There ARE people out there...

Wait.... WHAT?!
There are???

like this.....
(wait for it...)

I am in awe.
(keep waiting....)

Just yesterday I posted this blog 
(here is the link in case you missed it!)
I was fretting over my blog and some things that have happened in my life.
Worried about my lack of inspiration as of late...
And how I carry around all this bitterness and anger and resentment... and I feel like it's draining my soul.

My main point was that I felt like I needed to walk away from my blog... I felt like I had lack of direction or inspiration.  Like I had lost my original purpose in writing.
to inspire
to motivate
to truly share and wish the best for people.
I felt like there used to be all these people who followed me, and now suddenly - I don't hear from them anymore... do they still read?  Do they care?  Are they disappointed in me?

And then I got a text, a tweet actually, from my son whom has gone off to college ....
and doesn't "NEED" his mommy anymore.... cause that's what happen when they grow up - right??
And it said...

"I still enjoy your blogs. You should keep writing them, they have meaning to me."

And that's all it took.
to bring me back to where I should have been all along.

Sometimes we write (or speak) and we worry that we might say something wrong or hurt someones feelings or worry that someone will judge us or not want to be our friends anymore...
but HERE is the truth
We blog to be free.
I blog to be honest.
I blog to be me.
I blog to inspire.... to motivate... to be someone my son can be proud of.  
To be someone my son will look up to. 
I want him to know ME - the REAL ME.... not just what I chose for him to see...... I have always been honest with him... I always want him to know who I REALLY am.  Not just an "image" of what a mother "SHOULD be"
And if others do also - well.... that's just a bonus!  :)

So please allow me to continue to be me
to motivate... to inspire..... to be honest
and to NOT care if you judge me or don't like me or decide you don't want to be my friend anymore.

I am me.
Just me.(here is another link if you missed my cordial introduction of myself!  ha)
I vow to say what I feel and/or what I think
And if you can't handle it, go read someone else's thoughts!
Or just don't read MINE!

SO - After all that soul searching and some very sweet messages from some good friends of mine last night .... I happened to come across this video on facebook that someone had posted
And it broke my heart.   in a good way.
It reminded me that we are all "NOT PERFECT".
Whose job is it to decide what we are supposed to look like or act like anyway?  What is PERFECT?
We all make decisions and have thoughts that we ARE proud of... and some that we aren't!

We.  Are.  Human.

So I urge you to watch this....... have Kleenex on hand - TRUST ME on that!!!  It is especially dedicated to all you moms out there who have thoughts that you feel embarrassed to feel.
I was a single mom...... all of Zack's childhood!  And I raised a FINE OUTSTANDING young man..... of whom I couldn't be more proud.  But there are moments looking back that I DID make bad decisions.  There are moments that I am NOT proud of.  There are thoughts and decisions that I would DIE if someone had read my mind!  But they are real.  They are natural.  And it's OK.

I truly believe God gives his TOUGHEST battles to those of us who are the strongest....... and we rely SO MUCH on Him!!

Please follow the link below and read about the dad who found out his wife was pregnant with a child with Down Syndrome.  He is very honest about his feelings and the battles he fought within.
HE is a man who inspires me.
For his honesty... for his FIGHT... and for his heart overflowing with LOVE and understanding.  And I know that all the speed bumps they will encounter ahead may trip him up.... but this video proves that LOVE is stronger than anything.
And there is NOTHING stronger in the world - than the LOVE of a child.
whether it be your own by birth, your own through adoption, whether it be your nieces, your nephews, your best friends baby girl or boy.....
I promise you - there is NOTHING in the world GREATER!

Enjoy the video and I hope it touches you and makes YOU a stronger person! And if the case may be - a STRONGER PARENT.

This Guy Writes a Confession Letter to His Daughter with Down Syndrome

I am NO parent.....

I am but HUMAN....

I must admit, there are times when I love who I am today because of choices I have made... I am strong, I am independent, I am successful, I am a MOM.
But there are also days when I wish I could take so many of those steps back.
They brought me here.. and sometimes break me here.....

I have walked down a road that I never expected to walk.
I did bring a child into this world at a very young age.
I KNOW how hard it's been and I KNOW how hard I've tried.  And I'm proud of that.  Because I know there are so many other ways things could have gone.

