1 day ago
Saturday, January 14, 2012
I started this blog years ago.
I started it as a sort of way to vent... a way to deal with life and all the ups and downs.... all the unanswered questions.... all the cross-roads we encounter.
And as I walked along the journey of my blog - I got emails and comments from people that said Thanks for what you are not afraid to say....
So my blog transferred from being just a personal therapy place for me, and slowly began to be a place where I talked about life and heart ache and heart break, and it somehow helped people out there in the blogosphere!
I said from the beginning that my blog would be honest and forthcoming - and you could choose to either love it or hate it. And some days, I might just step on toes. But it's nothing personal towards anyone. And the beauty of it is this...... if your offended or you don't agree - feel free to NOT come back!
No one is forcing you to read.
And if you have a question or an opinion, feel free to voice it HERE and I will address it. Don't go talking about it behind my back!
So here goes.......
Over the past year - I have gone through some pretty tough stuff. I have been mostly quiet about it because it is never my intent to go out into the world and publicly humiliate people.
I have been lied to, cheated on, betrayed, manipulated..... just flat out HURT.
And mostly I have kept my mouth shut.
I've tried to remain positive and hold on to the ONE thing I believe in - and that happens to be a God that I gave my heart to years ago.
I have been divorced now for 1 month. (as of it being final). Granted - he left months before that point, and his heart was gone long before even that ..... but the actuality of it is - ONE MONTH.
Does it still hurt sometimes? sure.
Do I still today look back at times and wonder if there was something I could have done different? absolutely.
But the truth of the matter is - every day someone else tells me something that he's done or is doing that reassures me that I'm better in the long run. So as much as I struggled with being divorced and accepting that, it's like every time I get low or scared or confused, God sends me someone else to remind me what path my ex-husband has chosen and I know that I could NEVER walk that path of decisions.
In short - my God saved me.
So anyway - through all that.... the questions, the hurt, the insecurities..... everything that comes with being totally manipulated and fooled.....
through all that
I have tried to be the bigger person and I've tried to be a Christian in my actions.
BUT - over the past few weeks, I have been in some respects attacked. By several. In many ways. Attacked for my religious beliefs, attacked for being a hypocrite, heck I've even been told I am no longer a good example for a child to look up to.
Oh yes - that's what I was told.
Now granted - some of this comes from the rambling of some crazy girl whom I don't even know. She commenced to seeing me have dinner with a male friend of mine (of whom her best friend apparently has some disillusioned idea that they are dating) and accused me of being a homewrecker and a slut! So that stuff, that goes in one ear and out the other.
But here's what bothers me......
My character has been attacked.
My BELIEFS have been attacked.
People have come onto my blog, a place that I truly believe God has used in many many ways - and they have totally judged me and questioned my beliefs and my actions.
People have come onto my facebook and scoured through looking for things to throw up in my face. Or things to "judge" me for.
As much as this pains me, I'm considering shutting down my blog and possibly my facebook.
Not because I'm ashamed and not because I don't still believe in what I do.
BUT - when people start twisting my words or judging pictures or locations where I might be... when they start twisting those things to make me out to be a hypocrite or make a MOCKERY of Christianity or my God... well I just can't condone that.
The things that I try to use for good - are being twisted and used in a way that I'm not ok with.
And I don't know how to stop it.
Thoughts?! Feelings?! Opinions?!!!
“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” -Jackie Robinson