Sunday, January 1, 2012

Dating? what? how?!! WHY!!!

I found this online, I think someone posted it on facebook.   But as I read it, I thought back about relationships I have been in and I SWEAR I thought to myself at least 40 times that if I could go back in time, I would smack me in the face!!!!!!!

So anyway - I thought I would share... single, married, dating, it doesn't matter - it's good advice for us ALL!  And although it's mostly written to women, the same principles apply to either side  ;-)

(I added some comments of my own to some!  your welcome!)

If a Man Wants you....

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.  (Not a ring, not vows, not even the threat of getting caught - if they don't truly LOVE you, nothing can/will make them stay... faithful anyway!)

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.  (If it's wrong - it's WRONG.  Period!  Some things are NEVER ok!  Don't let him manipulate you into thinking it is.)

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.  (your gut is usually right... trust it!) 

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.  (As a matter of fact, only surround yourself with people who inspire you to be BETTER!)

Slower is better. 

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.  (And don't expect to be happy with someone who isn't already HAPPY with themselves.  You can't MAKE anyone BE happy and it's not your JOB to do so!)

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as a deserve, then heck no, you can't "still be friends".  A REAL friend wouldn't mistreat a friend in the first place!  (don't give someone more reason to believe that what they did was OK!  Especially without an apology!) 

Don't settle.  If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better".  You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.  (thinking that things are bad just because your in a tough situation is not true... if you can't work together through the rough patch, you'll never survive to the good times... Life is as easy as you make it!  Don't make excuses for why the other isn't happy - they make a choice too!) 

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.  He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.  (there are certain things you should never NEVER tolerate.  Know this going in and don't ever give someone reason to believe there are no longer boundaries!)

If something bothers you, speak up.  (I used to think this was shaky ground to tread, but the truth is - if the love is real, it doesn't matter HOW or WHY something bothers you - IF IT DOES, it should be respected.  No matter how trivial or ridiculous it might seem to the other.)

Never let a man know everything.  He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.  Change comes from within.  (this reaffirms as previously stated, if he acts one way, don't think it will get better or that you can change him.  HE has to want to be different, above and beyond anything else.  If he doesn't care - you can't care for him.)

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.  Do not make him into a quasi-god.  He is a man, nothing more nothing less.  (and likewise, don't treat him less than yourself either, making yourself a quasi-god!)

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!  If he cheated WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.  (sadly... 99% of the time - the old saying is true "once a cheater - ALWAYS a cheater!"  If a man didn't respect a relationship/marriage before, what makes you think he will respect yours!)

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.  (If you let him get away with it ONCE, TRUST ME he will try it again... and again... and again... and as many times as you let him get away with it)

All men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two-way street.  (It's not about winning arguments, it's about making each other happy.  making sacrifices.  Compromise.  VITAL!!!)

You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage.  Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to complete you.  A relationship consists of two whole individuals.  Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.  (relationships, especially marriage, is NOT 50/50 - it's 100/100.  You BOTH must be willing to give it your ALL... Granted some days one will give more or less than the other - but you HAVE to be willing to give it 100!)

Dating is fun; even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right (There is NOTHING wrong with kissing boys! ha)

Make him miss you sometimes.  When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.  Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Most importantly in my book, if you find yourself miserable, not loving life and everything in it... if you find yourself constantly questioning and analyzing... well - it's time to question your relationship.  We are meant to enhance each other in relationships.  If he doesn't make you feel better about who you are and you don't see him trying to be better for you - then honey - LOVE is not enough!!!!

1 comment:

Scope said...

He's out there.

Probably a Duke fan.

But he's out there. ;-)