Never surrender

My life has been a series of "Never Give Up"'s

I suppose almost everyone can say that in some respect

Some speed bumps are given by life on a silver platter, and some are mere repercussions to decisions made

I look back through the years and it seems like since moving out at 18 - it's been one test of survival after another...

Raising a child... Going back to school... Divorce... Changing careers... Being betrayed... Being lied to... buying my first vehicle... becoming a home owner...
and now.... being a Powerlifter!!
None of these things were/are easy!

Don't get me wrong, there is LOTS of good in life.  I'm not THAT negative to believe that!  And I'm very thankful for that.  But even with the good, it seems there is almost always an underlying challenge screaming... DON'T GIVE UP!

Life's Challenges!

I had another mock meet this weekend. This is basically a powerlifting test to see where your current maxes sit... how much weight can you move when tested?!

Mine did not go so well.
Take a gander.....

And when I say that... Please allow me to put it n perspective without bogging you down in numbers and lingo.  My bench press is always my MOST disappointing lift.  Period.  I toy around with squats, some days better than others.. and I ALWAYS love deadlifts!!  But bench... Oh that dang bench. It sucks the life from me.  To the point of bringing me to tears.  Not "poor me" sad tears... But tears of anger and frustration.  Tears!!  

This usually leaves me with an "I'm too old for this.. new for this... terrible at this" mentality.  

Which is even MORE frustrating

My very first meet was in December of 2012.  I benched 85 (and probably had 90 in me, but jumped to 95 and missed it).  NOW... in September of 2013.... Almost 9 months later... I can get 95. MAYBE 100 on a good day.  That's 10 possibly 15 pounds on a GOOD DAY, added to my bench in 9 months.  TERRIBLE!!!!  Just terrible
It's a terrible return for my investment!

So when I finished Sunday night, I WAS in tears.
YES.  HELL YES I WAS!!!!!

I don't handle failure well.  I just don't.
I believe I can do ANYTHING. And I don't take no for an answer!

So why the CRAP am I crying??!!!

Yeh Tammy.  Why?!

So I wiped my face and though the encouragement and support of friends and getting online to seek advice, I have picked myself up off the ground and set myself upon a new plan. 

What you learn through time... and trial and error - in powerlifting, and LIFE - is what works for you and what doesn't!!!!

I know I'm still learning - I'm still a baby in the powerlifting world

I know I have to get my bench form perfected or its not going to go anywhere.   I have done accessory after accessory exercise, gaining strength with every lift... but without the right form for me, it's just gonna sit there

I have found a new DETERMINATION and MOTIVATION in the gym!  There is a fire in my soul that WILL figure this out and light that bench on fire!!  I will!!

Back to the drawing board with new goals, a new plan, a bigger fire... And my NEVER SETTLE attitude!!!

We have to face life in every aspect in this way.... otherwise life and every challenge you face will simply run you right over!!

So join me in starting this week with a positive NEVER SURRENDER I can accomplish anything mentality.
I will not let an exercise or a person or ANYTHING else get the best of me!

Out of the GRAY and into the BLUE - yes some days - I NEED the fantasy world!

After a few days of grumpy crabby cry-baby Tami - I get sick of me and refuse to stay there.. in that crappy gray world!
SOooooo - because I'm me and this is what I do - I devise a way out.
I have an un-earthly gift to alter my world with my mind... It's a protection mechanism of sorts I guess.
I can change direction, shut off emotions, or shut someone out in a snap.  It's what I do.
So - guess what - I'm over crappy gray Tami and I have flipped the switch.... off on my new direction in my new little world!
Wanna roll with me?!?!!!  hee hee
Soooooo - I'm finishing up classes in December (AGAIN)  These are the additional pre-req classes that I have to have (after finishing WKU last year) in order to be accepted into the Sonography program.  Hopefully (fingers crossed MAJOR) I will be accepted into the program and get to start next August.  Meanwhile, I will have the spring and summer semesters off from school.   It's been a LONG time since I have not taken at least one class per semester (ok - I got lost for a minute)  The point is...  I'll (hopefully) start in August 2010 and finish in the summer of 2011.   At that point, my child will have 2 more years of high school before heading off to college.  Sooooo.... that gives me two more years to work here in the hometown and get a little experience under my belt.
Now - here is where it gets crazy (and fun!)
Here's my plan:
after getting Z off to college, moved in, started, rolling in the right direction, I'm thinking this is what I'll do.
* put the house on the market
* get online and find a new job....
Wanna know what I want to do???  Still sonography - BUT I wanna travel.  I have family that travel as RN's and they spent 6 months in Hawaii last year.  Paid to work, paid to travel and paid to live in Hawaii!!!  =)
yes......THIS is what I'm working for  :)
(does anyone know someone that does this for a living?  Sonography?  what about a traveling sonographer?)
Yes ... some may say I'm crazy - I don't care.... THIS is my goal.

