Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The scary gray stuff..

In life, it's all about learning as you go.
Today - I learned something else about myself.
I know I have said before that life is full of gray...you know - those times when you are not really in the black or white, not really on one side of the fence or the other......You are instead walking on the tight rope in between the two.  This area that I lovingly refer to as the gray.  (I hate the gray...)
THIS my friends is where I claim to spend most of my life!  LOL
And it drives me absolutely bonkers!!
BUT truth be told - I don't spend much time in the gray because I hate the "not knowing" so much that I generally hurriedly make a decision.....whether I made an educated or good one is always a toss up!

The difference in me today though is that I am learning to embrace the gray.
The gray is not there to taunt me... it's not there to hold me.....(I will repeat this to myself in the mirror every night before bed - ha!)  it is instead there to make me learn things as I go so that I make the RIGHT decision!  I mean hello!  Anyone can pick a side in any event.  But don't you wanna take the time to spend in the gray learning about BOTH sides so that when you do make the choice, you know you've made the right one!
OHHHHHHH - the conversations I have had with my mother about being sooooooo frustrated in dating because I felt like the guy kept me in the gray all the time.  JUST PICK A SIDE dude!  You either want to date or you don't - right?!?!  Stop with the back and forth and back and forth and MIXED SIGNALS!  And my lovely mother would say every time.....Tammy, just be patient, the answer will come when the time is right.  (I love my mom!)  This made me want to scream every time she would say it!  ha ha  BUT - just as my mother said... every time, the answer DID eventually come and thank the Lord above that I waited out those times...it's amazing what you learn about someone over time... when you are patient (oooops - a virtue I lack) and stop searching so hard!  (those stories are for another blog on another day!)

**let me make a sidenote here:  while I'm not an avid astrology follower, I AM an Aries and trust me when I say - I contain EVERY personality trait characteristic of an Aries....."Aries live life head first; after all, those horns on your head are not just for fighting. Your headstrong nature can make you a "battering ram" and woe is the person who stands in your way. Aries are noted for courage primarily because you are nearly always ready for action. The need for excitement pushes you into new territory -- and as long as you are ahead of others while demonstrating confidence, chances are that they will follow you. As self-ordained leader of the pack, Aries fight for what you believe to be important. But it's not that Aries are fearless. Your courage is more of a commitment to face your fears and overcome them. Aries motto is "Ready, fire, aim!" It may be backwards for others, but you'd rather figure out what to do while you are doing it. While others are gathering information to make informed decisions, you are already on your way.

See - I'm just not wired to be comfortable in the gray!  LOL  I am notorious for growing wildly impatient while waiting for some kind of decision to be made!

Anyway - the point of today's blog is this:  after a very enlightening conversation with someone who has quickly (and unexpectedly) become a pretty special person to me - I realized - the gray & the unknown, although scary, are not so bad after all!  The gray is in fact, very crucial in EVERY aspect of life.  Not just in dating, but in friendships, work, raising children...etc.   I'm learning to embrace the gray and face my fears (don't tell anyone I just admitted to having fears) and even though it may not be in my genetic make up - I'm vowing to try to take the time to enjoy the journey.....not just jump to a destination just to have a place to land.  That place usually turns out to be a place I didn't want to be anyway...

Life isn't just black and white........and it isn't all gray either!
Thank goodness we also have COLOR   =)

Now - for my song today - I was going to do some "Color me Badd" BUT in looking for Color me Badd, I came across Boys II Men and GOSH - I just couldn't resist some Boys II Men!  But THEN I heard today that Randy Jackson produced the new Boyz II Men single...a cover of "open arms" by his old band Journey.  THIS:  Boys II Men, Journey & Open Arms - WOW!
(yes friends, THIS is how my brain works!)


Secretia Teller said...

A little philosophy if I may. When we look at black and white too hard, they become a little gray too.


Sass said...

Gray is so difficult to deal with. I'm the same way. I want yes, or no. I don't want maybe.

Thanks for following. ;)

Tami G said...

Very VERY true Secretia!! love the philosophy!
and yes - the Gray is very difficult - which is why I'm TRYING to teach myself to embrace it and realize THAT is the time when you learn the most.... about yourself AND about others...