Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

I couldn't pull myself together enough yesterday to do a "Motivational Monday"
Cuz I've not been very "motivated" myself.

THEN.......{{Insert last night.....}}

so..... I'm passing along..... my well wishes for a TERRIFIC TUESDAY!  ha

I will admit, I have been in a funk about lifting.
As if you didn't know that by "THIS"........

But last night - I did something new.  Something fun.  Something out of my comfort zone.

I tried on a squat suit.

And then - I squatted in it.

HEAVY!

I've seen the boys in their briefs and squat suits and bench shirts etc., but I have never had any desire to get in one of them!
**Sidenote:  If not used properly, they can be really dangerous.

ALAS - as if fate had a hand in it and knew I have been really down on my lifts lately, Travis (one of the guys I work out with) found an old squat suit of his that he can no longer wear.

Please allow me to share some HUMOR and some KICK ASSNESS!  LoL

Here is what a squat suit looks like.

It is very HARD for me to describe to you the MAGNITUDE of the SMALLNESS of this suit!!!!!!

Putting it on is definitely a WORK of art..... LITERALLY!!!  It is impossible for one person to do and it definitely takes a lot of time and finesse.  I lack finesse.  And I work out with guys.... POWERLIFTING guys.... what IS finesse???

So anyway - once you get the suit on - it should be SNUG  (ha ha - that's putting it lightly) in all the places that you don't want most items to be snug.  ESPECIALLY as a female.... Around your legs.  In the CROTCH.  Around the waist.  Around your entire midsection.  Well - you get the idea.   It should fit like your skin.

Something like this.....

Snug .... but still breathable.  And somewhat movable!

We fought and struggled and pulled; and I danced and wiggled and squirmed..... until finally ....... we came up with this.......

BEST.  BRA.  EVER.    lol

As SNUG as anything could possibly EVER be on my body!!!!

I can't even BEGIN to tell you how funny it looked EVERY.SINGLE.TIME we pulled those straps up.  What's that old saying about two hogs in a burlap sac or something?!!  LOL  yeah.  It was THAT hot!!

Seriously - with those straps up, I could hardly breathe!!!  (I might have been a little nervous too!) But that is how it is supposed to fit.  TIGHT.  Cutting the circulation off to your legs!  ha  (not really - but it definitely leaves a mark!  And several BITES after squatting in it!!)

I took the straps down off my shoulders when I squatted because I was afraid if I did ONE squat with that strap up, it would promptly and without hesitation slice my entire arm off!!!   ha ha   Not really - but it will definitely build up some pressure in your guts!  Make ya head pop off!!!!  ha ha

Seriously guys - I wish I could have videoed the entire session of getting me in this tiny little sack of a suit.  The material is THICK and doesn't have much give.  These "child bearin' hips" was wantin' NO part of that!   It was NOT made for a girl with hips and boobs!  :)

or maybe it is!!??

Because.......

Once we got me in the suit and did some warm ups...  I did my PR squat for 2.   That's 185 for TWO!   Then - I pushed her on up to 200!!!  I squatted 200!!!

And then.... just because....... {I'm crazy.... and those boys are CrAzY... and I have good spotters} I went ahead and took 225 for a ride!!!!!

TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE POUNDS!!!!!!

Yeh - I did that.

Compared to some, that isn't much, but for ME....... well - it was just what I needed  :)

And here's a video to prove it!!

So yeah - I might have had a little help from the suit and a lot of pre-workout in my system and two cRaZy boys cheering me on...... but at the end of the night - It was JUST what I needed to find my passion and love of the gym again AND let go of some of that frustration that I've been building up about not progressing.

I still have alot of work to do to get stronger...... and I still have a long way to go.

But I have to remember....... Progress is progress..... even if its one lift at a time and one pound at a time!

Stagnant and GRAY.... with a side of PINK!

I lift weights.

I train. 

I sweat. 

I bleed.

I have calluses on my hands.

I prefer sports bras over real bras.

I push myself harder than others.

I hold myself to a higher standard.

I AM my own worst critic. 

I am my own worst enemy. 

I expect to be THE best at every thing I do!!

I. 

AM. 

HARD!!!!

(and impatient!)

And inside... I AM still a girl.  

I get frustrated. 

I get disappointed. 

And yes, it makes me SO mad that sometimes... yes... I might shed a few water droplets!!

