Wednesday, October 24, 2012

From tween... to teen.... to real life?

We have all heard that old saying a million times....
"don't judge another, for you don't know their journey"

Do you remember being in high school and that's literally ALL people did???  We judged.  Each other.  Who's cool?  Who's not cool?   Who can you talk to and who will you NEVER talk to at school?
"WHAT is she wearing?"  "What label is that?"
"He will never date me, I'm not a cheerleader".
"I can't date her, she doesn't run with the right crowd!"
OH the terrible terrible judgemental games we played as teens!!
Even those that THINK they didn't judge because they WEREN'T defined as cool, and they DIDN'T run with that crowd... they chose their own path and did their own thing - don't lie.  By boycotting the "cool crowd" you too are judging!
Oh what a vicious cycle!!!
The sad part is - in all that judging - you have NO IDEA what is going on inside those people you are judging.

So you grow up (RIGHT?).  You graduate high school and you enter the rat race.  Real life.  Whether it be college or a job or whatever path you might choose.
You move on.
You leave those high school friends, and enemies.
Some you may see again, but most you won't.
And all those judgements and sleepless nights and worries melt away.
And all you are left with are the hurtful things that you said to another AND/OR the hurtful things that were said to you.
That's it.
All the judgement.

I remember I had a really good friend whom I loved dearly.  We will call her BETH.   I was, just as many others, a freshman trying to fit in. Trying to find my place on this new journey.   And I don't know how I did it, but I did.  I hurt BETH.  I made her feel like she wasn't good enough.... which is ironic because I always thought she was cooler than me.   I found a note one day on the bus that she had written to a boy I liked.   And it said "I think Tammy Green is a snob.  Do you?"
Now I can laugh (kinda) at the immaturity of it all.
But the day I found it, it broke me.   Mostly because someone I liked and thought was cool obviously didn't like me anymore....and I had obviously done something to make her feel that way... and she used the word "snob" about me??  Which was the LAST thing I considered myself.
I never asked her about it but we weren't really friends after that
We grew apart.
For many other reasons I'm sure.... but mainly for that one simple word - "judgement"
I judged her.  She judged me.
And for what???

It's funny - I see her on occasion now.... and ALL I can remember is that note.   Not the fun things we did or how far we have come in life - but the first thing in my mind is always that NOTE.  And as stupid as it is... it STILL hurts my feelings today!

You would think all those lessons we learn in high school would make us better people.  Actually some lessons do.  But what I don't understand is after all the judging and hurtful things that we do and survive in high school - why does the judgement continue?

Is it just the way of the world???

When I got divorced, the hardest part for me, as I'm sure is with many - was that "stigma" that comes with being "divorced".  People will think I FAILED!  I felt like everyone would look at me like I had done something wrong.  Like I must be some evil spawn that someone couldn't stomach being with forever.  And let's not fail to mention the spiritual wounds that diminished my spiritual walk because I felt like I failed and disappointed God too!

Over the past few weeks, I have heard story after story after story of things about people.... some that are good and some I wish I never knew.
But mostly - it has reminded me that judging others is sooooo hurtful and damaging - and just plain wrong.  We are so guilty of looking at others and being jealous or wishing we had the life of someone else.  How many times have you looked at someone and said  "He/She is soooo lucky!!"
And ohhhh how many times we look at someone and say "OH MY.  I would NEVER do that!!"
You don't know.
You haven't walked their path.... you're not on their journey.

Don't assume.
As good as life is for us all - it is also bad.  And hard.  And everyone hurts.
Remember - not everything is as it appears on the outside.

Just as much as you hurt and worry what others think or worry what others will "find out" about you - so is the person next to you.

Love unconditionally.
Pray for everyone you know.
And for the love of everyone around you - stop JUDGING!!

Focus on the good in your life and how lucky and blessed you are.
If it wasn't for the rainy days and the storms, it would be hard to appreciate the SUNSHINE!!! 

And for any of you young high school kids that might somehow stumble upon this page.... when you are in school, don't fret over if you're cool or not cool.  Don't think you have to do things to impress someone else.  Follow your heart.  Love unconditionally.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Don't judge your classmates, you don't know what they go home to every day!!!

Just don't judge.

Pouring my heart up and Linking up with Shell over at

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Be your own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!!

In honor of my mom's birthday today....

Thank you mom for pushing me and teaching me to be  ME.

My own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!

