I then thought back to a time... when Z was just a little boy... and we lived in a apartment complex that had a coke machine by the office.  I remember a time when we would literally go on scavenger hunts in the apartment and in the car to try to gather up just enough change so that we both might go down to the coke machine and buy a drink to enjoy for the evening.  I remember when cokes WEREN'T readily available in the refrigerator.  It was a time when I worked my tail off in order to pay the rent and keep my baby boys belly full.  Cokes were a treat.  And getting to go get one from the coke machine was like an adventure.  It was back in a time when we played games and talked... it was before he buried his head into video games and a cell phone and got too big to "hang out with mom" anymore.  It was back when we would take drives out in the country going nowhere just to get out of the apartment and enjoy the sunshine.  (that was back when we could afford to put gas in our cars!!).  

Back then, a simple NICKEL meant the difference  in having the Grape Nehi or not!  
To be honest, back then a nickel meant keeping the lights on or not.

I pray that I don't ever lose the value of "just a nickel"

And as my son grows up and slowly but surely steps into a world that will crush you in a minute..... I pray that he never forgets the value of "just a nickel" and that he holds near to his heart what that small little nickel means. And when life is busy beating him down..and it will....I hope he remembers that sometimes all you need is just a nickel, a Grape Nehi and a ride around the countryside.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Look at that dirty THUG!

I've addressed this subject before....
but in light of recent events - I felt like it should be addressed again.  I'm curious as to other's thoughts....
Feel free to chime in.....
Everyone is entitled to an opinion - but don't "JUDGE" me for mine.

I have an appointment to get my next tattoo  (keep in mind that I have two small ones already.   Wrist and lower back)
This one is going to be a half-sleeve... TOP of arm.
It is a collage of many different things that I want incorporated into the tattoo.  It is bits and pieces of who I am shoved into one work of arm that will be displayed on my upper arm.


I have attached a pic of the "ideas" going into this work.  Mine will have pieces of these, it will be nothing LIKE any of these alone  ;-)



Now - there are a few members of my friends and family that are, for various reasons, very distraught about this choice I have made.

First of all - I am a MOM!!!!!!!!!  Apparently "moms" aren't supposed to do stuff like this.  Let's keep in mind I AM in fact a mother, but I'm NOT 72!  I also sky dive and power lift and go on spontaneous vacations.... When you turn into a mom, is there like a rule that all fun and self expression must stop??  I'm confused by this??!!   I plan to STILL be a PERSON at 72!!!

I AM a mom..... but I'm not JUST a mom!


Secondly - people will look at me bad.... like a delinquent or a thug I guess??  Some kind of hellion??  Maybe?  I don't know.  Maybe they will..... or maybe they already do?  But getting a tattoo on my arm doesn't prove or disapprove that judgement.
I guess my problem with this "reasoning" is that I just have a problem with judgement in general.  Period.  I know people do it.  But I try not to.  So in response to that - I don't care if people DO judge me.  Because I don't live my life that way.  You are either my friend and know me well enough NOT to judge... or you don't know me well enough and in that case, your "judgement" doesn't affect me?
I know everyone says that they don't care what people think... but we all do - at least to some level. But as far as judgement regarding who I am based on a piece of art I have put on my arm - yeh - I don't care!!!

What about this one...... I am defacing my temple.  Defacing?  NO.  I'm decorating.   I'm not cutting my arm off or injuring myself or doing things that cause me to love my faith or my God any less.  I'm not causing my temple to be used for the devil!  I'm NOT getting satanic LINGO tattooed on my forehead!!!  So how is it defacing my temple??
My ears are pieced.... oh dear - I put HOLES in my body!!!
I wear makeup.... oh dear I look pale and sick without it - how DARE I put things on to look better!
I drink caffeine.  It's a DRUG!  I have defiled my temple.
I.  Cut.  My.  HAIR!!!
NO
No to all of that!!!!
I don't by any means think that WEARING my art and what I consider to be symbolism of my life in pictures to be defiling my temple.
I don't love Jesus any less after getting a tattoo.
Does it affect my WITNESS of being a Christian???  NO.  It shouldn't.  Unless you are one of those "judgmental" Christians that are too busy looking down your nose and judging others, to worry about your own actions.
How I "look" shouldn't affect if people see Christ in me or not.  That is shown in my witness.. in my character... in my HEART.... not on my ARM!

I understand that there are generational gaps.
I understand that there are people who grew up in a time where tattoos were only for army guys and trashy men and women... I understand that you may still look at them that way.
And that's ok if you choose to stick to those beliefs as you were raised.
But do you also not have a TV in your house?  Because I think at one time they were referred to as a thing of the devil infiltrating your house???

