Broken and spilled out... some days I'm just not strong enough..

So I've kinda been quiet on the blog front this week.....
I wasn't really sure that I could open myself up anymore...

but then I remembered - THIS is why I blog!!!  ha ha
it's therapy people!

So I'm sharing...

This past Wednesday we began a women's bible study at church.  I am leading the class and chose a Beth Moore study (A woman's heart: God's dwelling place)   This was Beth's very first bible study so I thought it would be a good place to start.  And I'm REALLY excited about the study. 

BUT - Wednesday - we had yet to get the books passed out, so this week was simply a time of introduction and getting to know each other.  I used this first meeting with the women to share a little bit of me... and my soul... and what God has done in my life.  I shared a somewhat condensed version of my testimony of my life with Christ.

Let me first say - I am NO public speaker by any means.  (I'm talking a NERVOUS WRECK people!!)  I could ONLY be doing this through lots of prayer and the good Lord holding my hand.  I will also tell you - I have been through ALOT!  And I'm a pretty emotional girl.... so I provided Kleenex.  My story definitely has hills and valleys, but the good part is, I know now that I am where God can use me.  And THAT makes me smile.

So I shared this with all the women on Wednesday night.  (maybe I will share it with you all sometime...) And we agreed to go on this bible study journey together.  And I'm SO excited to take this walk WITH THEM and to learn and study God's Word.

BUT - Wednesday night, I came home after class.  Alone.  Z wasn't home.... Preacher T was still at church playing music.... and I guess THIS is where the devil works.  I was absolutely drained.  Broken.  Emotional.  did I mention broken???  and alone....  And maybe God intended it to be this way... so that I lean on him instead of anyone else.....
then Thursday.... man.... WHAT a day...  I essentially spent the entire day second guessing myself and questioning things I said or didn't say.... and just basically beating myself up???  WHYYYY this self inflicted torture?  I don't know!!!
But I do know, the rest of my week has been tough...
I have probably spent WAY too much worrying about this...

And there's more...

At work, I was telling someone about the bible study and how it went, and while talking about this - someone else in the office overheard...  and proceeded to walk out into the hallway and say  "YOU are teaching the class???  I didn't even know you went to church!"
ummm......OUCH!
I of course laughed it off and made a joke out of it.  But really??!!  Have I been THAT bad of a witness??
This only added to the self inflicted torture.
Want another twist to the story - a different lady I work with, that I had actually invited to the study was talking about it and was overhead by someone else, which spawned yet ANOTHER conversation!!!!

You guys.... the REST of the week at work, this has been the TOPIC of conversation.  That TAMI is teaching a bible study!
AGAIN- did I appear to be such a horrible person that THIS news is THAT worthy??!!!

Don't get me wrong.  I know it's not that big of a deal.
And I told my friend who I invited to the study that I believe you just never know what might come from the talk.... this whole thing could make a difference in someone's life.  I feel like no matter what is being said, if the Lord is brought up in conversation, no matter HOW, it could be something that someone needs to hear?
So I don't want you to think I'm sitting here beating myself over other's opinions of me.

I think it was more that I opened and poured myself out for God.... and WHAT BETTER TIME for doubt and fear and questions to creep into my head.  Not so much questioning what I said, or my testimony or that I'm walking in God's will... but maybe just questioning whether or not I'm worthy.

Does that make sense???

I just feel not worthy.

this sentiment has proceeded to creep now into other areas of my life....
I won't go into too much detail about that because .... well.... you guys don't want to know THAT much about me!  ha ha
(plus this could VERY easily turn into a 2 hour long post!)

So I will leave you with this.......
I do believe I am where I am supposed to be.  I am VERY excited about our bible study and I DO intend to share what we are doing!   (hopefully either on Wednesday after class or on Thursdays!)  I would love for you all to join in and hopefully the lessons we learn on Wednesday can be spread all through out bloggy world  :)   *and facebook world too*

Thank you guys for listening reading.... and if you pray, please keep me in your prayers.

I also wanted to share one of my fav songs before I go.
I hope it touches someone out there.....

Five Question Friday!!

Five Question Friday...

