Thursday, March 18, 2010

TMI Thursday.. all the "WTF mom!" embarassment you ever dreamed of...

So today...
since I deserted you guys last week...
I feel the need to punish myself a little.
How? you ask....
by playing along with LIVITLUVIT and participating in a little TMI THURSDAY!!!!!

TMI Thursday

Before I tell you this story....

Let me remind you - I am a single mommy to my baby teenage boy!
It has, for as long as he's been born, been just me and him  (a few roommates along the way... but for the most part - we are a team... we've battled many of life's curve balls - just the two of us
And since I was 18 when he was born, we have in some sense kinda grown up together!

BUT...I've come to the realization that one day...my poor child will probably look back over his life and be like WTF mom??!!! 
(today I'm just crossing my fingers that he doesn't read this blog!!!!)  :-/

We live in a 2 bdrm ONE BATHROOM house....so you can imagine how much privacy THAT is.  The shower has clear glass doors.  SO - there are days when I have to hang a TOWEL over the glass so that I can dry my hair while he is in the shower.......we improvise people - it's what we do!

The child is DEFINITELY NOT sheltered!

HOWEVER........
on this one particular day - I would have paid a MILLION $$$$'s for those doors to be
SOLID BLACK STEEL!

SET THE SCENE:

I'm in the shower.......
it's winter and snowing outside...
it's bedtime......
the bathroom door is closed and he is getting ready for bed.

I'm showering away when suddenly the bathroom door creeps open.
I hear this tiny little voice say, "hey mom...what's this?"
I crack open the shower door to peak out and get a better look...  I see two little arms poking through the cracked door.  A piece in one hand and a piece in the other!!!
I'm SURE my face caught on FIRE at that point.
I QUICKLY shut the shower door - as if he could see me and demanded that he "PUT THAT DOWN!"
but being the diligent little child that he is - he just kept repeating and DEMANDING an answer
"But MOM - what IS this??????"

Anyone wanna guess??????

ANYONE?!!

ever heard of a little thing called a "Silver Bullet"
look it up.   I absolutely REFUSE to put a picture here....

(YES people... that would be a VIBRATOR!  and for those of you who DON'T know about the bullet - it has a remote that is connected to the "piece" by a cord/wire.  Therefore the one piece in one hand and YES the other piece in the other hand!!!!!)
uh huh......
MY son - standing in the bathroom door holding both pieces spouting "What is this?"

Wanna know what my answer was..........
huh......
do ya??????//

A SLEEP MACHINE. 
Yes... that's it.  It's a sleep machine!
now PUT IT DOWN!!!!!

"But why was it in your bed mom?"

"WHY were you in my room child????"

his response was that he went into my room to check my tv to see if school had been cancelled for the next day.  While he was in there he saw something shiny in my bed and just wondered what it was.

By now....I'm laying in the bottom of my shower in fetal position like a scene from the Crying Game!
sheeeeeeeeeeesh

The child is STILL standing there holding it.  I can NOT get him to just put it down.

So - as any good mother would do at this point - trying to protect her young... I lie!

I proceed to concoct this elaborate story of the "machine"
I work in a healthcare facility... so I proceed to tell him that it IS in fact a sleep machine.  And it was messed up so I brought it home to work on it.  It was in my bed because when I go to bed at night - it monitors my sleep waves to tell me if I'm getting a good nights sleep!  YES!  that's it.  That is what it is and what it does and why it's in my bed!

NOW - PUT IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he finally did.
And I'm pretty sure it took me THIRTY MORE MINUTES to drag myself from the bottom of the shower and take myself to bed.

So after all of this...
the horror...
the trauma....
My son then proceeds to tell me why he was SO persistent in his questioning.

(AS IF I didn't feel bad enough ALREADY!)

He then tells me that he was so worried because he thought I was sick.
He thought something was wrong with me (like breast cancer - because we knew someone who had been diagnosed at that time) HE THOUGHT it was something medically necessary and I was sick.

BLESS HIS HEART!!!!

Imagine the day he comes across a picture of the "silver bullet"
and that moment that he puts two and two together!!!!
WTF mom!!!???
you think he will ever ask me about it again???
LOL

Moral of the story:  PUT YOUR TOYS AWAY!!!!!

18 comments:

Brittney said...

omg this is tooooo flippin funny!! SLeep machine BAHAHAHAHA!!!!

melshy169 said...

aaaaahhhhhhhh!!! omg!! I am lmao!! too funny!! gotta love the bullet...

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Hahaha, lol. Well, at least you were inventive with your answer :P

Angie said...

LOL YES hide your fun stuff! Made for a funny TMIT though. LMAO

Katrina said...

HAHA! I wouldn't have been as quick with an answer as you were!

elledee said...

haaa very hilarious story! love it

I am Harriet said...

Too funny :)

Stopping by from SITS to say hello.

Have a great day!
Harriet

Everyday Kathy said...

EXCELLENT! Found you in the TMI Links. Here is mine:

Everyday Bliss TMI Post

I'm a SITSta too! I must follow you now!
Kathy

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo my bff had her daughter find hers in her sock drawer. She told her it was a foot massager.. I fell out in the floor.. cause of course this led her daughter to ask oooh can I massage my feet with it mommy.. my bff yelled NO NO you don't ever share foot products with anyone else you never know what they are gonna have.. leaving her daughter with the WTF look on her face..
But it got worse her mom did her laundry one day and was putting it away for her.. acidentally turned it on cause she didn't know it was in there.. ummmyeah the woman about had a heart attack..

Scope said...

Originally, they WERE medical devices to releave female stress, so not a TOTAL lie.

ClevelandPoet said...

priceless.

Found my moms when I was young but she yelled at me and snatched before I could ask what it was and I guess I didn't care cus I didn't persist.

Secretia said...

He's right, a vibrator is medically necessary, it helps to prevent anxiety attacks...mmmmmmm

Secretia

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moooooog35 said...

So, after that did you rename it to 'The Sandman?'

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Well, mommy IS probably ready to relax and nap afterwards, so I guess Sleep Machine fits ;)

Lluvia said...

LMAO!!!

I have a little drawer full of those "sleep--ahem--machines" and one time my mom (who is ultra conservative and narrow-minded, had come to visit. she stayed for a week, and despite me telling her to please not clean my room, she did. She opened the drawer (nosy that she is) and let out a scream! She knew what they were. She proceeded to tell me I was a sinner and needed to repent right away.

We argued back and forth. To this day, she keeps asking me if I still those "demonic" things in my drawer.

Scope said...

Lluvia - Sort of sounds like mom could use a go round with one of those "demonic" things. ;-)

Lord, I just made a joke about someone who I don't know's mom using a vibrator. Damnation? Yeah, I'm on the bullet train!

Tracie said...

O.
M.
G.

This is hilarious and horrible at the same time!!!!