Tuesday, November 1, 2011

the heart is a mystery...

My momma tells me I'm too open - she says I share too much.  Now granted - there are some things that I WON'T share.  Some things that hurt TOO bad.  Some things that would completely blow you away.... and those things...  Well - they aren't for blogs.  They may be used in person when a friend is in need.... but they aren't for blogs.
I do have a little tiny filter!  ha ha
However, for the most part, I say that sharing life experience is how we teach each other.
My most recent blog may have well been one more example of that.
I read over and over it and to me, there is nothing offensive contained.  It's truth.  It's how I feel.  It's raw emotion.
Yes, I can see that it might be taken personal.   Yes, I can see that it might hurt to see in writing - how do you think it felt to TYPE it and LIVE it?!
If the shoe doesn't fit people - don't wear it.   And if your ashamed of your actions, don't do them!  That's kindergarden knowledge!
So anyway - I try very hard to write and re-read with friends and family in mind.  So as not to offend or expose OR make anyone think I think any less of them.  I don't.  Of anyone....
Sure sometimes I'm sad.  And sometimes I'm angry.  YES - angry.  But I release steam here and I move on.  My emotions never change my true feelings... they just keep them in check!  ;-)   
And remember this - when I blow steam, it means I am probably making an effort to pray more for you than myself - but how does that hurt?  There are lots of people out there that have hurt,offended or stepped on me or someone I love.  I hate none of them.  That's just not how I'm made.  It's not what I believe in.  I pray for them.  I don't pray because I pity them.  I pray because when you walk through life with not a care for any one but yourself, I pray that God might show you that life with him in His will, not shutting everyone who loves you out - is so much easier.
I can lay my head down at night and rest easy for I know that as long as I'm living in God's will and going where He leads me, the rest is not on me.
So - while I may say things that people judge or take resentment to - all I can say is I'm sorry for that.   Because at the same time.... I'm receiving emails from people saying "Thank you for saying what you said" and "I so needed to read this today".  And for that reason - I know God gives me the love and heart and words that he gives me to share with those I know personally and those I know through blogging and sometimes, even with those whom I don't even know.
And the beauty in that is - when you touch people through words, and you give God control of your life and stop trying to run everything the way YOU believe it should be run, and you love and trust and believe - guess what?!!  God sends people to YOU with the words that YOU need to hear!
So am I too open?  Do I share too much?  Do I expect too much?
I'm just as open and honest and caring and loving as God made me.   And trust me when I say, what you live and give - is also what you will receive!
I AM blessed in so many ways.
I can POUR my heart out in an instant to help someone else.  And God always sends me someone to pour theirs out right back.
And he has FILLED my life with loving caring family and friends.


Scope said...

I think the saying is, "Truth hurts, don't it?" If people are feeling that their dirty laundry is being aired for the public to see, well tough. This is your blog, your story, and you can tell it.

Ninnie said...

Writing has always, since I've known you, helped you. I think most people who know you know that. If you heard any complaining there's a reason,but you took the time to evaluate the situation. If you still feel after thinking and praying that you've done nothing wrong to purposely hurt someone, then don't worry about it. Let it go. You believe, so believe the reason people get hurt and still come back to read more means 1 of 2 things or 2 of 2 things. 1) this is helping them evaluate the situation, or 2) they WANT to know how you are feeling and reading your blog is easy and non threatening way to find out. No one has to read your blog. I've been reading your blog since I met you. I NEVER comment. I'm commenting now because it's important for you to know that if your blog was gone I would miss it. Sometimes it makes me think about what I'm doing, how I'm treating people close to me, when to NOT be hurt or offended, how to let go of abuse and other garbage from my past, and has made me laugh when I think I'm miserable. God bless you Tammy your blog has helped me and Anthony (even though he doesn't know, he's never seen it). Thanks for sharing the way you do. I usually can't relate to people and I never try to have friends. I'm usually just alone and thinking. This blog has helped me MANY times. You stopped writing fir a while at one time and to me it was more than an abandoned blog. I felt like my secret friend was gone. Someone no one knew I listen to in the morning or before bed. My advice from someone who is like me. A new outlook that no one knew I got from a blog. PLEASE never stop blogging unless your fingers fall off or you will be getting a lot of calls for voice blogging. Haha!!! Someone once told me to get off my soap box and look at myself. I think he taught me something very important that has stayed with me. I hope we all can do that. Hugs girl!!! Chin up!

Shell said...

You've gone through a lot. You're just being honest. xo