Tuesday, September 29, 2009

THIS is why I blog.......

I love getting comments on my blogs.  Not everyone follows me on blogger so I also post my link on facebook & sometimes I get comments on facebook too!
So I just wanted to give a shout out to my facebook followers and share a comment I got this afternoon.

"just know that I have had a few pretty bad days and everytime I read your blog I feel much better. Oprah ain't got shit on you girl! :)"


And thanks Jennifer for letting me know you read!  =)    Start blogging girl - it's great therapy AND you never know what you might say that might make someone's day!   (plus you never know what you might READ that just might make urs!!)

I can think of NO greater compliment than to know that something I have said or done or experienced has helped someone else in some small way!
Thanks for making me smile  8-)

The scary gray stuff..

In life, it's all about learning as you go.
Today - I learned something else about myself.
I know I have said before that life is full of gray...you know - those times when you are not really in the black or white, not really on one side of the fence or the other......You are instead walking on the tight rope in between the two.  This area that I lovingly refer to as the gray.  (I hate the gray...)
THIS my friends is where I claim to spend most of my life!  LOL
And it drives me absolutely bonkers!!
BUT truth be told - I don't spend much time in the gray because I hate the "not knowing" so much that I generally hurriedly make a decision.....whether I made an educated or good one is always a toss up!

The difference in me today though is that I am learning to embrace the gray.
The gray is not there to taunt me... it's not there to hold me.....(I will repeat this to myself in the mirror every night before bed - ha!)  it is instead there to make me learn things as I go so that I make the RIGHT decision!  I mean hello!  Anyone can pick a side in any event.  But don't you wanna take the time to spend in the gray learning about BOTH sides so that when you do make the choice, you know you've made the right one!
OHHHHHHH - the conversations I have had with my mother about being sooooooo frustrated in dating because I felt like the guy kept me in the gray all the time.  JUST PICK A SIDE dude!  You either want to date or you don't - right?!?!  Stop with the back and forth and back and forth and MIXED SIGNALS!  And my lovely mother would say every time.....Tammy, just be patient, the answer will come when the time is right.  (I love my mom!)  This made me want to scream every time she would say it!  ha ha  BUT - just as my mother said... every time, the answer DID eventually come and thank the Lord above that I waited out those times...it's amazing what you learn about someone over time... when you are patient (oooops - a virtue I lack) and stop searching so hard!  (those stories are for another blog on another day!)

**let me make a sidenote here:  while I'm not an avid astrology follower, I AM an Aries and trust me when I say - I contain EVERY personality trait characteristic of an Aries....."Aries live life head first; after all, those horns on your head are not just for fighting. Your headstrong nature can make you a "battering ram" and woe is the person who stands in your way. Aries are noted for courage primarily because you are nearly always ready for action. The need for excitement pushes you into new territory -- and as long as you are ahead of others while demonstrating confidence, chances are that they will follow you. As self-ordained leader of the pack, Aries fight for what you believe to be important. But it's not that Aries are fearless. Your courage is more of a commitment to face your fears and overcome them. Aries motto is "Ready, fire, aim!" It may be backwards for others, but you'd rather figure out what to do while you are doing it. While others are gathering information to make informed decisions, you are already on your way.

See - I'm just not wired to be comfortable in the gray!  LOL  I am notorious for growing wildly impatient while waiting for some kind of decision to be made!

Anyway - the point of today's blog is this:  after a very enlightening conversation with someone who has quickly (and unexpectedly) become a pretty special person to me - I realized - the gray & the unknown, although scary, are not so bad after all!  The gray is in fact, very crucial in EVERY aspect of life.  Not just in dating, but in friendships, work, raising children...etc.   I'm learning to embrace the gray and face my fears (don't tell anyone I just admitted to having fears) and even though it may not be in my genetic make up - I'm vowing to try to take the time to enjoy the journey.....not just jump to a destination just to have a place to land.  That place usually turns out to be a place I didn't want to be anyway...

Life isn't just black and white........and it isn't all gray either!
Thank goodness we also have COLOR   =)

Now - for my song today - I was going to do some "Color me Badd" BUT in looking for Color me Badd, I came across Boys II Men and GOSH - I just couldn't resist some Boys II Men!  But THEN I heard today that Randy Jackson produced the new Boyz II Men single...a cover of "open arms" by his old band Journey.  THIS:  Boys II Men, Journey & Open Arms - WOW!
(yes friends, THIS is how my brain works!)

Monday, September 28, 2009

Good Morning Monday!

Sitting at the doctor's office this morning with my son, I thought I would catch up with everyone from the weekend.  (and it IS Monday - so I need a treat to get me going......something to make me smile on Monday!)

