Shades of Gray

OK.... so.... I totally just finished the E.L. James Series of 50 shades of gray....
First of all - HELLO - my blog name!!!!!  I mean as IF I wasn't going to love it and hold it dear to my heart anyway......

BUT WOWZERS!!!!!!
What a GREAT series!!!!!

When I started to read the books - I was initially drawn for the obvious reasons that most are.... ya know - the thrill of "mommy porn" - cuz - yeah - that's how it's lovingly referred to! 

BUT as I read on and on and became TOTALLY and UTTERLY addicted to these books....
It dawned on me......

I'm not just in love with the hot romance hot sex displayed throughout the book - but I'm utterly in love with the main character.... NO - not Christian.....  but Anastasia!!! 
calm down.... not in THAT way
But TOTALLY in a ..... woman after my own heart kind of way!

If you have been around my blog for a bit - you have been subject to my rants on the "gray" in life.  You know - those moments where there isn't an obvious black or white answer... but instead, you travel down a path in the gray.... not really knowing which way you are headed....
I seem to travel there quite often.
(Ok - I have digressed)

Anyway - I LOVE the complexity of the characters in this book
but mostly - I love that Anastasia reminded me of ME in so many ways.
Independent.
Head strong.
Tough.
Rule breaker.
But mostly - just her.  No matter what.
She loves with everything she's got and gives everything she's got - but all the time, holding on to HER.  Her hopes and dreams and her independence, while at the same time giving and protecting and loving everyone she loves!
OH - wow - what a GREAT development of her character in her book

While reading this series - I experienced another little bump in my road  (yeah - engagement is off...let's not dwell on that here... let's focus on the positive.)  so... reading, while going through what I went through - it was like a smack in the face. 

DONT LOSE YOUR(true)SELF!!!

I do love with everything I have.... and I do have a tendancey to lose a bit of myself...  I bend.  I compromise.  I justify.  I sympathize.  I open my heart and I shower in gray.
BUT - I have been quickly reminded that not everyone leads with their heart.  Some lead with motives.  Some lead with a plan....  I give too many people the benefit of the doubt and trust in the good.  I was reminded recently that not everyone has "good" as a first priority.  There are games being played.... and I have to stop trusting that people are generally like me in nature.  They aren't.  There are many more that have some sort of ulterior motive/plan.  And that makes me sad.  It makes me sad that our world is made up of so many people that way!
I must hold on to me.
Gray and all  :)

It doesn't take away my hope.  That will never happen.   But it did teach me real quick that I'm not nearly cautious enough with my feelings and trust.

The best part or life lesson shall we say - for me - without giving too much away.....  In the book - her gray becomes her normal.... her passion - her life!  And she embraces it

And me..... well - ironically enough - just like that - I'm back in my gray.

Oh yeah - there are some black and whites in my life....
but I'm walking back down that gray path again, simply wondering where I'm headed this time.
And with who?
or FOR who?

Doused in my all gray attire......  here I go again!  :)
Embracing my path
Embracing my gray

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”   Maya Angelou

I truly love this series of books.

I feel like I was reintroduced to myself

from the outside looking in....

I WILL embrace my gray and move forward and I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS than what life has in store for me  :)