I make the mistake (OFTEN) of comparing myself and my progress to others... because why not?!  Why not me?!  If they are capable, why not me??  Don't we breathe the same air and talk the same talk and walk the same walk?!  Don't we??!!

So I look at these girls who bench this and squat that...
some have been lifting quite a bit longer than me and some just a little longer than me. ... But always.... MORE than me!!

And I'm over here like "I'm putting in the work... I'm working HARD.  I'm benching and squatting and deadlifting like a DUDE.  But I still paint my nails, and color my hair and wear pink... I'm still a GIRL!!"

 

I know.

I know... 

NOT to compare to others.... But HELLO, I'm a competitive girl - lifting in a competitive world!!  (I just sang "living in a material world" to that sentence.. And now so are you!  "Cause we are living in a COMPETITIVE world... and I am a COMPETITIVE girl!"  Did you sing it??  You're welcome!) ...anywho... I know you're not supposed to do that.  So sometimes I redirect those thoughts to "am I better today than I was yesterday?"

And as of late... I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I am!

Yeh I'm more tone. 

Yup I'm better in my form than when I started (still FAR from perfect).

I know more inspirational people. 

I can talk about the sport with more knowledge. 

My brain is bigger

My quads are bigger

My BUTT is bigger

Even my tiny little biceps are bigger

But the problem....

My lifts are NOT!!!

They are going nowhere

And fast!!!

As you recall, I did a mock meet back in April where I tested my maxes.  

Here is what I walked away with

Bench - 105 (10 pound pr) 

Squat - 185 (45 pound pr)

Deadlift - 230 (5 pound pr)

Since then... I have run through The Cube cycle an entire time again...  tested again with results that are nothing to brag about (although my body weight was about 11 pounds lighter!)

Bench went back down 10 pounds. Squat down 25 pounds. And dead only went up 10

We are now half way through another cycle of The Cube, and once again I tried to test my max on bench... and I FAILED at MISERABLY.

So I'm in the midst of having a FULL BLOWN "GIRL" breakdown!!!
I work out with guys.  All guys. 
NO girls there...... ZERO.
So when I break down and get frustrated I really have no one to "understand" and ya know....
"feel ya dawg!"

What is a girl to do??

Something has got to give somewhere...... I guess you can always go harder... but I'm at a loss.
This program I'm running works for so many people

WHAT is my problem???

I'm not slacking.   I'm not cutting corners.  I'm doing the work!!
And my bench is MOST disappointing for me.

So anyway - I said all that to say this.

I'm very frustrated in my gym efforts.  I'm very disappointed in my lifts.
And I don't know what to do to fix them right now.

Other than..... keep going hard.  Keep pushing.
And somehow figure out what the @(#*$&#$(*&#$ is WRONG with what I'm doing!!!

So in the meantime, I'll just be over here being a GIRL!!!!
All PINK and GRAY......

~Motivational Monday~ Found me some...

So I've tried to always do a post on Monday with some motivation attached.  Lately I've slacked on that.  I would like to say I'm just too busy... but as we all know - you are only too busy for things you don't MAKE time for... so today I'm making time!

Just for a little motivation for myself - I scanned back through some of my motivational posts... and I found some for me too!  So I'm REsharing it with you today.
*some editing has been done*

~Warning ~  You might be offended. ~

I struggled with getting started today..... because I swear your mood can be soooo affected by your perspective on the day.  I struggled today.  Monday.  Rainy.  MONDAY.  There is alot going on right now.  at work... in life... at home... everywhere!  So yes - I struggled to get motivated today and I definitely struggled with finding some motivation to share today.
Then I came across this...
And it's not only motivation to be thankful... but also motivation to evaluate my life and where it's going.  To evaluate what is important and what is not.
It motivated me to get back where I need to be and stand up for what's right.

I am a FIRM believer that sometimes - you just have to stop trying so hard and just listen and wait.  So that I did today.  I relaxed and waited ......and suddenly it came to me why I was soooo off kilter lately.  Do you ever feel like you are going nowhere..just peddling your wheels in place???  Do you ever feel like you are so consumed with everyone else's faults that you fail to take care of your own?  And I don't mean just faults, but maybe - for me anyway - by nature, I'm a helper... I love to listen and talk and help... and I get so caught up in others' issues and what I can do help them, that I forget to give myself a direction....Do you ever feel like you are just riding the fence through life?

I came across this quote {{again}} today - totally randomly {{yeah right - Thank you Lord!}}

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything."