What I thought was going to be a pretty relaxing weekend turned out to be busy as usual for me.  Friday night was ok; put in my fifth day at the gym for the week, 2 trips to the mall (thinking of new clothes always makes me smile!) & a pit stop to help my friend with some preparation for Jr Miss.  My son stayed with a friend so I had a friend over for (late) dinner and some tv.  Got to sleep just in time to get back up and spend Saturday morning working an auction.....in the rain - YUCK!  I did love getting to spend some time with my friend Colette though - who is just about ready to explode with this child she is carrying.... she is SUCH a cutie preggo   =)    She also brought along her 3 year old daughter to hang with us while we were working, she is very close to the age of my niece and they are just so flippin cute at that age.   You just never know what might come out of their little mouths!   The little cutie and I took several trips down the street to the potty and each time after I sat her on the toilet, she would tell me "now - go outside the door"   SO cute!!  (insert smile - I need lots of those on Monday mornings!)  After the auction I met a couple of the girls for lunch and then back home for a nap.  Saturday night I spent watching Jr Miss.  For those of you who don't know what that is - it is kinda like a pageant only the girls are judged ALSO on grades, fitness, and they each do a private interview with the judges that is also graded.  Like other pageants, they are also judged on poise and each has to perform an individual talent too!  VERY entertaining.  But of course watching these adorable little 16ish year old high school girls, always makes me reminisce back to MY high school days and think about all the things I would have changed if I had known what I know now!  ( I know I know, it's so cliche - everyone says that.....)  So after the show, as I wasn't feeling so well, my son and I stopped to pick up a movie and headed home.  About half way through the movie I got a phone call from a friend needing a ride home.......so at around 1AM I'm out making my rounds  (which let me point out I don't mind to do AT ALL!  I would MUCH prefer the phone call come, than worry about any of my friends out trying to get themselves home after a night out on the town - if you know what I mean).  Finally make it back home and try to finish watching the movie  (WHY do I do this to myself?!?)  So that I can turn right back around and it's time to get up for church.  Even got to get up earlier to prepare food to take as we were having potluck outside after the service!  (My lovely charming child however did NOT get up with me and would now be grounded from all electronics for the week - just a sidenote!)    The plus side is that after church, I did finally get out to see my parents and family whom I felt like I haven't seen in months!  We took a nice field trip to the farm and I got to see the new baby cow, some new chickens, the most precious little kitten EVER (whom I almost took home with me after swearing I will never have another animal INSIDE my house again!)  and the weather could NOT have been any better for it!
Last night I spent cleaning house as I'm having a jewelry party for my sister in law on Thursday night - AND did some catching up on DVR!  Stayed up WAY too late before a Monday morning........so I'm D-R-A-G-G-I-N-G today!!!!!!!!
Therefore - I am posting some things to make me smile and a FUN song.... and hopefully getting this Monday morning started!
Happy Monday everyone!
....the cutest kitten ever  =)   & Cutie pies babies that joined us for the auction (that we had to take a picture of) and then the sweetest funniest video out there right now!  SMILE REAL BIG!!!!!!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

It's Friday - be like the squirrel

Last night was my "big night" at the gym.  I have been going for about 4 months now.  I have worked really extra extra hard this week knowing that Thursday night would reveal what I have accomplished over the past 4 months.  I do weigh every time I go in and I have lost a total of about 9 pounds.  So I know I have done something - but last night was measurement night!  How many inches?  how much body fat?  it's like the report card of the gym for me.
Let me first point out - before 4 months ago - I didn't do the gym.  No time, no patience, no desire and I've never really felt like I needed to go THAT bad.  HOWEVER - boy was I wrong.  Physically I was in horrible shape and I found this out really quickly after starting.

ANYWAY - results are in:  lost 1 inch off my waist.  1 inch off arms.  Gained in the hips/butt area - thanks to the 75Million lunges - ha ha.  Calves are the same.  Lost in the chest.  And I have lost somewhere between 2-4% body fat!  All in all a good report....making progress..moving in the right direction towards "getting toned"!!!  SO - post measurements and work out for the night, in the true spirit of being my own worst enemy AND my own most critical judge, I left the gym and cried the entire way over to my girls' house!  Yes Yes - I do realize I have made progress - but I guess I just expected more from myself!  I get so freaking frustrated with myself....I am my biggest critic!
After a brief visit with the girls, I proceeded home to find my child upstairs playing video games where he had been all night; house a wreck and dog outside in the rain!!!  Needless to say - I have had better nights!

THIS MORNING however, when I got up - I realized what a freaking baby I'm being!  EVERY day we have a choice........I could choose to let this get me down and get frustrated & quit OR I could choose to be HAPPY about what I have done!  I'm in MUCH MUCH better shape today than I was 4 months ago!  Overall isn't that what we all want!