1.  Do you sing karaoke? If so, what is your go to song?

hmmmm......sing??? HECK NO!!!!!!  the ONLY time I sing is in my car... preferably (and trust me, you prefer it too) PREFERABLY only when I'm alone! 

I HAVE however been known to bust out some MAD RAPPIN skillz!!!! LMAO   "Baby Got Back" is my anthem of choice!!!!  and no.......even then I still don't want to be ON the mic.  OK I lied... you can't pry that mic OUTTA my hands when I'm rappin!

2. What is your favorite coffee drink?

My fav is probably a carmel machiato from Starbucks!   Also like white mochas. 
BUT - have you had the new Fraps at Mickey D's!???  they are YUM.MYYYY!!!!
At work, I just drink it with sugar and cream.... flavored cream though - and it NEEDS to be liquid cream, not that powder stuff...

*does this make me high maintenance?*

3. If you could choose your own name, what would it be?

Well - my middle name is Renae -I went through a phase when I was younger where I wanted to be called Renae instead of Tammy.... however, NOW - I think Renae sounds more like my stripper name!  ha ha  (sorry to any Renae's out there!  LOL!)    it's not a bad name... I still like it - just not fitting for me.  I think Tammy is good for me.  ALTHOUGH if I could pick ANYTHING in the world.....hmmmm.....  I want something that starts with an "L"... because I like to write L's.  how is THAT for an answer?

4. Were you ever bullied?

Nope.  Not in school and definitely not at home growing up......I am the oldest... and did a little bullying myself :(
SORRY Cory!!!!!!!   (about the booger and banana thing!)

5. How often do you eat fast food?

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than I should!  WAY MORE  :(     It's horrible I know... but who has time to cook?!?!!!!!  you moms out there with all your recipes......"i'm not worthy.  i'm not worthy" 
Sure I CAN cook......but geeeeez, when you can go through a drive through and grab something in 5 minutes flat, WHY in the world would you go home and spend an hour in the kitchen?~!     :-p

Post it note Tuesday.... with a vengeance

It's BAAAAAACK!!!!

(and today.........with a vengeance!)

Welcome back to Post It Tuesday!!! The funnest day in all of bloggy land!

Any-post-it - join in the fun
Make your own HERE
and link it up at Supah Mommys HERE

Motivational Monday :)

I am prepping for a big week and lots of change....

alot of new chapters, pages turning, things beginning,  goals being reached for, chances taken and leaps of faith....

Here's whats on my plate; lucky you, you get to come along on this journey with me!  (and you're even LUCKIER that I'm gonna tell you all about it as we go!)

First of all......Preacher T is on fire at church.  There is nothing better than seeing a man (THAT I LOVE WITH EVERYTHING IN ME), on fire for God and seeing things growing and changing and all coming together according to God's will.  Can't put that into words.  Sooooooo excited about what's happening at church AND with Adam...  it's overwhelming to watch and stand with him...  and the best part is - EVERYONE is welcome to come along  =)

Also, this Wednesday begins our women's bible study group.  We just started doing Wednesday night bible study a few short weeks ago... and already we are breaking into men's and women's.  And GUESS who is teaching the women?!?!!!  yeah.... yours truly.  AHHHhhhhhhh....  ( Have I ever mentioned that public speaking is a HUGE fear of mine.??? )  anyway... I really am sooo excited about the class and about what could possibly come from this group.  But I AM asking for you all to keep me in your thoughts and prayers... prepared, willing and in constant prayer about it, but a NERVOUS wreck!
EXCITED and HOPEFUL nonetheless!

AND - for all of you Bowling Green readers, if you don't have plans on Wednesday nights - I would love to get as many women involved as possible.  We are doing a Beth Moore study and I really have high expectations for what God's gonna do with us  :)    Please contact me if you would like to join!  (we EAT before class too!!  We feed ur belly and your soul!)