As I read it....I realized......I don't ever STAND when it comes to me.  I can give everyone else advice and voice my opinion, but when it comes to ME - I sit on the fence and wait to see what everyone else is going to do..I wonder how my decisions will affect everyone else...and I worry and sit.  Unchanged.  Unmoving.  I just sit.
This is not true in EVERY aspect of my life, but it is true in some pretty big places.  There are certain things I believe in and I will tell you and don't care WHO I offend.  BUT when it comes to ME and the things I need to fix about ME - I will simply tell you I'm not sure how I feel about that issue, I will make excuses, I will justify......and then I just sit on it.
There are soooo many GOOD things happening in my life right now...and yes I'm thankful.  Make no mistake about that.  I will tell you a million times how thankful I am and how blessed I am.  But sitting around being thankful and doing NOTHING with it - has made me....well... sad.  Stagnant.  Guilty.  and just plain disappointed in me.  And I don't like where I am.
Why?
Well - I'll tell you  {{if you are offended by religious beliefs - HERE is where you might want to exit because I won't apologize for my beliefs}}
I believe that God blesses us with gifts.  Some that are tangible gifts & rewards and some that are meant to be USED to give back to him.  In other words, I believe that along with gifts, God also ASKS things of us.  And I believe that he will only ask so many times before he will stop asking.  I KNOW.  I have BEEN at that point in my life.
I have walked SOOOOO far away from God that I didn't hear his voice anymore.  And trust me, that's a lonely place to be.  I'm NOT saying that God EVER turned his back on me.... he was ALWAYS there, all I had to do was take his hand...and just listen.   I chose not to.  I walked away.  He NEVER turned his back on me... and I could tell you for DAYS how he took care of me and my son...even when I turned my back on him...
But the gifts he gave me were fruitless at that point in my life.

I know what these gifts are.  I know how they can be used.  I know how they glorify Him  &  I know what is asked of me every day.
My problem is picking a side of the fence, standing for something no matter WHO it offends or hurts along the way.... I KNOW right from wrong.  I also KNOW the GOOD that comes from taking his hand and trusting that doing HIS will may just offend a few people - but in the long run - the example that YOU are for all the other people far outweighs the ones you offend.  (and I'll share a little secret with ya... the ones that you offend, are often under conviction about that very thing you have offended them with... just sayin...)

A few months ago - I listened to a sermon that referenced a prayer that was prayed in Kansas in the opening session of the House.  I'm sharing it with you today.  And I'm sharing it EXACTLY as it was written.  Joe Wright, the pastor of Central Christian Church in Wichita was the guest chaplain that day. He prayed a prayer of repentance that was written by Bob Russell, pastor of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky.  The prayer stirred up PLENTY of controversy, but I can't help but wonder, how many people it touched.  No one ever bothers to point out those results from something controversial.

{It brings me to tears still today when I read it.... it is SO many things wrong with our country and our lifestyles today.  WHY no one can SEE that and do something about ANY of the issues addressed in this prayer I will NEVER understand!!}

Heavenly Father,

We come before You today to ask Your Forgiveness and seek Your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ''Woe to those who call evil good,'' but that's exactly what we have done. We have lost our Spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values. We confess that; we have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism; We have worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism; We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle; We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery; We have neglected the needy and called it self preservation; We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare; We have killed our unborn and called it choice; We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable; We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem; We have abused power and called it political savvy; We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition; We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression; We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, O God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of this state and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state of Kansas. Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of Your Will.

I ask in in the name of your Son, The Living Savior, Jesus Christ

I'm not asking you to AGREE with everything that was prayed that day.  {Although I DO!} I am simply pointing out that sometimes, we have to stand for what we believe in.  Pick a side of the fence and tell people what God lays on your heart... and then - you know what?!  CONTINUE to stand for what you believe.

My motivational message to you today is simply this:

If there are things in your life that you don't agree with or you don't like - get rid of them.  If you are living in a way that doesn't glorify YOUR God and your beliefs, leave those habits by the wayside.  If there are things you aren't doing because your scared of who you might offend or your scared of falling on your face... trust in God and just do it.  God will never let anything done in His Name go in vain.  You never know who is watching and what a difference one decision in your life could make to someone else.
Stand for something.
I'm making changes today.

