Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Progression...Regression... with a smidge of INSANITY!

Progression:  The act of progressing forward;  onward movement.  (which way IS forward?  who decides that?  what if your forward goes around a curve... then are you going the wrong way?)

Regression:  The act of going back to a previous place or state; return or reversion.  (why is this considered a bad thing?  what if the previous place was a GOOD place?)

Insanity:  A derangement of the mind.  (Someone once defined this for me - yes HE was implying I was insane - the jerk he said insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Well guess what - what if I just needed PRACTICE!  that does not insanity make!  It makes me smarter and more experienced than YOU!  HA!)

It's funny how we go through phases in life.... how at different points, different things are important to us.  How we work soooo hard to progress.... move forward... be BETTER.... not regress!  Sometimes I look back on my life and for some reason, I seek out these "milestones" as proof that I'm progressing.  Some sort of proof of my success I guess.  So what - I win!?  I win at life if I collect all my worldly trophies?  nahhhhh  not really!

9-5 job - CHECK

bought a house - CHECK

got that coveted gently used SUV - CHECK

graduated college - CHECK  (fiiiiiinalllllllly!)

kissed a girl - HA HA HAAAAAAAAA  kidding!!!!!!!  {just making sure your paying attention - SHUT UP T!}

married - uhhhhh no  {so I skipped one - sue me!}

had a child - CHECK

be a stay at home mom - uhhhhhhhhhh NOPE!  not now or EVER!  ha ha  (shout out to all you moms who CAN do that........Not I!)

You get my point?!!  those milestones that everyone measures themselves to....

I think sometimes I overwhelm myself by being soooo consumed with those milestones that I measure my life WAY too much!  Sometimes I'm just sick of milestones......and wondering if I'm progressing or regressing or just plain INSANE!  Some days, I just wanna get up and forget all those dumb milestones.  WHO are they really measuring up for anyway?  Is someone keeping score?
What the crap!?  WHO decides if I'm successful or not?

Answer:  ME!
and you wanna know how I measure that???????
all the LOVE that surrounds me.

When I bought my house.... on my own.... just me and little Z - I thought WOW - I have really met a mile marker here.  I'm strong, I'm independent {hear me ROAR}... I have really proved something!  woot woot!!!
but......although I'm thankful to have a roof over my head......I would walk away right now and never look back if my family or friends needed me to go.
No regrets and never one ounce of feeling like I regressed.

When I got my "normal" 9-5 job.... I thought WOW - look at me in my office (with NO window), working normal hours, like a normal girl... raising my kid, paying my bills... look at me how successful I am.
Well recently - money has been tight and bills get harder and harder to stretch.. and college is just around the corner for Z.  So I have settled into accepting I am gonna need a 2nd job for a bit.  And for just ONE minute, I chastised myself for "regressing" back into the ol' waitressing days!   But how LUCKY am I that I have that opportunity?

So I just wanted to share with you that all those dumb milestones out there are CRAP!

I'm not saying don't work hard and be responsible....

I'm simply saying this....

I measure my success by knowing I have a family that would sell everything they had to take care of me if I needed them to.
I measure my success by knowing that I have life-long friends that would get up in the middle of the night no matter what they had going on, to come hold me while I cry over some stupid emotional breakdown.  And better still.... I measure my success by having friends that KNOW I will ALWAYS be here and they count on me for that.
I measure my success when my son tells me he loves me EVERY time we hang up the phone. (yes - even at age 15!)
And I measure my success when I look into T's eyes and see ME... for who I truly am... me... just as I am.  Crazy xanax flaws and all...And I know that I have never experienced a genuine mutual self sacrificing love like that before.

And mostly - I measure my success by knowing that ALL the people I am lucky enough to be blessed and surrounded with........would still be here if I lived in a cardboard box down by the bridge and swept floors at the local mini mart on the graveyard shift and had only two teeth and holes in my jeans and grocery store feet... well - you get the idea!!!

I'm surrounded by unconditional love  - and that my friends is immeasurable!
& it's the only milestone I need!

Now that I have poured my heart out - click that button there and go read some other fabulous stories and share yours.  Then link up with Shell at Things I can't Say.  
And especially click on the link below for Mission Monkey.  Read about Monkey and link up with his mom.  You will find all you need over at IAN's Daily Dose of Reality plus an upcoming auction to raise money for them:

Click on monkey to donate...please help!


Double Wide Mom said...

what a great outlook! I needed this today and love the description of insanity: repeating things hoping for a different result makes me more experienced than you! Words to live by...

Shell said...

I love this- you are looking at what is really important!

Thanks for linking up!

Kerri said...

This is a fantastic outlook to have. Most days I'm right there with ya...but other days I find myself second guessing myself and my choices...
thanks for the reminder to keep my focus on what really matters...

Tracie said...

I agree! In the long run those things aren't what really define us. It's all about perspective.