Good Samaritan gone mad!??

ya think??
I'll let you decide?!!

So I was at the mall tonight.... of course till the doors closed.  So I leave, out the back door, through the parking lot.... ALONE.  (my friend went out another door)

As I walked out - I looked around the parking lot.  I always do this.... I like to be familiar with my surroundings. And as I casually looked around, I saw a young boy walking down the sidewalk.  Immediately my brain goes into "protect" mode (just in case)  I purposely don't make eye contact and hurry to my truck.  (Not in an obvious asshole kind of way... just cautiously.... taking note of his whereabouts)  Anyway... I'm trying to hurry up and get in my truck without obviously watching where the boy is going.... 
(ahhh crap - he's heading my way!)

Then I hear it.....

The words I dread....


"Excuse me ..... ma'am....??"

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.....

I slowly turn around....

"Yes....?"  I meekly reply....

"I'm sorry to bother you ma'am, but is there any way you could give me a ride home?"

Well immediately my brain starts going through 1,000 scenarios.
What if he's looking for a "good time"?
What if he's drunk?
What if he's carrying a gun?
What if he is a decoy for someone else?
What if there is a evil scary person ducked in a vehicle close by waiting for his foothold into my vehicle?

And then my heart takes over.... with 1,000 more....
What if he really IS stranded?
What if he has no one?
What if that was MY son?
What if I'm the last kind person he sees tonight?
What could happen to this poor thing if I walk away?

My heart wins.
It always does.

So I slowly turn and ask him where he lives.  (He asks me if I know where WKU campus is.... bless his heart.  Yes I do)
I asked why he needs a ride?  What happened to him?  (He informs me that his friends have deserted him at the mall)
**alarms going off in my head**
ok... ok...
What am I gonna do?
He's holding a bag, a shopping bag of some sort.
So I tell him to hang on a second.
I put my purse in the back seat, place my bags in the back end of the truck and get my phone out to hold in my hand.
I turned and said "I hate to do this, but I'm gonna need to see what you have in the bag"
**I do have a BIG heart, but I'm not TOTALLY stupid**
He immediately pulls out cd's and proudly shows them to me.  It's only cd's.  And then without hesitation, he began to empty his pockets showing me he only has keys and a wallet and his WKU ID.
ok... I feel a bit safer.

In ya go.....
and we're off.....

Although I was still a bit edgy, my brain still pulling and throwing ideas and flashing warning sirens in my head - he was rather chatty on the journey.
He's from Louisville.  He's at WKU for the meteorology program.  He's a freshman.  His grandmother is a high school teacher and his grand parents are well traveled.  He's been to 30 states, Mexico, the Bahamas, and he's been on two cruises....
He then asked me if he needed a haircut - to which I replied indeed.  He said his grandmother would die if she saw his hair so long.
There was alot of small talk about the weather and Bowling Green and Louisville and on and on.....
Then I asked how school is going for him....He's not doing well in school because he lacks motivation and he's not very good at math. He told me he's really gonna work on his motivation over the summer.  I told him that comes with age  (it did for me at least!)  He then informed me that the Aspergers makes it harder too.  (If you don't know what this is.... Aspergers is a type of pervasive development disorder (PDD). PDDs are a group of conditions that involve delays in the development of many basic skills, most notably the ability to socialize with others, to communicate, and to use imagination.)

Well - my heart has now melted.
Maybe I could have been in danger, maybe I did something crazy, maybe I wasn't cautious enough...

But NOW - all I can see is a sweet young boy who was just TOTALLY mistreated by a group of peers that he referred to as friends.  And in my head - I now envision that they probably did it on purpose and were now sitting in that dorm laughing their butts off.
(**warning sirens have stopped and momma bear has kicked in!**)
Shame shame on people.
And you know what he told me?!!!   - he told me they probably left him because he lingered longer than he should have in a store... defending them...
Honestly - who does that????