Cube Method - Week Four

Training Log - The Cube Method

Preparing for BATTLE...
my Journey in Powerlifting

WEEK FOUR

(as previously stated)  My weights are based off my max lifts, whether they be in the gym or in training.
Squat - 185
Bench - 105
Deadlift - 240

Week 4


Week 1 - you can find it here.... Cube method - Week one
Week 2 - can be found here...   Cube Method - week two
Week 3 - found here... Cube method - Week Three

Before I start with my log for this past week, I'm just gonna put this out there.... I SUCK at dieting!!  I've been somewhat off kilter this week... I think mainly because I'm not dieting well and it not only makes me feel like crap physically - but also mentally.  It makes me feel like I'm failing myself.  I constantly convince myself that I'm still eating better than I could be eating... so it's not THAT bad.  It's just an excuse ... to be lazy... and not hold myself accountable for what I'm putting in my body.
I'm not talking about a chip here and there... I'm talking about going to the movies and eating Sweettarts, gummy bears, and Starburst.. on top of drinking THREE Mt Dews already that day!  TERRIBLE!
So I've spent my day today in the kitchen... trying to do a little meal prep!

Heavy squats
Foam rolling/stretching
Band Pull aparts - 100
Squat 1 x 2 @ 85% (150) NO knee wraps   2 x 2 @ 85% (150) WITH knee wraps
Squat  - 160 with NO wraps - FAIL
Squat - 185 (my max, only done one time) - FAIL.  Knee wraps were TIGHT, fell forward a bit.  Brad pulled me back a bit and I pushed through the lift.  Gotta get used to HEAVY knee wraps!!

Video of 185 below -thanks to my awesome spotter ;-)  And the inappropriate yelling of "BREASTS" at the end of my video!  ha ha

SSB Good Mornings 3 x 8

Leg Extension 3 x 20
Lunges 3 x 12
Back Raises - 60
Plank - 1 min (+45# plate)

Explosive bench
Foam rolling/stretching
Band Pull aparts - 100
Flat bench 6 x 2 @ 65% (70)   Slingshot  75 x 2 x 2,  85 x 2 x 2
Incline DB 3 x 15
Standing DB Military 3 x 10  

Band Pressdown 100
Band Fly 3 x 15

Deadlift
Foam rolling/stretching
Band Pull aparts - 100
work up to a heavy weight 95x5(conv) x5 (sumo), 135x3(conv) x3(sumo),185x2 (sumo), 205 x 1 (sumo), 225 x 1 (sumo) *this is PR for Sumo pull*  240 (sumo) attempted twice, failed twice.  That is my all time PR for a deadlift (usually conventional pull)

*Video below of my "sumo sampling" Shows my 225 pull, 240 fail and reps with 175*

Dead sumo 175 x 3 x 3
Stiff Leg Dead  95 x 8 x 2, 135 x 3 x 1
Rows 55 x 8 x 3
Leg curls  3 x 15
*I quit early this night... did not feel good.  Ended up with a pretty bad headache later that night*

Bodybuilding Night
Foam rolling/stretching
Band Pull aparts - 100
Squats - 5 x 5 (105#)   No knee wraps
Calf Raises 45
Military press  35 x 10 x 5
Flat Bench 5x5 (70#)
DB Bicep   3 x 12
Tricep skull crushers 3 x 12
Leg extension 3 x 15
Plank (with 45# plate)  1 min

TONIGHT...... we begin again.

Cube Method - Week Three

Training Log - The Cube Method

Preparing for BATTLE...
my Journey in Powerlifting

WEEK THREE

(as previously stated)  My weights are based off my max lifts, whether they be in the gym or in training.
Squat - 185
Bench - 105
Deadlift - 240

Week 3


If you missed Week 1 - you can find it here.... Cube method - Week one
And week 2 - can be found here...   Cube Method - week two

 Rep squats
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Squat 1 set x 8 reps @ 70%  (125#)
Squat - 1x135; 1x145

*ALL squats done without knee raps - this is a rep PR  and a max PR at 145 without wraps

Video of 125x8 below - and thanks to B-rad for getting me through it... I was certain I could NOT do these reps without knee wraps*

SSB Good Mornings 3 x 8 (85#) and Wide Stance 60 x 8 x 2. 

