Thursday, July 15, 2010

gave up the ghost.... I'm gonna JUMP!

you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down.

Kobi Yamada

You know how you go through life and you take little small "leaps of faith" here and there.

Well - effective today - (actually I've been leading up to this for a while...)
anyway - effective today - I'm taking like FOURTEEN leaps of faith all at one time!

Yes that's right.
Throwing caution to the wind...
completely 100% putting my life and world in God's hands.

NOT that I don't do that every day...
but do you ever come to a point where a decision needs to be made... and then another one... and then another one???

You see... I'm not a patient person.  I'm just not.
I have prayed for patience... begged for it actually.  I want to know the answer before you ask the question.  Waiting games just drive me INSANE.

{I think back to when I started this blog.....every day in GRAY... the unknown.  I hate it.  Black and White.  That's what I like.  Right or wrong.  Yes or No.  Go or stay.....  none of this wishy washy depending on others what if's crap.  Well - after over almost a YEAR of blogging....I have learned....  the gray is where we GROW!!!}

So - here I am - jumping WIDE OPEN into all kinds of Gray!!!  and while there are and still will be times when I'm scared and I freak out (thank goodness for T!)  most of the time, I TRUST that God has a plan for me and he puts me in situations where I learn, and grow, and witness and become a better person.

SO - I stop asking questions and I thank God for holding me in his hands.

As most of you know - I am getting married in ...... approximately 5 weeks now.....  LEAP of faith!  ;-)
I love T - I know that.  and I KNOW he loves me.  That isn't the leap.  THIS is a whole new life for me.  Sharing.  Loving.  Making decisions for a family, not JUST me & Z anymore.  Living with another person.  Learning another person......

I start school in approximately 4 weeks now.  This is not night classes part time when I can squeeze them in.  I have done that for years.  Heck - that's how I got my degree from Western.  No No... this is FULL TIME 8 AM - 3:30 PM  Monday - Friday real life "going back to school."  Add on top of that clinicals in several different locations at different times, different days.  THIS is a full time commitment.

Do you remember that I work FULL TIME people.
I have a mortgage, I have a vehicle, I have bills, I have to eat, we need gas.....
Going to school full time, does NOT pay the bills.
So remember not too long ago - I got a second job.

well........turns out - no matter HOW superhuman I think I am..... there aren't physically enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING.  {shrugs...}  Who knew?!!

So - once I got accepted into school (remember that?) - I tendered a resignation at my full time job.  Knowing I would be in school full time, I knew there was no way I could be in two places at one time.  HOWEVER, because I have been at my current job for YEARS and I have the best boss in the world - we have talked and talked and talked about how in the world I could possibly go to school and somehow maintain my position in my job.  No matter how much we have talked and thought and worked and brainstormed.... it just isn't possible.

So today.... I gave up the ghost.

Although I gave notice long ago.... today was sort of a ton of bricks for me.  I don't know why today - of all days it hit me. 
But it did.
I have resigned from a full time job.... to go to school FULL TIME instead.
and work part time at my second job as my full time means of income......

OH Lordy Lordy Lordy....... what have I done?!

I'll tell ya........

I took a leap of faith..... (wonder if T wanted to take that jump straight from the alter!  ha ha)
I'm kidding.
He has been nothing but supportive.

I know (as does my T!) - that God would not have opened the doors he has opened and put me in places he has put me, if he didn't KNOW that me and my new family will be just fine.   He will hold us in his hand where he always keeps me.

So......... here.........we ........... GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

and  once again - so sorry I have been SOOOO absent from the blog world.
Been planning a wedding, planning for school, planning for new members in the house, working two jobs, ohhhhh - and did I mention - PLANNING A WEDDING...ha ha
Things are going well.....
Life is good
and as I jump through life from cliff to cliff - Life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be any HAPPIER!!!!!!

PS - I don't know if you follow Scope or not - but I have been reading about he and Cora's wedding and I am soooooooooooo excited!
Stop by and tell them Congrats!!!!!
Both of them share pre-wedding and wedding stories that are sooo touching and sweet - AND freaking HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
Go now.....
go on...

I'll be back.....
hopefully more frequently.....

I have engagement pictures to share and a FUNNY FUNNNNNNY FUNNNNNY {a little private} story to share on myself........  I'm still debating on whether or not I WANT people to know this!!!!  But I can assure you - every time T and I look at our engagement pics - we will have a nice "PRIVATE" laugh!  LMAO!


Scope said...

Thanks for the shout. And jump, jump, JUMP AWAY! The great thing about having a teammate, is that jumping means you aren't doing it alone.

Moooooog35 said...

I start divorce proceedings today.

Different kind of leap,really...but good luck anyway.