~Post It note Tuesday~ shameless self promoting

I'm sorry - I'm asking your forgiveness up front - cause I'm kinda cheating today......

XOXOXOXO
to all my bloggies!!!!!!!
Hope you all have a great week  :)

~ I hope you find your perspective ~ I had lost mine ~

Finding my perspective in life sometimes poses a big challenge for me.
I don't know what has been up with me lately, but I seem to have fallen into some sort of pit that I could NOT climb out of.  And the worst part is once I was there and comfy... I proceeded to pull in any negative attitude I could find and roll around with all my past mistakes and current issues in my life.  Me and my bad attitude and serious serious pity party.... yeah - we bonded down there.
BUT - like I have said a million times, God will never give you more than you can handle and when you think you have hit rock bottom and things just can't get any worse, they will.....just to remind you when you hit rock bottom -JUST to REMIND you God is in control.


Last night was a rock bottom for me.......
I have been down and out and struggling with some personal issues for some time.  But last night my poor brother made a comment to me that normally would have just rolled right off my back.  But last night, it couldn't.  After days and days of building my arsenal all around me...and after a million small things that I had mounded up... I needed just one more tiny event for it to all crumble around.  And crumble it did.
I won't go into the details of what's going on with me, (or the heap of a mess of tears that I turned into) but I will tell you that I can't recall many times in my life when I have felt so insignificant or small or alone.
Well OF COURSE I felt alone, I have been so busy digging my own personal pit that I had pushed everyone else away....outta MY pit.
My mother reminded me last night....it's times like these, when we are at our lowest that we need our family and friends the most.  And as always......she is SO right.  I was IN NEED on this night.  Of prayer, of love, of companionship, and most of all - of GOD.  (cause I pushed him outta my pit too!)

My family was there as always... to pick up my pieces and tell me that everything is gonna be alright.
One of my best friends was there....to listen to me whine and cry and tell me everything is gonna be alright.
I want to thank God for my family and for all the people that God has put in my life - they were there to remind me WHO to turn to.
Just like always.... when WE fail, God always provides a means to know HE is still in control if only we will stop fighting against him and just let HIM call the shots.  His plan is always so much better than our own anyway - WHY do I fight so hard to do everything MY way?  WHY?!

Today - God cursed blessed me with a lovely little migraine to keep my butt in bed.  The even better part is with a migraine - you can't stand any noise, AND you can't sleep.  So I spent A LOT of time laying in my bed today awake...in silence... thinking... praying... confessing....crying.
And then after a big talk with my Preacher T, I realized that words are only WORDS until you bring them to life.
& the only way to do that is.....FAITH.
Where was my faith?
But even more importantly........where is my faith NOW?!!!

I was so busy focusing on all the things gone "wrong" in my life... and not just the things gone wrong - but the things that weren't working themselves out in MY TIME, that I didn't trust that God has a plan.  So I took them all back AGAIN and thought I could fix them myself.
Tammy Tammy Tammy.... when will you learn??????

So now, as I sit here typing typing away.... I'm sharing with you - everyone out there.......I handed all this crap over to God.  All the worry, all the fret, all the feelings of insignificance and all the tears.
I can't promise you that I will NEVER cry again....but I can promise you this - with the reigns in God's hands, there will be no tears over being a failure.  God doesn't create failures.

I will trust that the people in my life are here for reason.
I will trust that when I need them - there they shall be.  Not to save me because I'm a failure, but to help me because God sent them.
At the same time, I promise to be the same for them.

So at church last night, the choir did a special....I looked this song up because it really hit home with me.  I am BEGGING you to please take the time to listen........I mean REALLY listen.  Go somewhere quiet and sit alone and really listen to the words to this song......
Especially from the perspective of a mother... can you imagine the faith Mary HAD TO HAVE??!!

How could a night be so long......but THEN CAME THE MORNING.

Tonight I go to bed with that on my mind.... after a long sorrowful self inflicted torturous night, I will go to bed knowing......there WILL be the morning.

Shhhh.... just be quiet, pay attention and listen!

I really don't have or can't say much this morning.......
I am simply going to tell you the events - and how I know there is a GOD!
alot of stuff is going on in my head... and so - as always - when things are confusing and I begin to question or wonder why this or what that ..... GOD IS ALWAYS there!!!!!