This leads me to my song of the day - a little white stripes to get you going!!!
every day..... BE LIKE THE SQUIRREL!  haha
You can do anything you put your mind to doing!!  One of my biggest attributes and maybe one of my biggest flaws at the same time is - I BELIEVE I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!  it's GREAT in that it pushes me to new things almost every day!  it's bad though because I get so dang frustrated when I can't be the best at everything right out of the gate!
It takes work and determination........so today - like the squirrel - I have a newfound determination to set and REACH goals at the gym.  David (my trainer) told me last night.......you can't just physically be ready - you have to be mentally and emotionally ready too!  Maybe this reality check (the numbers) was just the push that I needed.
No beating myself up any more about where I am......I know physically I have reached goals and I know if I just keep pushing myself - I WILL only get better!  ;-)

SHOUT OUT to David at Get Toned Fitness!!!  If anyone is in or close to Bowling Green KY and needs a good place to work out and someone to push and motivate you every time you are there - look him up!!  THX DAVID!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's all in the music.......

So - a fellow blogger posted a song today that I have ABSOLUTELY fallen in love with!!!!!
( http://glamgirloutandabout.blogspot.com/ )  SHOUT OUT!
When I read her blog about the song - a reference to "goosebumps" was made.  I'm NOT kidding when I say - almost immediately after starting the song, there they were, on me, real live goosebumps!!!  =)

I know that everyone has their own interpretation of music and that is why music is SOOO amazing and powerful for me.  10 different people can listen to a song - and you amazingly enough almost ALWAYS make it your own.  You personalize it - relate it to your own life......the phrase "this song is ABOUT me" comes to mind!  =)

So - I have decided to try to post a song daily......something new, something old, something fun, something weird - Whatever!  All dependent on my mood at that time!
I'll share my personal attachment to each and please feel free to share with me how the song touches you (IF it does.....and I realize that not all will!!!) 

Today's song:

This song makes me think of that BIG gigantic WALL that I have built around myself!  I know we have all had rough patches in our lives, but over the years - although every girl (admittedly or not) truly SEARCHES for love - eventually you get jaded enough that you really ARE ok by yourself!  I'm tough.... I pay my own bills, buy my own house, do what I want when I want - right?!?!   And you convince yourself that you don't NEED anyone else in your life! 

However, as my lovely friend (who shares and understands my wall) pointed out to me today when I shared the song with her she said, "Tammy, your heart is set on finding real love. I don’t care WHAT kind of a “wall” you build and try to hide behind."  And it's so true!  I am 33 years old and have the best friends a girl my age could ask for - and IRONICALLY - we are ALL single, independent, hard working girls.   We have each other so we have built walls to the outside world.... But when it comes down to it - we all know deep down .......maybe "two is better than one"

I can't wait to know what that REALLY feels like  =)
I can't wait till that wall is completely gone and I truly have my "two is better than one" man!
Let's face it - we were born to be two - so why do we fight it so hard?
Maybe because we are scared??
YES, there’s always the chance of getting hurt. But heck, once you have been through enough you know that no matter what - YOU WILL BE FINE!  God gives you trials in life in order to make it that way!  =)

And while two might just be better than one, the hard part is finding the "one" that completes your "two"
This is why some nights....  it's easier to just be one.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


OK - I can't even begin to type ANYTHING about this - other than..........I'm laughing my butt off right now!  Yes - OUT LOUD!!!!!!!  This is officially going to be my new favorite show this fall!
Watch the preview for CougarTown!
...........Coming from a 33 year old SINGLE mother - I LUUUUUUUUV it!!!!!!!!

Hello!  Welcome to MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

the kiss....*WARNING - "sap" to follow*

OK - here is how my warped mind works....this is how one thing leads to another and leads to another with me!!
Last week sometime, I read a blog about some place contemplating banning kissing because of the H1N1 flu - right?!?  So I leave a comment and go on and on about how GREAT kissing is and there is no way to give that up and how sometimes all I really want is a good ol' "high school" make out session.....gosh - there is just something about a kiss!  It's my favorite  :)   So much emotion, so much connection and of course you can tell so much about someone by how they kiss.....and mostly in how they kiss YOU!   (sometimes we wanna know and sometimes, we choose to ignore it - but regardless....the signs are all there....all in that one moment....the kiss!)
Last night - my 14 year old son proceeds to give ME dating advice (this was unsolicited advice let me point out!)......yes I'm the MOM and he's telling ME what I'm doing wrong!  HILARIOUS - but for some reason, this morning, all I can focus on is:  what AM I doing wrong???  or is it as simple as I just haven't met the right person yet!?
Maybe so - but now once again - I'm thinking about people I have dated and some of them I'm kicking myself over!!!!  But the good news is - the older I get the easier it is to see through the crap.... so although I have kissed some frogs - I'm REALLY good at picking out the frogs now BEFORE kissing them!  ha ha   *well ok - sometimes I just wanna kiss a frog!  ;-)*
However - getting to the point here......
Today - I'm feeling a little sappy and I have somehow stumbled upon an old Collin Raye video.......I haven't thought about this song in forever - but MAN is it a good squishy song!!!  The video is attached and yes - it is some sappy crap from a soap opera (Honestly though - can you EVER see too much of Jason from General Hospital??)  BUT - as I was watching the video and listening to the words of the song - I realized......I've wasted too many kisses on frogs!
now...thinking about giving up kissing anyway......
cause I wanna hold out for this!!
That ONE person that holds the kiss that just knocks you off your feet?!!  That one kiss where you can feel the passion and the emotion on both sides.  That one person that shows you for the first time that there IS another person on the planet that actually can't imagine life without you?!?!
I'm a realist - I know that this is not something that happens every day - but I am a bit of a romantic dangit.. and I WANT someone to kiss me like there is no tomorrow!!! 

