23 hours ago
Thursday, November 17, 2011
the silver lining if you will........
My last post was very hard. That day was VERY hard.
BUT such is life.
We all have good days and bad days and days that are just a little harder to get through than others.
I am not special in that.
I guess the difference is, I don't hold in my emotions. I don't hold in my feelings.
I may speak them, I may scream them, but most of all - I type them.... I SHARE them!!!
Someone told me once that our emotional selves are like refrigerators. You have to clean your refrigerator out every now and then or you end up with a whole bunch of nasty spoiled and rotten food in there. Well our emotional well being is the same way. All of those feelings and emotions that you hold in.... if left sitting, they get stale and yucky and guess where that shows up... in your attitude. You turn into a cold, bitter reflection of your true self. You walk around so busy hiding your nastiness inside, that no one really sees the real true you. You become that.... just an image. Just a photocopy. People see you... but they only see what you show them, what you WANT them to see, you know those "pictures" you hang on the outside of your refrigerator... and then if God forbid, someone opens the door and gets a glimpse of what's inside - it's life threatening to your emotional well being. So you slam the door and run away and hide.
I understand that some people are private. Some people choose not to share. Some people don't WANT people to see or know the real them because maybe it might mean that they have to see themselves where they truly stand too. And ... well... I guess it's easier to just close the refrigerator door and hang pictures on the outside and pretend that all is well.
I am "what you see is what you get"
Do I share too much? That has always been the question....
I get my answer almost every time I blog.
God did give me a gift. And I choose to use it to His benefit, not my own.
And when I go down a dark and winding road and I come out at the end, sure, sometimes I look back and think WHY LORD.... WHY???
but only for a second....
He always answers.
My last post was very personal.
And I received several VERY personal emails yesterday from people who will remain anonymous that read my post and shared how much it helped them. One with a past experience similar to what I'm going through and one who is going through it now. And ironically, someone also who struggles in their beliefs and what I wrote yesterday really touched her too. Not necessarily the divorce part, but the FAITH in God that I shared. And I try to share in every post I share.
So when asked why I blog and why I share so much, my answer is two-fold. First of all, it's my version of cleaning out my refrigerator. I'm a very openly emotional, feeling and spiritual person. And as I type, God speaks to me and THROUGH me. And secondly, I do believe that there are people out there that struggle with things every day. And if one little ounce of hope or God and what he has done in my life can be shared to help someone else, well.... I KNOW that God is working through me. And when I know that - I know that no matter what is going on around me and no matter what walls are falling down, I know that God has a plan bigger than me. Even out of ruin, God shines light.
For THAT I am thankful.