I'm not going to write this big huge blog.....or get all emotional because I have been awake for less than 2 hours, and trust me when I say, I could VERY EASILY break into a supreme ball of tears...

So - when I turn on the radio this morning - this is the song I heard.
I have attached the song and wrote out the lyrics  (I wrote them myself because the song is so new that the lyrics can't even be found online yet!)
and you TRY and tell me that GOD didn't send me this message this morning.....
just try!

PLEASE listen and read along with the lyrics
because someone else needs to hear this today - I'm passing it on  :)



God's up to something - Clay Underwood

Verse 1
No money, no real friends
hit rock bottom of the bottle again
Losing hope, losing control
now the devil's coming after your soul
don't give up, don't be scared.
cause brother I've been there

Chorus:
Can you feel it
Change is coming
someone's working on a plan
There's a reason for your suffering
hold on just as long as you can
cause when your down to nothing
God's up to something

Verse 2
Lord giveth, Lord takes away
cleans you out and leaves you looking for change
on your knees, losing it all
like the trees losin their leaves in the fall
i know your bare, i know your cold
but your not alone

Chorus:
Can you feel it
Change is coming
someone's working on a plan
There's a reason for your suffering
hold on just as long as you can
cause when your down to nothing

God's up to something good,
something new, something better for you

Can you feel it
change is coming
you know He's working on a plan
there's a reason for your suffering
hold on just as long as you can
cause when your down to nothing
God's up to something

Now - after I found this song online, I accidentally ran across another song by Clay Underwood.
I don't know anything about this song.......if it's old, if it's new
but I will tell you this - sometimes GOD will just keep speaking if you just keep listening.......

I know most of you have read about or know me personally and you know the story of me and Preacher T.
Yes - some days I want to wring his little neck  {XOXO}
Some days the things I love MOST about him drive me absolutely BATS!!
And some days he does things or says things that I don't understand.....
BUT most days, there isn't a person in the world that can make me smile like he does.
So when I accidentally found this song, I couldn't help but share it with you too.  it reminds me TOO much of his favorite place in the world and my favorite thing to do with him...when life gets to be too much to handle...



New Beginnings - Clay Underwood

Nothin' but a suitcase and her feet on the dashboard
Radio blastin', we're laughin' back and forth
Holdin' hands with no plans, and oh man do we feel alive.
We got a job in the big town to pay for that run down
Motel, no tellin' how long we hold out
In a little room, pretty soon she was cryin' to her momma at night.
Well, I knew I had to do something quick,
I thought the honky tonk down the road might do the trick.

Chorus:
And we danced all night to Conway and Haggard.
Three shots, a two-step, and the one thing that mattered
Was holdin' each other close, and gettin' lost in the moment.
By closin' time we were open for business.
The only thing on our minds was huggin' and kissin'
And she went from cryin all day to lovin' me all night long.
Thank God for new beginnings and old honky tonks.

Verse 2:
Under the pressure of an overdue mortgage.
Wanna go on vacation, but we can't afford it.
Pullin' double shifts on weekends
Raisin' kids and barely gettin' by.
She said baby I think we need a break.
We dropped the kids off at her momma's, and we were drinkin' by eight.

Chorus:
And we danced all night to Conway and Haggard.
Three shots, a two-step, and the one thing that mattered
Was holdin' each other close, and gettin' lost in the moment.
By closin' time we were open for business.
The only thing on our minds was huggin' and kissin'
And I went from workin' all day to lovin' her all night long.
Thank God for new beginnings and old honky tonks.

The joys of raising a boy mixed in with a little payback!

So - I was visiting ol' MOOOOOOG yesterday and he had this post about how he hates his teenagers (who aren't even teenagers yet!) and I told him - I have a few funny stories to tell about my teenager.
some COOL things for ya to look forward to Mooooooog!!!  {{HUGS}}

The bonus is ....... 

single MOM

raising a teenage BOY!!!!!!!!!

(uhhhhh hummmm....)

some things...well.......some things are just more appropriate from guy to guy.  But what choice do I have?!  so you can only imagine....we have had some pretty (cough...cough...choke...) awkward moments.....

Also - one in particular RECENTLY where I got a big ol' TASTE of that sweet little thing that my mother cursed me with called "payback"... or some of you may lovingly refer to it as "karma"!!  (and for anyone of you that are breathing... you know JUST what karma is......a BEEEEYAAAAATCH!!!!)