Are you so stuck on the "rules" that you miss the blessings that come from change??

I am not saying that tattoos are for everyone.  If you don't like them and you don't want one, that is your decision.  What I am saying is....  how fair is it of you to go around judging people who like and choose to WEAR tattoos!!!?
Are you so closed minded that you must assume that someone who has a tattoo is most definitely, without a doubt, a bad parent, a Satan worshiper, a thug, or a delinquent?

Just call me an inconsiderate thug I guess....... because I have wanted and planned this sleeve for years, and I"m pretty stoked about it!
And for all of you that want to judge or are afraid that I'm ruining my life.... well... I guess if you think getting some ink put on my arm is suddenly going to destroy everything in my life... then wow - you put aLOT of power in an ink gun!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

The journey.... Live Laugh Love

The Superbowl is on.... yeh... blahhhh
It's TERRIBLE

It's gym night..... yeh.... blahhh
The weather is terrible and frankly I don't wanna get out and travel in this mess

So it's just me... chillin at home, in front of the fireplace all warm and toasty and sippin on my lemon water  (cause I am still CARB FREE after all!)
*side note - ask me about THAT diet!!!*
And to be quite honest, I'm rather enjoying the quiet... AND my water  :)

And then I thought - I have not posted in my blog for MONTHS!!!  That's terrible.  I miss my journaling outlet and brain vomits, so here I am ..... with just some random thoughts that I have pondered recently...
because....
This is my 20th year out of high school - TWENTY YEARS!!!!
AND I have a son in COLLEGE!!!  my baby boy.... is in COLLEGE!!!

Time is a funny thing
As you are growing up, you can't wait to be 16, then 18, then 21.... then what?!!  You wish your life away birthday after birthday ... and then we all want time to stop.  But it flies.  It goes soooo fast.  And yet - in my mind it seems like high school really wasn't that long ago.   My parents are still in their 40's in my mind - even though I MYSELF am knocking on the door to 40!  Not logical I know.... but sometimes it just doesn't seem real. 
I have elderly patients tell me almost daily.... "don't get old - it's not all it's cracked up to be.  Everyone calls them the golden years, but I don't know what's so golden about them".

So tonight I sit and ponder over my life's journey.  Cause that is after all what it is all about... the journey.  Sure - as is the case with most of us, sometimes I wish I could go back and do a million things different based on what I know NOW.... but at the same time... I LOVE who I am today.  I love what I have been through.  I love the experiences I have under my belt and the stories I have to tell and the struggles I have fought to overcome.  It makes me strong.
Don't get me wrong... I'm a big ol' softie underneath.  I can cry at a commercial in a second (did y'all see that Budweiser puppy/horse commercial?!  That's what I live for!!) ... but when push comes to shove in this life - I do what I have to do to get through it!!!

My son will be 19 this year.  Like I said, he is a freshman in college... with his first semester under his belt! Yay! (which he didn't flunk which is a BONUS!  ha)   So we've had several conversations lately about life... and it made me think back to things I am thankful for and lessons learned on my journey.  Some the hard way... OK - actually MOST of them the hard way! 

Anyway.... just a few things I think you need to know as you are growing up......   OR if your grown up - maybe just a few things you can look back on and be grateful.

*  The teachers that drove you crazy are the BEST!  When I look back over my school days, there are a handful that stand out more so than others.  These are the ones NO ONE wanted.  The ones that MADE you do homework and graded everything with a fine toothed comb.  They MADE you crazy - but they made you push yourselves.  Be grateful for that.  THEY taught you the most not just about the class, but about YOU and what you are actually capable of!

*  It's ok to not know what you want to be "when you grow up".  You will eventually find yourself and you will just know.  Don't pressure yourself so much that you lose the journey to FINDING yourself!  Enjoy the steps along the way and one day you will stumble into something and within it you will find passion.  Let that lead you.

*  Your friends will be your lifeline.  Sometimes they come from high school and sometimes they don't come till later... in the most unusual way.  Treasure those relationships.  You NEED friends!  Of both sexes!

*  Everyone should work in customer service or food service at some point in life!  I truly believe it's one of the BEST ways to learn how to interact with people, to learn patience, and to learn that as a general rule - PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!!!!  lol    Laugh and keep moving.

*  Don't care so much what other people think.  Do YOU!!!  Be YOU!!  And love every bit of you!  You really DON'T need the approval of anyone else.

