Never too old.... ZARK!!!

So my baby boy is a senior this year... Right... He's 17. Almost the big 18!!
Some may say too old for Christmas and SANTA fun

NOT in my opinion

I believe in Christmas magic
and I believe in the love and joy of the Christmas spirit...
And in this mamas big heart, as proud as I will be of my baby boy who will soon be leaving home for college ( we hope! Ha ha) I will miss having my baby at home

So....

Time for some fun!!!!

This year, in true Christmas spirit, I invited The Elf on the Shelf into our home!!!

His name is Zark!!

Sure, I may not be able to convince Zack that he flies back and forth to the North Pole every night, but I will show him fun, Christmas spirit and lots of love for his last true Christmas at home!!!
But maybe, just MAYBE little Zark will still come back every Christmas... at least for the time my baby boy is home :)

He may think I'm crazy now... But by Christmas time he will be anxiously searching for Zark every morning
And this will be a Christmas he never forgets

Merry Christmas everyone
No Scrooges allowed!!! :)

Our first morning with Zark... He's already doing flips in the tree!!!

Thanksgiving

In honor of one of my favorite holidays because it can't be killed my commercialism and is instead focused on all we have to be grateful for....
Try as they might to devalue this day, "Black Friday" on Thanksgiving night... I will never lose sight and gratitude for all that I am blessed with!!!

I would like to share a little Thanksgiving!!

I am thankful for being a mommy! I was blessed to become a mother 17 and a half years ago. I look back now and I am truly amazed at all we have been through together! Z saved my life in many ways and I have learned so much in watching him grow into an honest, caring, smart young man. I am thankful for the hard times we have been through and the honesty we have shared. I am thankful that he knows life can be hard but we are tough!!! I am thankful (most days) that he is me made over in so many ways!

I am thankful for my parents! I am thankful for being brought up in a Christian home by two God fearing Christians. I am thankful for their tough love. I am thankful that when I chose the wrong path, they prayed... and let me fall on my face and learn the hard way. I am thankful that when I am wrong, they tell me rather than being my "best friend". I am thankful that they raised me to always work hard and always give back and to try to see the good in everything and everyone!

I am thankful for my brothers and two great sister-in-laws. I know I could call any of them at any minute and they would be there :)

I am thankful for being blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ask for!!! My core girls, who have walked beside me through the ups and downs.... Some who have been there for many many years... Some whom have come into my life more recently... I honestly could not ask for better friends!!

I am thankful for my B-rad :). I am thankful that even after making some pretty terrible moves in my life, God still saw fit to bless me with a good Christian man who honestly loves me with all his soul. I am thankful that even after pushing him away, he never stopped loving me. I am thankful that I know what TRUE unselfish whole hearted LOVE looks and feels like!  There is no one I have more fun with or am more myself with.  He is my best friend!! 


I am thankful for my job and all my co-workers! As if I don't say it enough, I truly LOVE my job and all that it entails. It is entertaining some days and trying on others, but every day I'm doing something I love and meeting new people (crazy they may be! Ha). As for my co-workers... ALL of them are such great souls. I truly refer to them all as friends. Just as quickly as people I have known for years, they would be right by my side if I needed one single thing! :). I am very blessed!!  How many people can honestly say they LOVE their job AND ALL the people they work with!?

I am thankful for our babies (*dogs*). Bailey Shea, the ol' faithful brown dog and Zack's very first puppy... She's knocking on 12 years old and just as sweet as ever. And our new baby Dane, Lido Armani. I swore I would never potty train again. He wears me out but he is just precious. Thankful for both babies!

I am thankful for my sweet little cozy warm house!! It's not much, and sharing one bathroom with a teenage boy has its downside for sure.... but it's mine and its warm. What more do I need?! :)

There are a million other things to be thankful for... But I wanted to especially address these and say thanks to everyone I love, for loving me!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Remember, even on the bad days, there is ALWAYS something or someone to be thankful for.

We. Are. Blessed.

Hand me Downs

So I opted out of giving thanks every day on facebook.... not because I'm not thankful.... but because I don't think I could put all my thanks in a line.  Even spread out over a month's worth of days .... my thanks just couldn't fit in a status update!  (So I will share my list/blog of thanks tomorrow!)
I have so much to be thankful for!

But I couldn't pass up sharing this
"thankful for....."

HAND ME DOWNS.

I realized last night - that it's the things that we think shouldn't be handed down that I am most thankful for!  For they make me who I am today.
And will in turn make my baby boy the man he grows to be.....

........ so here we go.........

