So I took a little time away from my blog. Not because I don't love you all and not because I don't need this blog. But because I needed a mini vacay from my brain and all my thoughts and analyzing!
And now I'm back....
so fresh and so clean clean :)
Lots of people have checked in on me over the past several months. (some have been checking for longer than I realized!) Lots of friends have left me with kind words, prayers, even little gifts here and there to let me know that everything is gonna be alright.
People keep asking how I am.
People keep saying they are sorry for what I'm going through.
I'm so VERY VERY lucky and thankful for ALL your kind words and support and thoughts and prayers.
I truly truly am.
So here is what I want you all to know.
I'm ok! :)
and I'm just gonna keep on dreaming! BIG!! :)
Someone told me recently that they were going to have to stop reading my blog because it was too sad. I told them - it's not sad, it's HOPEFUL! (I mean... it IS right?!) And that person said "you are one resilient individual"
Thing is.......I choose to be!
You see.... people go through trial and heartache every day. We are all VERY good at hiding it. But trust me, the amazing thing about me writing here is the feedback I get in return. Not just people supporting me, but people asking for support and prayer from me.
People - THAT is what life is all about!!!
Not pretending to be something that your not!
Not pretending you have the BEST life out there!
Not putting on a face so that everyone envies your life above everyone else!
It's not our job or our RIGHT to make others feel inadequate.
People do it to make themselves feel better. And trust me, it makes you NO BETTER!
Get down off your high horse and open your heart and look around.
Yes. I'm honest!
Yes. I'm an open book!
I will tell you the truth. I will tell you details that maybe most wouldn't.
I have nothing to hide.
Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I do my best every day to make someone around me feel loved.
Have I been hurt? yes.
Will I give up on people? No. Never
I had faith in a man and a marriage that let me down.
But guess what.... as much as it broke my heart going through - I look back now and I realize God saved me. He saved me from walking down a LONG road that would have only gotten worse.
I don't believe in divorce. I don't think God predestined me to BE divorced. But I do think that people make decisions and choose paths against God's will (infidelity, lying, cheating, disrespecting, dishonoring) that are out of our control. And for that reason, judge me if you will, but for that reason I DO believe that divorce is sometimes used to save one life because another is gone astray. Rather than two falling down, at least one chooses to be saved.
I looked back one night at blogs I posted after I got married, and the fact of the matter is... as much as I loved him and believed in us.... I couldn't make him love and respect me the same.
Yes he will go on and tell people I was a hateful bitter woman and no one will ever live up to my expectations, and yes in the beginning I wanted to shout what he did to me from a mountain top and defend myself. Yes. There is ALWAYS an ugly side in us that wants to look better than the other person.
But here is what I have learned through all of this....
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese
I forgive and move on. And frankly - I'm just done talking about the PAST and the pain and the regret and the mistakes. I have forgiven not just him, but MYSELF also.
And for that - the door to my future is happy and positive and WIDE OPEN!
Will I find love again with a man? maybe! :) I have faith!
And if I don't find it in one man, I will find it in ALL the world all around me :)
"All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come of it"
Here is my challenge to you ALL for the week!!!!!Christmas is just around the corner - right?! Everyone is caught up in the hustle and bustle of gift buying and the commercialism of what Christmas has become.
I read something on facebook tonight that someone did - and it inspired me!
I am therefore passing this along to inspire EACH and EVERYone of you!!
Here is her post........
I challenge each of you to do this very thing this week!
Please please share any feedback or blessing you share or receive in this endeavor!
TRULY INSPIRING! :)