HaPpY BiRtHdAy Baby Z!

Exactly 15 years ago and right exactly at this moment - I was giving birth for the first and likely ONLY time of my life! 
And it was Mother's Day.  WHAT a present.......
I was 19 years old and totally clueless about how my world was about to be changed.  I had spent the last nine months carrying this baby around... making some small changes in my life obviously, but NOOO idea all the changes that would ensue.  Laying in that bed... NO drugs...... just me, the nurses, my mom and the absolute worst pain I could ever imagine - I was blessed beyond measure!!!!!

I am pretty sure that everyone on the floor I was on thought I was DYING!  Wanna know why I think that?  BECAUSE I TOLD THEM!!!!!!  Loud and Clear.  "i'm gonna die" I screamed.  My poor quiet angel of a mother would simply hold my hand and say "Tammy, honey, people do this EVERY day.... you are NOT gonna DIE!"  
Oh YES.......I was certain of it.  I was going down!

But in a few LONG short horrendously torturous near-death hours....I was handed a tiny little miracle.  The birth was all natural and went off without a hitch (other than I shot a urine geyser at my nurse - pinched the fire out of another nurse - and my insides were now laying all over the delivery room floor!)  Z was perfect.  and he didn't know it then........and still may never know - how having him that day saved my life in so many ways!

Before I was pregnant I was livin life like a rock star.  And his dad.......well let's just say THAT was a dead end and leave it at that.
So having him that day, pushed me to grow up and move on and make a better life for the two of us.
In a sense, Z and I have grown up together.  There are things that child knows that no one in their right mind would think a child NEEDS to know.... but as wrong as you might think this is - We have been the only rock and security in each others' lives for as long as I can remember......well EVER!  So he and I will always share a bond - that no matter how many times we yell and scream and fight - no one could ever break!
And I'll tell you this......once he DOES get out on his own and have to stand on his own two feet, there probably won't be much that could happen that would surprise him or confuse him... that child has been exposed to life in it's rawest form!  (have YOU ever taken YOUR child "stalking"?  LOL

Today _ I want to wish my baby (almost grown up) boy a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
and I also want to express just how thankful I am that he came into my life and saved me, just when I needed him the most.  (I'm pretty sure I need to thank God for that one...)

Happy Birthday Z - know that as much as I ground you and push you and shove you and MAKE you make right decisions, I will always love you MORE than the "meanness and pain" you think I thrive on!  ;-)

LOVE YOU Z!