Good Samaritan gone mad!??

ya think??
I'll let you decide?!!

So I was at the mall tonight.... of course till the doors closed.  So I leave, out the back door, through the parking lot.... ALONE.  (my friend went out another door)

As I walked out - I looked around the parking lot.  I always do this.... I like to be familiar with my surroundings. And as I casually looked around, I saw a young boy walking down the sidewalk.  Immediately my brain goes into "protect" mode (just in case)  I purposely don't make eye contact and hurry to my truck.  (Not in an obvious asshole kind of way... just cautiously.... taking note of his whereabouts)  Anyway... I'm trying to hurry up and get in my truck without obviously watching where the boy is going.... 
(ahhh crap - he's heading my way!)

Then I hear it.....

The words I dread....


"Excuse me ..... ma'am....??"

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.....

I slowly turn around....

"Yes....?"  I meekly reply....

"I'm sorry to bother you ma'am, but is there any way you could give me a ride home?"

Well immediately my brain starts going through 1,000 scenarios.
What if he's looking for a "good time"?
What if he's drunk?
What if he's carrying a gun?
What if he is a decoy for someone else?
What if there is a evil scary person ducked in a vehicle close by waiting for his foothold into my vehicle?

And then my heart takes over.... with 1,000 more....
What if he really IS stranded?
What if he has no one?
What if that was MY son?
What if I'm the last kind person he sees tonight?
What could happen to this poor thing if I walk away?

My heart wins.
It always does.

So I slowly turn and ask him where he lives.  (He asks me if I know where WKU campus is.... bless his heart.  Yes I do)
I asked why he needs a ride?  What happened to him?  (He informs me that his friends have deserted him at the mall)
**alarms going off in my head**
ok... ok...
What am I gonna do?
He's holding a bag, a shopping bag of some sort.
So I tell him to hang on a second.
I put my purse in the back seat, place my bags in the back end of the truck and get my phone out to hold in my hand.
I turned and said "I hate to do this, but I'm gonna need to see what you have in the bag"
**I do have a BIG heart, but I'm not TOTALLY stupid**
He immediately pulls out cd's and proudly shows them to me.  It's only cd's.  And then without hesitation, he began to empty his pockets showing me he only has keys and a wallet and his WKU ID.
ok... I feel a bit safer.

In ya go.....
and we're off.....

Although I was still a bit edgy, my brain still pulling and throwing ideas and flashing warning sirens in my head - he was rather chatty on the journey.
He's from Louisville.  He's at WKU for the meteorology program.  He's a freshman.  His grandmother is a high school teacher and his grand parents are well traveled.  He's been to 30 states, Mexico, the Bahamas, and he's been on two cruises....
He then asked me if he needed a haircut - to which I replied indeed.  He said his grandmother would die if she saw his hair so long.
There was alot of small talk about the weather and Bowling Green and Louisville and on and on.....
Then I asked how school is going for him....He's not doing well in school because he lacks motivation and he's not very good at math. He told me he's really gonna work on his motivation over the summer.  I told him that comes with age  (it did for me at least!)  He then informed me that the Aspergers makes it harder too.  (If you don't know what this is.... Aspergers is a type of pervasive development disorder (PDD). PDDs are a group of conditions that involve delays in the development of many basic skills, most notably the ability to socialize with others, to communicate, and to use imagination.)

Well - my heart has now melted.
Maybe I could have been in danger, maybe I did something crazy, maybe I wasn't cautious enough...

But NOW - all I can see is a sweet young boy who was just TOTALLY mistreated by a group of peers that he referred to as friends.  And in my head - I now envision that they probably did it on purpose and were now sitting in that dorm laughing their butts off.
(**warning sirens have stopped and momma bear has kicked in!**)
Shame shame on people.
And you know what he told me?!!!   - he told me they probably left him because he lingered longer than he should have in a store... defending them...
Honestly - who does that????

So when I got him safely back to his dorm, he thanked me repeatedly for my kindness, and even went so far as to send well wishes to my friends whom I told him had recently married....
What a sweet sweet boy you are little Steven and I wish you the very best.

And to the A-holes that deserted you in the mall with no ride and no where to turn, forcing you to turn to a STRANGER in the parking lot  (I shudder to think what if he had asked someone else for a ride!!!) 
well.... I can only hope that one day you will see the unkindness of your actions.

Sometimes (well .... most of the time actually)  I'm glad my heart leads over my mind.


OH - and just a side note here - remember my friend who was at the mall with me....... yeah - I PURPOSELY pulled up beside her on the main road so she could SEE I had a strange person in my vehicle.  (That way if God forbid something DID happen to me, she could maybe identify that I had a stranger with me and possibly what he looked like??!!)
yeah
She never even saw me.
Drove by her TWICE
Saw my vehicle, but never noticed the stranger in the passengers seat!  LOL
Thanks D  ;-)

This is my... ME

People ask me all the time, "why do you blog"
"WHY do you do it?"  "Why do you put so much of yourself out there?"
I think I finally found the answer to that question tonight.

I always say that this is where I heal.
This is where I vent.
This is where I come to spill myself.
And I do it to heal me - but to help others also.
Someone somewhere could be going through what I'm going through right now at this very moment; if one word or one line of my SELF I share touches someone... well then it is all worth it in the end.

Tonight  - I think I have discovered the true meaning of my blog.