*  When it comes to love - Don't EVER settle!  Be yourself and not what you think someone will love.  And if anyone EVER asks you WHY they should stay..... Walk away...... NO.... RUN AWAY!!! You NEVER need to convince anyone as to why they should love you.  If they question it, they aren't the right one.  Period.

*  Everyone should live alone.  How else do you learn that your mom will not always be there to take out your trash before you have attracted every rat in the neighborhood!  How else do you learn that there is a point in time when your sheets just aren't safe to sleep on anymore...... they actually HAVE to be washed!  How else do you learn that working is a VERY important aspect in keeping the lights on in your place!

*  Take care of your body!  Exercise.  Lift weights.  If you never have before, start now!  It is so good for you and no one really ever stresses that to you!  It is not only good for you health wise, but it's also a great stress reliever and does wonders for your endorphins.   They say there is no better anti-depressant than exercise.  Just do it.  (speaking of - in case you don't follow me on facebook, I have some GREAT powerlifting updates soon!)

**Most importantly....... enjoy EVERY step of your journey.   It is yours and yours alone.  No ones will be like yours and yours will be like no one elses!!!  Don't rush through the journey... take notes, keep a journal, do some things on a whim and be ready for the repercussions.  There will be bumps and set backs.  There will be days when no one can stop you.  Learn from it all and savor every moment.   Sooner than you think you will be planning YOUR 20 year reunion from high school!!

LIVE.   LAUGH.   LOVE!!!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Star struck... bench shirts... and giving back!

Powerlifters are awesome!!! (In case you missed the memo!)

Out of the millions of reasons that I enjoy powerlifting,
 this... 
THIS RIGHT HERE 
is what really defines the sport as AWESOME!!!

I just might have one of the most heart warming stories ever.   For me anyway...
Like seriously....
I might have cried.  Well - OK - I DID cry.  (shocking I know!)

~Shut the front door... Powerlifters don't cry!!~

Backstory:
So weeks ago, Brad and I had tossed around ideas about me getting a bench shirt.
(for non-powerlifting nerds, google "bench shirt". 
"A bench shirt is a stiff supportive shirt, used to improve performance in the bench press, most often in powerlifting competitions.")  
I've never used gear... of any kind... other than a bottom of the line hand me down squat suit in the gym for some overloading.  Never on bench.
But after some browsing around on several sites, Brad came across this BRIGHT PINK SUPER KATANA bench shirt!!!  Sooooo me!!!  Bad-ass and PINK!!!
For those that don't know - the Super Katana multi-ply shirt is a BEAST of a shirt and runs quite expensive.  Being that I have never benched in a shirt, it's not one I would run out and buy first thing.
BUT the one for sale on eBay was well under the face value of one of those shirts!

So I bid on it.

And won.

And after the auction I got an email from the seller.
(here's where the story gets good!)

The POWERLIFTING girl that emailed me has worn this shirt in competitions and has benched a max of 360!!  I was immediately kinda star struck.  And googled her of course.
Her name is Anastassia Tressler
(feel free to google her also!)
Anyway - she sent a very sweet email about the shirt to which I replied that I hoped it would fit and that I had never worn gear before and was so excited to try it out.  (I also confessed to YouTube stalking her!  ha)
*God bless the Internet*
Anyway....
She replied in another super sweet email and wished me luck on my bench.

Now THIS is where the story gets REAL good!

Today I came home from work to a package!  I was so excited to open it and try it on!
When I opened the package, I pulled out this cute little yellow envelope with my name on it.


An invoice? A card? A "nice doing business with you" note maybe/??
Then I pull out that beautiful BRIGHT pink shirt.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
But wait........
There was something else in the package.
I pull out yet ANOTHER bench shirt.  A black one.

Wait..... WHAT?!
I was confused.

So I opened that pretty yellow envelope.
It was a hand written thank you note from Ms. Anastassia.
But it wasn't just any thank you note.
I don't want to type it word for word because I don't want to take away the precious thought behind it OR impose on Ms. Tressler.
But I will give you the gist.

She said that she hopes I LOVE the shirt and that she has also included her VERY FIRST BENCH SHIRT!!  What?!!  It is a single-ply shirt which she advised me to start in before putting on that pretty pink beast!  She went on to say that she had been given so much as a powerlifter and now it's her turn!  *tear*  Seriously!!!!!!!
I mean are there ANY better people out there than powerlifters????

I don't know if you understand what I'm saying here......
Please allow me to re-cap!