So - here we go...

just the other day...I received this adorable little package of tampons in the mail.  Some sort of sample by mail addressed to "Jane Doe OR current resident".  Well - who doesn't love free stuff in the mail......especially when it's TAMPONS in CLEAR plastic for all the world to see!  So my lovely child was all torn up cause I got them out of the mailbox while he was in the vehicle with me.  (awkward)   So we go inside and I go straight to the bathroom.  You must first understand that my bathroom is quite small.  You have to shut the bathroom door in order to get to the closet behind it.   So I go into the bathroom and push the door to.  As I did, my child yells from the living room.......
"Gosh mom.....are you going to get your period????"
AS IF I can just choose to go to the bathroom and get my period cause I got some new "cool" tampons in the mail
{Insert awkward conversation regarding Aunt Flo and her schedule of when she visits}

Another time......we were out of town for a baseball tourney.  I told the boy he could have a few friends stay with him and we would get a hotel room and stay another night.  Ya know - cool mom - let the boys hang out run around at the hotel, knock on peoples doors, roll down the flights of steps... sing campfire songs etc... those sorts of things.  Well - I had taken this big huge bowl of candy to the room.  Boy goes to the bathroom, comes out.  I look up and see a buldge.....in his shorts  :(   I immediately think he has STACKED his pockets full of candy trying to sneak it out of the room.... so what does mom do?!!!  I say (very loudly mind you)  "WHAT is in your pants?"   Boy looks up, looks down, adjusts.... and says  "huh?... nothin mom!"  (also keep in mind his friends are in the hotel room too, in the other part of the hotel room, but within earshot easily)  So I say again..... Geeeeeeez... get a grip mom!  "WHAT is in your pants?"  Poor baby boy looks up and says......  "GOSH MOM........IT'S MY PRIVATES!!!!!!!!"
{Insert red face and me yelling GOOOOOOO - just GO....get out of the room!}
The entire rest of the night and next day, his buddies kept saying  "hey Zack, what's in your pants?"
REAL nice mom!!!!!!
{{I despise silk basketball shorts!!}}

yeah - ok - so that's enough EMBARASSING stories for the day.......
(Lord he will KILL me if he reads this blog!!!!!!!)

So here's a nice little kick in the butt KARMA story for ya......
for all those times when you were a kid and you did things that you thought would NEVER come back to haunt you.....HA!!!!!!  Have a child and THINK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

A while back, the child is IN TROUBLE.  I mean BIG TROUBLE!  He is grounded from LIFE!  He has called me at work, we are going round and round... grades, attitude, irresponsibility!!!  You NAME it!  I mean - I have grounded him for a MONTH!!!!!  longest time EVER!!!! 
I was VERY VERY unhappy!!
So I get off work on this day.... and walk into my front door.  The child is no where to be found.  I think he's in bed because usually when he's in trouble and can't do anything - he will just go to bed!
OH NO - he's NOT in bed........I looked upstairs, outside, all over the house......  NO WHERE!
So I call his cell phone.

Conversation goes like this:

Me:  WHERE are you?

Boy:  playing basketball

Me:  WHERE

Boy:  up at keriakes (it's a park up the street)

Me:  are you SERIOUS?????

Boy:  yup.

Me:  I cannot BELIEVE you went up there.  you KNOW you are grounded.  What the HELL were you THINKING?????????????

Boy:  I was thinking I wanted to play basketball and I was already in trouble anyway!

............................................................................................................
..................................................................................................
...................uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................................

me:  get your butt home RIGHT NOW!

{{{CLICK}}}

The irony is.......during my silence, I flashed back to a time when I was younger and sneaking out of my house.  As my friend and I were pulling out of the driveway, the porch light came on. 
I KNEW I was busted. 
I looked at my friend and said "well GO!  I'm gonna be in trouble anyway!"

OUCH!!!!

KARMA!!!

GOOD LUCK MOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you got LOTS coming back to ya  *wink wink*

~~35 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I AM 35~~

I visited a new blog today, http://momyawp.blogspot.com/ , and on her blog, she has a list of things she wants to do before she is 26.
I thought - what a GREAT idea.
I just turned 34....
35 will likely be a tough milestone for me.......I mean wow.... it's so weird to think back and remember as a child when you couldn't WAIT to be 16, and you couldn't WAIT to be 18, and then 21...  and then what?!!

