After a long intense (texted) conversation with a friend of mine recently, he asked me: "Have u never had 100 percent true unconditional love?" My response was - "other than my girlfriends & family, no."
Now - my girls and I definitely have an unconditional love for each other, but dating/relationship wise... no. I don't think I have ever had a 100% shared unconditional love in any relationship. (Thank God I'm still single then - right?!) It seems one has always been more or less committed than the other, or one is looking for something more, or one is NOT looking to be serious... always something to break that bond.
Now - do I think I have LOVED unconditionally? ABSO-freaking-LUTELY!!!!!!! Every day of my life! I just don't think it's ever been a mutually shared 100% love that was the same and REAL. There are so many people that have passed through my life, some who still remain, that maybe I don't agree with and maybe I have had words with, and maybe, just maybe they turned their back and walked away from me. BUT - I still contain so much love in my heart for them... sometimes it just pisses me off! ;-) BUT - at the same time, most days, I feel so lucky and blessed and I am so thankful for it.
So in turn, I sometimes wonder if I was meant to just GIVE love and hope to those around me. Like that is my gift from God... my big huge loving, forgiving, heart. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times people have let me down or broken my heart.....but you know what's really weird and I have yet to figure out - I still to this day LOVE those people unconditionally. 6 months from the day you broke my heart, you could call me and ask for help and I'd be there. I just can't NOT love or NOT give hope to everyone around me. (i don't do it on purpose people....I can't help it! ha ha) I look at people and situations and I see hope..... (I don't always do that in my OWN life - but I'm VERY good at giving it to those I surround myself with!)
Now - don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm not WORTHY of being loved unconditionally OR that I am NOT loved unconditionally - it's just that the love is different with each I guess. And in relationships, maybe I have been loved unconditionally but didn't share in it with the person. I don't know.
So I often wonder if my purpose here on earth is to go at it alone. To love and give hope to those around me on this journey of life. I was given a son by the grace of God to show me the REALMS of true neverending undying unconditional love......(because trust me, from one parent to another, no one can break your heart MORE than your own child - but we just keep on lovin them!)
I look at couples and I envy what they have. I envy that bond that they have. I envy them having someone to come home to at night. I envy the touch of a man on the small of his wife's back. ohhhhh - there are so many little things that people take for granted that I see. I see them every day. And they used to make me sad........they used to make me lonely. They used to make me look at God and say "IT'S NOT FAIR!"
But no more.
my footprints in the world..........
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4 comments:
First time here! I noticed we have some common followers!!
I am your nr#66 follower!!
Hope you'll visit my blog.
Have a great and safe weekend!
:)
You sound like a very loving person.
Don't feel that left out, though- while there are a lot of loving relationships, I pretty much believe that none of them are unconditional. They might be close, but not completely.
Betty - I'm on my way over to visit!
Shell - I DO believe in relationships that have unconditional love - I just think that they are rare... I think people settle too soon and for less than they deserve...
If I am any kind of example, NEVER GIVE UP. It can happen.
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