Thursday, July 19, 2012



Yes - I KNOW I just got back from California,  and it was awesome!
and I am soooo soooo lucky I got to go!!
BUT that was for work....

(wait - I didn't share those pics - did I?  I must do that!!!  It was on my bucket list!!)
*sharing my pics is not on my bucket list - going to California was... duhhhhhhhh*

It's time for vacation!!!

For REAL this time!!!!

Up until this last year - I feel like part of me has been "in school" my entire life!!!!  I finally finished, then went back to school for ultrasound, finished ultrasound school and went straight to work.  No time to play!!!
And even though I finished school and got a FABULOUS job  - I STILL study for Boards!!!  (it never stops!)

so.....Next week is my time to play - FINALLY!!!!!
no thinking....... just playing...... and enjoying the carefree life of the island with the man I love by my side!  (WHAT?!!!  Did I say that out loud??!!)

Baby boy will be at home for this one...... he gets his island after graduation... right after he gets his college acceptance letter!!!! 

Shortly after I return from my island getaway - my baby boy will begin his senior year.... and I definitely need to decompress before THAT reality hits home!!!!  WOW.  His senior year.   I have lots of FUN planned for him for that last year... but that is also going to be combated with some HARD work on his side.... preparing for college!!!  OH MAN - I don't even like to say it..... scares me to death!


Bring on ONE MORE work day so I can pack up and head out!!!!!
I will be flying down to Miami to spend a couple of days... and then setting SAIL on Monday for the BEAUTIFUL.... "oh how I've missed you" .... CARIBBEAN!!!!!!!

Can't wait!!!!!!

I'll be sure to share the wonders of the Caribbean with you all  :)

Bon Voyage!!!!!!!!   (soon......... so very soon!!!)

Monday, July 16, 2012

Hold on to FAITH...

What about the days when the best you can do is scrounge change from the couch cushions to buy your baby boy a 40 cent canned coke from a coke machine that you have to walk down the street to get to?

What about when you get in your car to head to work and the gauge is on E... and you pray the whole way that you make it... cause you literally don't have $1 for gas??  and then you pray for at least $10 in tips that day so you can get home?

What about the day you go in for work and are told you no longer have a job because the place is closing down??

What about the day you finally sit down and collapse realizing your life has become a joke.. Everything you had hoped and dreamed of is nothing but a puff a smoke blown away?

What about the day you have to take a cab to work.... but first you have to take the cab to daycare to drop off your child... because you no longer have a vehicle??

What about when you sit down to pay out your bills and you realize - your income vs your outflow just doesn't add up?

How about realizing your almost half way through life, you hate your job, you're alone... and basically heading no where... THIS is what your life has become??

What about ALL those nights you have cried yourself to sleep because no matter how HARD you try, no matter how many GOOD decisions you think you make, no matter how many TIMES you pray.... all you can do is look up to heaven and wonder....
"Dear Lord why have you forsaken me??"  
Or even worse, "God - are you even there???"

Have you been there?
Do you ever just wanna throw your hands up and just GIVE UP?
Do you know that heart breaking, gut wrenching pain??!!
I do.
I could go on and on with scenario after scenario.... of days when I thought I couldn't look for tomorrow.  Days when I felt that I had literally failed in life.  Days when I was ashamed that my child had ME to look up to... me, a failure to be his role model.  And even worse, those days when I thought there couldn't be a God and if there was - he sure didn't care about me!!!

But here's the good news.


And although I felt like I failed time and time again.... HE was right there beside me, crying with me.  Holding my hand.  Carrying me when I could no longer walk....
Watching me try... watching me fall and picking me up... watching make good decisions and watching me make bad ones.  But never judging and never forsaking me....

Do you know how I know this?

I know this because ALL those trials and rough times I went through... all those tears and heart aches... they ALL, every single one, brought me right where I am today.
And I have a new perspective.
You see - there were days when I didn't know how I would pay my bills.  There were many things I lost and many things I did without through those years....  I swallowed alot of pride.
BUT - I can look back now and know - even through all of that - God was taking care of me.
I worked hard, I gave everything I was capable of giving, I took care of my baby boy and made sure HE was always fed and clothed and most importantly LOVED.

And I see now - God was taking care of us both.

ALL of those paths I walked down... the twists, the turns, the backflips.... they all added up to where I am and WHO I am today.

And for that reason - I know my God is real.  I know he has sheltered and protected me from many things.  Even on those days when I thought it couldn't have gotten any worse, perspective shows me that YES - it could in fact be worse!!!

I kept my head up, kept praying and kept trusting that God had a plan bigger than me.
And from where I sit today - his plan was way more perfect than anything I could have done on my own!!

Ask me if there is a God
Ask me if he is real
Ask me HOW I, a single mother on my own at 19.... got through school, raised an awesome young man, bought my own house, paid off a vehicle and now go to work every day to a job I love surrounded by an awesome group of co-workers!!
And ask me about being loved and surrounded by the best family and friends and boyfriend that a girl could ask for......

Go ahead....... ASK ME!!!!!!

It may have taken years for me to fully understand it....

My God is good!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Just step back and REMEMBER

Ladies  - this is for you.....
Actually - you know what - it's not just women.... it's for anyone who's ever had their heart broken.