STOP!!!!!!!!

no more!!!!!

I never imagined myself as a 30 year old!!!!
and now......well I'm knocking on 35!!
next comes 40!
WOW
it's just almost surreal when I think about it sometimes......

SOOOOOOOO - with my positive little sunshiney motivational happy go lucky attitude in hand, I'm going to attempt to make a list of things I want to do before 35!  :)

Here we go!
(in no particular order...)

1.  Get another tattoo.  One that is relevant...
2.  Skydive AGAIN - this time - WITH video (first skydive was 5/2009)
3.  Be completely (with the exception of home and car) debt-free!  ~NO more credit card charges!~
4.  I have my motorcycle license - but I want to be comfortable enough to get on and ride anywhere.  (need to log some miles!!)
5.  Re-paint and re-decorate my living room.... RED!
6.  Have my kitchen and laundry room tiled.
7.  Give my testimony at least once (I have a MAJOR fear of public speaking)
8.  Start a website (anonymous) for good Christian advice or just someone to talk to...  ~still brainstorming this one....~
9.  Meet someone from blog land that I follow and admire!
10.  I would like to find my waist and abs... this is an ongoing battle
11.  I want toned arms  - like I want people to say "wow, you have GREAT arms!"
12.  Go on at least one "girls only" trip - even if it's just for the weekend.
13.  Make at least ONE trip to the beach
14.  Get started on my secret scrap book project
15.  Go to a Beth Moore conference
16.  Have a will
17.  Know (be told) that something I have done or said inspired someone else....
18.  Actually have money in a savings account
19.  NOT be living paycheck to paycheck
20.  Get accepted into Sonography school
21.  Run another 5K (hopefully running the entire time!)
22.  Run a 5K with Preacher T & Z-man!  (wonder if that's on T's list!  HA)
23.  Commit to memory scripture that has impacted my life
24.  Read the bible all the way through....can't tell you how many times I have "started" this one
25.  Volunteer for a local charity or event
26.  Go through my closet and REALLY take out things I don't wear.  Donate to charity.
27.  Work on going to bed earlier  (this could be the hardest one!) and getting up with time to get ready and not RUSH through the morning.
28.  Be comfortable praying out loud... (ok - THIS may be the hardest one)
29.  Stop impulse buying, only have what I need and not what I want.
30.  Learn to play at least one song on a musical instrument that interests me.
31.  Get up one day and take off to an unknown destination just to see where the road takes me without a map.
32.  Take a dance class
33.  Tell at least one person what  a difference they have made in MY life!
34.  BE physically fit.  period.  not "working on it" or whatever, but actually BE healthy.
35.  Plant and grow something that I can eat or use to cook.... tomatoes, cucumbers, herbs...  (better get on this one!)

What do you think?!
do you have a list of things YOU want to do???
Mine is going on the fridge! 
and I'll keep ya posted on my progress  :)

a change is gonna come..

Time marches on....
things change...
people grow and change...
people that have meant the world to you - change and move on and your left standing in the dust wondering where they went and what happened.
It's just life.
Sometimes I find myself sitting around wondering WHY?!
why do things have to change?
why do people that mean so much and have affected you in so many ways, disappear?
Why?!
I know why.
I understand why.
It IS just life.
People come in and out and they leave footprints in our lives.
They shape us.
They challenge us.
They change us.
and when their time is done, life moves on and we are better for having known and spent time with them.

But some days, I just want to stomp my foot and demand that the hands of time turn back and take me back to a time when things were simple.  To a time that I thought would last forever.  To a time that I thought would never change.......
No - they weren't really simpler times, but it's funny how when life moves on and things have changed, you look BACK at times like that and NOW they seem easy... they seem simple.  You know NOW that things dont' last forever, but when your in the moment... it just seems like they will.

And although - I can look back at some things and it brings a tear to my eye and I wonder why things have to change, at the same time - I CRAVE change.
I'm an Aries - what else can I say?!  I crave change.  I crave growth.  I crave new things and new experiences and I guess I crave a life that proves we are moving forward and changing and growing.  I crave that.  I want that.  Something new.  Something to challenge me.  Something to FORCE me to grow.

