Monday, January 23, 2012

The layover...

It's prep time for the journey ahead......

So after my last blog, I kinda tucked my tail and walked away from the blog world.
I received many emails and messages asking me to keep writing....
I love writing... and I love you guys!!  So I wanted to still be here...
But it was like after I blew off steam and signed off that last blog, I closed the door.
And then... even when I WANTED to come back, I couldn't find the door to get back in.
I couldn't find my way back.
I realized, it was because somewhere in all of that fiasco... I lost ME.
I got lost.
I lost my meaning... my purpose... my desire to share.
I felt like I was stuck.

It's like before.... I had been on a plane with a destination and so much to share on the way.  But my plane stopped for an emergency "turbulence" landing... and somehow I got stuck in a layover.  Losing direction.  Not knowing when I could get back on... or HOW!

But tonight - I had an epiphany.
I got an email that made me sit down and relive what I have been through over the past few years.  And rethink all of the things I have shared.
And I realized..... I have come a LONG way!!!!!!!!

And today - where I sit.... although I have been confused, and felt I had somehow lost myself and lost my way - TODAY I realized...
I am NOT lost.
I have NOT lost my way
I still have direction.
But something HAS changed!!

I read this:
"To be truly victorious, you must grow to the place where you're not afraid of hard times, but are actually challenged by them."

I still have hard days.  I still have days where I don't understand.
The difference is, they don't stop me in my tracks anymore.
I still have bills, and a teenage son (ha ha) and problems that come with every day life.
People will talk... they will always talk.
But what I have realized is  - not me, but GOD is bigger than ALL of that!
And I think I finally have a peace.
A peace that I cannot explain.
But I stopped worrying.
I stopped trying to defend myself to people who I owe nothing to.

I am no longer AFRAID of hard times... I look FORWARD to the challenge!

There are many many goals that I want to accomplish on top of what God has already brought me through.
I will write a new bucket list and hold myself accountable.
But I'm not SCARED of the list.

It's time that I stop during my layover and give thanks for EVERYTHING that God has brought me through.  Not just in the past few weeks, or the past year, or the past two years....... but my God has carried me for YEARS!!!
Many times when I didn't deserve it - he never let me down.
And I stand where I stand today because of that.
I am thankful
and I look forward to what He holds in my future.

And even more importantly - after the email I received tonight - I see HOW God truly does use me on a daily basis and I am very grateful for the person who shared her story with me tonight.  Thank you JR for sharing and being honest with me.  Thank you for reminding me that God uses us all in some way every day.  Thank you for honoring me with your trust... 
Though you may think God doesn't have a purpose in your life and that he can't use you... I am PROOF today - that he is!  :)   So thank you

I will continue to blog - and those who choose can continue to walk along this journey we call life with me.
I make no promises that toes won't get stepped on or that feelings won't get hurt
On your side OR mine!
But I do promise to always be here..... to always be honest.... to always listen when needed and give advice when asked..... and most importantly pray  :)

Be thankful for life's layovers.... when everything is calm and you feel lost and you aren't sure which direction to step or when....
For it is in those times that God is preparing you for something big.
and Wait..........

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