Leg Extension 3 x 12
Olymp Squat 1 x 8 @ 85#
Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)

Heavy bench
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Flat bench 5 x 2 @80% = 85x2, 95 x 1, 100 x 1, 105 x FAIL, 85 x 4, 105 x 3 (2 brd), 115 x 1 (2 brd)
Bench 2 x 15 @60-70% (65#)
Military  3 x 12
DB shrugs 3 x 15
Band lat pulls 4 x 20
Kroc rows 3 x 15
Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)

Deadlift
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
work up to a heavy weight 95x5(conv) x5 (sumo), 135x5(conv) x5(sumo),185x2 (sumo) to 205 x 2 (sumo)

*Video below of my 205 x 2... I'm liking the sumo better, hoping I can work up as strong as my conventional form*

Dead sumo 155 x 5 x 3
Stiff Leg Dead  95 x 8 x 3
Rows 55 x 8 x 3
Lat band pulls 3 x 12
Leg curls  3 x 15
Plank 1 min + 25 plate

Bodybuilding Night
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Calf Raises 75
Military press  45 x 10, 55 x 5 x 3
Flat Bench 5x5 @ 65#
Bicep w barbell 35 x 10 x 3
Tricep CAZ presses 3 x 12
Leg extension 3 x 12


Only got one day of our low intensity cardio in this week - and TRUTH moment.... I have been ABSOLUTELY 100% TERRIBLE with my diet this week!!!
I mean TERRIBLE  "I refer to it as FAT week!
TERRIBLE

So - next week I'm going back on no CARBS.... getting myself lined back out and then hopefully doing Carb Backloading again...
But I first have to line myself back out!

HEAVY SQUATS Sunday night..... the start of another week!

Throw (the weight) back Thursday!!

So clearly, most of you that follow me, know I started lifting weights.... for FUN right.  :)

Well I'm having a bit of a moment... so I wanted to try to convince myself I HAVE made progress in this sport.  Not just in numbers, but in dedication and form and LOVE and all those other things that are important...  Some days I just feel like I could be and SHOULD BE doing more....

So anyway.... today I thought I would journey back in time...
....browse through a few old blogs and see what I could come up with regarding where I was a little while back in time...

Here is a video of me today  (this is 205)...

Worked on my sumo deadlift last night.  This is not the MOST weight I have deadlifted, but it IS the most I have pulled using the sumo form rather than conventional.
So I will share that video first...

Then - I tell ya what - let's compare this video to the video of my first competition.  Last December.  Bless my heart I had NO idea at that point what I was getting myself into.

But I DO remember feeling decent about my deadlift until some other girl came up behind me and pulled 300 pounds.  It was that day that I found my edge... and something to work for.  It was that day that the fire was started in my soul to WANT to go back and be better than I was before!

Here is my first ever deadlift competition.... 195 pounds   My personal record coming out of the gate!





And then - lets compare apples to apples.
The first video I shared is the most current, and it's SUMO deadlift.   Here is my most current deadlift using the conventional form - which is what I used in that video from my first meet (the 195 pull).   Amazing how much different my form is in just 6 months.

THIS video is my all time personal RECORD for deadlift.  240 pounds

So anyway - the point being that I HAVE made progress.  I have made it in numbers and in other ways too.  But sometimes I spend all this time running around Instagram and the interwebz and I get frustrated thinking there is so much more I could and should do....
And I could and SHOULD be so much further along and better than I am.

Yes - I AM my own worst enemy.

ONE love... for there is ONLY one.

So coming home from the gym last night... or this MORNING really (it was a late night... heavy bench... and bench is my NEMESIS - so I kicked it in the BUTT last night!)
Anyway.... coming home from the gym - this new Macklemore song comes on.  "SAME LOVE"   I had yet to hear it.  It starts out speaking... straight to the heart.... pretty intense right out of the gate.  So I turned it up and really listened to the words of this new song.
Have you heard it yet?
I have posted the lyrics here if you would like to read them
I also posted the YouTube of the song - so read along and listen.  It definitely grabs your attention and jerks a bit on those "feelings" we bury deep inside.  And if you have ANY open-minded thoughtfulness in your at all - it will set you to pondering...
.... life.... choices.... religion.... suicide......and LOVE.

