Saturday, November 19, 2011

Back to square one

Today I'm sharing something I posted.....   well - long ago.
Thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I today - hold firmly to  :)
I hope you enjoy - but more than anything.... I hope you are inspired.
To give.
To pray.
To trust in God - no matter WHAT the circumstances!!!!

Unconditional love is a term used to describe a love shared with someone regardless of the other's actions or beliefs.  It is comparable to the term "true love" which is used most often between lovers.  At the same time, unconditional love is frequently used to describe the love between family members, very good friends and also used to describe God's love for us through the forgiveness of Christ.

After a long intense (texted) conversation with a friend of mine recently, he asked me:  "Have u never had 100 percent true unconditional love?"  My response was - "other than my girlfriends & family, no."
Now - my girls and I definitely have an unconditional love for each other, but dating/relationship wise... no.  I don't think I have ever had a 100% shared unconditional love in any relationship.  (Thank God I'm still single then - right?!)  It seems one has always been more or less committed than the other, or one is looking for something more, or one is NOT looking to be serious... always something to break that bond.

Now - do I think I have LOVED unconditionally?  ABSO-freaking-LUTELY!!!!!!!  Every day of my life!  I just don't think it's ever been a mutually shared 100% love that was the same and REAL.  There are so many people that have passed through my life, some who still remain, that maybe I don't agree with and maybe I have had words with, and maybe, just maybe they turned their back and walked away from me.  BUT - I still contain so much love in my heart for them... sometimes it just pisses me off!  ;-)  BUT - at the same time, most days, I feel so lucky and blessed and I am so thankful for it. 
So in turn, I sometimes wonder if I was meant to just GIVE love and hope to those around me.  Like that is my gift from God... my big huge loving, forgiving, heart.  I can't even begin to tell you the number of times people have let me down or broken my heart.....but you know what's really weird and I have yet to figure out - I still to this day LOVE those people unconditionally.  6 months from the day you broke my heart, you could call me and ask for help and I'd be there.  I just can't NOT love or NOT give hope to everyone around me.  (i don't do it on purpose people....I can't help it!  ha ha)  I look at people and situations and I see hope..... (I don't always do that in my OWN life - but I'm VERY good at giving it to those I surround myself with!)
Now - don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm not WORTHY of being loved unconditionally OR that I am NOT loved unconditionally - it's just that the love is different with each I guess.  And in relationships, maybe I have been loved unconditionally but didn't share in it with the person.  I don't know. 

So I often wonder if my purpose here on earth is to go at it alone.  To love and give hope to those around me on this journey of life.   I was given a son by the grace of God to show me the REALMS of true neverending undying unconditional love......(because trust me, from one parent to another, no one can break your heart MORE than your own child - but we just keep on lovin them!)
I look at couples and I envy what they have.  I envy that bond that they have.  I envy them having someone to come home to at night.  I envy the touch of a man on the small of his wife's back.  ohhhhh - there are so many little things that people take for granted that I see.  I see them every day.  And they used to make me sad........they used to make me lonely.  They used to make me look at God and say "IT'S NOT FAIR!"
But no more.

Today (this is a work in progress people) I'm learning to be thankful for the gift God has given me.  I don't have to just share my love with one......I get to share it with everyone I meet.  Oh yeah - I have been and will again be let down & have my heart broken, but that's ok.  Because even when that person walks away, they will now have a piece of unconditional love - and even if they have never seen it or felt it before, I promise you - that they will never forget what it felt like.   =)
my footprints in the world..........

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