And get this.... My girls and I really started hanging out a little over 3 years ago.  And if you had told us 3 years ago that we would ALL still be single 3 years later - we might not have believed you.  SO - Here's what I'm thinking (shut up -it's my story ... no judging)
One friend already works in radiology, one friend is an attorney and the other works in healthcare education. (and actually told me last night that she has thought about going back to school to be an RN)
What if.......stay with me......WHAT IF - 3 years from now, we are all still single...tell me HOW cool it would be to travel and work together.  Traveling sonographer, MRI radiographer, RN & our own attorney  =)
hee hee
 I'm just saying...it's been a crappy couple of days and when I get down.... I dream....NOT plan.....just dream.  You just never know what God has in store for you  =)
Happy dreams (and working towards my goal) from here on out!
No one stands in my way of getting what I want  =)
It would be cool (ahhhh ... the fun we could have) if I got a bonus and got to travel and work with the bestest girlfriends I could have ever dreamed of.

*PLUS - someone is gonna have to pay for college......sheeeeesh!!!
check out the song!  It's G.R.E.A.T!!!!!!!!!  (there is some dead time at the end of the song....)

It's Friday - be like the squirrel

Last night was my "big night" at the gym.  I have been going for about 4 months now.  I have worked really extra extra hard this week knowing that Thursday night would reveal what I have accomplished over the past 4 months.  I do weigh every time I go in and I have lost a total of about 9 pounds.  So I know I have done something - but last night was measurement night!  How many inches?  how much body fat?  it's like the report card of the gym for me.
Let me first point out - before 4 months ago - I didn't do the gym.  No time, no patience, no desire and I've never really felt like I needed to go THAT bad.  HOWEVER - boy was I wrong.  Physically I was in horrible shape and I found this out really quickly after starting.

ANYWAY - results are in:  lost 1 inch off my waist.  1 inch off arms.  Gained in the hips/butt area - thanks to the 75Million lunges - ha ha.  Calves are the same.  Lost in the chest.  And I have lost somewhere between 2-4% body fat!  All in all a good report....making progress..moving in the right direction towards "getting toned"!!!  SO - post measurements and work out for the night, in the true spirit of being my own worst enemy AND my own most critical judge, I left the gym and cried the entire way over to my girls' house!  Yes Yes - I do realize I have made progress - but I guess I just expected more from myself!  I get so freaking frustrated with myself....I am my biggest critic!
After a brief visit with the girls, I proceeded home to find my child upstairs playing video games where he had been all night; house a wreck and dog outside in the rain!!!  Needless to say - I have had better nights!

THIS MORNING however, when I got up - I realized what a freaking baby I'm being!  EVERY day we have a choice........I could choose to let this get me down and get frustrated & quit OR I could choose to be HAPPY about what I have done!  I'm in MUCH MUCH better shape today than I was 4 months ago!  Overall isn't that what we all want!

This leads me to my song of the day - a little white stripes to get you going!!!
every day..... BE LIKE THE SQUIRREL!  haha
You can do anything you put your mind to doing!!  One of my biggest attributes and maybe one of my biggest flaws at the same time is - I BELIEVE I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!  it's GREAT in that it pushes me to new things almost every day!  it's bad though because I get so dang frustrated when I can't be the best at everything right out of the gate!
It takes work and determination........so today - like the squirrel - I have a newfound determination to set and REACH goals at the gym.  David (my trainer) told me last night.......you can't just physically be ready - you have to be mentally and emotionally ready too!  Maybe this reality check (the numbers) was just the push that I needed.
No beating myself up any more about where I am......I know physically I have reached goals and I know if I just keep pushing myself - I WILL only get better!  ;-)

SHOUT OUT to David at Get Toned Fitness!!!  If anyone is in or close to Bowling Green KY and needs a good place to work out and someone to push and motivate you every time you are there - look him up!!  THX DAVID!!!!!!!
http://www.gettonedfitness.com/