Don't live your life in FEAR!

I have no fear

I KNOW no fear

I don't know how to be afraid.

I don't WANT to be afraid.

I don't know if it's because I'm naive (a little..)
or because I have been through so much already that nothing scares me anymore! (probably....)
OR because my Faith in God is bigger than ANY fear here on Earth!!!  (yes!)

After my most recent sky dive, someone asked me if I had any fear??  If there is ANYTHING that scares me???
....and it made me think.

I jumped from a plane - TWICE!
I have a weird "fear" of drowning - but I went snorkeling and loved it!
so....
No - no I really don't
(ok - wait - other than public speaking..... which is rather ironic since my degree has an emphasis in communication, so really... conquered that too!  kind of.....)

NO - I've never been held at gunpoint.  NO - I've never been beaten to a pulp.
NO - I've never experienced anything horrifying out of my control.
And in those cases.... I'm sure I would be scared.  More of the pain I think than fear for my life.

But as a general rule, I try to live life to the fullest.  Not thinking about what horrible horrible things could "potentially" happen.  I see the bright side.  I try to live and have fun and make the best out of what little time we are given here.
And be adventurous!

But I'm a mom - I should fear for my son....right??
But I don't.
I worry and pray.... and pray.... and pray....
but I don't FEAR in the way that I consider it to be a "fear"

It's not that I DON'T want to fear for my son.... but I guess I know the world can be cruel and tough, but I know that God instills into us all a faith and a resilience to know that he is bigger than anything else.   I've taught my son that.  And I hope I have instilled within my son a confidence of knowing that he has a mother and a family that will be behind him.   We love and support him - and knowing that he knows that, gives me a peace greater than any fear I could have for him.
So no - I don't FEAR for him..... I root him on.  I encourage him.  I fight for him.  I teach him right from wrong.  I teach him to treat others as you would want to be treated.
I worry when he drives.  I worry about his future.
And I pray.... A LOT.
But I don't fear - I trust that he is in God's hands.
And I know when he makes mistakes, they are to LEARN from - and GROW from.... not to be afraid and lay down and die and DEFINITELY not to turn around and make the same mistakes over and over again...
I teach him to be strong.
not fear!

As for me......
I live my life one day at a time.
I believe that God puts me where he puts me for a reason.
I believe he puts people into my life and takes them out of my life for a reason.
I believe that he has a plan for me.
I get up every day and do the best I can...

and if I jump from a plane... it's for fun.
Sure it's a bit scary when you back away and think too much about it.
So don't think about it.

But just the same as getting in a car every day....
just the same as taking a breath every day....
God has his hand on me.  And if he's ready for me to come home - I'll go home.   Out of plane, or asleep in my bed, or in a car accident on the Interstate.
He will take me no matter where I am
No matter what my plans.
And he will use it - to his Glory.

So no - I have no fear.
I believe just about anything is possible as long as God has his hand in it  :))

That gives me PEACE beyond all fear!

PS - I squatted my own body weight last night!!!  How many people (girls) do you know that can do THAT?!!
NO FEAR!!!!   hee hee

Reason for the pain...

Everybody struggles and has pain. EVERYBODY!! God recycles and redeems the pain the very moment we use our experience to help someone else through their pain.  I read this from a pastor's facebook page that I follow and it was like a million light bulbs went off all around me!!  :)


Divorce.  
What a painful word.  
What a painful experience.  
And it happens every day all around us.

Some simply because people literally look at marriage as a trial run these days.  Some people literally take it so lightly that going in, they think, if it doesn't work out - well I'll just get a divorce and start over.  No big deal.
But some of us... some of us still think of marriage as the ultimate commitment of love here on earth.
Some (few) of us wait and search and fall in love thinking this is IT for me.  We give our hearts completely to the one we plan to grow old with.
And sometimes... we get hurt.   Sometimes, well... we simply pick the wrong person to trust our heart to.  OR, maybe we give our heart... loving and caring and having faith that we are on the same path and have the same goals and we believe that that person loves us just the same.
And sadly... sometimes things change.
And when they change... or we feel deceived, there is nothing you can do to take that back.
When the one person that you think will NEVER hurt you, acutally HURTS you... you may not stop loving them, but you have to face the fact that the path that person has chosen is no longer the path the two of you chose together.