So when I look back and am sad because things have changed, people have changed, time has marched on - I look up and give thanks for that.  Because without change, without experience, without the challenge that life gives us every day - we would never grow and we might never meet the new people that have shown up to shape us even more.
When I get like this.... when I get all antsy and anxious and craving something new, some change, some new challenge - this is the time that I know God is working on me.

When you look around and you see change and growth all around you - you KNOW he is working. You KNOW there is a plan and there is no feeling like it in the world.

THIS is the time when I KNOW he is reminding me...showing me... CHALLENGING me to remember - that I have to put all my trust and faith in Him...

On those weak days.... Lord make me strong.

Some days I’m weak
But, some days I’m strong….

Some days I know
all the right things to say
But some days I struggle to know
what to feel

Some days I feel like all the world is right
and everything is as it should be
But most days I’m impatient
and nothing moves in the time that I think it should

Some days there is no one,
with a single right word…
But some days all you have to do is speak
and I’m reduced to my knees.

Some days I bask in a life
full of sunshine…
But sometimes I’m overcome,
because it’s mostly just gray.

Some days I get discouraged
and overwhelmingly let down
But then I’m reminded
life can only be as good as we make it.

So on my weak days,
When I’m scared and feeling insecure
I simply turn to you to be reminded….

We choose to add sunshine
We choose our own colors
And we choose to be surrounded by joy in a life
That is a gift that is ours for the taking

And the one simple thing
That makes the bad days seem better…..
Is simply to know
that when I feel weak in a world full of chaos
I rest in your hands and it's THEN I am strong.

Vacation - the PUREST form of birth control

Hey guys!!!
Hi there!
Did ya miss me????
~~BIG WAVE~~

I've been on vacation AND celebrating my birthday!
(hopefully I'm back now)
and here to tell ya ALL about it!

We journeyed down to Gatlinburg last week......all FIVE of us.... and for us - this means over 4 hours or so IN THE VEHICLE with 3 children  :)   One boy - two girls.
~Is Mary Poppins singing in your ear yet?  No?  not yet?  Let me remind you of the fact that the boy is a teenager ;-)    Are ya licking lolipops now???   cause I'm pretty sure Disney characters rode on the roof of the Trailblazer with us  :)
yeah.....
not so much!!!!!!  ha ha

So Preacher T is at the wheel, me riding shotgun and the 3 chillins in the back.. and we're off on our journey....
 
Z-man could pretty much sleep 24/7.  right?!  So that's pretty much what I think he attempted to do through the entire vacation!!  ha ha  Lord help us having to wake him up in the mornings.  And you KNOOOOW on vacation everyone always wakes up earlier.......not to mention T and his crew are morning people!  (BOOOOOo.... hisssssss.... BLECH!)  I despise those happy morning people.....  muahhhhhh!   Anyway - so getting Z up was even more of a chore than it is at home on school mornings.  He's a BEAR.  So at least we had THAT going for us!  ha ha

The girls.... well they are pretty close in age, so they are in a constant competition at everything we do....  they pick, they compete, they do what children do  :)
And they do what little GIRLS do......they sing and they play with dolls {their very own waky bears that they made on vacation}, and they wanna swim and they wanna CONSTANTLY be doing something  (in other words.......no napping!  lol)

Here's the kids summary on vacation.....
one sleeping one singing and one whining..... and they just took turns playing each part!

We really did have a GREAT time.  The weather was great the majority of the time  (one day it rained ALL day and it was cold, but luckily - the hotel had an indoor pool and waterslide that kept us entertained!) but otherwise, the temp was perfect, the sun was shining and we had PLENTY to do!

We rode horses, we rode go carts, we had an old time photo made.....and we ate.... and ate......and ATE!  LOL   Isn't that what vacations are for...  eating and NO sleep!  :)

speaking of sleep - I have to tell you - My FAVORITE {insert sarcasm} part of vacation was our sleeping arrangements.  I like to refer to them as our "laying" arrangements - cause that's all T and I did......we laid there.... and rolled around.... and tossed and turned....and got PUNCHED in the face......got cuddled.... got pushed to the side of the bed... listened to Z recite the Gettysburg address in his sleep!  HA HA Haaaaa!!!
seriously - out of ALL the three kids, we changed sleeping arrangements EVERY night - letting each have a turn on the air mattress and T and I sleeping with each of the others.
NONE of them are good sleepers.  By night 3 - I had slept with Z, I had slept with one of the girls, and I then threatened to sleep out on the sidewalk where no one could punch me in the face, and I didn't have to be awoken by conversations occurring in the middle of the night with the wall!
I need my sleep people!  lol

Other than the lack of sleep for T and I - the kids slept like babies and we all had a great time! 
{though even through the lack of sleep - I will tell you probably my MOST favorite thing was the morning T and I woke at 4 AM and neither of us could sleep, so T went and got coffee and just he and I sat in the dark, drinking coffee, watching tv...... little moments.....}

I'm posting some pics for your pure enjoyment!

