Ohhhh - How I have missed thee!

Hello blog world.
ohhhhh how I have missed you!!!
I have SOOOOO much to share!!!

Rehearsal pictures.... (story and pictures LATER)
wedding is done - I'm MARRIED - I will have pictures!!  (for another blog!)
(AND - I REEEEEEEALLY need to vent! ha)

SO today - I just had a thought....
I shared this quote {MY quote} on facebook and thought I would take a moment to share and vent a little.

I'm trying VERY hard to remain positive...
life is good
life is changing...
it's scary - but GOOD
but MOSTLY - it's HARD!!

"When nothing else is going right and it feels like ur world is crashing around you, always remember God will find a way to remind you he is still taking care of you! Don't blink, you just might miss it!!"

WHY is it that I try so hard to focus on each day and the POSITIVE in my life - but it seems circumstances and people around me keep draggin me down????
I just got married right?!
Wedding bliss.....newlyweds..  all the FUN of a new life came flooding in on me!
I couldn't wait to start that new life.


Just to be honest....
first week of marriage....
not all it's cracked up to be!!!!


DONT get me wrong.
I LOOOOOVE T and I'm soooooo glad the wedding has come and gone and we are now in the "happily ever after" - but WOW
it's just harder than I expected.


I'm not going to go into GREAT detail - just needed to vent a little.
I'm the glass half full girl.  I look at the positive - and maybe I do look at life through "rose colored glasses"

but....I am HAPPY!
I CHOOSE to be happy!
It IS a choice!!!!
and I guess for a while I just wanted to bask in the JOY of finally finding the love of my life.  Finally signing that piece of paper... finally being able to say I have a partner for life and he's my BEST friend.  
Yeah school is hard (another story for another blog)
yeah - money is gonna be tight.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not naive... I KNOW these things.

BUT don't you understand that a GREAT thing has just happened in my life.

NO - we don't have time or money for a honeymoon - but can't we just LIVE like a honeymoon for a while??


NOPE
real life is this:
gotta get everyone moved in and settled in and a schedule made and bills paid and a budget made.


SHUT  UP LIFE!

Let me live in my fantasy world for just a short while....


Anyway - just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive, I am finally married and put THAT stress behind me- yeah school started and life is stressful - but I'm hoping to NOW be back to some sort of normal blog schedule again.
I'm missing my bloggy buddies.......  (and ur comments and support!)


MUAHHHHHHH

Please allow me a multitude of "what if's"

So T made a comment to me the other day... innocently... jokingly... but it has brought on a whirlwind of emotion and more specifically .... a BIT of a freak out!!!!
{{is this what they refer to as cold feet??}

Now don't get me wrong - I'm totally in love and I'm not second guessing at all what we are doing and where we are going...
I LOVE T with all my heart and I can't WAIT to spend the rest of my life with him....

{{I still have moments when I can't believe that someone ACTUALLY loves me THAT much!}}

BUT
the other day he said   "I can't believe you said that you've waited all your life to get married"
and like a ton of bricks....
all the upcoming CHANGE washed over me like a monsoon!

Let me re-introduce myself.  ha ha  (for those of you who don't KNOW me personally)
I have been on my own for a long time.......it's been me and Zack... for 15 years!!!
I'm in charge.
It's my way....
(I'm kinda.... a little... selfish... shhhhhhhhhhh)
I make decisions and have no one to answer to...
Saturday - that will come to an end.

Life as we know it will CHANGE.

So I was surrounded with thoughts of.......
WHAT IF I can't do it?
WHAT IF I suck as a wife?
WHAT IF I suck as a step mom?
WHAT IF I suck at sharing?
WHAT IF I suck at compromising?
WHAT IF he doesn't love me enough?
WHAT IF he CAN'T love me enough?
WHAT IF I do everything wrong?
WHAT IF I break?
WHAT IF I break HIM?
What if......I only know how to BE single?

WHAT IF I have waited my whole life to be married.... to be a wife..... to have a husband that I love with everything I have.... WHAT IF I have waited my WHOLE life for this and I blow it???????

I know life has ups and downs.
I know that even as a "single girl" life has those mountains and valleys
But as a wife, someone else's happiness is in my hands too.

WHAT IF I don't know how to do everything right?

I know that no one KNOWS how to do everything right...
but I guess I'm just scared of letting someone else down...

I'm not having freak out moments about WHAT I'm doing.
I'm marrying the man of my dreams....... my everything!!!

I'm MORE having a little freak out about whether or not I can be and do all I need to be and do!

I'll be fine in the end.... I just always worry about letting someone else down.....

I just want everyone...... Preacher T, Z, the girls... to be JUST as happy as I am.

5.....4.......3.....2...1

HOLY COW - I can NOT believe how fast things are slipping up on me!!!!!!!

Baby Z started back to school today...
I start ultrasound classes in 12 days...
Wedding is in 17 days...

Engagement pics are done - so I thought I would take a minute to share some of those with ya!
still a million little things to take care of...
music cd's
finalize the food menu
finalize the flower order
I don't even have my jewelry yet
still have bridesmaid gifts to purchase
blah blah blah.........

but in the meantime......
check these out from my AWESOME photographer friend.... Morgan Marie

Bachelorette party SATURDAY!!!!!!!
MORE pics to come from then........

NOW...............
I gotta go get busy!!!!!!

Wedding - Saturday, August 21 - 6:00 PM...  at Plum Springs Baptist Church

All of our friends and family are welcome  :)