Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Be your own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!!

In honor of my mom's birthday today....

Thank you mom for pushing me and teaching me to be  ME.

My own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!

**originally published 7/13/11**

My mom gave me a picture frame that says "Be your own kind of Beautiful"
and it's stocked full of pictures of ME being my own quirky "ME"  :)

My mom gave me a necklace on my wedding day.  It's a little silver heart full of diamonds.  Something "new"  (she also gave me a cute little Alan Jackson pin to wear under my dress as my something "old"   ha ha)

My mom gave me a necklace on my younger brother's wedding day (which was before mine).  It's a silver dolphin, because she knows they are my favorite.... simply because she knew how hard that day was for me... not just watching my baby brother growing up, but knowing that I always felt that I would never find my other half.   That maybe I never felt I was good enough.

My mom...... my worst enemy growing up.... was ALWAYS my biggest fan.
She was when I was 7, she was when I was 13, she was when I was a horrible HORRIBLE 18  (sorry again mom!).... and she still is.

I look back and there are so many things that I learned from her.   Too many to even list and probably more than she will ever truly know.
But mostly... I learned to be STRONG and I learned to be ME.   Just as I am.

Tonight...... I stumbled upon this song and it absolutely brought me to my knees.
There are so many days in my past that I chose a wrong road.  So many times I made choices that only brought regret...
So many times I wanted to run away from it all and hide....

Leave the Light on

But my mom.... my biggest fan.... taught me to be strong.  She taught me to be ME....  She taught me that no matter what happens, NEVER settle for less than I deserve.

So now, I try to live my life leaving the light on.  I am who I am.  I believe how I believe.   I love with everything I have and I give everything I can give.  I'm an open book (my mom says maybe a little TOO open!  ha ha) and I'm honest!
And maybe I am too emotional.  Maybe I am too quiet.  Maybe I am too intolerant of certain things.  Maybe I expect too much.  Maybe I'm too impatient.  Maybe I'm too spontaneous. 

But all those wrong roads and all those "maybe's" ... well they make me who I am today.   And I am better for that.

Unfortunately - there are days when it just doesn't feel like enough.  Sometimes all those "maybe's" get the best of me and I think I should just keep my mouth shut.
Sometimes, I lose me.
Sometimes all the good that I bring is shadowed by something bigger.   
Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by others... their opinions, their "this is how it's always been", their judgements, their own way of thinking - making me feel like mine is not important.
And sometimes, I wanna run away and hide it all away.
Sometimes, the fight is just not in me.
I shut down.
Sometimes I just want to turn that dang light off!

But the truth is....
All I CAN be is me.  All I can do is ask for respect me for who I am and what I believe.

In the end - All I CAN be is my own kind of beautiful.

Not running
Not hiding
Not weak

Not depending on anyone but me and my light to remind me where I've been and what I'm worth

If that's not enough .... then you need to work on your own light and let me stand in mine......

Proud of who I am
Strong for what I've been through
and Beautiful for just who I am.

There is one thing that is never worth the compromise - and that's ME.

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