{and remember that blog I posted some time ago - regarding whether or not I wanted more children - PROBLEM SOLVED!)  ha ha


Here's our old time PHOTO!
I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!  :)


This is how we spent our dinner time!!!!!

This is probably one of my favorite shots - only Z man had to take it so he's not in it.........

And here is Z sportin his MUSCLES on the outdoor waterslide.......yes in April - it was warm enough outside for the pool to be open........the water in the pool however, NOT so warm! LOL

And last but not LEAST.........

please allow me to introduce you to to.......

Preacher T and his massive STEED!!!!!!!!

Hello Kong.......nice to see you again  ;-)

Had a GREAT trip..........GREAT vacation.......a happy birthday
and GLAD to be back home
{and sleepin in my own bed......ALONE!  LOL}

Spring is in the air.... vrooom vroom...

So - last summer, my mom took a class and got her motorcycle license - right?!  yeah - MY MOM!  My sweet, precious, tiny, 5 foot tall, angel winged, halo wearin' mom took the class, license in hand, and bought bikes for her and my dad.  And guess what........I don't know that she has ridden it the first time after getting her license... in fact she thinks she has probably "forgotten" how to even ride.

And yet.....

I was convinced that I needed to take this class and go get my license too!  YEP - I sure did.  Signed up for the class, took the test, got my license.....with NO BIKE.  LOL  
BUT - never fear - at the end of last summer, we come across a great deal on a bike and BINGO - bike purchased and parked in the garage. 

Yeah - that's where it still is.  I - as opposed to my mother did ride the bike.........
in the church parking lot!  LMAO! 

ok ok - I rode it to church from my parents house........yeah - well, that's maybe a mile. 

Wait - AND I rode over to my brother's wife's parents house...  ummmmm.....yeah - that's maybe 2 miles?

 So - ok - I haven't logged alot of miles yet..........

BUT OHHHHHHHHHHHHH - days like today make me wanna leave work and go straight over and hop on and take off.  It is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS outside in Kentucky today!  I LOVE spring!!!!!!  I love Summer, I LOVE fall!!   who freaking needs winter anyway??!
But - running and jumping on the bike has become......well......... a bit of an issue for me.
(no mom.... I have not "forgotten" how to ride)

I'm really ok to start with.... but the time I actually rode on the road - I got a little freaked out. 
I'm not very good at right turns......
well I mean - it's not that I'm BAD at them.......just uncomfortable.
which spirals my brain
and well.......then I get a little freaked out
and start analyzing EVERYTHING I'm doing....

yeah - I don't understand it either.

But when I turn right I feel like I'm gonna fall over??  I don't get it.

maybe it has something to do with this?????????

Let me take you back a few years to the underlying issue with WHY I might be so freaked out about dropping the bike.
Here is how me and my asinine brother work together
(i hope your sitting down)

My brother, I'm pretty sure has balls of steel.  There isn't anything much that I have ever seen him back down from.  (maybe skydiving?  maybe?  *wink wink*) When I was younger, I was pretty ballsy myself - but nothing like him.  (of course I am a GIRL which I have to remind myself of sometimes since all I grew up around was boys)
Anyballs........my brother rides a crotch rocket.....wheelies... 120 MPH - all the crazy crap you do - he does.  Well.......one day he shows up with my mom's bike.  (which is as FAR away from a crotch rocket as you can get) 
We go riding around (me as the passenger) and I decide that I think I would prefer to drive
 (i have control issues people, I wanna drive!)
Well - being that I have NEVER actually "driven" a motorcycle before in my life, we decide it was a good idea to go out in the back yard and let me piddle around with it.
(learning to ride a bike in the grass/dirt - for the record - NOT a good idea!)  But I SURE didn't wanna get out on the road.
So this is what we did.......

