Thursday, August 15, 2013

but WAIT!! STOP ~ NO ~ I'm not ready!!!

I don't feel like a "college kid" MOM!

the time is quickly approaching

...the inevitable is going to happen was bound to come.

I should have been more prepared....

I'm so happy...

but  nervous.... and scared....

I feel accomplished and OH SO PROUD!!!

but EMPTY...

and WEIRD?

Cause I don't feel like I have a kid in college!!!
I mean.... How could I?
I'm only 27 myself!!!  (ha ha haaaaaaaaa)

In all honesty - I do only feel like I should be 27 most days.  (some call that denial... I call it eternal YOUTH!  RIGHT?!!  ha ha )  I mean my best friends are getting married and having babies!!
And I'm just over here like...... WHEN is my baby moving out?

{insert big SAD frowny face!}

ohhhhhhhh man.......
it's my baby boy.
My pride.  My joy.  My one stable thing that's always been there.
We've been through so much together....
We've kinda grown up together...
he knows far more than he should and yet it could NEVER be enough for him to be on his own...

He only JUST graduated 8th grade......


or....OK - HIGH SCHOOL.....
but I mean...... he's still only 18!

Not ready to be eaten alive by this great big MEAN world!!!

I could almost hyperventilate just thinking about it.

at 18.......

The things I did.
The places I went.
The people I met
The STUPID decisions I made.

He CAN'T be ready.
Can he??

Then I remember when I was 18.  And how ready I was to face the world.  I didn't know a DANG thing, but I held my head high and I walked out and met the world head on.
Things I didn't know, I learned as I went.
Things I did know - turned out to be WRONG so I just learned them again! (and again... and AGAIN if need be!)

I made right choices and wrong choices...
I made good friends and bad friends...
There were ups and there were downs....
High times and LOW times....

But all in all....... I faced the world... and today, although there are still fights and struggles from time to time  - I feel like I came out AHEAD!!!  WINNING!!!!!!
I survived it!
And for most of that -  I can thank my parents for raising me to be the STRONG compassionate Christian I am today.
I can thank them for teaching me to be independent
...for teaching me to get back up when you fall down
....for teaching me to not take NO for answer when it's something you believe in...

I thank my parents and friends along the way for WHO I AM TODAY!

And I have raised that baby boy to BE the man he is growing into.

I raised him to see the good all around him.
I raised him to see the good in people and appreciate the beauty in that.  It's rare.
I raised him not to take things for granted.
I raised him to understand that not everything comes easy and one wrong decision can land you in hard times...
I raised him not to judge those who have come upon hard times...
I raised him to treat everyone as equals...
I raised him to understand that some people will do ANYTHING to get ahead, but sometimes "anything" isn't worth it in the end.

Be good.

Be honest.

Be trustworthy.

Be respectful.

Be loyal.

And most of all, stand true to that moral, God-fearing, passionate, good-hearted soul that makes me so proud to call you my SON!

So if you see me or talk to me on Sunday and I'm crying or seem sad.....

Know that I'm not SAD.

Know that those are tears of joy and there could not be another person on this planet more proud of that young man as he steps out MY front door to face this great big world on his own.

I love you ZackCoolio!!!  :) 

I will miss that quirky little boy and all the WEIRD things we've done though his growing up years.... all the silly things that make him JUST LIKE ME.  Mama's boy... my spitting image.  All the "traditions" that he will carry with him.  Some he will still come home for... and some he will hopefully pass on to his family one day.  Never forget the times growing up and always cling to those hard lessons learned.  And the many more to come.  They give you backbone and make you YOU!

Hold on to Spongebob and Scooby and Little League and the Green Car and Nancy's and when times get hard and you think you can't go on... Put on some Pink Floyd so loud that Nancy can hear it and know that "this too shall pass"

Hold on to this quilt full of road trips and ballparks and MEMORIES every night you are away and remember I have always been your BIGGEST fan and I always will be!

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