I am habitually LATE.  I am.  I blame my parents. (mostly my mother! LOL)   It's not that we WANT to be late.  I think we just have no concept of time.  And you would think that now working in a field where people being late is infuriating (and messes with my schedule) would change me...... but NO.
Now granted, when I have to be somewhere that affects someone else's schedule, I do try to make more of an effort to arrive on time.   (ON TIME.... not early!)
But the overall consensus is... I am late just about everywhere I go.
It is not malicious.... I think it's because I get so caught up in the moment that I truly do just lose track of time.
My mother handed it down....

and I realized last night..... - that I have in turn handed it down to my child.

When Z was little, he would always complain about us being late places.  It drove him crazy.  Actually - I think it still does!! (when it's MY fault!)  LOL
But last night - he had to be somewhere at 7.   He was leaving the house at 5 till.
with NOT enough time to arrive ON TIME.
LATE   LATE    LATE!
**You're welcome Z!  :)

And are you ready for this...
here's the next hand me down........

As he walked out the door he says "Crap.... I'm probably gonna run out of gas!"
see that?!!
acknowledgement that the tank is on E!!
Which would in turn mean - I'm late AND I have to stop and get gas.  
In a normal person's world.
BUT - nope.  Not in OUR world.
Instead.... since he is LATE, he just flies on to his destination.
Or at least he tried to.  

I got a phone call shortly after his departure.... with a panicked
"CRAP!!!... this is not good.... I'm gonna run outta gas.  yeah - I did.  I'm pulling over if I can.  CRAP.  I'm outta gas!"
As IF this is a surprising turn of events?
He was late - walking out the door saying - I should have gotten gas
But being late, you try to push the limit.
And ..... well...... sometimes you get burned.
And he did.
Rather than stopping to get gas CAUSING him to be late... he pushed on.  With the logic that stopping to get gas would MAKE him late!!
Instead..... he ran out of gas anyway and ended up having to RUN (literally) to his destination.  Making him even later than if he had just stopped and got the gas to start with.

After his appointment with the gym was complete -  we made a trip that I know all to well........

Gas station.  
Fill the gas can.  
Off to get the vehicle.  
Then back to the gas station to fill 'er up.

As aggravated as I was....... what can I say?!!
Do you know HOW MANY times I have run my vehicle out of gas!??
let's just put it this way -  more than I care to admit
Thank goodness for friends and family!!!
And that's why I live half a mile from my job!!!Ha ha

I had a green cavalier at one time that I SWEAR had a bottomless tank!!
I ran that thing PAST  E so many times!!!
I miss that car ...... mainly when my gas guzzling HOG pushes that E gauge....

But anyway - of ALL the things I'm thankful for - I think "hand me downs" is one I have never acknowledged before.
I'm thankful for all the hand me downs that I got from being raised by two awesome God fearing Christian parents who always kept me grounded and made me learn about life through experience, not through sheltering me and petting me.  I'm thankful that when I was wrong, they TOLD ME I was wrong and they let me fall on my face until I learned WRONG is WRONG.

AND I'm thankful that I can look into the eyes of my son and pass on some of those hand me downs and know that I have handed down some good stuff myself!
I've been blessed with an awesome kid who has also been raised to be a God fearing Christian man and when he strays.
As was passed to me, he will get lots of love and prayer, but a firm hand at the same time to experience life and learn a lesson from every road he takes!

I'm thankful for ALL the hand me downs.
received and the ones I continue to pass on.....

Lions and Donkeys and Elephants OH MY!

As has everyone else I'm sure, I have seen so much negativity from the onset of election day to the end and beyond. 
We are a nation divided for sure.
People for Obama, people against.... people who know nothing about politics and people that do.  People who pick out ONE thing to focus on and people who just criticize an entire running platform.

I will refrain from posting my political views here....
Do you want to know why?!!
The election is over.
The choice has been made.
We have a president.
And the fact of the matter is - agree or not agree with his platform - one thing rings true.....

HE is not my KING

Period.

I will support him as my president.  But I will not put all of my hope for a future for our country in one man.
And neither should you.

No matter who is our president, we have to understand and know that God has allowed that
And rather than putting ALL your hope in a man - OR focusing all your HATE toward a man... how about you do this??

How about since we are all so focused on making America better.... how about since all we talk about is how the world is going to hell in hand basket.... how about since everyone wants to TALK and CRITICIZE everything going on around us....

Why don't we ALL do this???

FOCUS on YOUR yard.
What can YOU do to make a change?
What can YOU do to make this country better?
How can you help?

Instead of letting a man take all the responsibility - why don't you take some too?

Give to your neighbor
Pray for another
Go to church on Sunday morning and WORSHIP who you need to worship not WHAT.  (Not money, not your car, not your job, not the president.... not material things!!)
BE THANKFUL for where you are and what you have - but KNOW how you got it and who blesses you every day!

Instead of being mad or sad or whatever emotion comes with not getting your way.... instead - fill YOURSELF with hope - don't depend on someone else to do it.
Sure there are bad things out there.  We as a country may be in a rut.
But at the same time - there are plenty of things to be thankful for.