So when I got him safely back to his dorm, he thanked me repeatedly for my kindness, and even went so far as to send well wishes to my friends whom I told him had recently married....
What a sweet sweet boy you are little Steven and I wish you the very best.

And to the A-holes that deserted you in the mall with no ride and no where to turn, forcing you to turn to a STRANGER in the parking lot  (I shudder to think what if he had asked someone else for a ride!!!) 
well.... I can only hope that one day you will see the unkindness of your actions.

Sometimes (well .... most of the time actually)  I'm glad my heart leads over my mind.


OH - and just a side note here - remember my friend who was at the mall with me....... yeah - I PURPOSELY pulled up beside her on the main road so she could SEE I had a strange person in my vehicle.  (That way if God forbid something DID happen to me, she could maybe identify that I had a stranger with me and possibly what he looked like??!!)
yeah
She never even saw me.
Drove by her TWICE
Saw my vehicle, but never noticed the stranger in the passengers seat!  LOL
Thanks D  ;-)

The Age of Aquarius...

.... has given way to the "Age of ENTITLEMENT"

A recent incident with my son (well.... there are lots of them actually) but anyway - the most recent one made me stop and think.... how and WHY has everyone become like this?

Kids (not just mine) have become so "entitled" these days.
Ask them to do something and don't get the response you want, well God forbid you punish them!  or even get upset!!
No one else gets grounded.
No one else has to clean their room.
Everyone else is going....
Everyone else got a new a car at 16....

What do we do as parents?? We as parents have to abide - because let's face it - who wants their kid to be the ONLY one without a brand new car... or who wants their kid to be the one that didn't get to go to prom....
So we run around working our butts off, driving ourselves mad... so we can "KNOW" the right people... or "PAY" the right amount of money... or KISS the right butt because - after all - it is for the betterment of our children right!!

So our kids grow up with no ACCOUNTABILITY
They have suddenly developed this false sense of entitlement.... because WE have made them that way.  The parents are so busy out doing each other (all in the name of our kids) that the kids get to just sit back and watch the world be handed to them on a silver platter.

How does this prepare them for the REAL WORLD????????
I mean really........

I'll tell you what it does.....
It produces grown MEN and WOMEN who think they can do or act any way they please and not have to answer for it.  Because it is ALWAYS someone else's fault.
"I didn't get to play in the game today because the COACH doesn't like me" (not because I missed practice yesterday because it wasn't important to ME)
becomes
"I lost my job because my boss's daughter is friends with that other girl" (not because I was late to work every day and didn't put an ounce of effort into my work)

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. 

But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.”  ~Katharine Hepburn~

I have met grown men and women who are products of this parenting..... actually not just the parents, but teachers, coaches, other adults who train children to believe it's always someone else's fault.  I have met these adults....  and they still believe they don't have to answer for anything they do.  They still believe that the WORLD owes them something.  They still believe that life will just be handed to them... and if not - well it MUST be someone else's fault.

We even as adults make excuses for them.   "Oh  - that's just .  That's just how they are"  And we brush it off.  Relaying once again - that there is no accountability for actions....

It all makes me sick

But mostly - it makes me sad

WE are responsible for why the world IS the way it is.   

WE create this entitlement.

WHAT are we doing?!!

{too harsh??}

Shredded

Do you ever have a day....
one of those days where it's like EVERYTHING is on your nerves?!!
I mean EVERYTHING!!!!!!

and it's not that I'm in a bad mood - I'm really not
It's more like I just don't have any tolerance for stupidity or anything that isn't.... (this will shock you) Black or White!!!!!!

I feel like a million gazillion people have their hands on my arms and legs and ears and face and fingers and toes and MY SOUL.... just pulling.... tugging - and I just wanna SCREAM

I don't want to THINK.

I wanna run away to a town where no one knows my name.
And sit at a table outside and enjoy some coffee and watch people pass me by....
and not talk...
or think...
OR CARE!!!!!!

I need an adventure
or SOMETHING

Do they make a pill for this???!!!!!!  LOL

Probably

BUT - here's my solution.......


