Friday, July 16, 2010

When I jumped - I landed flat on my face...

Is it Monday?!!??

So far today - I feel as though I've struck out.
Beating my OWN head against the wall.
Some days are more frugal than others and today is not one of them.

Some days I feel like God is holding my hand and taking me down a path
and some days I feel like I just smashed a wall.

Some days I feel like people get me
and some days I feel like EVERYONE thinks I have lost my mind.

Some days I feel as though I'm making good decisions
and some days - I feel like EVERYTHING I do is questioned and not enough.

It seems as though no matter how HARD I try to do the right thing and think and plan ahead, it's just NEVER enough.  Someone tells me I'm irresponsible, someone tells me I'm wrong, someone looks at me like I'm stupid, someone has a "better idea"...


I'm over it.

how about this?
if it gets done, it gets done
and if it doesn't - WHY the crap should I care?????
no one else does until it's too late!!!!!

today = EPIC FAIL.
Good thing it's Friday.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

gave up the ghost.... I'm gonna JUMP!

you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down.

Kobi Yamada

You know how you go through life and you take little small "leaps of faith" here and there.

Well - effective today - (actually I've been leading up to this for a while...)
anyway - effective today - I'm taking like FOURTEEN leaps of faith all at one time!

Yes that's right.
Throwing caution to the wind...
completely 100% putting my life and world in God's hands.

NOT that I don't do that every day...
but do you ever come to a point where a decision needs to be made... and then another one... and then another one???

You see... I'm not a patient person.  I'm just not.
I have prayed for patience... begged for it actually.  I want to know the answer before you ask the question.  Waiting games just drive me INSANE.

{I think back to when I started this blog.....every day in GRAY... the unknown.  I hate it.  Black and White.  That's what I like.  Right or wrong.  Yes or No.  Go or stay.....  none of this wishy washy depending on others what if's crap.  Well - after over almost a YEAR of blogging....I have learned....  the gray is where we GROW!!!}

So - here I am - jumping WIDE OPEN into all kinds of Gray!!!  and while there are and still will be times when I'm scared and I freak out (thank goodness for T!)  most of the time, I TRUST that God has a plan for me and he puts me in situations where I learn, and grow, and witness and become a better person.

SO - I stop asking questions and I thank God for holding me in his hands.

As most of you know - I am getting married in ...... approximately 5 weeks now.....  LEAP of faith!  ;-)
I love T - I know that.  and I KNOW he loves me.  That isn't the leap.  THIS is a whole new life for me.  Sharing.  Loving.  Making decisions for a family, not JUST me & Z anymore.  Living with another person.  Learning another person......

I start school in approximately 4 weeks now.  This is not night classes part time when I can squeeze them in.  I have done that for years.  Heck - that's how I got my degree from Western.  No No... this is FULL TIME 8 AM - 3:30 PM  Monday - Friday real life "going back to school."  Add on top of that clinicals in several different locations at different times, different days.  THIS is a full time commitment.

Do you remember that I work FULL TIME people.
I have a mortgage, I have a vehicle, I have bills, I have to eat, we need gas.....
Going to school full time, does NOT pay the bills.
So remember not too long ago - I got a second job.

well........turns out - no matter HOW superhuman I think I am..... there aren't physically enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING.  {shrugs...}  Who knew?!!

So - once I got accepted into school (remember that?) - I tendered a resignation at my full time job.  Knowing I would be in school full time, I knew there was no way I could be in two places at one time.  HOWEVER, because I have been at my current job for YEARS and I have the best boss in the world - we have talked and talked and talked about how in the world I could possibly go to school and somehow maintain my position in my job.  No matter how much we have talked and thought and worked and brainstormed.... it just isn't possible.

So today.... I gave up the ghost.

Although I gave notice long ago.... today was sort of a ton of bricks for me.  I don't know why today - of all days it hit me. 
But it did.
I have resigned from a full time job.... to go to school FULL TIME instead.
and work part time at my second job as my full time means of income......

OH Lordy Lordy Lordy....... what have I done?!

I'll tell ya........

I took a leap of faith..... (wonder if T wanted to take that jump straight from the alter!  ha ha)
I'm kidding.
He has been nothing but supportive.