We ARE a blessed nation.
Believe that.
We ARE still one nation under GOD - whether people choose to recognize it or not.

The election is over
The choice has been made

Now - focus on YOUR yard and what YOU can do to make life better for you, for others, and for the children we leave this mess behind to!

A friend of mine shared a song earlier in the week that I want to share with you.   It's intent may be speaking of a church dividing - but listen to the words and it could very easily be used to describe the divide in America today.
We ALL need each other and the only way to survive is to work together and stop turning against each other.
Whether you be a Donkey, an Elephant, a lion, a tiger or a bear  :)

I hope you enjoy and it gives you hope for our future

From tween... to teen.... to real life?

We have all heard that old saying a million times....
"don't judge another, for you don't know their journey"

Do you remember being in high school and that's literally ALL people did???  We judged.  Each other.  Who's cool?  Who's not cool?   Who can you talk to and who will you NEVER talk to at school?
"WHAT is she wearing?"  "What label is that?"
"He will never date me, I'm not a cheerleader".
"I can't date her, she doesn't run with the right crowd!"
OH the terrible terrible judgemental games we played as teens!!
Even those that THINK they didn't judge because they WEREN'T defined as cool, and they DIDN'T run with that crowd... they chose their own path and did their own thing - don't lie.  By boycotting the "cool crowd" you too are judging!
Oh what a vicious cycle!!!
The sad part is - in all that judging - you have NO IDEA what is going on inside those people you are judging.

So you grow up (RIGHT?).  You graduate high school and you enter the rat race.  Real life.  Whether it be college or a job or whatever path you might choose.
You move on.
You leave those high school friends, and enemies.
Some you may see again, but most you won't.
And all those judgements and sleepless nights and worries melt away.
And all you are left with are the hurtful things that you said to another AND/OR the hurtful things that were said to you.
That's it.
All the judgement.

I remember I had a really good friend whom I loved dearly.  We will call her BETH.   I was, just as many others, a freshman trying to fit in. Trying to find my place on this new journey.   And I don't know how I did it, but I did.  I hurt BETH.  I made her feel like she wasn't good enough.... which is ironic because I always thought she was cooler than me.   I found a note one day on the bus that she had written to a boy I liked.   And it said "I think Tammy Green is a snob.  Do you?"
Now I can laugh (kinda) at the immaturity of it all.
But the day I found it, it broke me.   Mostly because someone I liked and thought was cool obviously didn't like me anymore....and I had obviously done something to make her feel that way... and she used the word "snob" about me??  Which was the LAST thing I considered myself.
I never asked her about it but we weren't really friends after that
We grew apart.
For many other reasons I'm sure.... but mainly for that one simple word - "judgement"
I judged her.  She judged me.
And for what???

It's funny - I see her on occasion now.... and ALL I can remember is that note.   Not the fun things we did or how far we have come in life - but the first thing in my mind is always that NOTE.  And as stupid as it is... it STILL hurts my feelings today!

You would think all those lessons we learn in high school would make us better people.  Actually some lessons do.  But what I don't understand is after all the judging and hurtful things that we do and survive in high school - why does the judgement continue?

Is it just the way of the world???

When I got divorced, the hardest part for me, as I'm sure is with many - was that "stigma" that comes with being "divorced".  People will think I FAILED!  I felt like everyone would look at me like I had done something wrong.  Like I must be some evil spawn that someone couldn't stomach being with forever.  And let's not fail to mention the spiritual wounds that diminished my spiritual walk because I felt like I failed and disappointed God too!

Over the past few weeks, I have heard story after story after story of things about people.... some that are good and some I wish I never knew.
But mostly - it has reminded me that judging others is sooooo hurtful and damaging - and just plain wrong.  We are so guilty of looking at others and being jealous or wishing we had the life of someone else.  How many times have you looked at someone and said  "He/She is soooo lucky!!"
And ohhhh how many times we look at someone and say "OH MY.  I would NEVER do that!!"
You don't know.
You haven't walked their path.... you're not on their journey.

Don't assume.
As good as life is for us all - it is also bad.  And hard.  And everyone hurts.
Remember - not everything is as it appears on the outside.

Just as much as you hurt and worry what others think or worry what others will "find out" about you - so is the person next to you.

Love unconditionally.
Pray for everyone you know.
And for the love of everyone around you - stop JUDGING!!

Focus on the good in your life and how lucky and blessed you are.
If it wasn't for the rainy days and the storms, it would be hard to appreciate the SUNSHINE!!! 

And for any of you young high school kids that might somehow stumble upon this page.... when you are in school, don't fret over if you're cool or not cool.  Don't think you have to do things to impress someone else.  Follow your heart.  Love unconditionally.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  Don't judge your classmates, you don't know what they go home to every day!!!

