At the edge.... never a DULL moment

Maybe I talk too much
Maybe I say things before first passing them through a filter
Maybe I don't have a filter
Maybe I give my opinion when I should just be quiet
Maybe everyone doesn't WANT to hear MY story
Maybe I talk too much
tell too much
care too much
think other people care too much

But I don't care.
really...
I am who I am
I do what I do

There is no maliciousness is what I do or why I do it.
just me
Never a dull moment!

Foot in mouth or up my butt.
Whatever.

Some time ago I took up a sport that I would have never have imagined for me.
Powerlifting.  YES.
I'm 37 years old.... I'm a MOM....
I drank magnesium citrate this weekend in order to "make weight"...
YES... I'm a POWERLIFTER!
It's not something I would have ever imagined for me.
But it's perfect for me.... it's the epitome of pushing myself to the limit!

I have a mock meet tonight..... and I'm trying REALLY hard not to think about it!

I love the sport.  I do
I love pushing myself to the edge of what my limits appear to hold.

But the TESTING of my limits..... makes me sick.
Makes me nervous
People watching me... judging me... testing me.... makes my stomach flip upside down!!

But I will do it.  Cause I'm supposed to.  It's part of my program.
I'll do it.  I'll push myself and test myself and then I'll either be the happiest girl alive... or I'll punish myself for not being good enough.
It's what I do.
It's how I cope
I am my OWN WORST critic BY FAR!!!  There was a time when I couldn't squat plates (135)   But now I can do that easy... in warm ups.  But surprisingly.... THAT doesn't matter anymore.  What matters is I can't get 185 again... easy!!!  I know I CAN do it.  I should be squatting 200 easy by now.  I should be.
((Here I go again..... rather comparing myself NOW to myself BEFORE.... I tend to compare myself NOW to OTHER people NOW!  And it infuriates me... and DRIVES me to be better right?!!))

Never a dull moment!!!!

I do things that most won't......

Speaking of that....
we visited Waverly Hills this weekend.
Do you know what Waverly Hills is?

it's THIS!!!
an old TB Hospital where they treated people with TB.  People died like in flocks there..... there's even a death tunnel where they rolled them underground and out so that others didn't see the massive number of people DYING!!!!!
Patients were crazy.. and were experimented on....
The place is dubbed (almost) #1 MOST HAUNTED place in America.

We went on a 4 hour tour of the place.

The place IS MASSIVE!!!  You need WAY more time than 4 hours to go through it.
We had a guide that told us stories about some of the deaths there  (suicide, abortion etc.) .... he brought up some shadow apparitions to show us... he had them light up boxes and set off alarms on the boxes and some talked to us through a radio.

We walked that DARK DARK underground death tunnel.  (we turned out all of our lights and stood in the middle... you have never SEEN dark like that!)  We saw bats by the flocks... We saw the morgue.  I laid in a death tray.  (where they laid the dead bodies in the morgue before they rolled them out).  We visited the electro shock room.  It was crazy!!!

I don't know that I'm any MORE or LESS of a believer after the tour....... but it was something I had wanted to do!!!  CHECK

And I also know what a bat looks like up close and personal!!!  And how it feels to have one buzz your head!!  LOL

NEVER a dull moment!!!

Now I must set down the laptop and go prepare myself for this night.... of lifting and breaking PR's!!

I"ll let you guys know later how things go!