There ARE people out there...

Wait.... WHAT?!
There are???

like this.....
(wait for it...)

I am in awe.
(keep waiting....)

Just yesterday I posted this blog 
(here is the link in case you missed it!)
I was fretting over my blog and some things that have happened in my life.
Worried about my lack of inspiration as of late...
And how I carry around all this bitterness and anger and resentment... and I feel like it's draining my soul.

My main point was that I felt like I needed to walk away from my blog... I felt like I had lack of direction or inspiration.  Like I had lost my original purpose in writing.
to inspire
to motivate
to truly share and wish the best for people.
I felt like there used to be all these people who followed me, and now suddenly - I don't hear from them anymore... do they still read?  Do they care?  Are they disappointed in me?

And then I got a text, a tweet actually, from my son whom has gone off to college ....
and doesn't "NEED" his mommy anymore.... cause that's what happen when they grow up - right??
And it said...

"I still enjoy your blogs. You should keep writing them, they have meaning to me."

And that's all it took.
to bring me back to where I should have been all along.

Sometimes we write (or speak) and we worry that we might say something wrong or hurt someones feelings or worry that someone will judge us or not want to be our friends anymore...
but HERE is the truth
We blog to be free.
I blog to be honest.
I blog to be me.
I blog to inspire.... to motivate... to be someone my son can be proud of.  
To be someone my son will look up to. 
I want him to know ME - the REAL ME.... not just what I chose for him to see...... I have always been honest with him... I always want him to know who I REALLY am.  Not just an "image" of what a mother "SHOULD be"
And if others do also - well.... that's just a bonus!  :)

So please allow me to continue to be me
to motivate... to inspire..... to be honest
and to NOT care if you judge me or don't like me or decide you don't want to be my friend anymore.

I am me.
Just me.(here is another link if you missed my cordial introduction of myself!  ha)
I vow to say what I feel and/or what I think
And if you can't handle it, go read someone else's thoughts!
Or just don't read MINE!

SO - After all that soul searching and some very sweet messages from some good friends of mine last night .... I happened to come across this video on facebook that someone had posted
And it broke my heart.   in a good way.
It reminded me that we are all "NOT PERFECT".
Whose job is it to decide what we are supposed to look like or act like anyway?  What is PERFECT?
We all make decisions and have thoughts that we ARE proud of... and some that we aren't!

We.  Are.  Human.

So I urge you to watch this....... have Kleenex on hand - TRUST ME on that!!!  It is especially dedicated to all you moms out there who have thoughts that you feel embarrassed to feel.
I was a single mom...... all of Zack's childhood!  And I raised a FINE OUTSTANDING young man..... of whom I couldn't be more proud.  But there are moments looking back that I DID make bad decisions.  There are moments that I am NOT proud of.  There are thoughts and decisions that I would DIE if someone had read my mind!  But they are real.  They are natural.  And it's OK.

I truly believe God gives his TOUGHEST battles to those of us who are the strongest....... and we rely SO MUCH on Him!!

Please follow the link below and read about the dad who found out his wife was pregnant with a child with Down Syndrome.  He is very honest about his feelings and the battles he fought within.
HE is a man who inspires me.
For his honesty... for his FIGHT... and for his heart overflowing with LOVE and understanding.  And I know that all the speed bumps they will encounter ahead may trip him up.... but this video proves that LOVE is stronger than anything.
And there is NOTHING stronger in the world - than the LOVE of a child.
whether it be your own by birth, your own through adoption, whether it be your nieces, your nephews, your best friends baby girl or boy.....
I promise you - there is NOTHING in the world GREATER!

Enjoy the video and I hope it touches you and makes YOU a stronger person! And if the case may be - a STRONGER PARENT.

This Guy Writes a Confession Letter to His Daughter with Down Syndrome

Be your own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!!

In honor of my mom's birthday today....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!

Thank you mom for pushing me and teaching me to be  ME.

My own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!

**originally published 7/13/11**

My mom gave me a picture frame that says "Be your own kind of Beautiful"
and it's stocked full of pictures of ME being my own quirky "ME"  :)

My mom gave me a necklace on my wedding day.  It's a little silver heart full of diamonds.  Something "new"  (she also gave me a cute little Alan Jackson pin to wear under my dress as my something "old"   ha ha)

My mom gave me a necklace on my younger brother's wedding day (which was before mine).  It's a silver dolphin, because she knows they are my favorite.... simply because she knew how hard that day was for me... not just watching my baby brother growing up, but knowing that I always felt that I would never find my other half.   That maybe I never felt I was good enough.