I'm usually not much of a "squishy" kinda girl... I'm usually as hard (and a wee bit jaded) as they come.... but today - just for a little while (prompted by a string of events over the past few days)  I'm just gonna be sappy!
enjoy the video!  :)
AND if you have had that one kiss.... please do share.... so I can have somthing to look forward to!  ha ha

Sunday, September 20, 2009

My first NFL game!

So - today I attended my first NFL game.  WOW!
I have never been much of a football fan, in fact I have always found it kinda hard to follow.  You must understand I have a son who plays baseball and basketball and has all his life.  Those 2 I can follow.  Football however I guess I just have never really had the opportunity to learn like the others.
BUT - let me just say - though I have been to a couple of college games (Western Kentucky) those games pale in comparison to what I experienced today!!!
The stadium....the people.....the atmosphere....the fact that when the Titans scored a touchdown, people you don't even know turn around and give you a high five!  I LOVE it!!!   and can't wait to go to another!

*sidenote:  I am not - I repeat NOT a "cold" weather kind of girl.... so although I had a blast today (it was way too hot and humid for football weather) I'm not real sure how much of a dedicated fan I can be when there is snow on the ground  ;-)    we'll see.......

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Single girl life!

Short blog..
After a long conversation last night about weddings and watching sex and the city AGAIN... I have had marriage on the mind alot today..I'll go on about that subject later....
But for now... I just wanna say, it's days like this and my wonderful girlfriends that make me happy and lucky to be single sometimes :-)
Just planned a spontaneous trip to Nashville for the day with one of the true loves of my life!!! ( one of my BFF's)
I love spontaneous trips!!!!!!
And tomorrow, she and I are heading to see the Titans!!!! This will be my first NFL game!
I love the weekends!!
~t@Mi G~
Sent from my iPhone

Friday, September 18, 2009

Famous one liners....at my house

I love inside jokes!  They are SOOO freaking ridiculous it's absurd - but not much makes me laugh harder!!!
Right now - the big thing going on in my house is.... 
"you don't wanna fight me...." (insert me screaming/rapping from one end of the house).....
and then...  "in my extra small white T"  (insert my son GANGSTA rapping from the other end of the house)
For those of you who DON'T know what I'm talking about - it's a Taylor Swift rap which I have graciously attached to this post!!!  I LOVE Taylor Swift - but the fact that she busted out a rap with T-Pain makes me love her even more!!!
Anyone standing outside my house would think we have completely lost it inside........but I LOVE stupid inside jokes......and who cares what anyone else thinks right?!?!!
Now whenever my son and I are out and someone talks about Taylor Swift or mentions the rap - I can't help but look at him and laugh and say "you don't wanna fight me".... 

Of course these jokes also come in REAL handy when I really AM mad at my son and I'm yelling and he looks at me and says "you don't wanna fight me!"   LOL
He defnitely IS my child!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Choose your friends wisely.... I have :)

I read this excerpt posted by a friend today by General Colin Luther Powell and began to think over my life and the friends I have made......those that are still around and those that I only talk to on occasion and those who were great - but were only passing through......
FIRST - I can not even begin to tell you how LUCKY I am for all the people in my life right now!!!  I have some of the best friends and family that a girl could ask for.....and I have had the privilege of spending time and getting to know so many people through out my life.
I would definitely describe myself as somewhat of a free spirit.  I know a little bit about a lot of things because I rarely say no to trying or learning something new!  Yes I have goals and places I want to be in life - but at the same time, I try really REALLY hard to enjoy each and every day of my life along the way.  Where ever the roads leads me I try to stay positive......and take time to enjoy those I meet along the way  :)
Along that journey - I have met some really GREAT friends who challenge me every day.... challenge me to be better, challenge me to look at myself as a strong independant woman, they challenge me to GROW and I think that is so important!  Every day should be some sort of learning experience in some way.....
So I just want to say thank you to all my wonderful friends new and old and those that have come and gone, for making me who I am today!!  And I want to thank GOD today for the wonderful family, immediate and extended, that I have been blessed with  :-)
The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are.. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.

"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses."

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.

Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what.. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.

"In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends."

"Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them."

"If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.."

Monday, September 14, 2009

Shout out to all the servers out there!!!