Keep in mind - I have driven many a car with a 5-speed in them.
Release the clutch
Hit the gas.
How hard can it be to do the same thing with my hands??!!!!

Killed it.

Killed it again.

and........killed it again.

I can't even take off on the thing right!
SOOOOOOOOOOOO.........
right about HERE is where our brains fall out.

My brother says   "I'll stand on this side and do the gas, and you just release the clutch slowly and I'll walk with you"

DING DING DING....

Time out - does ANYONE sense a problem coming???????

yeah - you would think!!!!!!!

But onward we went....Brother to my right, hand on the gas, me sitting on the bike, left hand on the clutch.
and s..l...oo....ooo...o...w..l..y release
OOOOOOPS!
I'm not REAL sure how SLOW  FAST I released because the bike jumped which caused the brother to
pull back on the gas.......
this in turn proceeded to GUN the back tire around and down I went......
bike on my leg
tire spinning......
brother still holding the gas.....
and VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG - it scared the CRAPOLA out of me AND HIM!!!!!!!!
looking back - I mean SERIOUSLY - how stupid was THAT?!!!!!!!
2 different people working gas and clutch!
picture that in a car.........
put your foot on the clutch and someone else reach over and do the gas??????
I mean REALLY!!!!!??????????

S.T.U.P.I.D!
(sure did sound like a good idea at the time though!!!!)

I had a freaking purple and green and black goose egg on my left calf for probably a MONTH after that!
it's a wonder we didn't burn a hole through my leg!!!!!!!!
It's pretty funny to think back on now......
but MAN what an idiotic idea.

So all in all........stupid lesson learned.
Poceeded to take the motorcycle class.
never ONCE dropped a bike and got my license......

SO why today am I such a weenie about it?

I know I just need to GET OUT and log the miles!
What a GREAT day it would be to do that!!!!!!!!!

Happy Spring!!!!!!!!!!!!

Debbie Downer Died last night....

I have put her to rest.

Period.

I did a little prayin and alot of cryin and realized - Debbie Downer must DIE!!!!!!
(which by the way........crying is part of the healing process for me - WHY do guys NOT understand that?!!!   sheeeeeeesh!)

Only a few short months ago I had so much sunshine that I didn't even NEED real sunshine to smile!  God brought me Preacher T, I have the best family and girlfriends in the world, a great kid, a job... and on and on the list can go.  But for some reason.....
my sunshine gotten hidden by clouds.
and rain.
and GRAY!!!!!!!!  (which I HATE!!!!!!!)

Last night T and I did quite a bit of talking..... and reality creeped into me.
{cringe....}
I realized - I have turned into Debbie Downer.

I took my eyes off the sunshine and became bogged down with the technicalities of life!  BOOOO!
Money has been tight *I can NOT even stress that enough* ....lots of decisions on the horizon.... a teenager at home.... the dog got sick...
It's just been up and down and up and down and at some point - I guess I got sick of fighting for the "ups" and settled on a "down"
I'm currently reading Beth Moore's book "Get out of that Pit" - and ironically - while READING it, I have settled into my very own little pit.
NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine sent me this scripture this week.
I have typed it up, printed it out and it now hangs on my computer screen - along with other copies that will be pasted in my truck, on my bathroom mirror and any other place I can find to hang it.

I want to share it with you today.

(I'm not getting TOO much into my "personality trait" that has pushed me over the line to Debbie Downer, because I have a lovely horrid little post to share with you on Tuesday of next week via T&TR's fun little bloggy prompt - which by the way, I would encourage you to participate in!)

[2 Corinthians 12: 7-10]


(7)  To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  (8) Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. (9) But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  (10) That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Last night - I decided, no I REMEMBERED.... God's shoulders are bigger than mine.  He is bigger and better and stronger than me........so all this stuff I have been carrying around, I'm unloading on him.  I'm trusting that HE will take care of me.  He always has.  WHy would I ever doubt that??????  HE has a plan and reasons for everything - why do we question that?? 
I feel as though a ton of bricks have been lifted from my life.  I can't find the words to describe that!

I would also like to share a song with you today.  It's Craig Morgan and it's called "God must really love me"
It's kinda old - but I just ran across it lately and I can NOT get enough of the words.
I hope you will listen, enjoy and I hope in some way, this post helps lift a little burden off of you today too  :)