My mom...... my worst enemy growing up.... was ALWAYS my biggest fan.
She was when I was 7, she was when I was 13, she was when I was a horrible HORRIBLE 18  (sorry again mom!).... and she still is.

I look back and there are so many things that I learned from her.   Too many to even list and probably more than she will ever truly know.
But mostly... I learned to be STRONG and I learned to be ME.   Just as I am.

Tonight...... I stumbled upon this song and it absolutely brought me to my knees.
There are so many days in my past that I chose a wrong road.  So many times I made choices that only brought regret...
So many times I wanted to run away from it all and hide....

Leave the Light on

But my mom.... my biggest fan.... taught me to be strong.  She taught me to be ME....  She taught me that no matter what happens, NEVER settle for less than I deserve.

So now, I try to live my life leaving the light on.  I am who I am.  I believe how I believe.   I love with everything I have and I give everything I can give.  I'm an open book (my mom says maybe a little TOO open!  ha ha) and I'm honest!
And maybe I am too emotional.  Maybe I am too quiet.  Maybe I am too intolerant of certain things.  Maybe I expect too much.  Maybe I'm too impatient.  Maybe I'm too spontaneous. 

But all those wrong roads and all those "maybe's" ... well they make me who I am today.   And I am better for that.

Unfortunately - there are days when it just doesn't feel like enough.  Sometimes all those "maybe's" get the best of me and I think I should just keep my mouth shut.
Sometimes, I lose me.
Sometimes all the good that I bring is shadowed by something bigger.   
Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by others... their opinions, their "this is how it's always been", their judgements, their own way of thinking - making me feel like mine is not important.
And sometimes, I wanna run away and hide it all away.
Sometimes, the fight is just not in me.
I shut down.
Sometimes I just want to turn that dang light off!

But the truth is....
All I CAN be is me.  All I can do is ask for respect me for who I am and what I believe.

In the end - All I CAN be is my own kind of beautiful.

Not running
Not hiding
Not weak

Not depending on anyone but me and my light to remind me where I've been and what I'm worth

If that's not enough .... then you need to work on your own light and let me stand in mine......

Proud of who I am

Strong for what I've been through

and Beautiful for just who I am.

There is one thing that is never worth the compromise - and that's ME.

ding ding ding.... round 2!

So I've toyed around now TWICE with making my blog private.  ALL because of some silly silly person or persons that continuously display their unhappiness with their own lives with an insistent infatuation of stalking me and tossing around slandering lies.

Today - I looked up at the sky and literally said
"God - really?  I'm full!!!" 
(my friend KK can vouch for that!  She saw me!)

Call me what you will....... make up lies, do what you have to do.  I have thick skin!
My friends and people that know me....
#1 - don't look at stupid gossip websites anyway,
and #2 - if they do, they know me well enough to know that you are just making a total fool of yourself.
But this last one, this second round on topix has crossed a line for me.
My child was brought into the mix. 
I realize that you are questioning and slandering my abilities as a parent and making accusations that are just totally bogus, but hey - how about this dear "anonymous" mom of the year - do you REALIZE that you are putting MY innocent child in the middle of your web of unhappiness and lies!!!!
How mature and kind and considerate is that??!

I have never once in my life claimed to be a perfect person or a perfect mom - but I will tell you this - NO MATTER WHAT, my child is TAKEN CARE OF and DOES have positive upbringing and morals. 

So - today - I made my blog private and contemplated completely deleting my facebook page.
Then I got so frustrated with myself that I was allowing someone to have that much control over me.

And then I got an email.......   from my dear sweet JR.  **UPDATE**  She is home and recovering.  I am certain that she has a rough road ahead (and I want to be here for her!), and after thanking me for all the prayers (THANK YOU to everyone that read my blog and sent up prayers) she immediately asked where my blog had gone because she could no longer access it.
And I was once again (Thank you Lord) reminded - that no matter what the world throws at me, God is using me in some small way.
And for that - I am blessed.
And all of the ugly words and lies that you crazy people spread about me.... well - quite frankly - they melt away!
I will once again put my blog back up and promise with everything I have - that I will not let circumstances bring me here again.  I know the difference in real and fake, and those of you who are here for REAL reasons - I have more faith in you to know that you too know the difference in real and fake!!!!!

Shortly after I came to this realization today, my phone rang.
I had recently applied for another part time job - and guess what that phone call was for.
That's right
To tell me I got the job!  :)

Just remember - God knows how much you can handle and if we just trust in him and show a little patience, He will always come through!!!  :)

Put your gloves on - its ON!
With God on my side - who can be against me?!