Also today - I'm getting back on the health wagon.  Starting back on the pills, the strict diet, the gym and just working MORE on my overall health.  I know I have said this before.....and I HAVE done some hit and miss gym time, BUT due to other circumstances in life, my night time obligations just lessoned by a truck load! So in lieu of other obligations, I'm putting the gym back to the top of my priority list.  THIS year will be the year my muffins DON'T hang over the bikini!!!  ha ah ahaaaaaaaa

As for me.......and my house.......well - whoever said raising a teenager was easy?!!!!  My child, the athlete, has decided this year that he's done.  This child who was ONE GAME away from playing in the Little League World Series a few years ago, has now decided he's done.  I have my speculations on why.....BUT - I am giving this all to God.  I'm not pushing anymore.  I washed my hands of it.  I have made myself sad and depressed and angry and disappointed for WAY too long.  The boy has to grow up and I'm gonna have to let him.  And I'm just gonna trust that I have raised him with morals and values that will eventually weigh in and help him make the right decisions  =)
*you also might wanna keep me in your thoughts and prayers on this subject too... I worry alot about him....but I'm trusting that God will bring us all through on whatever path he chooses


So... here's to wishing you ALL a GREAT Monday to start your week of great change and things to come!!!

What will you leave behind?

Today's blog may sound a little morbid.  I don't mean it to be.
I mean for it to be a moment in time when you can think about all the good in your life and even all the mistakes you have made in your life.  I mean it to be a moment in time when you think..... when I'm gone from this world - what will I leave behind?  What will people say about me?  What will they remember about me?  What will my children say?  what will my friends say?
WHAT will they say at my funeral?

What will you leave behind?

I think our biggest legacy is what we leave behind when we are gone.  Granted - you make a difference EVERY day by what you do and what you say and how you act.... BUT when you are gone - how do you want to be remembered?
This should be some sort of motivation every day in how you live your life....
Are you bitter?
Are you hateful?
or are you happy?  and full of life and joy?
Are you the person that people hide from when they see you coming, or do people flock to you because they know you spread joy?

I don't know why - but I do think about this from time to time  (maybe not at all the times I SHOULD think about it! )  but today - it weighs heavy on me.
Not in a bad way - but in a way that makes me want to be a better person.

A better mom.

A better friend.

A better daughter.

A better sister.

A better girlfriend.

A better CHRISTIAN.

A better example.

Here's a little more food for thought....
I have picked out the songs I want played at my funeral.....
WHAT?!! - don't judge me - I like to plan ahead. 
And I'll be up in heaven watchin - so somebody better make this happen!!  ha ha

Lead me Home by Jamey Johnson
Now Comes the Night by Rob Thomas






How will YOU remember ME?


how do you want ME to remember YOU!????

Do you have songs picked out - or am I the ONLY crazy person out here??!

*crickets*

REALLY??!!!!!!

Post It Note Tuesday!! the BACHELOR edition!!

It's BAAAAAACK!!!!

Welcome back to Post It Tuesday!!!  The funnest day in all of bloggy land!

Any-post-it - join in the fun

Make your own HERE

and link it up at Supah Mommys HERE

  

 

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

  

 

 

Photobooth Saturday - me and Preacher T - I'm gonna miss him... (sniff sniff)

You can make your own PhotoBooth Collage HERE.  ( click the word)

Just choose collage and find the 4 frame template.
 Drag your uploaded pictures into the frame and then edit.

 My photostrip says:

I love you to the man of my dreams!

(insert gagging here!  ha ha)

I know I know - I just wrote this squishy oooey goooey post yesterday about HOW much I LOVE him... but he's going outta town this weekend for work.... and well... I'm gonna miss him... so this stupid oooey goooey crap is all I got right now (bear with me!)

(although I DO have a date tomorrow night - with my girl KAT - we're going to dinner.......and then we're going to see Valentine's Day on Sunday - can't wait!)

What does your photostrip say?

The Skew: A Round Table Discussion on RoMaNcE!!!

 Today - I'm joining the skew with Supah, Princess, JennFabb, MIITB & Chief.  In light of Valentines Day being just around the corner - the topic today is Romance!

Stay tuned for my opinions and link up and share yours!!! 

I LOOOOOVED reading everyone's personal ideas on what romance is!  :)

What do YOU THINK? WHAT'S YOUR DEFINITON OF ROMANCE?   Join our Round TAble!  What's your  Skew?   Grab the button, Write a post.. we don't care what you write.. and then come back and link up.   Go visit some other Skew Guest while you're at it.