Not JUST because you had your heart broken - but more because you loved someone so much that you lost yourself somewhere along the way.  It's for anyone who has actually gotten to the point where you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

Someone once asked me if I knew the definition of insanity.  That person asked me that because he was implying that I was insane!  Or acting insane anyway.  To clarify, in this situation,  insanity was described to me as doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
At the time, I took GREAT offense to this statement.
I mean - he was essentially implying that I was insane.  Stupid.  Dumb.  Not smart enough to make good decisions.
Well - the fact of the matter is..... if we are honest with ourselves, we can ALL look back in our own lives and see moments of insanity.
I wasn't ready to SEE that... much less admit it.

But the fact is - call me crazy if you will - but I am now THANKFUL for those moments of insanity.  You see... it's those moments of insanity that not just LEAD us to the right path - but KEEP us on the right path.
You know what I mean....
You've finally turned a corner... things seem to be looking up.  And then the phone rings... or a text comes in... or a name is spoken.  And for just a second - you step back and wonder "WHAT IF....."
INSANITY ensues.....
Take a minute
.....and a big deep breath
and REMEMBER those moments of INSANITY!!!!!!!
LEARN from them - don't re-live them!!!
Remember how you saw yourself in the mirror during those times.   Or better yet - remember how you DIDN'T see yourself in the mirror.
Remember how all your priorities and goals changed... remember that you laid down and let someone else make all your choices for you.
Remember that you let someone CHANGE you.... and not for the better.
Remember that you became the person that you are NOT.

Remember those times and people who took your "you" - and don't let them or anyone else ever take "you" again.
It's not who you are that holds you back.. It's who you think you're not!
Don't allow someone else to make you second guess what you know to be "you"!

Life teaches us lessons every day.

I have learned many through the years....
I have had friends come and go....  Some I learned from - and some that hopefully learned from me.
At no point do I ever want to invite back any of those friends who made me lose sight of who I am and what I am worth.

Surround yourself every day with people who smile.... people who make you smile.... people who know your value and aren't afraid to tell you and appreciate you.... surround yourself with LOVE!  Give it - and accept it when it's given in return.

Above all else.......
Keep on dreaming..... even at the risk of it breaking your heart!

It's those moments that keep us on the right path.

It may seem intolerable now - but TIME changes perception!

Friday, July 6, 2012

look how far we've come...

I know it's been a while since I posted...
My life has been crazy busy!!!!
And although a million times I have thought - OH I should blog about that.... I just haven't sat down in some time and just poured my soul out...
(and I do miss that!)
I've started to do so several times - but could never get through the actual finishing part.
It's like there are sooo many things going on - I'm not sure where to start, or what to share first!!!

So I'll start here.
I sat back today in AWE of  how far I have come over the past year....  MY oh my... how MUCH has changed!!!  It's amazing really.  Truly!
And I'm so very thankful for where I am.
I am absolutely IN LOVE with every aspect of my life right now  :)

Today - I pulled my blog up and looked at what I posted ONE YEAR ago... just one year.  OH - it's a good one!  It made me smile  :)
Even though things were falling apart at this time last year in my life... in EVERY aspect - it makes me smile to look back and read that while my life was essentially falling to pieces in front of my eyes, I remained strong and determined.  And it makes me smile even more that I know I get my strength from my mother - she is the strongest toughest person I know  :)
She truly is my epitome of tough love and WHY it is soooo important with your children!!!
"Don't put your children at a disadvantage by giving them everything!"
how VERY true!!!
Make them strong... show them real life - not a life of coddling and sheltering so that they believe that everything that they do is OK.  It's not.   "awwww, that's just Joe...." is NOT an excuse to get you through life!  It does NOT make what you do ok!!!  It does not give you permission to use and abuse people over and over again and be "excused" out of it!!!

Here is my blog from last year
Leave the Light on

This time last year - although I was FINALLY finishing up school (which was one of the hardest things I have ever done!), I was also coming to terms with a failed marriage.  I was coming to terms with the fact that I had married a man who was never what he claimed to be.  I was experiencing the most devastating thing imaginable - being betrayed, in every manner possible, by someone who vowed to love me forever.  And realizing, I was not the first NOR the last to have fallen into this trap.
I was hurt.
And I blamed myself.
For I did everything in my power (ultimately giving it to God) to hold my so called life together.

Turns out - just one single year later, my life has come full circle.  Every single hope and dream and goal has come or is coming to fruition.
A failed married, deceit, regret, lost hope, and many other negativity's are left to my past.
Although where I went back then and believing in what I believed in may have been a mistake, I took the punch, learned from it and walked away with my head held high.
Yes I am "divorced"
Yes that hurts to say....
but now I can look back and KNOW that it would have been NO better to STAY with a man who never loved me to start with.
Saying you love me is not enough.... to truly KNOW someone loves you, you must see it in their actions.
I DO know the truth now!

Life has definitely moved forward.
Sure there have been bumps and bruises along the way.... but all in all, I could not be any happier with where I am right now... and with the people that are in my life and with the people that are not!
It IS hard to move forward in life when someone insists on constantly holding you back!
Let go of negative people in your life....
"If your presence can't add value to my life - your absence will make no difference"

Easy to see when you walk away that the rut they are in will continue to be the rut in which they will live... over and over and over.....

I am proof positive that even though life may look dim and dismal and you may want to give up or live in disappointment with choices you have made or paths you have chosen....
that is NOT the path you have to choose!!!
It IS possible to move forward.
It IS possible to keep turning life into positives.
It IS possible to love and be loved
It IS possible to surround yourself with people who truly love and care about you


Leave the Light on