I know (as does my T!) - that God would not have opened the doors he has opened and put me in places he has put me, if he didn't KNOW that me and my new family will be just fine.   He will hold us in his hand where he always keeps me.

So......... here.........we ........... GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

and  once again - so sorry I have been SOOOO absent from the blog world.
Been planning a wedding, planning for school, planning for new members in the house, working two jobs, ohhhhh - and did I mention - PLANNING A WEDDING...ha ha
Things are going well.....
Life is good
and as I jump through life from cliff to cliff - Life couldn't be any better and I couldn't be any HAPPIER!!!!!!

PS - I don't know if you follow Scope or not - but I have been reading about he and Cora's wedding and I am soooooooooooo excited!
Stop by and tell them Congrats!!!!!
Both of them share pre-wedding and wedding stories that are sooo touching and sweet - AND freaking HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!
Go now.....
go on...

I'll be back.....
hopefully more frequently.....

I have engagement pictures to share and a FUNNY FUNNNNNNY FUNNNNNY {a little private} story to share on myself........  I'm still debating on whether or not I WANT people to know this!!!!  But I can assure you - every time T and I look at our engagement pics - we will have a nice "PRIVATE" laugh!  LMAO!

Friday, July 2, 2010

just another little wedding update...

with some sneak peaks......
and a Rated "R" clip!  ha ha

Wedding update (other than I'm BEAT!):
**sneak peak pictures included!!
*note:  planning a wedding in 8 weeks..... while working full time, working part time and getting ready to start school.......HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED!  ha ha

Church - check

Reception venue - check

Minister - check (no... it's not Billy Gibbons...)

Music selected.......and no - I'm not walking down the aisle to "here comes the bride" or the "bridal march" - sooooooooo NOT me!  ;-)
**hint hint**

Colors - selected  - check

MY dress - purchased, been in for alternations - will be ready to pick up July 21st  (NO peaking on that one!)

MY shoes - purchased - they freaking ROCK!!!!!!  The pink is a better picture - but I got them in blue... harder to see that pic so I put both on here.

Bridesmaid dresses - ALL ordered (except one......will be in August 9th - we hope!)

Bridesmaid shoes - selected  (Here's a picture of the concept - not the same dresses - but the color scheme - you get the idea!!  how FUN!!!!!!!!!!)  *Thanks to Todd Pellowe for the pic*

Engagement ring sent off for sizing - will have back July 8th.

Photographer booked!

Engagement pictures scheduled  (what to wear ... what to wear?!)

Parents are all meeting Sunday!!!!

Going to register Sunday night.  (Shower dates are set!)

Guest list complete

Invitations (ALMOST) complete - I have all the supplies - need to finish putting together and address envelopes!

Flower list is in progress - but my "flower man" is signed on to decorate and make all bouquets etc.  And he's AWESOME!!!!!!  (here's the "concept" my bouquet will be based on - but with hydrangea, gerberas, roses, callas... and bells of ireland... and FEATHERS!)

What else What else.........What else am I missing?

DJ is in the works for the reception - but we do have BRENNAN GRAVES - The Legend - coming to play accoustic for us!

What are the men wearing???????  ummmmmmm....... no idea!  Black tuxes?  with....???  Lord only knows?!  That part is up to T and that scares me a little - ha ha!

BUT the BEST part of it all is................
I'm not going ANYWHERE......
just going to RELAX
and plan to be POOLSIDE - EVERY day next week!

Z will be home... we will go swimming.  My girls are scheduling random times off during the week to hang with me and I can't think of a better way to spend my "Vacation" than relaxing with everyone I love!

That's it.
Sorry I've been so ABSENT from blogger world........but life is crazy.
Not just wedding stuff either.......
There are A LOT of changes going on in my life.......
some I will share later, but it's ALL kinda scary at one time.

you know you have to take Leaps of Faith in life........Well - I'm taking about SEVEN at one time.
just sayin.......

For all you girls out there - especially YOU HOLLY - share thoughts... ideas.... suggestions on the wedding planning.
I'm all ears!  :)

Hope everyone has a GREAT 4th!!!!!!!