Just don't judge.

Pouring my heart up and Linking up with Shell over at

Be your own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!!

In honor of my mom's birthday today....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!!

Thank you mom for pushing me and teaching me to be  ME.

My own kind of BEAUTIFUL!!

**originally published 7/13/11**

My mom gave me a picture frame that says "Be your own kind of Beautiful"
and it's stocked full of pictures of ME being my own quirky "ME"  :)

My mom gave me a necklace on my wedding day.  It's a little silver heart full of diamonds.  Something "new"  (she also gave me a cute little Alan Jackson pin to wear under my dress as my something "old"   ha ha)

My mom gave me a necklace on my younger brother's wedding day (which was before mine).  It's a silver dolphin, because she knows they are my favorite.... simply because she knew how hard that day was for me... not just watching my baby brother growing up, but knowing that I always felt that I would never find my other half.   That maybe I never felt I was good enough.

My mom...... my worst enemy growing up.... was ALWAYS my biggest fan.
She was when I was 7, she was when I was 13, she was when I was a horrible HORRIBLE 18  (sorry again mom!).... and she still is.

I look back and there are so many things that I learned from her.   Too many to even list and probably more than she will ever truly know.
But mostly... I learned to be STRONG and I learned to be ME.   Just as I am.

Tonight...... I stumbled upon this song and it absolutely brought me to my knees.
There are so many days in my past that I chose a wrong road.  So many times I made choices that only brought regret...
So many times I wanted to run away from it all and hide....

Leave the Light on

But my mom.... my biggest fan.... taught me to be strong.  She taught me to be ME....  She taught me that no matter what happens, NEVER settle for less than I deserve.

So now, I try to live my life leaving the light on.  I am who I am.  I believe how I believe.   I love with everything I have and I give everything I can give.  I'm an open book (my mom says maybe a little TOO open!  ha ha) and I'm honest!
And maybe I am too emotional.  Maybe I am too quiet.  Maybe I am too intolerant of certain things.  Maybe I expect too much.  Maybe I'm too impatient.  Maybe I'm too spontaneous. 

But all those wrong roads and all those "maybe's" ... well they make me who I am today.   And I am better for that.

Unfortunately - there are days when it just doesn't feel like enough.  Sometimes all those "maybe's" get the best of me and I think I should just keep my mouth shut.
Sometimes, I lose me.
Sometimes all the good that I bring is shadowed by something bigger.   
Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by others... their opinions, their "this is how it's always been", their judgements, their own way of thinking - making me feel like mine is not important.
And sometimes, I wanna run away and hide it all away.
Sometimes, the fight is just not in me.
I shut down.
Sometimes I just want to turn that dang light off!

But the truth is....
All I CAN be is me.  All I can do is ask for respect me for who I am and what I believe.

In the end - All I CAN be is my own kind of beautiful.

Not running
Not hiding
Not weak

Not depending on anyone but me and my light to remind me where I've been and what I'm worth

If that's not enough .... then you need to work on your own light and let me stand in mine......

Proud of who I am

Strong for what I've been through

and Beautiful for just who I am.

There is one thing that is never worth the compromise - and that's ME.

My pen runs dry sometimes.....

I go through phases where I want to write.......
in fact I NEED to write..... It's so therapeutic!

and then I  LULL again.....
(perhaps that is why I can't keep a faithful following on my blog???)

I want to write - I like to write - I love to share....
(secret fantasy.... I would love to write a book)
I love to pour out my heart and reach out my hands for others.
It's who I am.  It's what I do.

But sometimes... the words just won't come.

So I read.

I open my blog and I find myself reading old blogs and thinking back to where I've been and just like the title of blog.... finding myself today on paths that I never expected.
And I can't write.
It's too much
It's overwhelming.

Like really OVERWHELMING - think about it....
if you could today go back and talk to your 5 year younger self.... what would you say??/

So many pits you could tell yourself to avoid.
So many decisions you might make differently.
AND so many things that I'd wanna say  "OHHHH just wait!!!  It's gonna be GREAT!"

Its so funny and amazing how it all makes sense one day!

In the middle of that journey, in the middle of those valleys you will pass through....
if only you knew how GREAT life would be in 5 years... or 10..... or maybe just in 1!!
If only you could see how those lessons are shaping you and preparing you for what's next!!!

It's fantastic!!!

I LOVE having a blog.....a journal of my life.  There is nothing better than going back and reading something you experienced 3 years ago and smiling because of where you have come since then!!

Sooooo....... over the next few days, I have some of my most popular and inspirational blogs prepared to REpublish!!!!  Some of you may have missed them the first time.  And some of you might just need to read them again!  I know I did!!!

Feel free to be INSPIRED!!!!!!