It's where I go to be ME when I just need to be me.
This is where I go to find ME when I just need to rediscover me.
And this is where I go to share ME when someone else is hurting and needs me.

When everything around me turns into a whirlwind of chaos and I'm tossed up and down and round and round and tossed about.....
I come here.
I sit down on my couch or my bed... just me.... my laptop and ME!
And I spend time with ME.
My hopes
My dreams
My prayers
My wants
My needs
My joy
My sorrow
My pain
..... my thoughts.......

It's where I let it all out.  It's where I am the most honest.  it's where I am the most ME.
It's where I come to put my feet back on the ground.  It's my safe place.

I have.... NO, wait.... I am BLESSED with a wonderful family.  And I am BLESSED with wonderfully awesome friends that are always by my side no matter what.
They will ALL tell me when I'm right and rejoice when things are good - and they won't hesitate to tell me when I'm WRONG... and cry when things are bad.

But it is HERE that I come when everything is going good - to share my joy with the world.
And it is here that I come when everything is upside down - to share my pains and sorrows with the world.

But mostly - I come here to rediscover me.
And to me - that is priceless.

So I want you to know - to everyone who comes here and everyone that shares just a little piece of me, I am grateful... I am thankful.... I am BLESSED to honestly say...
Welcome to my safe place.
Welcome to my place of getting to know me.
Each of you that reads my posts, whether it be occasionally or religiously, and have ever taken any piece of what I have shared and it made you smile, or it made you laugh, or it made you see your own life in a new perspective...

I am BLESSED to be invited into your world when you click that link that shows up somewhere in your world of technology.
I am honored to share a tiny piece of me, the real raw.... "this is ME" world with you.

Whether you EVER speak a word to me about my blog or about anything I share.... or whether you email me, or "like" me on facebook, or choose to send an email sharing a little piece of you back...
no matter what...
I'm grateful to have this place to come back to...
and I'm thankful for each and every one of you that read and agree; or read and disagree.

"You might just be one person to the world; 

but to one person, you might just be the world."

Back to square one

Today I'm sharing something I posted.....   well - long ago.

Thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I today - hold firmly to  :)

I hope you enjoy - but more than anything.... I hope you are inspired.

To give.

To LOVE.

To pray.

To trust in God - no matter WHAT the circumstances!!!!

Unconditional love is a term used to describe a love shared with someone regardless of the other's actions or beliefs.  It is comparable to the term "true love" which is used most often between lovers.  At the same time, unconditional love is frequently used to describe the love between family members, very good friends and also used to describe God's love for us through the forgiveness of Christ.

After a long intense (texted) conversation with a friend of mine recently, he asked me:  "Have u never had 100 percent true unconditional love?"  My response was - "other than my girlfriends & family, no."
Now - my girls and I definitely have an unconditional love for each other, but dating/relationship wise... no.  I don't think I have ever had a 100% shared unconditional love in any relationship.  (Thank God I'm still single then - right?!)  It seems one has always been more or less committed than the other, or one is looking for something more, or one is NOT looking to be serious... always something to break that bond.

Now - do I think I have LOVED unconditionally?  ABSO-freaking-LUTELY!!!!!!!  Every day of my life!  I just don't think it's ever been a mutually shared 100% love that was the same and REAL.  There are so many people that have passed through my life, some who still remain, that maybe I don't agree with and maybe I have had words with, and maybe, just maybe they turned their back and walked away from me.  BUT - I still contain so much love in my heart for them... sometimes it just pisses me off!  ;-)  BUT - at the same time, most days, I feel so lucky and blessed and I am so thankful for it. 
So in turn, I sometimes wonder if I was meant to just GIVE love and hope to those around me.  Like that is my gift from God... my big huge loving, forgiving, heart.  I can't even begin to tell you the number of times people have let me down or broken my heart.....but you know what's really weird and I have yet to figure out - I still to this day LOVE those people unconditionally.  6 months from the day you broke my heart, you could call me and ask for help and I'd be there.  I just can't NOT love or NOT give hope to everyone around me.  (i don't do it on purpose people....I can't help it!  ha ha)  I look at people and situations and I see hope..... (I don't always do that in my OWN life - but I'm VERY good at giving it to those I surround myself with!)
Now - don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm not WORTHY of being loved unconditionally OR that I am NOT loved unconditionally - it's just that the love is different with each I guess.  And in relationships, maybe I have been loved unconditionally but didn't share in it with the person.  I don't know. 

So I often wonder if my purpose here on earth is to go at it alone.  To love and give hope to those around me on this journey of life.   I was given a son by the grace of God to show me the REALMS of true neverending undying unconditional love......(because trust me, from one parent to another, no one can break your heart MORE than your own child - but we just keep on lovin them!)
I look at couples and I envy what they have.  I envy that bond that they have.  I envy them having someone to come home to at night.  I envy the touch of a man on the small of his wife's back.  ohhhhh - there are so many little things that people take for granted that I see.  I see them every day.  And they used to make me sad........they used to make me lonely.  They used to make me look at God and say "IT'S NOT FAIR!"
But no more.

Today (this is a work in progress people) I'm learning to be thankful for the gift God has given me.  I don't have to just share my love with one......I get to share it with everyone I meet.  Oh yeah - I have been and will again be let down & have my heart broken, but that's ok.  Because even when that person walks away, they will now have a piece of unconditional love - and even if they have never seen it or felt it before, I promise you - that they will never forget what it felt like.   =)

my footprints in the world..........