I also KNOW how many times I failed.  I know how many times I've cried.  I know how bad it's hurt....
And I feel it when the world crashes around me.

I've gone to the wrong places, I've had the wrong friends, I've made bad decisions and I've walked the wrong roads.... I have not and will not ever claim to be perfect.

so..... before you speak....
Who are you to judge?
 Do YOU want to walk my road?
Who are you to hurt me?

When you've grown up and moved away from home and can tell me you DON'T have nights where you lie awake feeling the guilt and pain from the heartache you inflicted on your parents,
THEN you can tell me how YOU were the perfect child.

When you grow up and raise children of your own and they never talk back and never break rules and never break your heart -
THEN you can tell me how YOU are the perfect parent.

Until then - don't judge me and don't tell me how you would do things different.
It just hurts.
I don't need to relive every mistake I've made.  I don't need to be told how I mess up every day.
I can only do the best that I know how to do...
One day at a time.

I found this from another blog and had to share........

You have not walked in my shoes
You have not been down my road.
You have not cried my tears.
You have not carried my load.
Why do you judge me?

You think you know my story.
You think you know my pain.
You think you know my future.
You don't even know my name.
Why do you judge me?

You were not there to see me stumble
You were not there to see me fall.
You were not there to pick me up.
You were not there at all.
Why do you judge me?

Copyright April 2010.  All rights reserved by Sam Bristow

look how far we've come...

I know it's been a while since I posted...
My life has been crazy busy!!!!
And although a million times I have thought - OH I should blog about that.... I just haven't sat down in some time and just poured my soul out...
(and I do miss that!)
I've started to do so several times - but could never get through the actual finishing part.
It's like there are sooo many things going on - I'm not sure where to start, or what to share first!!!

So I'll start here.
I sat back today in AWE of  how far I have come over the past year....  MY oh my... how MUCH has changed!!!  It's amazing really.  Truly!
And I'm so very thankful for where I am.
I am absolutely IN LOVE with every aspect of my life right now  :)

Today - I pulled my blog up and looked at what I posted ONE YEAR ago... just one year.  OH - it's a good one!  It made me smile  :)
Even though things were falling apart at this time last year in my life... in EVERY aspect - it makes me smile to look back and read that while my life was essentially falling to pieces in front of my eyes, I remained strong and determined.  And it makes me smile even more that I know I get my strength from my mother - she is the strongest toughest person I know  :)
She truly is my epitome of tough love and WHY it is soooo important with your children!!!
"Don't put your children at a disadvantage by giving them everything!"
how VERY true!!!
Make them strong... show them real life - not a life of coddling and sheltering so that they believe that everything that they do is OK.  It's not.   "awwww, that's just Joe...." is NOT an excuse to get you through life!  It does NOT make what you do ok!!!  It does not give you permission to use and abuse people over and over again and be "excused" out of it!!!

Here is my blog from last year
Leave the Light on

This time last year - although I was FINALLY finishing up school (which was one of the hardest things I have ever done!), I was also coming to terms with a failed marriage.  I was coming to terms with the fact that I had married a man who was never what he claimed to be.  I was experiencing the most devastating thing imaginable - being betrayed, in every manner possible, by someone who vowed to love me forever.  And realizing, I was not the first NOR the last to have fallen into this trap.
I was hurt.
And I blamed myself.
For I did everything in my power (ultimately giving it to God) to hold my so called life together.

Turns out - just one single year later, my life has come full circle.  Every single hope and dream and goal has come or is coming to fruition.
A failed married, deceit, regret, lost hope, and many other negativity's are left to my past.
Although where I went back then and believing in what I believed in may have been a mistake, I took the punch, learned from it and walked away with my head held high.
Yes I am "divorced"
Yes that hurts to say....
but now I can look back and KNOW that it would have been NO better to STAY with a man who never loved me to start with.
Saying you love me is not enough.... to truly KNOW someone loves you, you must see it in their actions.
I DO know the truth now!