I don't belive in divorce... as a general rule.
But when I say that I simply mean, I do not believe that it should be used as an escape for when the going gets tough.
But I do believe that when you have walked down a road with someone who no longer puts your future as a couple as a first priority - sometimes.. well... there is no other option.
When living right in God's eyes and upholding vows that you took together is NO LONGER the priority, and trust and hope and love are treated as though they mean nothing anymore, I don't believe God's blessings are placed upon someone who chooses to purposely keep traveling down the path of pain and turmoil.
I don't believe that God intends anyone to stay in a relationship where you are continually beaten down or abused or taken for granted in any way.


And for that reason, my divorce hit me hard.


But when I read what I read tonight - It just gave me light.  It showed me purpose.
Do I think that God PLANNED and PURPOSED me to walk down an aisle with a man I loved just to end up divorced.
No.  I do not.
BUT I do believe that God uses EVERY experience that we go through to not only bless us, but to also bless those around us.
I do believe that no matter what you are going through... no matter how bad the pain; turning that around to use for good in His name is the ultimate gift and redemption that He gives us.


And for that reason..... I can lay my head down at night and truly sleep.
for that reason I can KNOW that God uses me every day.
He makes me stronger by bringing me through trials a stronger better person  (someone please tell God I'm strong enough....ha ha)
But more importanatly I believe he uses me EVERY day.
He uses things I have been through... the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, the experience, the "live and learns" to shine light to all those around me.


And for THAT - I am thankful.
And for THAT - I am at peace.


I can let go and I can move forward with what is in store for me next.
And I can do so proudly and confidently  :)


Will I marry again?  who knows
But am I ok either way - Absolutely!
Why - because I know God has plans for me and he'll use me for whatever His will is, and as long as I know that - I know I will be blessed  :)

Live and Let Die

The beauty and the curse in this word is - God gave us all free will.

Do I believe God has a plan and purpose for your life?  YES!  Do I believe that God has great and mighty things to show you and give you and teach you throughout life?  Absolutely!  I do.
Do I believe that you may suffer hardships and pain along the way... sure.  That's how we GROW!  It's also how we LEARN!
Some of that is placed upon us - and some of it, we place upon ourselves.

The catch in that plan for you - is that tricky little thing he also gave us...... FREE WILL.
You know right from wrong, just as well as you know up from down.
Whether you were raised with a religious background or not - most people are born with a common sense of direction and decency.  You don't get up tomorrow and rob a bank, JUST because the law says it's wrong... you (hopefully) don't get up and rob a bank tomorrow because you fundamentally know it's wrong.  It's not YOUR money and you would be stealing from another.  The free will comes into play in whether or not you choose to use that common sense or just ignore it and carry on in your own blissful ignorance.  The free will is when you CHOOSE to block out that common decency you have inside you and ignore the fact that YOU stealing money has an affect on someone else.  It HURTS someone else.

So while free will is a gift, it can also be twisted into a curse..... JUSTIFICATION for OWN SELF exoneration!  ENTITLEMENT.  OH how entitlement runs rampant these days.  The world OWES you something so you justify the pain you inflict.  Someone hurt YOU - so you justify hurting them back.  Someone let you down so you use that anger and bitterness to in turn hurt someone else!

As we travel through this life, we all make mistakes.  We might wrong someone that hurts them intentionally.  Or we might wrong someone unintentionally.  And... unfortunately, someone else makes a choice that wrongs us.  ALL FREE WILL.