I bought a VERY EXPENSIVE AWESOME multi-ply Super Katana bench shirt on eBay for much less than what it's worth.  It was worn by a chick who is a geared powerlifting bad-ass!  She sold it to me and then threw in another shirt, a single ply Katana to start out in.  Which is thoughtful in itself, being that THAT shirt is also a bad-ass shirt and still costs more than what I paid for the other shirt!  But please don't leave out the fact that this is HER OWN PERSONAL VERY FIRST BENCH SHIRT!!!!!!!  *tear*
And then there's the note.  The sweet inspiring motivating note...... telling me to keep in touch and she's expecting big numbers from me!

I'm in awe.
That is all.

Powerlifters are freaking BEASTS and freaking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have some BIG numbers to live up to!
Can't WAIT to get in the gym tomorrow night........ for my "shoulders" night!  uh hemmm 
maybe not!  ;-)

*sidenote*  I hope she doesn't ask for said shirts back when she realizes what MY raw bench is now!!!  (eeeeek!)   I've got a long way to go and a lot of work to put in!!!!

Friday, October 18, 2013

She Designed a Life that she Loved

and she didn't even realize it.
*That's gonna be my new book title*!  LOL

You know - we have choices every day.
Some we take so seriously and some are just made on a whim....

But I realized today... I HAVE designed a life that I love!

I had a conversation with my son recently.  *he started college this year*
He is - as were almost all of us at that age - wondering about his path.
College... career.... school... CHOICES.
Those life altering decisions we make.
He's trying to find direction.  (and I applaud him for that!)

my advice....
"Sit back little one and enjoy the ride"

Don't get me wrong... we should have plans.
Goals.
a Focus.
Somewhere you desire to be in life.

But don't get so overwhelmed in WHERE you are going that you close your eyes and miss the journey.

I am 37 years old.

When I look back over my life .... just starting with high school graduation... it's as though I have lived a million little lives all rolled into my ONE big life!
And even though there were times that I didn't know HOW I would make it through... I did.
And I look at them now and smile.

When I graduated high school - I had NO idea who I was OR who or where I wanted to be.
I WAS caught up in the moment.
maybe a little TOO much  ;-)
And I definitely have scars from it.

But I smile now.

People often ask if you could go back and change things in your life, would you?
And everyone says NO.  "Everything happens for a reason"
and that is true.
But lets just be honest.
If you COULD, you WOULD.
You would take what you know NOW and USE IT for back when you didn't have a clue!
Don't lie!
It seems that you could be so much further in life with the knowledge that you have now.
On paper, that would just seem to make sense.

Maybe the heartaches wouldn't have hurt so bad....... you would have known better
Maybe the money would have gone to smarter places.... you would have been more financially wise
Maybe the time would have been better spent... you would be more together and organized
Maybe the lack of direction would have been shorter lived... you would have known where you wanted to be.

~ BUT ~

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

......maybe the heartaches TAUGHT you things and shaped your heart into what it is today... maybe they taught you to LOVE... to really LOVE.   Above and beyond no matter what.

Maybe that tender place you have in your heart for young single mothers would be dark and cold... maybe you learned COMPASSION.... on a whole other level.

Maybe the lack of direction and confusion that left you scared and bewildered TAUGHT you PATIENCE... maybe you learned to APPRECIATE a job and even more so a job with PASSION.

Maybe the waste of time that you spent bouncing around from jobs and people and places and circumstances TAUGHT you how to know a REAL friend when you see one.
Maybe that time "wasted" wasn't wasted at all.
Maybe you have memories that you can look back on and smile and know they never be replaced.

Maybe you wouldn't have had all those "nights at BW's with the best girls ever"
or those early morning shifts at Raffertys with people and managers that you STILL refer to today!

Maybe you wouldn't have all those memories with a son who KNOWS you better than almost anyone on this planet.  Maybe you wouldn't have the inside jokes about "Friends" or "Spongebob" or "late night drive bys" or "Nancy" or "Moach"

Maybe you couldn't look into your child's eyes and know there are lessons and morals and values and respect  and LOVE that YOU taught him... you showed him... you instilled into him.

Maybe the LOVE and PASSION and APPRECIATION and PRIDE and HONOR and COMPASSION and PATIENCE would not even be there today......

if you didn't Design a Life that you LOVE!

Dream big.
Make plans
Have goals
and know that EVERY decision you make is designing a life for you to love.

Know that when you are 18 or 22 or even 29 - you may not see it or understand it.
But you will....
That's what your 30's are for.