Life has definitely moved forward.
Sure there have been bumps and bruises along the way.... but all in all, I could not be any happier with where I am right now... and with the people that are in my life and with the people that are not!
It IS hard to move forward in life when someone insists on constantly holding you back!
Let go of negative people in your life....
"If your presence can't add value to my life - your absence will make no difference"

Easy to see when you walk away that the rut they are in will continue to be the rut in which they will live... over and over and over.....

I am proof positive that even though life may look dim and dismal and you may want to give up or live in disappointment with choices you have made or paths you have chosen....
that is NOT the path you have to choose!!!
It IS possible to move forward.
It IS possible to keep turning life into positives.
It IS possible to love and be loved
It IS possible to surround yourself with people who truly love and care about you

IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE HAPPY AGAIN!!!!!!  :-)

Leave the Light on

To err' is but human...

WE.  ARE.  HUMAN.
We make mistakes.
Don't run around using that as an excuse to KEEP making mistakes - but understand that we ALL make mistakes.
Yes, there will be consequences of some mistakes, but there will also be LESSONS from those mistakes.
The most important part of every mistake is what you take from the experience.
The next most import part of a mistake is accepting that it was mistake and learning to forgive yourself!

I myself have made a million mistakes - I'm one of those that has to learn things the hard way.  I'm hard headed like that (ARIES!)
But I can fully look back after the fact and see EXACTLY where I went wrong.  I know exactly what I misread and exactly how I misinterpreted it and exactly how my action - or reaction - was wrong.  I try to take that knowledge and I file it away... and when faced with the scenario again - I TRY to make better, more educated decisions.
That's what life is.... tripping and falling down.... getting back up.... dusting yourself off.... learning a lesson - and MOVING ON!!!
"Change is inevitable.... PROGRESS is optional"
Things are gonna happen... and they are not gonna happen exactly as you think they will... and it's OK!  Let go and move ahead.
"Be smart enough to hold on... Be brave enough to let go"
Hold on to it long enough to learn from it - file away that lesson and then LET IT GO and move on.   Don't let a misstep trip you up over and over....  and definitely don't let it DICTATE the rest of your life!

And the even harder part in dealing with our mistakes.... is FORGIVING ourselves for being so silly.  For - as we like to put it - being so STUPID.
We aren't stupid.
Stop putting yourself down for making a mistake.  Don't think that when things happen "you deserve it" or your "being punished"
You aren't.  and you don't!
Give yourself permission to make mistakes - we are human... we aren't perfect.
And fact is - alot of times things happen for the sole purpose of teaching us things.... making us stronger ... making us better people.
Let yourself off the hook.  FORGIVE YOURSELF.
"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy"  You ARE!  KNOW THAT!!!!

Forgive yourself
You can't go around hanging your mistakes over your own head... God has forgiven you.  Your friends have forgiven you - everyone still loves you - so WHY are you torturing yourself?!
YOU  ARE   WORTHY!!!
Happiness is a choice  - choose happy!!!

Forgive others....
On top of forgiving yourself.
Know that the person who hurt you or tricked you or helped you fall down has a lesson to learn too.  You don't need to teach it to them - everyone needs to learn about life through trial and error.  So forgive them...
"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.  Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
Catherine Ponder
If you are still hurt and bitter and holding things over your OWN head - it is likely that not only are you not forgiving yourself - but you are not forgiving others.  Which BARS your happiness to another individual.
Don't lock yourself up like that!

I think so many people today lock themselves into a habitual guilt ridden funk - that it becomes who they are.  You make yourself feel unworthy.... constantly holding things over your head to the point that everything that happens become penance for a "mistake" you made in your past.  Eventually this can go far enough that you truly just don't care anymore.  You go through life doing what you want with no regard to the effect it has because you feel you "deserve" it.  You live a self inflicted tortured life.
It's sad.

And the fact of the matter is - we could ALL do that!!!!!!!!  Because we ALL make mistakes!  We could link one to the next and the next and the next........until your life becomes a chain of guilt ridden self inflicted tortuous memories.
But remember - You CHOOSE what to do with your mistakes.
I'm not saying ignore them - I'm simply saying - don't let them dictate the rest of your life.

You are JUST as worthy as the next person and NO mistake you have made is any better or any worse than the mistakes that someone else has made too.  The only difference is that some of us forgive ourselves and learn and get smarter and move on - and some of us inflict pain and torture and self loathing on ourselves and become trapped in that life.