So........here goes........

 my take on romace....

coming straight from the 

hard-ass, 

stone-cold, 

balls to the wall, 

refuse to let anyone in my walls, 

super chic! 

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!

what happened to that girl anyway?!!!!!!

ha ha

♥  she fell in love!!!!!!!!!!!   ♥ 

For me - I never believed in that squishy gishy huggy lovey dovey sentimental crap!  PDA = VOMIT.  I didn't need someone hanging on me and having to touch me all the time.... I'm a hard core independent woman.  Act like a man...don't embarass me! I have a spine and I expect you to have one too!

Then............

♥  she fell in love!!!!!!!!!!!   ♥ 

and everything changed..........for me.....romance is sooooooo many things on soooooooo many different ends of the spectrum.  From the little things we take for granted - all the way to the grand gestures that girls start dreaming of at like age 5!

SOOOOOO - my dearest Preacher T

Happy Valentines Day (early)

Thank you for bringing romance into my life....

Thank you for showing me what TRUE LOVE really feels like  :-)

♥ Romance is knowing that God hand picked and molded you just for me

♥ Romance is being with a man that makes me strive to always be better

♥ Romance is knowing that YOUR will is ALWAYS God's will

♥ Romance is being with a man that truly inspires me

♥ Romance is not being able to be in the same room without touching you

♥ Romance is in the simple act of you holding my hand

♥ Romance is in sometimes just letting me cry

♥ Romance is always opening the car door

♥ Romance is the way you put your hand on the small of my back when we enter a room

♥ Romance is telling me that you love me.... because so many people take those 3 little words for granted

♥ Romance is knowing YOU are my BEST friend

♥ Romance is knowing that you know me so well that you can tell immediately if something is wrong and your not afraid to ask

♥ Romance is communication

♥ Romance is sometimes in saying nothing at all

♥ Romance is feeling in 3 months like I have known you my entire life

♥ Romance is UNCONDITIONAL love!!!

♥ Romance is simply looking into your eyes and seeing myself 

 I love you Adam - and thank God every day for bringing you into my life!

*he's gonna KILL me later for this.....ha ha* 

 The MOST dystFUNctional round table discussion on the blogosphere!  Join us !  If you'd like to display a  linky on your blog.. just email and ask.
supahmommy@gmail.com

 

Somedays...there's just a little more pep in my step :)

Sometimes......hell freezes over I walk out the front door of my precious little house and I'm overcome with joy.  Sometimes, I take a teeny tiny second to pat myself on the back and look to the sky and thank God for holding my hand all this way......

Many many many many years ago, this 17 year old idiot girl walked out the front door of my home.  I walked out of my parents house (still in high school!) with one big black garbage bag filled with clothes (only the ones that I had paid for myself) and got into the car with a friend (because I didn't have one of my own) and drove away.  That's it.  That's all I had to my name.  Me & my black bag.... This crazy teen girl, cursing every day of life, hell bent and determined to show the world that I COULD make it on my own!!!!!!!
Some friends and I somehow managed to rent an apartment, I got a job, BARELY finished high school (yeah - summer school was included in that), and proceeded to learn the hard way....that independance has a PRICE!  (namely rent, utilities, etc!  HA)

ohhhhhh - there were some ROUGH days....

there were some VERY bad decisions......

there were lots of crazy wild stupid i should have been in jail moments....

BUT TODAY
so many years later......
I sometimes just get overwhelmed with ALL I have done..
with how far I have come...
with some of the GOOD decisions I have made....

It really does amaze me that this young, dumb, DETERMINED to flex my independance, totally naive little girl has accomplished all I have accomplished!
Lord I sure hurt my momma and daddy when I walked out that door, but I guess sure hope there must be a little sense of pride when they look into the eyes of my teenage boy, or walk into my very own home, or when they watched me walk the graduation line from college....