You will know who you are, where you are and what really is important.
And you will appreciate all of life's journey!

And on that note - I will soon be redesigning my blog in order to more accurately represent WHO I AM, what I stand for - and the life that I HAVE DESIGNED!!!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

WHAT are YOU doing to your kids?!

WHO is the parent?
Are you letting everyone ELSE be the disciplinarian for your child?
Are you too busy?
too lazy?

I'm on my BOX today........

I recently heard that KY Athletics have passed a new rule that there is now no longer hand shaking allowed after sporting events.
I'm sorry........ WHAT?!!!!!!
No more "good game" pats on the butt??!!
Are you serious??
Because of FIGHTS.  THIS is where the rule came from?
Because of too many FIGHTS after sporting events???

ARE.  YOU.  KIDDING.  ME???????

Hey - I've got an idea...... why don't we take out the "good game" handshakes after the games AND give EVERYONE a trophy for PARTICIPATING!!!
JEEEEEEEEEEEEZ
I mean - we wouldn't want to HURT anyone's feelings!!!
Or offend a kid..... I mean PARENT or two!!!!!!

So rather than PUNISH the kids who don't know how to act.......
like hey - how about THROW THEM OFF OF A TEAM for fighting!!???....
yeah RATHER than punish those that don't know how to act.... let's punish ALL the kids and take away the last shred of sportsmanship we had left in our kids lives
Let's teach them that rather than punish those who don't know how to act and show THEM that there ARE repercussions to their actions......   rather than PUNISH them..... let's just teach ALL of our kids..... the ones that are playing sports for good reasons... let's teach them that sportsmanship is useless.
Stupid in fact.
A waste of time.
Not worth the effort.... or trouble!
Let's teach our little athletes growing up that it is all about YOU and the other team isn't worthy of your respect of even the time to shake their hands.
Let's teach them THAT LESSON as small children, so that IF they do grow up to play sports as a profession, or even if they DON'T  - they can KNOW ... for SURE.... without a doubt - that the game and the world is all about "ME".
"selfie generation"

WHAT are we doing to our kids?

WHERE are the parents standing up against this?
Is no one else at all offended about where the world is taking our children??

I'm surprised teachers are even allowed to give GRADES anymore...... for fear of making someone's child "feel stupid"!!!  I mean really......
your kid gets better grades than mine and it's not fair... it makes my son feel stupid.
We should stop giving grades.  It's JUDGMENTAL and punishing to some kids!!!
It's not FAIR!!!!!
NO - My kid does his homework and works his butt off for those A's....... your child is lazy and you are condoning that!!!

When did it happen that we as adults decided that we would revolve the WHOLE ENTIRE world around the kids?  When did we decide to start basing everything on them and what works for them?  When did we decide that discipline wasn't worth it?
It is too much trouble for you to teach your child right from wrong?  Is it just easier to let them do whatever they want and bend OUR lives to accommodate that?

What about the clip I found from Kelly Rippa on "LIVE with Kelly and Michael"??  She is discussing (or rather RANTING about) how some kids broke in and vandalized an NFL players house and then posted pics of themselves in the house..... drinking, destroying and living it up.  THEN the parents of said kids want to SUE the owner of the house saying that HE, the victim, might cost their children a chance at going to college....... because he exposed the kids!!!!!

WHAT?!!!

Here is the video....... watch it
you SHOULD be outraged!

GOSH - nevermind - I can't get the video to work - if you are friends with me on FACEBOOK you can find it on my facebook page.
STUPID.  just STUPID!!!

These kids DESTROYED someone else's property and exploited themselves on the Internet and then THEIR parents came to the rescue.  Defended them nonetheless.
WHAT??????????

These children will one day be the adults in our country!!!!!!!
These children will one day be our doctors... our lawyers.... our POLITICIANS..... they will make laws and oversee companies.
And they will believe that they are invincible.  Because this is what we are teaching them.

I just don't understand.

I LOVE my son with all my heart.  I do.
And I would do anything in the world to protect him and make life easier for him.

BUT
at the same time, I am his MOTHER.... not his best friend.  I am the parent.  It is my JOB to teach him right from wrong and to TEACH him how to survive in the world.
NOT to teach the WORLD to treat him as a GOD!

Are people really so consumed with making sure their kid "LIKES" them that they just can't say no?
Are people really so consumed with NEVER being the "bad guy" and NEVER telling their kid no.... no matter what it costs?

Are people really so LAZY that instead of parenting their OWN children, that they just let everyone else do it for them?

