Friday, May 27, 2011

How do you say goodbye

Tonight.... I am lost.
Tonight.... I don't know where I am.
Tonight.... I'm trying to hold to something I can't find.
my perspective
my peace.
 
When I was a little girl, all I wanted was a white persian cat with blue eyes.  I was almost obsessed with them.  Soon after I got out on my own, I was determined this would be one of my first purchases.  And then I met Fantasia.  She was almost white, but mostly, she was a big fluffy persian with those giant loving big blue eyes and the cutest little face I had ever seen. 

Tomorrow morning, I am taking my cat to have her put to sleep.  This... my cat I have had for 16 years.  She's as old as my son.  She's been with me through all the hard times and good times and high times and low times.  It seems old age has finally caught up.  My vet tells me she is suffering from dimentia now.   For a long time she has struggled with "using the potty" where the potty is located.  She finds places through out the house to go potty.  And it's just getting worse.  Sometimes I see her just sitting... rocking.... facing a wall.  It's gotten so bad that I have gone to great lengths to accomodate her.  In her own room, with only the litter box and food bowls.  She continues to go potty in the floor.  So - I have finally come to the realization that keeping her locked in a room to prevent her from doing things that she doesn't even realize she is doing wrong is not fair to her... and it's not fair to me. 
Her quality of life makes me sad  :(
So I have THAT to look forward to in the morning.
ALONE.
she will leave my life, just as she came in, 
just me and her.... 

Life takes us down many roads.
It brings people and animals in and out as we go. 
They come when they need them... some stay, and some move on.

So tomorrow I will say goodbye to my sweet "Fanny butt" Fantasia.
I'm not sure how to say goodbye...
I'm not sure how to be at peace with my decision...
but mostly....I'm not sure how not to BREAK.

6 comments:

Ink Spiller said...

A few years back I had to let my 14 year old cattledog go. She had been with me through some really hard time and at times it had felt like she was the only solid rock in my life.

So, I hear you Tami and my thoughts are with you. There's really nothing else I can tell you.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Tammy, but completely understand because our family cat of 16 years went through the same things, developing lukemia, diabetes, and loss of mobility. It is terribly hard but you are doing a loving thing for your sweetie. You love her enough to let her go and that is a hard thing. Will definitely be thinking of you. Frieda

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you!

Brad said...

Awwww. Poor kitty.

Be strong Tammy!

Angela said...

I'm so sorry, but you know deep down it is for the best for you both, she's had a very long and nice life and has been truly loved.

Renee said...

Tammy sorry for your loss. Fantasia is a beautiful cat with a beautiful testimony of your shared love for one another.