For all that I have done wrong.......I MUST have done a few things right  :)

For all that I THOUGHT my parents did wrong...... they must have done ALOT right  :)

And some days....it just feels good to be me  :)

Drivin in a Winter Wonderland

Ok - welcome to my hometown.
Bowling Green KY
We are an average sized town located approximately halfway between Louisville KY & Nashville TN.
We don't get snow often....
and when we do - it's usually a dustin....
and people.....
when it DUSTS here.....the grocery stores blow up, the schools shut down, EVERYBODY freaks out!
KEYWORD HERE.........DUSTING of snow!
people FREAK!!!!!!!!!!

OK - here's where it gets tricky right.....

follow along.....

Last night - we get this random unexpected by me snow....
I lay in bed listening to people STUCK on my road....
it's STRAIGHT people.....not rocket science here.

But I wake up in the morning and the roads are vitually clear.   School is in session.  (this is likely due to the fact that they called off schools last week the NIGHT BEFORE a BIG snow was coming... we woke up to NOTHING!)  Anyway......today, the roads were pretty clear BUT before I could get out the door with the boy......there were snowflakes the size of baseballs people!  (ok not QUITE baseballs...but when your used to dust, that's what they look like!)
So I take the boy to in session school for the day.
Now granted - the day was good.  they should have been in school.  the roads were NOT bad!!  It was mostly just slush!

BUT......

here's the fun part......

after school; after work; the day has ended and I ran into the grocery.
By the time I came out - I'm pretty sure that Santa himself was confused and almost loaded up the sleigh to come back to this winter wonderland!!!

Don't get me wrong - it's absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
and we never get that kind of snow here.
Snow brings with it this eerie calm peace to the world.  It makes everything clean  :-)

But - remember I said we usually get a dusting and people FREAK OUT here...
Well today - we get the freaking winter wonderland of the century and apparently EVERYONE and their momma decided to get out and try to drive.  (these are the idiots that WONT leave the house when it "dusts")
I was on twitter tonight - following a local "news photographer" who was following the night via a police scanner.
I couldn't help but copy and paste them from twitter into this bloggie blog!

I HAD TO SHARE!!!!!!!!

freaking HYSTERICAL!

Hope you enjoy!

Welcome to Bowling Green KY!!!!! 
*stay OFF the streets!*

**Cars stuck all over campus. Accidents at more than a dozen locations. Police advising officers to take I65.
 
**Abandoned cars all over BG. Police trying to decide whether to tow or leave them.
 
**Phrase heard most on the police scanner tonight, "Vehicle off roadway, in a ditch"
  

**Request for extra patrol in Greenwood Mall parking lot due to drivers doing doughnuts and sliding around lot.   (shhhhhhhh......they didn't catch me - wink wink!!)
 
WKU police pushing multiple vehicles out of roadway on University Blvd.
 
Woman calls police to complain that her husband is at home and she is not.  (WTH?!  seriously!?!!)
 
Deputies giving each other advice on how to drive in snow and get out of a ditch. Dispatcher also giving advice.
 
Deputies having to argue with drivers at Cemetery Road block not to try and seek past.  (Yeah, cause suddenly EVERYONE knows how to drive in the snow!!)

*this one is not from tonight - its from the last snow - but I had to share it!  LOL  (it's my personal favorite!)

Person breaks both legs sledding down Hospital Hill in a kayak. BGFD called to get him out of the kayak.

Post It Note Tuesday!! do a lil dance....make a lil love.... get down tonight!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo!!!

Welcome back to Post It Tuesday!!!  The funnest day in all of bloggy land!  AND thank God something for me to smile about today!!!!!!  8-)

Anypost-it - join in the fun

Make your own HERE

and link it up at Supah Mommys HERE

 

YEP!  That's right!  I got an award!!!  

*doin the cabbage patch*  

*doin the sprinkler*  

*doin the q-tip*

YAY ME!  and YAY for the sunshine.  Someone must have missed my LACK OF Motivational Monday post!!!!!!  

At least I'm gettin it SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!!  

(that's what she said!!!!!  LMAO!)

Anywhooooo - THANKS mucho to  

Angel over at Angel believes.....

now on to the rest of the posties!!!!!!

SOMEBODY ASK ME ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!

COME ON...........

ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!