A friend of mine posted a really good blog tonight that I have swiped (with his permission) to share with everyone!  If you have ever waited tables - you will TOTALLY identify with this blog.... maybe you worked YOUR way through college, maybe you are working through now OR maybe, being a server is your livelihood - but regardless - you will appreciate the sentiment written below!  (I posted a lovely picture of me back in my server days - ha ha - that's my head poking out on the right in the back!  WOW!)
If you have NEVER served - please take the time to read this, understand and respect whats going on on the other side when you go out to dinner!!!
RESPECT your servers!!
Leave comments AND go find Greg and tell him you enjoyed the blog!   Shout out to Greg Almond from WUHU 107.1 FM Bowling Green KY!!!  (you can follow Greg on twitter @GregAAlmond and check out his blog via the link below!!! )
Thanks Greg - LOVE IT!!!!

Let me start out by saying that I have never been a huge fan of Oprah.  I feel that she has way too much influence on society for her position in life.  And by that I mean she is not an elected official, a minister, etc.  I do think she has brought some attention to serious matters and she has done some good with her celebrity.  But now she goes on her show on national television to tell her audience that to save money during the recession, they should only tip servers 10% when they go out to eat. 

Let's first forget that the she nor the majority of her audience is not feeling the effects of the recession.  Because that would only further undermind the credibility of her statement.  Let's instead look at the demographic of most servers.  For starters alot of them are college students or students of college age.  Let's not give them money to help pay for their education so they can be productive members of society.  And that the job market is so saturated that most degrees will only get you a job waiting tables these days.  There are also alot of servers working two jobs because they are working their way up in your career.  I myself am one of these people.  You may or may not know that I wait tables at a local restaurant on the weekends.  It's just something I have to do.  It's no biggie.  Also, lots of servers are people that are in between jobs, or people that can't find work anymore, or single mothers who work some days just to pay a babysitter.  Take all those people out and what do you have...the upper middle class and the rich, which SURPRISE!, you are part of Oprah.  I actually calculated the difference between the standard 15% and 10% and for the average check, it's about two dollars.  Two more dollars is not going to be the difference between you making rent but if everyone gave two dollars less, it could be for your server.  Just remember that.  And remember that the extra two dollars you are saving will probably go towards your Oprah's book club membership.

I also wanted to touch on the fact that I think I remember Oprah supporting Barack Obama.  I also must mention that I am too.  That doesn't mean I agree with everything he does or is going to do...that means I'm giving the guy a chance because I agree with most of what he says and I like that fact he's creating ideas to make a difference.  But the whole platform for the Obama campaign was Change, Hope, and helping out your fellow American.  Well what Oprah is telling the upper middle class to do is completely against what Obama is trying to do.  Obama is encouraging Americans to not be afraid to spend and Oprah is telling us to save.  Kinda contradictory don't you think?  Captialism is based on spending money to make money to boost the economy...I learned that in 8th grade by the way...and the almighty Oprah is putting forth an extremely conservative stance on how to deal with the economy.  Wonder if she just sided with Obama for the face time?  I also want to make the point that servers spend money too.  And here is a secret...if they have a good shift the spending usually happens that day or the next.  Shhh, don't let that get out. 

The most confusing thing is that Oprah comes from poverty, so you think she would have a heart for people busting their ass to make something out of life.  But I guess money casuses amnesia.  I wouldn't know.  I do know that the companies that give money to Oprah to have her hock their products on air are not hurting for money.  Amd I know that it's every server's dream to chase down a table and give them their tip back when they leave you a crap tip.  And I know that Oprah better leave me MORE than 15% if I ever wait on her table.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The rules....huh??!!

Speaking of gray........seriously - how hard and confusing does dating REALLY have to be??!!
I recently received an email with an excerpt from the book "Love must be tough"
I realized as I read through this list of rules - that between the 4 of us, me and my closest girlfriends - we have EXCEPTIONALLY broken EVERY rule on this list!

So I thought I would share it today!
What do you think about the list? a bunch of crap or true rules to live by??!
WHY is it soooo complicated?!
And when we truly meet the right person - do these rules really apply? I mean.... if you are meant to be together, you will no matter what - right?!!
OR maybe that's why I'm still single.... I'm not very good at following rules! HA HA

1. Don't let a relationship move too fast in its infancy. The phrase "too hot not to cool down" has validity. Romantic affairs that begin in a frenzy frequently burn themselves out. Take it one step at a time.

2. Don't discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new. No matter how warm and accepting your friend may be, any great revelation of low self-esteem or embarrassing weaknesses can be fatal when interpersonal "valleys" occur. And they will occur.

3. Remember that respect precedes love. Build it stone upon stone.

4. Don't call too often on the phone or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you.

5. Don't be too quick to reveal your desire to get married — or that you think you've just found Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous. If your partner has not arrived at the same conclusion, you'll throw him or her into panic.