Here's the catch for me...... I read something earlier that really hit home with me.  (be patient, I'll share)
Sometimes I take wrong roads.  Sometimes I make wrong decisions.  Sometimes my focus or my pathway gets a little bit skewed and I get lost and off track for a day, month, months.... minute.  And maybe I make a decision that changes the course of my life (God's plan).  But after it's said and done, and I'm knocked off my horse and found sitting flat on my behind on the ground...... I have TWO CHOICES.   Get up and IGNORE the lesson I was just taught and get up and travel down that same road again.  (duuuhhhhhhhhh)  I know the outcome.  I KNOW it didn't work the first time, WHY in the world would I want to get knocked off again????   Or I can use my noggin and take note and learn from it.
So I usually choose to learn.

Here's where it gets even trickier..... what if someone ELSE makes a choice that effects me?  Someone else walked down the wrong path and dragged me with them (remember, I have free will too.... there I go walking right along beside them)  but regardless, THEY make the decision that ultimately knocks me right back flat on my butt.  And I'm left sitting..... wondering...... what just happened?  What did I do?  I thought I was doing the right thing....
And guess what - sometimes YOU ARE doing the right thing.  Sometimes you ARE on the right path.  And sometimes someone else trips up and falls... and oooops... they pulled you right down with them.???

AGAIN..... ALL FREE WILL.....

Here's what I learned tonight
NO MATTER who tripped.... no matter who walked down the wrong road.... whether you chose it yourself or whether you were walking along side someone else and THEY made the decision that knocked you down....

YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.

#1 - you can let the choice AFFLICT you.   You can allow your own mistake or someone else's mistake to paralyze you to the point of not even recognizing right from wrong anymore.  You are AFFLICTED.  By yourself, by God, by another.... but regardless, you choose to be AFFLICTED.  This means you have CHOSEN to allow this set-back, this stumble, this fall to CONTROL you.  It changes you for the worse.  You become sooooo obsessed with this mistake that it begins to rule your entire life.   And you know what happens then.... you KEEP trying that same road... over and over and over thinking that one day YOU will overcome.   One day you won't get knocked down.  One day you will be ENTITLED to overcome!  You deserve it after all.... You've EARNED it!  And your wrong.  Wrong is wrong is wrong, no matter how many times you try it.

~OR~

#2 - you can let the choice AFFECT you.  So you made a mistake.  Big whoop.  We're human for goodness sake.  NO-ONE, no matter how they present themselves to be, is perfect.  NO-ONE.  So you make mistakes, others make mistakes... and God gives you free will to MAKE mistakes.
The difference is with this AFFECT, you LEARN from your mistakes.  You learn from others mistakes.  You do the most important thing you can possibly do and that is forgive yourself for falling and REMEMBER why you fell and then use your free will to CHOOSE not to go down that road again.

So whether you MAKE a mistake or someone else MAKES a mistake that impacts you, choose to let that decision AFFECT you, NOT AFFLICT you.   Let yourself off the hook.  God isn't keeping score.  And contrary to what most people think, other people really aren't keeping score either....   most of us are doing our best to survive our OWN life's ups and downs.  We're too busy to really give a crap about whether you messed up or not and what the score is.... or whether or not you are I have been vindicated!

LOVE FREELY, LAUGH OFTEN, LIVE TO THE FULLEST
and most of all
FORGIVE YOURSELF......... be AFFECTED, not AFFLICTED!

Let it die and move on to a better life.
We choose to let life rule us - OR let God rule our life!

I also came across this quote from Jeremy from another blog that I now follow.
It was intense and I wanted to share.

The scream of anguish can be deafening. The darkness of pain can be blinding. But the hope found through letting go and trusting God radiates with faith that new days are ahead. God can bring forth true love and beauty from the painful corridors of our hearts, but we must let go of the dark places. Yes, the task of letting go is just as hard as the initial heartache, but in the end, I am hoping that it will be worth it.