Monday, November 21, 2011

The Journey

I was posed a question tonight... that I can't release from my mind?

~Do you think someone can just fall OUT of love?~

I can't seem to erase that question from my head OR come up with a really good answer...

So - for what it's worth - here are my thoughts...

Just for a moment, let's contemplate the love between a woman and a man.

First of all.... I don't think it happens over night.
Yes, I do believe there can be an initial attraction... SPARKS you would say.

And in that case, is it really "love" initially?  or JUST an attraction... a fascination... intrigue....
something that sparks that initial interest....

Second of all.... I think a series of choices have to occur that lead you down the path of love.
Everyone has a list of "criteria" if you will, that you are looking for.
It may be as simple as blue eyes, or just great eyes; or it may be as deep as a spiritual foundation.
But you have this list.  In your head.  Big or small, the "criteria" that you look for. (admitted or not!)
Once you feel you have found someone that meets your criteria, you make choices to get to know them.
And to let them know you.
You choose to show the real you or you choose to show them what you WANT them to see.
OR you decide they don't meet your criteria and you CHOOSE not to walk down that path.

This is where things get tricky.

Because I believe in the old saying, "Love is a Journey, not a Destination"
You begin to make choices.
What you will accept and what you want.
What you need and what you can live without.
Who you want to be.
......Because let's face it.
As we get to know each other, NOBODY is perfect and we ALL have baggage.  No matter what age we are and what our past may entail, we ALL have baggage.

So you begin a journey with someone you have now developed an interest in.
Time passes and you each learn about the other.
And I think depending on your openness and willingness, there is no set time on how long it takes to REALLY fall IN love!

But - once you trip and fall - are you IN IT FOR LIFE?  I mean - are you really?
Once you are IN - can you fall OUT?

Here's my answer.

Love IS a journey.  A journey of commitment, of promises, of a deep seeded fundamentally grounded DESIRE to enrich someone else's life.
A journey to put a smile on someone else's face, even before your own.
A journey of sacrifices.
A journey of compromises.
It's when you look at someone and they make you WANT to be a BETTER person.
A journey with someone who inspires you...  Someone who supports you...  Someone that you know no matter what will be standing beside you at the end of the day.... you above ANYONE ELSE.
It is a journey
A series of every day choices.

It's easy to roll over and say the words, "I love you"
but how hard is it to truly LOVE another individual enough to embark on that journey?!

Fact of the matter is - in today's selfish, self righteous, self indulging, self gratifying society... it seems to be the HARDEST journey there is to take and commitment to make.
Divorce and break ups and heart ache is all around us every day.
It seems to be MUCH easier to focus on SELF and check out of that journey you were so committed to on day one.

Love requires work.  It requires effort.  It requires nurturing.
And let's face it, whether it was real or not in the beginning, if someone checks out - it is because they made the CHOICE not to work or nurture that affection anymore.

Does that mean that you fell OUT of love?
You just happened to roll over one day and look at your significant other and think... "hmmm... I don't love you anymore"
NO - you fall out of love just like you fall IN love... a series of choices.  A series of events that place your significant other back in the pile with everyone else.  They are no longer your priority.  Their happiness is no longer your concern.  You didn't just trip and fall OUT of love, you made choices!  To cheat, to stray, to put someone else FIRST... to put your self first... you made choices!

Does that mean you never really loved at all?  You pretended from day one that you wanted this.  You pretended to be something your not or committed to something that you ... well...  you never really intended to commit to?  It's too hard.  It's too self-less...

In the end - does it really even matter?

Some of us fall OUT of love because of our own choices, and some of us HAVE to fall OUT because of others choices...

Either way - I do believe it is possible.
And it doesn't mean that love was never there.
It doesn't mean the journey wasn't started.
Just that for one or both, the choice was made that the journey wasn't worth continuing.

Broken promises and broken commitments.  They happen every day all around us.
Usually instigated by self serving, self gratifying, self motivating choices.

Don't be taken by empty promises and false pretenses.  Stand pure and wait for what God has in store for you and trust Him from there.
And know this... scars may remain from a love that you lost, but God will heal them and they will serve as reminders of what NOT to settle for next time.

Ephesians 5 : 6-7

6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.

Song for the day!!!!  Peter Bradley Adams - The Longer I RunListen to the lyrics  (or read them below?)

When that blood runs warm with the warm red wine
I miss the life that I left behind
And when I hear the sound of the blackbird's cry
I know I left in the nick of time

Well this road I'm on's gonna turn to sand
And leave me lost in a far-off land
So let me ride the wind 'till I don't look back
And forget the life that I almost had

If I wander 'till I die
May I know whose hand I'm in
And if my home I'll never find
Then let me live again

The longer I run then the less that I find
Selling my soul for a nickel and dime
Breaking my heart to keep singing these rhymes
And losing again  (repeat)

Tell my brother please not to look for me
I ain't the man that I used to be
But if my saviour comes could you let him know
I've gone away for to save my soul

(Chorus repeat)

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