6. Most important: Relationships are constantly being tested by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook. This testing procedure takes many forms, but it usually involves pulling backward from the other person to see what will happen. Perhaps a foolish fight is initiated. Maybe two weeks will pass without a phone call. Or sometimes flirtation occurs with a rival. In each instance, the question being asked is "How important am I to you, and what would you do if you lost me?" An even more basic issue lies below that one. It wants to know "How free am I to leave if I want to?" It is incredibly important in these instances to appear poised, secure, and equally independent. Do not grasp the other person and beg for mercy. Some people remain single throughout life because they cannot resist the temptation to grovel when the test occurs.

7. Extending the same concept, keep in mind that virtually every dating relationship that continues for a year or more and seems to be moving toward marriage will be given the ultimate test. A breakup will occur, motivated by only one of the lovers. The rejected individual should know that their future together depends on the skill with which he or she handles that crisis. If the hurting individual can remain calm, the next two steps may be reconciliation and marriage. It often happens that way. If not, then no amount of pleading will change anything.

8. Do not depend entirely upon one another for the satisfaction of every emotional need. Maintain interests and activities outside that romantic relationship, even after marriage.

9. Guard against selfishness in your love affair. Neither the man nor the woman should do all the giving. I once broke up with a girl because she let me take her to nice places, bring her flowers, buy her lunch, etc. I wanted to do these things but expected her to reciprocate in some way. She didn't.

10. Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential husband or wife is basically disloyal, hateful, spiritually uncommitted, hooked on drugs or alcohol, given to selfishness, etc. Believe me, a bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness.

11. Beginning early in the dating relationship, treat the other person with respect and expect the same in return. A man should open doors for a woman on a formal evening; a woman should speak respectfully of her escort when in public, etc. If you don't preserve this respectful attitude when the foundations of marriage are being laid, it will be virtually impossible to construct them later.

12. Do not equate human worth with flawless beauty or handsomeness! If you require physical perfection in your mate, he or she may make the same demands of you. Neither of you will keep it for long. Don't let love escape you because of the false values of your culture.

13. If genuine love has escaped you thus far, don't begin believing "no one would ever want me." That is a deadly trap that can destroy you emotionally! Millions of people are looking for someone to love. The problem is finding one another!

14. Regardless of how brilliant the love affair has been, take time to "check your assumptions" with your partner before committing yourself to marriage. It is surprising how often men and women plunge toward matrimony without ever becoming aware of major differences in expectation between them.

15. Sexual familiarity can be deadly to a relationship. In addition to the many moral, spiritual, and physical reasons for remaining virgins until marriage, there are numerous psychological and interpersonal advantages as well. Though it's an old-fashioned notion, perhaps, it is still true that men do not respect "easy" women and often become bored with those who have held nothing in reserve. Likewise, women often disrespect men who have only one thing on their minds. Both sexes need to remember how to use a very ancient word. It's pronounced "no!"

16. Country singer Tom T. Hall wrote a song in which he revealed an understanding of the concept we have been describing. His lyric read, "If you hold love too loosely then it flies away; if you hold love too tightly, it'll die. It's one of the mysteries of life."144 Hall's observation is accurate. If the commitment between a man and a woman is given insufficient importance in their lives, it will wither like a plant without water. The whole world knows that much. But fewer lovers seem to realize that extreme dependency can be just as deadly to a love affair. It has been said that the person who needs the other least will normally be in control of the relationship. I believe that to be true.

17. There is nothing about marriage that eliminates the basic need for freedom and respect in romantic interactions. Keep the mystery and the dignity in your relationship. If the other partner begins to feel trapped and withdraws for a time, grant him or her some space and pull back yourself. Do not build a cage around that person. Instead, release your grip with confidence while never appeasing immorality or destructive behavior.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Where does selfish cross the line?

As a parent, you are generally expected to lose all of your "selfish" tendencies for your child - right? But what about the other areas of your life?!? When is OK to be selfish?
I consider myself VERY selfless when it comes to my son... for those of you who know him - you KNOW the poor child doesn't go without much of anything. As hard as life gets, come hell or high water, I make sure he is taken care of first. So that makes me a good mommy - right? A good selfless, put my child first mommy :)
NOW - let's talk about the rest of my life.
I spent alot of time with a very close friend this weekend and when asked, she described me as NOT being selfish. I had to argue that point.
Don't get me wrong - I don't go through life walking over people and not caring who I hurt along the way, BUT I have found, that as the years pass and I learn more and more about myself - I have become what I lovingly refer to as a bit selfish!
Let me explain...
I'm a giver by nature.... it's just who I am. I go through the day pushing myself to the limits to do just about anything and everything that I can do in order to make others lives easier or better in some way. I make sacrifices.
BUT - at the same time, there are certain times and things that I'm unwilling to compromise or give up. That's not to say that these things won't change some day and that in the right circumstances they couldn't be compromised.... but right now - as a single 33 year old mother with entirely TOO much responsibilities to get through most days.......I'm gonna hold on to my single girl selfish vices and if people judge me - they judge me!