DON'T get trapped!
Don't be miserable.
Don't be weak.

"The weak can never forgive.  

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

Gandhi

Forgiveness - the KEY to survival

What is forgiveness?

To give up resentment of or claim to requital for; to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

This seems to be one of the hardest concepts for our feeble human minds to comprehend.  Why?  Because everyone wants justification, vengeance, honor.... Revenge.
When someone wrongs us or hurts us in some way, our selfish pride feels some sort of obligation to hurt another in retaliation.  It's how human nature is.
Evil.
An eye for an eye...

So forgiving someone who has hurt us is hard.  It takes alot of love and faith.... and well... true soul searching and selflessness.  And it doesn't happen overnight.  Nor does it last overnight.  Most of the time, you have to forgive on a daily basis.  Remind yourself everyday that you have forgiven and let go of that pain and that need for self gratification.

The even harder thing about forgiveness is this....... you MUST forgive yourself.
People make mistakes and hurt us.  Yes.  But guess what.  We are HUMAN and we often make mistakes that hurt others along with our own selves.
At that point, you must make a point to forgive.  Not just yourself for hurting someone else (which is very important too... along with hopefully their forgiveness)
But the thing that stifles us most, is actually being able to forgive ourselves for being human.
We make mistakes.
We choose wrong paths.
We hurt people.
We are selfish.
We are resentful.
We are prideful.... oh how we are prideful.
And in that prideful persona, we put ourselves into a self inflicted bondage.
It's like our pride is so important to us that actually ADMITTING we were wrong or did wrong, is a life threatening blow to our ego.
Which gives us something to constantly hold over our OWN head.  And something we constantly feel the need to justify and "make up for".
We find ourselves over compensating in other areas of our lives in order to bury that mistake that we made.  If we make up for it in other ways, it justifies our wrong doing.

Truth of the matter is, without forgiveness of our OWN faults, you will never be happy with yourself.  And without being happy with yourself, you will never find TRUE happiness or contentment with anyone else either.  You will live a constant lie.  Habitually ridiculing and criticizing others in order to make you feel better about YOU.
"well.... at least I didn't do what HE did"
"at least I'm good at this...."
"at least I went to church last Sunday"
"at least 'so and so' likes me BETTER"
Constant rectification and justification and prideful indulgence - that I can assure you my friend will NEVER give you the peace you are so desperately looking for.

Some of you that read my blog are Christians and some are not.
Either way - you can take this to heart.
And if you have questions, comments, or opinions, please don't hesitate to share.
I read something last night that TOTALLY hit a chord with me.
It says this:
"If you ever cease to understand the value of repentance, (admitting you were wrong and asking for forgiveness) you allow yourself to remain in sin.  Repentance is a gift of God.  Our natural life can only be turned spiritual through sacrifice.  If we do not sacrifice the natural to the spiritual, the natural life will resist and defy the life of God in us and will produce CONSTANT TURMOIL.  God will not be involved in your natural lives as long as we continue to pamper and gratify it (sin, selfishness, and wrong doing) !"

People struggle every day with finding their place in the world.  Their niche so to speak.  Where they feel comfortable and can truly be at peace with themselves.  The fact of the matter is, if you have refused to forgive others or forgive yourselves and refuse to give up that PRIDE that you hold so dearly to.... God can not bless you and you WILL be in constant turmoil.

Romans 12:9-21
  ⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
 ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
 ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:
   “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
   if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
 ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I implore you today....... search your soul and find those bitter hurtful things you are harboring inside and let them GO! 
Search your soul for those things that you feel and do on a daily basis, that you justify and hold so dearly to... all for the pure reasoning of protecting that selfish pride.
Forgive those who hurt you.
Forgive yourself for hurting others.
But MOST importantly, forgive YOURSELF for being human and let go of your past.  Believe it or not YOU YOURSELF can NOT justify the mistakes or "make up for them".  You can only let them go and learn from them and start living life better rather than living life in constant turmoil to make up for wrong doing.
Ask God for forgiveness and know that if HE can forgive you, you CAN forgive yourself.
Let yourself off the hook.
We are human.
But we are saved by grace and we are FORGIVEN!