Thursday, March 11, 2010

Unrealistic expectations...

**REPEAT** and then some!

This is gonna be a short one because it's midnight and I have GOT to get some sleep, but I do want to throw this out there.......
I have been told on several occasions recently that I might have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating. I was told this by male and female! And at first I was completely thrown for a loop. BUT - through a LOT of talking and soul searching with one of my girlfriends this weekend - I am now beginning to question myself.
DO I HAVE unrealistic expectations??

I'm a pretty simple girl. I'm really easy to make happy. Love, respect, trust, adoration... are those things REALLY that much to expect and ask for?
Yes - I do joke about being high maintenance, and in some respects, maybe I am, because I have waited 33 years to be LOVED! And I guess I do hope that when I FINALLY meet my future husband that there will be fireworks! and I don't mean fireworks all the time, or immediately after the first date, and I don't mean that everything has to be perfect! BUT I do mean I need that feeling in your stomach thats all butterflies and nerves but at the same time - can't wait to hear from him again - kinda feeling!
I know that love and dating is not ALL sunshine, but don't you think that in the beginning - when things are the easiest that there should be some sort of romance and pursuit and I don't know, making plans based on what might make someone else happy?

I was also recently told that "chick flix" are what give women false expectations about dating... I also beg to differ on this point. I DO know that girls get all sappy and teary eyed over movies like "Pretty Woman" and "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Wedding Date" - but I can also tell you - that I don't think that living life as a hooker and having a millionaire falling in love with you is realistic or what women expect. I don't think women expect to pay for a HOT escort for a wedding and the man fall madly in love with them. (NOW - don't get me wrong - the thought DOES cross our mind.... but it's not realistically expected!  OH the scene where he leans her up against the car and tells her to close her eyes....H.O.T.)  uhhh...yeah.... moving on.....As much as we love those movies, we KNOW this isn't REAL LIFE.
I WILL say this though : women DO expect a guy to call - ESPECIALLY when they say they will call; women DO expect a guy to make plans that involve them and are all about them from time to time; women DO expect to be treated with respect; women DO expect to be "courted". Women DO expect and deserve to be a priority!  So sure - we HAVE expectations
but what makes them SO unrealistic????

One of my favorite lines from a movie is from "Wedding Date"
Kat Ellis: You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know a thing about you.
Nick Mercer: [pause] I'm allergic to fabric softener. I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. And I think I'd miss you even if we never met.

I don't "EXPECT" a guy to QUOTE wedding date to me - I don't expect anyone to actually say that they would miss me if we had never met - but I DO expect a man to feel that way about me before I choose to let him in and spend the rest of my life with him.
is that REALLY so unrealistic? :(

**I originally posted this in September of 2009.  I would like to say now......to all you single ladies out there - DON'T ever lose those "unrealistic expectations" cause they are NOT unrealistic!!! 
DON'T settle!  just don't do it!!!!!!
We do deserve to be treated with respect and adoration and to be made to feel special.  You should ALWAYS be a priority in a man's life... not just something sitting on a shelf or simply a convenience on his time.
THAT is not unrealistic!
I waited 33 years and although I did finally give up on finding someone and gave all the worry and fret to God, I NEVER gave up believing that IF God had someone for me, he would possess all the qualities that I deserve!  And guess what..... He DID bring me someone that is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted and even some things that I didn't even KNOW I wanted!!!!  {Some of those things I think I might want to trade-in later for something else!!!  ha ha}
someone will be perfect for you.... don't settle for anything less   =)

Another of my favorite quotes from a movie is from "As Good as it Gets"
Jack Nicholson looks at Helen Hunt and says "You make me want to be a better man"

THAT my friends is what love does
you just make each other better!
(Also if you missed it the first time around, I also did a post on Love v. In Love - check it out!  It's a VERY intense good post - one of my favorites!!  tell me what you think!!!)

and...ONE more quote:
from the recently released "Valentines Day"
"When you love someone, you love ALL of them, because that's the job"
LOVE IT!
You will never convince me otherwise!!!!!!!!!

16 comments:

Tammy said...

Sometimes we have to wait awhile to get the best! I didn't get married until I was 32! ...but am so glad I waited, I got the best guy ever.

Just stopping by from SITS to say hi!

singedwingangel said...

OH no the BEST quotes about love ever come from Madea movies..the first one he tells her:
I love you more then my breath, I can't stop thinking about you, if we are apart for moe then an hour I find you on my mind, I pray for you more then I pray for myself and your smile tells me that everythign is going to be okay...
And in Madeas' family reunion the groom says:
I thought I was going to be alone for my life, then I found you. I love you beyond my heart, past my mind , I love you in my soul and that is the place where only you and God reside...
LOVE those..

Shell said...

I love that Valentine's Day quote!

So glad you found what you were looking for. :)

Kellyansapansa said...

I think it's more about deciding what you're prepared to compromise on and what is non-negotiable for you. You should never settle for less than what you want, but you should definitely prioritise what is important to you, and what you're prepared to give up on.

It took me 35 years to find the man of my dreams and it happened as soon as I stopped looking. What a cliche!

Matty said...

I agree with you. A woman should have realistic expectations, and not settle for less. I recently saw As Good as it Gets, and that was a great line.

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I don't think people should settle, either. If you are a very romantic, heart-on-your-sleeve kind of person, than that's just who you are and you will find someone that fits that. I do think, however, that most men are not like the guys in the movies, and that's just fine with me!

Secretia said...

Not all people expect or want the same thing from relationships. What you want is what you should go after!

Secretia

Writing Without Periods! said...

A quote that I love:
The right person will come along at the right time when you are ready.

I truly believe this. Because it happened to me.
Mary

Ink Spiller said...

You are so right!

I've come to the realization that most of the time you get what you think you deserve because that's what you allow yourself to have and life has a way of giving just that to you. Allow the good things to come into your life.

Double Wide Mom said...

I love good quote too and the one you used from as good as it gets is one of my favorites! Thanks for stopping by yesterday and have a good one today!

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gina said...

NEVER settle. and learn from your mistakes. YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE!!!


I love this post- glad you didn't settle. :)

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Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

I loved this post; and I think that your expectations ARE realistic!
You are such a wonderful lady and you deserve the best!
Betty xx