I'm just gonna go ahead and put this out there.... I may offend some people, lose some friends, lose some followers or whatever.... but I just felt the need to talk about it.  Offending someone or losing friends is not my intent... but I just really felt the need to talk about this.  This song really hit a nerve

Read the lyrics and/or listen to the song - we'll meet back up at the bottom

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay,
'Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight.
I told my mom, tears rushing down my face
She's like "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k, trippin' "
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm good at little league"
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don't know

And I can't change, Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can't change, Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love (x3)
She keeps me warm (x4)

If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately?
"Man, that's gay" gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we're saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don't have acceptance for 'em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that's not important
No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it

(I don't know)

And I can't change, Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love (x3)
She keeps me warm (x4)

We press play, don't press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn't gonna solve it all
But it's a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever God you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it's all the same love
About time that we raised up

And I can't change, Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can't change, Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love (x3)
She keeps me warm (x4)

Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is patient
Love is kind (not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient (not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind (I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient (not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind (I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient (not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind (I'm not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient, Love is kind

There are sooooo many subjects touched on in this song... so many "touchy" subjects.  Things NO ONE wants to discuss.  All the things you have to be all "PC" about.  Same sex marriage. "Gay".   Love.  Religion.  Interracial dating.  Suicide.
Well - allow me to introduce myself.... I'm Tammy - NOT always so "PC"!!

Let's begin with the fact that it first and foremost targets and clearly SUPPORTS same sex relationships and LOVE.  And let me also begin by telling you I am and was raised all my life in a Southern Baptist church.  And you know as well as I know what I was taught about same sex relationships.  But let me put it to you like this.... yes - I was taught that it is wrong.
BUT - as a parent, you love your child undeniably forEVER.  right?!  So what happens when your child says to you "I think I might be gay"   just like in the song.  BET you don't stop loving your child.  right?  What if it's your dad... or your brother or sister.... or your cousin.... or ANYONE that you are close to?  What then?  You stop loving them?  NO.  You condemn them to hell?  NO.  So why do we as people find it in our power to "HATE" on other people who choose that lifestyle?  How do we as humans have the right or the audacity to judge another for their choices?!
I love my friends, I love my family - heck - I'll go so far as to say I generally love people as a whole.   So what if you as a woman fall in love with another woman?  you LOVE her?  Who am I to throw around derogatory words like "gay", "faggot", "homo", etc.  Who do you people think you are??
And people wanna throw the bible in as a shield.  They wanna hide behind some holier than thou mentality and damn these people to hell?  What gives you the right?
I don't understand.
I as a woman, am not attracted to women - but that does NOT make me a better person or mean that I know what love is better than someone who loves someone of the same sex.  Does it?
It does not make it OK for me to judge and discriminate against others.
I choose to wear designer jeans, they fit me better - and frankly - I just like the way they look.  Does that mean I'm better than someone who thinks WRANGLERS fit them better?
Why do we over complicate things?
We as Christians want to go into prisons and preach to the murderers and thieves and embezzlers, but then we wanna lock the door of the church when a couple of the same sex want to come in to worship God.

Another subject touched on in this song is inter-racial relationships.   I will simply mirror what I previously said.... I have not ever been attracted to someone of another color - but that does NOT mean that someone who IS attracted to another race is a bad person or doesn't know what love is.  And it does not give me the right to judge them, treat them differently or act as though I am any better of a person.  Once again - we are all the same on the inside...
For people who want to throw bible verses out to defend what they think is right or wrong, it says "Love one another as I have loved you"    Nowhere does it say "love one another as I love WHITE CHRISTIAN HETEROSEXUAL HUMANS"

And suicide.... Let's think about that.  The song says
"...when kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart... A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are"
Can you IMAGINE for one second... (maybe you can because you feel this way).... can you imagine going around day after day feeling like you have HIDE who you really are?  Feeling like no one understands and no one cares?  And being afraid that if you were honest about who you are, you would be judged and ridiculed so much - that it's just not worth it?
Can you imagine loving your family so much that you hide and pretend every day of your life in order to protect THEM from persecution and ridicule?
Can you imagine being to the point where you are so unhappy that your only solution is suicide?

How confusing and scary it must be for children growing up in this day and age.
It is no wonder that children grow up confused and afraid to be honest about their feelings.
We as a society are so judgemental that it's scary for ANYONE to be open and honest.
Everyone puts on the face that society accepts as "OK" and then you spend your life pretending that the face you wear every day is who you really are and that you are happy.

I will be the first to tell you - there are Christians right now reading my post doubting my salvation and my place as a Christian.  And that's fine.  Because I don't answer to any human here on earth.  God is in my heart, I know I am a Christian, I know I will go to heaven when I die.... and I can still say - I will to the day I die think that there are too many Christians out there worrying more about judging someone else and pushing people away from the cross for their own beliefs and agendas, than there are Christians who truly believe in loving unconditionally and that we should first and foremost "love one another AS I HAVE LOVED YOU"

Let the hating and judgement begin....... for I have an opinion.....