Whatever you focus on, you will soon become!!
MAKE.  IT.  POSITIVE!!

I have a GREAT job!
I work with some pretty great peeps.
I have an AWESOME family
I LOVE my son! He's GREAT!  (even with the teenage attitude!)
My vehicle is paid for and I'm almost completely debt free!
I have spectacular friends!
One of my besties just got married!  (she's in Jamaica and that makes me a TAD bit green - ha)
I have a roof over my head
and running water
and food on the table
and GOD on my side!

Isn't it amazing how that changes your perspective INSTANTLY!

My advice to you - the same advice to myself when I get like this:   Push all the hands away and make a list of the many blessings in your life!

I.  Am.  Blessed!  :)
And thank GOD!

{{I could still use a beach and some vacation}}   ;-)

Shades of Gray

OK.... so.... I totally just finished the E.L. James Series of 50 shades of gray....
First of all - HELLO - my blog name!!!!!  I mean as IF I wasn't going to love it and hold it dear to my heart anyway......

BUT WOWZERS!!!!!!
What a GREAT series!!!!!

When I started to read the books - I was initially drawn for the obvious reasons that most are.... ya know - the thrill of "mommy porn" - cuz - yeah - that's how it's lovingly referred to! 

BUT as I read on and on and became TOTALLY and UTTERLY addicted to these books....
It dawned on me......

I'm not just in love with the hot romance hot sex displayed throughout the book - but I'm utterly in love with the main character.... NO - not Christian.....  but Anastasia!!! 
calm down.... not in THAT way
But TOTALLY in a ..... woman after my own heart kind of way!

If you have been around my blog for a bit - you have been subject to my rants on the "gray" in life.  You know - those moments where there isn't an obvious black or white answer... but instead, you travel down a path in the gray.... not really knowing which way you are headed....
I seem to travel there quite often.
(Ok - I have digressed)

Anyway - I LOVE the complexity of the characters in this book
but mostly - I love that Anastasia reminded me of ME in so many ways.
Independent.
Head strong.
Tough.
Rule breaker.
But mostly - just her.  No matter what.
She loves with everything she's got and gives everything she's got - but all the time, holding on to HER.  Her hopes and dreams and her independence, while at the same time giving and protecting and loving everyone she loves!
OH - wow - what a GREAT development of her character in her book

While reading this series - I experienced another little bump in my road  (yeah - engagement is off...let's not dwell on that here... let's focus on the positive.)  so... reading, while going through what I went through - it was like a smack in the face. 

DONT LOSE YOUR(true)SELF!!!

I do love with everything I have.... and I do have a tendancey to lose a bit of myself...  I bend.  I compromise.  I justify.  I sympathize.  I open my heart and I shower in gray.
BUT - I have been quickly reminded that not everyone leads with their heart.  Some lead with motives.  Some lead with a plan....  I give too many people the benefit of the doubt and trust in the good.  I was reminded recently that not everyone has "good" as a first priority.  There are games being played.... and I have to stop trusting that people are generally like me in nature.  They aren't.  There are many more that have some sort of ulterior motive/plan.  And that makes me sad.  It makes me sad that our world is made up of so many people that way!
I must hold on to me.
Gray and all  :)

It doesn't take away my hope.  That will never happen.   But it did teach me real quick that I'm not nearly cautious enough with my feelings and trust.

The best part or life lesson shall we say - for me - without giving too much away.....  In the book - her gray becomes her normal.... her passion - her life!  And she embraces it

And me..... well - ironically enough - just like that - I'm back in my gray.

Oh yeah - there are some black and whites in my life....
but I'm walking back down that gray path again, simply wondering where I'm headed this time.
And with who?
or FOR who?

Doused in my all gray attire......  here I go again!  :)
Embracing my path
Embracing my gray

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”   Maya Angelou

I truly love this series of books.

I feel like I was reintroduced to myself

from the outside looking in....

I WILL embrace my gray and move forward and I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS than what life has in store for me  :)