Monday, July 16, 2012

Hold on to FAITH...

What about the days when the best you can do is scrounge change from the couch cushions to buy your baby boy a 40 cent canned coke from a coke machine that you have to walk down the street to get to?

What about when you get in your car to head to work and the gauge is on E... and you pray the whole way that you make it... cause you literally don't have $1 for gas??  and then you pray for at least $10 in tips that day so you can get home?

What about the day you go in for work and are told you no longer have a job because the place is closing down??

What about the day you finally sit down and collapse realizing your life has become a joke.. Everything you had hoped and dreamed of is nothing but a puff a smoke blown away?

What about the day you have to take a cab to work.... but first you have to take the cab to daycare to drop off your child... because you no longer have a vehicle??

What about when you sit down to pay out your bills and you realize - your income vs your outflow just doesn't add up?

How about realizing your almost half way through life, you hate your job, you're alone... and basically heading no where... THIS is what your life has become??

What about ALL those nights you have cried yourself to sleep because no matter how HARD you try, no matter how many GOOD decisions you think you make, no matter how many TIMES you pray.... all you can do is look up to heaven and wonder....
"Dear Lord why have you forsaken me??"  
Or even worse, "God - are you even there???"

Have you been there?
Do you ever just wanna throw your hands up and just GIVE UP?
Do you know that heart breaking, gut wrenching pain??!!
I do.
I could go on and on with scenario after scenario.... of days when I thought I couldn't look for tomorrow.  Days when I felt that I had literally failed in life.  Days when I was ashamed that my child had ME to look up to... me, a failure to be his role model.  And even worse, those days when I thought there couldn't be a God and if there was - he sure didn't care about me!!!

But here's the good news.


And although I felt like I failed time and time again.... HE was right there beside me, crying with me.  Holding my hand.  Carrying me when I could no longer walk....
Watching me try... watching me fall and picking me up... watching make good decisions and watching me make bad ones.  But never judging and never forsaking me....

Do you know how I know this?

I know this because ALL those trials and rough times I went through... all those tears and heart aches... they ALL, every single one, brought me right where I am today.
And I have a new perspective.
You see - there were days when I didn't know how I would pay my bills.  There were many things I lost and many things I did without through those years....  I swallowed alot of pride.
BUT - I can look back now and know - even through all of that - God was taking care of me.
I worked hard, I gave everything I was capable of giving, I took care of my baby boy and made sure HE was always fed and clothed and most importantly LOVED.

And I see now - God was taking care of us both.

ALL of those paths I walked down... the twists, the turns, the backflips.... they all added up to where I am and WHO I am today.

And for that reason - I know my God is real.  I know he has sheltered and protected me from many things.  Even on those days when I thought it couldn't have gotten any worse, perspective shows me that YES - it could in fact be worse!!!

I kept my head up, kept praying and kept trusting that God had a plan bigger than me.
And from where I sit today - his plan was way more perfect than anything I could have done on my own!!

Ask me if there is a God
Ask me if he is real
Ask me HOW I, a single mother on my own at 19.... got through school, raised an awesome young man, bought my own house, paid off a vehicle and now go to work every day to a job I love surrounded by an awesome group of co-workers!!
And ask me about being loved and surrounded by the best family and friends and boyfriend that a girl could ask for......

Go ahead....... ASK ME!!!!!!

It may have taken years for me to fully understand it....

My God is good!

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