So - my question for the night is: when is selfish crossing the line?
Is there a fine line you can walk in order to make others happy - while at the same time making yourself happy? (this is how I maintain my sanity!) ha ha
And if you walk that line and don't "cross over" - then is my friend right and I'm NOT selfish? Sometimes I worry about those qualities in myself...
AND - if you hang on to those "selfish" traits in your life - should that label you somehow as a bad person?
Or to come full circle.....does being a bit selfish make you not "datable?" I'm just curious about that because the older I get and the longer I'm alone - I think I tend to get more and more "selfish"
Hey - someone's gotta look out for me - right?!?!!

Unrealistic expectations

This is gonna be a short one because it's midnight and I have GOT to get some sleep, but I do want to throw this out there.......
I have been told on several occasions recently that I might have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. I was told this by male and female! And at first I was completely thrown for a loop. BUT - through a LOT of talking and soul searching with one of my girlfriends this weekend - I am now beginning to question myself.
DO I HAVE unrealistic expectations??

I'm a pretty simple girl. I'm really easy to make happy. Love, respect, trust, adoration... are those things REALLY that much to expect and ask for?
Yes - I do joke about being high maintenance, and in some respects, maybe I am, because I have waited 33 years to be LOVED! And I guess I do hope that when I FINALLY meet my future husband that there will be fireworks! and I don't mean fireworks all the time, or immediately after the first date, and I don't mean that everything has to be perfect! BUT I do mean I need that feeling in your stomach thats all butterflies and nerves but at the same time - can't wait to hear from him again - kinda feeling!
I know that love and dating is not ALL sunshine, but don't you think that in the beginning - when things are the easiest that there should be some sort of romance and pursuit and I don't know, making plans based on what might make someone else happy?

I was also recently told that "chick flix" are what give women false expectations about dating... I also beg to differ on this point. I DO know that girls get all sappy and teary eyed over movies like "Pretty Woman" and "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Wedding Date" - but I can also tell you - that I don't think that living life as a hooker and having a millionaire falling in love with you is realistic or what women expect. I don't think women expect to pay for a HOT escort for a wedding and the man fall madly in love with them. As much as we love the movies, we KNOW this isn't REAL LIFE.
I WILL say this though : women DO expect a guy to call - ESPECIALLY when they say they will call; women DO expect a guy to make plans that involve them and are all about them from time to time; women DO expect to be treated with respect; women DO expect to be "courted". So sure - we HAVE expectations - but what makes them SO unrealistic????

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from "Wedding Date"
Kat Ellis: You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know a thing about you.
Nick Mercer: [pause] I'm allergic to fabric softener. I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. And I think I'd miss you even if we never met.

I don't "EXPECT" a guy to QUOTE wedding date to me - I don't expect anyone to actually say that they would miss me if we had never met - but I DO expect a man to feel that way about me before I choose to let him in and spend the rest of my life with him.
is that REALLY so unrealistic? :(

Thursday, September 3, 2009

We are all the same - how often we forget!

Today I had someone approach me with a personal problem. This someone is not someone I would normally place on the same level playing field as myself. Prominent, well-to-do, etc... Someone you look at and think - "GOSH, if only I had that money or those opportunities, my life would be so perfect!"

Anyway...... I won't go into details of what the family problem is - but the weird thing is, I rarely talk to this person and today - this person came right to my door and just began to spill his guts. On a very personal level!!

The irony of the situation is this - what he began to tell me about - I have personally been through! And I was able to help... He didn't know that walking through my door. He just knows what I do in my job and thought maybe that I would be able to point him in a direction. BUT little did he know - what he's going through - I have been through on a personal level and was able to share more than he ever expected.

Now I know there are many many many reasons why things happen in our lives. And at the time we never understand those reasons. But I can tell you - today - today reminded me of the many many things I have been through in life.....and never understood at the time.

But those things, those days that made me CRAZY and left me wondering where I was in life.. those experiences make me who I am today and make me ABLE to do the things I love! I'm a giver, a helper, a friend, a listener, a supporter......that's what I was put on earth to do. it's what I'm good at! It's who I am and what I love to do....Therefore more times than not - when my friends or acquaintances are going though life's challenges, I'm able to be there for them.......to listen, to help, to cry, whatever they might need!

THESE are the days that make me proud to be ME and happy to have experienced life in the crazy way that I have lived it!

So - on the days when you feel bad about a decision you have made or you feel like the world is out to get you OR you look at someone and ENVY their life or all they have... remember - we all have a purpose and a road to follow.

People come in and out of lives for reasons.... we have good days and bad days for reasons! SMILE and know that one day it will all make sense.

Someone will always be prettier; Someone will always be smarter; Someone's house will always be bigger; Someone will drive a better car.

So let it go and love you and your circumstances.
The prettiest woman in the world could have hell in her heart.
The most highly favored woman at work may be unable to have children.
The richest person you know might be the loneliest!
LOVE you! Love who you are!
and remember.....

To the world you might just be one person - but to one person you just might be the world!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

a gray night....