**originally published 7/13/11**

My mom gave me a picture frame that says "Be your own kind of Beautiful"
and it's stocked full of pictures of ME being my own quirky "ME"  :)

My mom gave me a necklace on my wedding day.  It's a little silver heart full of diamonds.  Something "new"  (she also gave me a cute little Alan Jackson pin to wear under my dress as my something "old"   ha ha)

My mom gave me a necklace on my younger brother's wedding day (which was before mine).  It's a silver dolphin, because she knows they are my favorite.... simply because she knew how hard that day was for me... not just watching my baby brother growing up, but knowing that I always felt that I would never find my other half.   That maybe I never felt I was good enough.

My mom...... my worst enemy growing up.... was ALWAYS my biggest fan.
She was when I was 7, she was when I was 13, she was when I was a horrible HORRIBLE 18  (sorry again mom!).... and she still is.

I look back and there are so many things that I learned from her.   Too many to even list and probably more than she will ever truly know.
But mostly... I learned to be STRONG and I learned to be ME.   Just as I am.

Tonight...... I stumbled upon this song and it absolutely brought me to my knees.
There are so many days in my past that I chose a wrong road.  So many times I made choices that only brought regret...
So many times I wanted to run away from it all and hide....

Leave the Light on

But my mom.... my biggest fan.... taught me to be strong.  She taught me to be ME....  She taught me that no matter what happens, NEVER settle for less than I deserve.

So now, I try to live my life leaving the light on.  I am who I am.  I believe how I believe.   I love with everything I have and I give everything I can give.  I'm an open book (my mom says maybe a little TOO open!  ha ha) and I'm honest!
And maybe I am too emotional.  Maybe I am too quiet.  Maybe I am too intolerant of certain things.  Maybe I expect too much.  Maybe I'm too impatient.  Maybe I'm too spontaneous. 

But all those wrong roads and all those "maybe's" ... well they make me who I am today.   And I am better for that.

Unfortunately - there are days when it just doesn't feel like enough.  Sometimes all those "maybe's" get the best of me and I think I should just keep my mouth shut.
Sometimes, I lose me.
Sometimes all the good that I bring is shadowed by something bigger.   
Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by others... their opinions, their "this is how it's always been", their judgements, their own way of thinking - making me feel like mine is not important.
And sometimes, I wanna run away and hide it all away.
Sometimes, the fight is just not in me.
I shut down.
Sometimes I just want to turn that dang light off!

But the truth is....
All I CAN be is me.  All I can do is ask for respect me for who I am and what I believe.

In the end - All I CAN be is my own kind of beautiful.

Not running
Not hiding
Not weak

Not depending on anyone but me and my light to remind me where I've been and what I'm worth

If that's not enough .... then you need to work on your own light and let me stand in mine......

Proud of who I am
Strong for what I've been through
and Beautiful for just who I am.

There is one thing that is never worth the compromise - and that's ME.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

My pen runs dry sometimes.....

I go through phases where I want to write.......
in fact I NEED to write..... It's so therapeutic!

and then I  LULL again.....
(perhaps that is why I can't keep a faithful following on my blog???)

I want to write - I like to write - I love to share....
(secret fantasy.... I would love to write a book)
I love to pour out my heart and reach out my hands for others.
It's who I am.  It's what I do.

But sometimes... the words just won't come.

So I read.

I open my blog and I find myself reading old blogs and thinking back to where I've been and just like the title of blog.... finding myself today on paths that I never expected.
And I can't write.
It's too much
It's overwhelming.

Like really OVERWHELMING - think about it....
if you could today go back and talk to your 5 year younger self.... what would you say??/

So many pits you could tell yourself to avoid.
So many decisions you might make differently.
AND so many things that I'd wanna say  "OHHHH just wait!!!  It's gonna be GREAT!"

Its so funny and amazing how it all makes sense one day!

In the middle of that journey, in the middle of those valleys you will pass through....
if only you knew how GREAT life would be in 5 years... or 10..... or maybe just in 1!!
If only you could see how those lessons are shaping you and preparing you for what's next!!!

It's fantastic!!!

I LOVE having a blog.....a journal of my life.  There is nothing better than going back and reading something you experienced 3 years ago and smiling because of where you have come since then!!

Sooooo....... over the next few days, I have some of my most popular and inspirational blogs prepared to REpublish!!!!  Some of you may have missed them the first time.  And some of you might just need to read them again!  I know I did!!!

Feel free to be INSPIRED!!!!!!