Even Zombies find Motivation

Drive
Motivation
Ambition
Perseverance
Desire
Hunger
Passion
ZEAL

What do you love?  What do you WANT from life?
Have you forgotten?

Do you remember why you do what you do?
Why did you start in the first place?

Where is yours?
Do you remember?

Do you get up every day and just float through the day like a zombie... going through the motions with no desire... no passion... no JOY???

OR do you do anything for fun... that isn't fun anymore?

I found myself living like a zombie once.  Going to a job that didn't motivate me.  A job that I could only survive by going through the motions because there was no where to go from there!  A job that consisted of running in a hamster wheel as fast as I could but only to go nowhere.... and even when I tried to do more, I tried to excel.. to learn more, to BE more. ... it was for naught.
So I left.
To push myself...
to find something MORE!
And so I found something that drove me.  I found something that I could do with passion.  I found something that uses the fire I carry inside.
I found something that utilizes my best qualities... it allows me to meet so many people and it allows me to make a difference.  It allows me to be an instrument in helping someone..
I'm a people server... it's who I am.
I like to do for others.
When I found myself zombified and doing nothing that INSPIRED me....
I made the effort to change that.
I find it sad that others don't.

I see this outside of work too....I see it in life!
I see it in lifting, exercising, working out, dieting, playing sports... etc.   Whatever your past time might be.
I see people that just show up.  And pat themselves on the back for just that.
"well at least I'm here"
ohhhhhhhh yay.... What's THAT gonna get you?
Or worse, people that want MORE but aren't willing to GIVE more.
They show up, go through the motions, complain about not getting better, but aren't willing to make sacrifices to make gains.

You can make excuses, or you can make things happen - but you CAN'T make BOTH!

WHY do I lift?
"because you can't"
Well....... No - not because you CAN'T - but because you WON'T!
Today - you may question WHY I lift - but tomorrow you will wonder HOW!!
And you might begin to understand that when you really WANT something, you just have to fight for it.... that AND work your BUTT off!!!
You will have to find a DRIVE to keep you going and push you when you need pushing.  You will have to make sacrifices.  You will have to decide just how bad you WANT it!

When you start something - have a goal in mind.  Do this with EVERYTHING in your life!  THAT is your focus.  Focus on the end game... focus on where you want to be and fight tooth and nail to get there.  In your job, in your marriage, in your home...... whatever it may be.  FIGHT for what you want and love!
and do it with PASSION!!!!!

I just don't understand people that go through motions with no end result in sight?
What are you fighting for?  Where are you going?!

I could spend day after day going online and looking at pictures and reading numbers of other lifters and beat myself into the ground with my "lack of big numbers"
OR
I could choose to look back at myself one year ago and see what I was doing then?  This time one year, I couldn't do a squat, much less put a bar on my back and squat WITH it!!  NOW - I can put almost 200 pounds on my shoulders and squat that!  There are girls smaller than me that can do more, but there is me a year ago that never would have believed I could do that!!!  And THAT just drives me to know that in time, I will do even more!
Any progress is progress.   And you can use that to cripple you or MOTIVATE YOU!  
The choice is all in your head.

Step back today and look at your life.... your job, your marriage, your friendships, your hobbies.... look at everything... and ask yourself.....
ARE YOU GIVING IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT????
If you're not shooting to be the best - you are shooting to walk through life like a zombie... going through the motions and every now and then chewing up a few souls, taking what you can get and moving on.

Is THAT what you strive to be in life?

Do everything with love, passion, faith, hope, ambition, FIRE, perseverance....
And when you fail, and you will - remember why you started and let that DRIVE you to push harder and love deeper!
Failure is only failure if you stop - otherwise it is just a stumbling block to teach you to try even harder.

Start your Monday and your week with a desire to give your all to everything you hold dear!