There are alot of times when I CRAVE alone time....I need it for my sanity.
So why is it that some nights....that alone time just makes me lonely and sad?
I could just sit here and type all night, but since I have had about a total of 10 hours of sleep this week, I think I'll take a hot bath, have a glass of wine and crawl into bed.
*sidenote: the gym kicked my butt today!

The athletic gray

OK all you boys out there.......I need some advice/opinions....

Since I am the mommy AND daddy at my house, I get to make all the athletic decisions myself right?!?!

So here's my dillema....

My son has played baseball literally ALL of his life. And though he is MY son, let me brag - he is VERY gifted. He was on the Little League team last year that make it to State and was one game away from the Little League World Series. He plays short stop or 2nd and can lay a bunt down like none other - right?!?!

He also plays basketball......and has for years. He is small (short) and white (haha) but talented at basketball nonetheless.

OK - rewind back to the beginning of baseball season, he's transitioning up to highschool....at the beginning of the season this past February - he decides he doesn't want to play baseball anymore - and in fact - now HATES the sport. and is FURIOUS with me for making him play. (sidenote: he had already tried out and made the team before he decided this....yes - I forced him to finish out the season because I did not raise a child to be a quitter! not to mention RUIN any chances of any future high school endeavors) SO - he finishes out the season reluctantly, the entire time claiming basketball to be his sport of choice. (he wants to BE Tyler Hansbrough)

Fast forward now to the present - and now it's time for basketball. Conditioning has started and GUESS WHAT - he doesn't want to play!!!!!!!!


He goes on to tell me last night that he in fact would like to start weight training with the football team and maybe try to play some FOOTBALL with the freshman team. Apparently ALL of his friends are telling him what a GREAT running back he'll make!!!! (he is quick.......and as I mentioned before, talented at whatever he does....it's those "Green genes" again!) ha ha

ANYWAY - so here I am.... NOT forcing him to play basketball? right? or do I? It's his freshman year at BGHS and I'm afraid that if he doesn't stick with it this year, he'll be out of the whole basketball circuit (should he decide that is his sport of choice again, which I'm very worried will happen)

So - I'm just curious as to what others think?
force the basketball issue? let him play football or at least weight train with them? don't let him do anything now and see how he feels in the spring when baseball season rolls around again.

WHY are teenagers so fickle??! Was I that way??? ;-)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The G.M. (aka gym)

I have never been one to be much into fitness or worrying about weight, it just always came natural I guess to be small (those good "Green genes") But as we get older, I find this to be more and more of a focus for me.
At first it was a chore and I refused to take the time - because I didn't have the time (excuse) to go to the gym. But let me be the first to tell you that once you take the time and start going, your body begins to crave that experience. Recently I have had alot going on, school started back, I played softball (which is another story for another day) - anyway - life got crazy and I have been missing my workouts!
TONIGHT - I finally got to get back (shout out to: Get Toned Fitness) and I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed it! My trainer David is great and if you have ever thought about going - I highly recommend him as a personal trainer.
ANYWAY -the point of my blog tonight is.......for years I was in the "gray" about working out... did I need it - didn't I need it - would it be worth it etc.
Let me just answer that for everyone.....
it IS worth it for sooooooo many reasons. Not just for the obvious reasons: healthy body, more in shape and toned body, longer lifespan etc. - but if you have ever had a bad day/week etc, there is NOTHING better than heading to the gym, throwing on some headphones, running on the treadmill and then lifting weights with no concept of time or the world around you. I have definitely found it to be the most therapeutic outlet and escape from reality out there!
Lord knows we all need a little break from life from time to time!

Go work out!!! :)

oh and to add a little humor to my story - you'll notice my post title is "G.M." Please allow me to explain...
My mom works at GM and when my youngest brother was in elementary school and they would meet in the "gym" - he called it the "GM" because that is all he had ever heard.
My family still calls the gym the "GM" today!
LOVE you Jeffrey :)

new leaf

So - as I stated before - I'm a 33 year old single mother. Based on whatever you want to blame it on - the whole being single thing "stigma" is for the birds. Sooo.... for the past however many years, I have focused on "finding the right man." Some of those stories I'll share with you soon, but for now - I believe I have opened a new chapter in my life.

I met one of my best friends last night for fish tacos and margaritas..... and somewhere in the midst of tequila, I decided I'm wasting my valuable "ME" time!
Now - granted - I do have a 14 year old boy at home to worry about - but WHY oh WHY am I looking for someone else to compromise with. Right now I am blessed to have the best family and the best friends in the whole world and we should be traveling and having fun and living life! NOT sitting around every night discussing boy problems and wondering why we are all still single. Simple answer is, we are single right now: TO ENJOY LIFE!

So - last night at bedtime, I played "Taps" and said goodbye to my "man search" and hello to living life and PURPOSELY not dating anyone seriously until I'm at a place in my life where a man will fit. (and it will take a VERY special man to fit....) Right now - who are we kidding - I don't have the time patience or tolerance to date anyway! LOL