I mean really people.......
You are setting your children up for FAILURE!
You are teaching them NOTHING.

We are failing our children and our next generation.

I just don't get it.

I love Z.... but I have told him no.   And I will continue to do so
and he's EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!
I love my baby boy.... but I WILL let him grow up
I love him but I will be honest with him.

He will KNOW that there ARE consequences to MAKING MISTAKES!!!!
 and he will make them!
SO.  DID.  I.

It will HURT when he gets his heart broke and the world lets him down.
But he will KNOW that is life and he will move on.... rather than running to mom expecting her to change the world.
He will know.
He will understand
and he will be wiser and stronger for it.

Period.
Does that make ME the terrible parent???!!!

(drop the mic..... step down from podium...... WALK AWAY.... in disgust!)

 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

There ARE people out there...

Wait.... WHAT?!
There are???

like this.....
(wait for it...)

I am in awe.
(keep waiting....)

Just yesterday I posted this blog 
(here is the link in case you missed it!)
I was fretting over my blog and some things that have happened in my life.
Worried about my lack of inspiration as of late...
And how I carry around all this bitterness and anger and resentment... and I feel like it's draining my soul.

My main point was that I felt like I needed to walk away from my blog... I felt like I had lack of direction or inspiration.  Like I had lost my original purpose in writing.
to inspire
to motivate
to truly share and wish the best for people.
I felt like there used to be all these people who followed me, and now suddenly - I don't hear from them anymore... do they still read?  Do they care?  Are they disappointed in me?

And then I got a text, a tweet actually, from my son whom has gone off to college ....
and doesn't "NEED" his mommy anymore.... cause that's what happen when they grow up - right??
And it said...
"I still enjoy your blogs. You should keep writing them, they have meaning to me."

And that's all it took.
to bring me back to where I should have been all along.

Sometimes we write (or speak) and we worry that we might say something wrong or hurt someones feelings or worry that someone will judge us or not want to be our friends anymore...
but HERE is the truth
We blog to be free.
I blog to be honest.
I blog to be me.
I blog to inspire.... to motivate... to be someone my son can be proud of.  
To be someone my son will look up to. 
I want him to know ME - the REAL ME.... not just what I chose for him to see...... I have always been honest with him... I always want him to know who I REALLY am.  Not just an "image" of what a mother "SHOULD be"
And if others do also - well.... that's just a bonus!  :)

So please allow me to continue to be me
to motivate... to inspire..... to be honest
and to NOT care if you judge me or don't like me or decide you don't want to be my friend anymore.

I am me.
Just me.(here is another link if you missed my cordial introduction of myself!  ha)
I vow to say what I feel and/or what I think
And if you can't handle it, go read someone else's thoughts!
Or just don't read MINE!

SO - After all that soul searching and some very sweet messages from some good friends of mine last night .... I happened to come across this video on facebook that someone had posted
And it broke my heart.   in a good way.
It reminded me that we are all "NOT PERFECT".
Whose job is it to decide what we are supposed to look like or act like anyway?  What is PERFECT?
We all make decisions and have thoughts that we ARE proud of... and some that we aren't!

We.  Are.  Human.

So I urge you to watch this....... have Kleenex on hand - TRUST ME on that!!!  It is especially dedicated to all you moms out there who have thoughts that you feel embarrassed to feel.
I was a single mom...... all of Zack's childhood!  And I raised a FINE OUTSTANDING young man..... of whom I couldn't be more proud.  But there are moments looking back that I DID make bad decisions.  There are moments that I am NOT proud of.  There are thoughts and decisions that I would DIE if someone had read my mind!  But they are real.  They are natural.  And it's OK.

I truly believe God gives his TOUGHEST battles to those of us who are the strongest....... and we rely SO MUCH on Him!!

Please follow the link below and read about the dad who found out his wife was pregnant with a child with Down Syndrome.  He is very honest about his feelings and the battles he fought within.
HE is a man who inspires me.
For his honesty... for his FIGHT... and for his heart overflowing with LOVE and understanding.  And I know that all the speed bumps they will encounter ahead may trip him up.... but this video proves that LOVE is stronger than anything.
And there is NOTHING stronger in the world - than the LOVE of a child.
whether it be your own by birth, your own through adoption, whether it be your nieces, your nephews, your best friends baby girl or boy.....
I promise you - there is NOTHING in the world GREATER!

Enjoy the video and I hope it touches you and makes YOU a stronger person! And if the case may be - a STRONGER PARENT.

This Guy Writes a Confession Letter to His Daughter with Down Syndrome