Cube Method - Week two

Training Log - The Cube Method

Preparing for BATTLE...

my Journey in Powerlifting

WEEK TWO

(as previously stated)  My weights are based off my max lifts, whether they be in the gym or in training.
Squat - 185
Bench - 105
Deadlift - 240

Week 2 
If you missed Week 1 - you can find it here.... Cube method - Week one

Exposive squats
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
8 sets x 3 reps @ 60%  (105#)
Reverse Band squats  225 x 1.5, 205 x 2, 205 x 3
SSB Olympic squats  5x5 (80#)
Leg Extension  4 x10 (50#)
Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)

Rep bench
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Flat bench Press 70% x 50  *goal: to get to 50 in as few sets as possible* (15,10,13,12)
Incline DB  2 x 20 (15#)
Close grip bench 3 x 12   (45,50,60)
Military  3 x 12
Band Pressdown 100
Band fly  3 x 15

Plank - 1 min (+25# plate)
Face pulls 3 x 15

Deadlift
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
work up to a heavy weight 95x5(conv) x5 (sumo), 135x5(conv) x5(sumo),185x2 (conv) to 205 x 2
Dead conv 135 x 8 xx1
Dead sumo 135 x 8 x 2

*side note:  considering switching to Sumo as main lift form.  

Video at bottom, PLEASE share your thoughts*

Stiff Leg Dead  95 x 8 x 3
Rows 55 x 8 x 3
Lat band pulls 3 x 15
Leg curls  3 x 15
Plank 1 min + 25 plate

Bodybuilding Night
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Squat 5 x 5 @ 100 pounds
Calf Raises 75
Military press  45 x 10, 65 x 1, 70 x 1, 55 x 6, 55 x 5
Flat Bench 5x5 @ 60#

*Bench felt good, been working on set-up and moved my grip back out wider.  

so went ahead and pushed*

Flat Bench 85 x 1, 90 x 1, 100 x 1   (that DARNED ol' elusive 100!!  HIT EASY!)
Bicep   3 x8 (15#)
Tricep 100 band pressdown
Leg extension 2 x 15
Plank   1 min + 25 plate

Only got one day of our low intensity cardio in this week - but we had a really good FOURTH week and time off of work  (Even with all the rain!)   Hope you enjoyed your holiday too!

Cube Method - Week one

Training Log - The Cube Method

Preparing for BATTLE...

my Journey in Powerlifting

I am going to put my work outs up here weekly.  If you could care less about lifting or what I'm doing - feel free to move on - nobody is making you visit or read my journal!  If you are interested, we lift 4 nights a week and do some low intensity cardio a couple of nights a week when possible.

I'm creating this journal and making it public:

#1 - for accountability for me

#2 - to offer encouragement and help to anyone who might need it

#3 - to show that you CAN do anything you put your mind to

and

#4 - to open myself up to any tips/advice/criticism/encouragement that anyone else might have to offer!

So here goes
(I'm a week behind - this is actually 2 weeks ago)

My weights are based off my max lifts, whether they be in the gym or in training.
Squat - 185
Bench - 105
Deadlift - 240

Week 1

Heavy squats
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
5 sets x 2 reps @ 80%  (140#)
Good Mornings 3 sets x 8 reps (65#)
Leg Extension  3 x 20
Lunges (walking) with small bar (25#)   3 sets x 12 (12 steps per leg)
Band Leg Curls   2 x 50

Explosive bench
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Flat bench Press 9 x 3 @ 60%   45 pounds + chains (35 pounds)
Flat bench 1 x 80 pounds + chains   (off a 2 board)
Flat bench 1 x 90 pounds + chains   (off a 3 board)
Incline DB  3 x 15
Standing DB military  3 x 10
Band Pressdown 100
Band fly  3 x 15
Kroc rows 1 x 15 (30#) per arm
Abs - hanging crunch from GHR machine x 30
plank - 1 min

Deadlift
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
work up to a heavy weight 95x5, 115x5, 135x3, 155x3, 185x1) to 205 x 2
Dead  115 x 10 x 3
Stiff Leg Dead  95 x 8 x 3
Rows 8 x 3
Plank 1 min + 25 plate

Bodybuilding Night
Foam rolling/stretching
Pull aparts - 100
Squat 5 x 5 @ 95 pounds
Calf Raises 75
Military press  10 @ 25#  10@35#   10@45#
Flat Bench 5x5 @ 55#
Bicep   3 x 10
Tricep 2 x 15
Plank   1 min + 25 plate

This week we also did 2 days of low intensity cardio - which consists of 45 mins on a treadmill at a low intensity pace.

Feel free to let me know your thoughts   :)
Hope everyone had a GREAT Fourth - we spent the day INSIDE out of the rain!